Welcome to this week’s episode of the StephUp Podcast! Thank you for your support and for coming back each week to listen. This episode features special guest Randy Spelling. Randy is an author, credentialed life coach, and a passionate practitioner of change and result. Today Randy talks to us about getting clear on our boundaries and communicating them to others with confidence.
Steph and Randy begin their conversation by talking about how they often both compare themselves to other people. Randy is not only a life coach to others, but also to Steph! When she first met him, she was nervous of course, since she used to watch him on TV, but soon realized how kind and down to earth he was. There was no reason to compare herself or feel nervous! Randy often feels the same way Steph does, but towards other celebrities or experts. The one thing he has learned through his work though, is that everyone has problems. We all struggle on some level with something, and no one has a perfect life. We are all more alike than different.
Steph and Randy also talk about boundaries, which is one of Steph’s favorite topics. Most people have an idea of what boundaries are but don’t always think they are good at respecting them, good at setting them (and wonder what others may think of them if they do), or don’t feel like they have any at all. Randy says that setting boundaries is one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves. When you learn to speak up when a boundary has been crossed, you let others know how they make you feel, which gives them the opportunity to change.
It’s important to remember that other people can’t read your mind and may not know when they’ve crossed one of your boundaries. They will only know if you communicate with them.
If you are someone who struggles to communicate how you feel, being assertive about your boundaries may come across as mean or bitchy. In the beginning, give yourself grace to be a bit clumsy and over time, you will learn how to better communicate how you feel. The more you practice, the better you get. When you are dealing with people who are manipulative and have no respect for boundaries, Randy suggests that we not “take the bait”. Don’t let someone make you feel guilty for asserting yourself. Make your boundaries very clear, as well as the consequences for breaking them.
Randy goes on to talk about how setting boundaries is another form of self-love, a way of advocating for yourself. Most of us view boundaries as the way we come off to others, such as how we look or sound. But learning to look at boundaries as a way of advocating for ourselves and then communicating that to others is one of the biggest hurdles we can overcome.
“Setting boundaries is a form of self-love”
Steph and Randy finish their conversation by discussing whether boundaries can have cultural differences and similarities, which they can. One of Steph’s best friends is Hungarian and her culture just say’s it how it is, whereas in Canada, Steph states they tend to be more passive aggressive.
Listen in to hear the rest of their conversation and please remember to rate, subscribe, and share with your friends!
Connect with Randy!
-on his website
-on Instagram
-on Facebook
-buy Randy’s book
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