Steve attracts a wide range of dental hygienists to his mouth, from the hygienist-you-wouldn't-bring-home-to-mother to the lady who mistook vinegar for maple syrup. Meanwhile, Jason loves his hygienist and can't suffer anyone else to touch his teeth. And Steve says he appreciated the dullard who comforted him during a difficult dental procedure. Finally, both guys agree that a brief questionnaire should be completed before someone is allowed to access their mouths.

Sure, Jason snickers at Steve's son's understanding of United States geography, but he also admits he was worried his Virginia-based girlfriend might be crushed by the falling towers on 9/11. Also, his own son gets a lot of facts wrong as well... or is he just learning how to gaslight others early? And experiencing randomly opened doors upstairs has Jason operating at a slightly elevated awareness level, Metal Gear Solid-style. Finally, Jason caught a loop of that moment from Three Men and a Baby on social media and the concentration of pure spoopiness probably won't let him sleep for a week.

Steve teaches us about the birds and the bees, specifically which birds are just there for your attention and won't ever really love you back. He also thinks dogs are hippies but assumed birds would behave more kindly. Jason finds out about gelding and thinks he could get into that kind of thing. It's a weird, wild episode.

Jason became a cotton candy man at his son's birthday party and it went as well as could be expected.Also, if you don't want to invite any scrutiny about how well you utilize a particular skill, don't let anyone else do it. And surprisingly, Steve's family owns a cotton candy machine but he doesn't touch it because he doesn't want to upstage his wife. Yeah... right.

Steve is the only wise man whose wisdom could get interrupted by an itchy nose. Also, his age is advancing to the point where he needs to have daily reminders to zip up before boarding the bus. That's ... concerning. Meanwhile, Jason would rather ignore and work around his failures than admit to and correct them. Finally, don't ask others what they think your flaws are because they might find some you hadn't thought of yet!

Steve can't help slapping any butt that's similar to his wife's even when he knows she's not actually around, so look out Chinese women of a certain build, hair, and coat style! Also, if breasts have cup sizes, do bottoms have bowl sizes? Curious and stupid men want to know! Meanwhile, Jason's children emulate his behavior and slap his butt FAR too aggressively for his sensitive tush to handle. Finally, Steve created a fun, shin-achingly great game to play with his daughter and no one thinks it will catch on.

Rush through these home improvement tips to create stress and hardship for everyone in your family!

Steve wants to go on ice cream adventures, naturally, and Jason prefers the same thing every time, as you'd expect. Jason believes lavender is meant for soap and candles, not ice cream, so stop making fragrances tasty; tastemakers confound Jason like a Mindfreak from Criss Angel. Finally, Steve thinks any idea is a good one until someone dies from it.

Jason's wife came back from vacation wanting him to buy new pants with the pics of another guy's butt as research. Steve thinks getting those pants will just convince her that Jason's butt really doesn't compare and she'll leave him. Jason worries that his dating practices might have really hurt some girls in the past but they almost certainly got over it nearly instantaneously. Oh, and if you have a podcast and you've done it for more than a decade but no one has ever heard it, you never had a podcast. #sorrynotsorry

Jason took his family out to the ballpark, buying them both peanuts AND Cracker Jack, neither of which they cared to get back. He also returned the massive food box he was granted access to and wants a medal or something. Oh, and when someone who is not the main performer sings harmonies to the National Anthem, please don't encourage them. Also, the guys welcome a new podcast character: CHURRO MONSTER! He saves money when necessary and only eats when his budget allows. HE'S SO ZANY! Meanwhile, Steve likes his family frugal so they eat BEFORE the game. Weirdos. And finally, Steve's dad thinks less of you for singing Sweet Caroline, and rightfully so.