Steve has to travel and go through that whole riganmarole! Reaganmobile? Regardandole?

Jason is an accidental narc, surprising no one (except those who assume he's an on-purpose one)!

Both guys agree, traveling without your family is where it's at!

Steve think the TSA is a bigger problem than ICE! Ok, Steve!

Jason bonded with his son, in their shared terror of tall things!

Tiny metal doors are a bad way of preparing people for something potentially terrifying!

Steve has always heard that St. Louis doesn't have a whole lot to look at and yeah, he's not totally wrong!

Did you know flattened pennies are still a thing? It's true!

Steve's son flagrantly tossed his undies in an attempt to impress a girl. What an awkward time!

Steve's neighborhood loves contriving reasons to shoot off fireworks! He nearly threw down with a neighbor blaming him for an errant concussive blast! Jason scares easily and lashes out at who or whatever is nearby! He also doesn't get the appeal of live fireworks displays but will gladly watch from the safety of his car with his kids!

Jason's wife told him to buy a new iPad while she was on a business trip! He went to the Facebook Marketplace, because losing your kidney in a deal gone bad while you have the kids for the week is great parenting! He made the swap and even sweetened the possible murderer with an extra fiver! Afterwards, his kids got ice cream as he pondered his life choices!

Steve got a used kayak from a guy tangentially-related to the Seattle Mariners! Then he flailed like a Muppet in about a foot of water! Jason has had his slippery boat dockings, too! He might also be on the wrong Instagram, apparently! And both dads are excited to see their well-adjusted kids eat it, occasionally!

Steve's car has a ghost! And Jason doesn't know how they start in the first place! Steve says "foot-punching" like it's a normal thing! Jason loves when the service department yells at the mechanic department!

Jason saw so many adolescent dropkicks that expressed teenage angst and rebellion! Steve and his friends jumped out the back of a school bus with no warning! One is a narc, the other is cool, and get to decide which is which! WORDS ARE DUMB FIGHT ME WITH YOUR HANDS

Jason did real hero stuff! Which is surprising to Steve considering (gestures generally towards Jason)! His good deeds also got him some bomb-ass cookies! Being good rocks! Also, Steve is probably seeing random phantoms and his family might be experiencing... the Shinning.

Steve learns from a horny clam Miyagi how best to pleasure the beach and Jason agrees to seek him out. Adventure!

Everyone has a good time at the park until the crotch is injured! But even a near-testicular laceration cannot deter Jason's son from enjoying some freakin' froyo! Steve regales us about the sad tubes and tires that peppered his childhood parks! And find out why Jason thinks he was a Seinfeld on the playground, but Steve finds his material much more Rickles-esque.