EP199 – Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire in the Swingers Lifestyle

In this episode, Cate and Darrell dive into the psychology and practicality of spontaneous vs. responsive desire — and how this can make or break your experiences in the lifestyle. Whether you're the one who’s ready to go at the first flash of lingerie or someone who needs the right mood, connection, or even lunch before feeling sexy, we explore what it all means for swingers navigating clubs, hotel takeovers, and multi-day events.

We also update you on the notorious dildo from the last episode — yes, Cate used it. Was it sexy? Science-y? Did it cause a UTI? (Spoiler: yes to all of the above). Plus, you’ll hear about Cate’s surprise visit to a Canadian club, her puffed-up chipmunk face courtesy of the Dutch healthcare system, and a viral Facebook video that got her slapped with a ‘bullying’ violation. You can’t make this stuff up.

Finally, we tackle a fantastic listener question: Why are we pickier on dating sites than in real life? Is it about spontaneity, judgment, or just too many filters?

The Dildo Debrief – Cate puts the giant toy to the test (with help) and shares the honest, messy aftermath

Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire – What it means, how to spot it in yourself or your partner, and how it plays out at lifestyle events

Desire Mismatches – What to do when one partner is ready to pounce and the other needs time to warm up

Listener Q&A – Why are we all trolls online? Cate reflects on being pickier in apps than IRL, and what that says about connection

Be A Better Swinger Tips – Learn your desire style and how to meet each other in the middle (without pressure)

Website: www.wanderlustswingers.com

Tell us what turns you on, how you navigate mismatched desire with your partner, or what you’ve learned in your own lifestyle journey — we love hearing your stories and insights.

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