Steve enjoys the mostly female fans who turn an innocent team taunt into a menacing, suggestive motion! Tusks up, indeed!

Jason has only ever been a part of a racially suggestive cheer and he would much prefer the sexual suggesting that is going on up in the Great Northwest!

Steve and Jason are working on the next brilliant idea in their double entendrepreneurship!

Steve chose to eat cookies that weren't his and paid with the obviously-otherworldly lack of flavor in said cookies!

Jason broke one of the important commandments (he thinks) when he judged a prior occupant's annual church giving statement!

When Jason encounters a Ring or similar doorbell camera, he treats it like a human being to stay out of trouble!

Jason ruins the end of The Wrestler for noted wrestler aficionado, Steve!

Steve boards the train and quickly assesses who the best passenger will be to co-occupy the space. A family affording him the chance to brush up on his conversational Chinese wins the lottery!

Leaping into action, our hero, Steve, bounds from the train just in time to return the family's missing luggage... that isn't theirs in the first place. Jason thinks the old lady who actually owns it should John Wick his ass for the trouble. That would make this whole thing worth paying for!

Steve! Jason! Aidan! Tyrion! One of these is an extremely popular baby name and you will probably guess which one it is quite easily!

Jason finds that he has to weigh the consequences when he ticks off his wife, as the remainder of his day hangs in the balance!

When it comes to finding the right peanut butter crackers for his son, Jason always gets it right and there's no need for further debate!

Steve wants to send Jason a cardboard standee for moral support but Jason just wants to use it in a Home Alone type setup!

Steve flew too close to the cleavage sun and nearly got burned... but it wasn't his fault!

Steve's apparent nipple confusion was the talk of the party, and he wasn't the only one flummoxed with the missing protuberance!

Once he's on to the Great Beyond, Jason wants a tally of all the times his butt was glimpsed! It's the only ultimate question he wants answered!

Jason and his family took in some late-season festive lights and got a delicious meal as a treat afterwards!

Unfortunately, Jason's body treats delicious meals like a protest and refuses to process them correctly!

Jason's wife and kids worked together to ensure his evening wasn't an unnecessarily messy one! Teamwork!

Jason used his careful dance of the pooping bum fairy to teach his daughter how best to hold it in so you don't let it out!

Jason assumes at least 50% of women leave their... massagers out when company is over and Steve doesn't believe he'll ever get to confirm or deny that assumption!

Steve will never discuss undergarments with women because he's a Steve... er, Skeve!

Jason just wants people to feel comfortable enough to talk about sex with him!

Together, the guys come up a brilliant idea for party cards that get you out of any conversation based on the topic! It's a winner!

If you see Jason coming up the walkway with a party platter, maybe just draw the blinds and wait until he leaves.

Jason's family loves playing video games together... until Gamer Dad rears his ugly head and butts in!

Jason's son's griefing isn't a problem for the rest of the family, which just vexes him even more!

Steve just wants his kids to pass the smell test... literally!

Jason just needs a swear jar, but for being a total gamer douche! Oh, and the money goes to Steve!

Steve's roommate lost his taste buds to child abuse by wasabi and now he can mildly impress others!

Jason is jealous of Steve's sitcom-ass rotating cast of roommates and once tried to make clapping for people when they walked into a room a thing to compensate!

Software developers stand for their morning meetings and that's enough to make Jason uncomfortable without introducing hand-holding!

It's hard to talk about suicides (drink, liquid) without fear of being demonetized. Good thing we never got monetized in the first place!

Jason hates the maintenance required for all three of his Christmas inflatables but Steve just assumes he's doing it wrong!

Steve remarks that Elf on a Shelf is remarkably posterior-ready-shaped and now Jason can't unsee it, while also being more troubled by his diminutive family narc!

Much like the number of members of their family, Jason and his wife have decided to cap the number of inflatables for sanity's sake!