Starting this Monday, the boys are going to be discussing a new romance novel every single week, beginning with "Red, White, and Royal Blue," by Casey McQuiston. Join us on a wild, wicked, and surprisingly sexy ride as we explore this brand-new world of literature together.

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Bad news, Steve Wakefield: Your girlfriend Tricia has heard the sweet song of the cows; the clarion clucks of the chickens; the beckoning cries of the piggies. That's right, it's the farm life for Tricia this week, but that's not all! Jessica's harassing people in the hospital, Elizabeth and Todd are trying to solve the world's most confusing mystery, and Rattlesnake Jake's up to his old tricks again.

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

"Nostalgic Memories," by Story Shop

"Serious Sad Emotional Drama," by Luke PN

"Comedy Jingle 01," by Mat Steiner

“Chopstick Slapstick,” by OurMusicBox

“Stardust,” by Fox Beat Stock Music

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Hide your precious jewels, your boyfriends, and your favorite teachers because the wicked Suzanne Devlin is in town and she's going to burn them all to the ground! To make matters worse, Jessica's in New York where the bad people are, so Liz is going to have to handle this one on her own. On the bright side, Rattlesnake Jake is here to amuse you with his hilarious snakey antics! Hooray for Rattlesnake Jake!

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

“Typewriter Blues,” by AllenGrey

Subscribe to our Patreon at Patreon.com/BSCCPodcast and support the show at Bit.ly/RattlesnakeJake.

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This week, Jessica is mean to a cheerleader, Elizabeth is nice to a cheerleader but not particularly helpful, and a gruesome, tentacled, otherworldly entity tries to engulf the town as a first step towards world domination. Meanwhile, the boys get utterly stymied by a profound existential question regarding Sweet Valley High and have to call on the services of an expert.

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

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The fabulous Mr. Kiss and his awkward sidekick are here to talk about what everybody in Sweet Valley is doing with their mouths these days, and the boys take a frankly dangerous look at whatever it is that Ned Wakefield is reading at the moment. This Dickensian rags-to-riches story has everything: Heart-pounding footraces, eyebrow-raising foot-pounding, and, as suggested up top, various types of mouth-wrestling  that certainly feel kissing-adjacent.

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

“Chopstick Slapstick,” by OurMusicBox

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

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We've all been doing kissing all wrong and this week's book is going to set us straight on the optimal technique, but first we have to do a power ranking of the "Cars" movies and figure out what, specifically, we're going to haunt in the afterlife, and dish about whether Jessica's going to be the next big Hollywood star! Things we will not be talking about this week: 1.) Liz was in a coma quite recently. 2.) Is she OK? 3.) Liz almost died and then she basically turned into another person and NO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT IT. Enjoy!

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

“Polish Funk,” by Artur Orbelyan, CC

"Only in a Rerun, " by Sweep the Leg Johnny

“Typewriter Blues,” by AllenGrey

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

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The Twin Singularity has produced a Uni-twin and Elizabeth has taken on Jessica's personality and vice versa and this is definitely "Fight Club," isn't it? Meanwhile, Bruce Pac-Man is getting punched a whole lot, Bill Chase is getting extremely poetic about the moon, Jess and Danny are going to do a big murder, and Sweet Valley gets a visit from everyone's favorite Naboo bad boys. Enjoy all this madness while you can, because Liz is gonna get bonked on the head in the end and everything will be right back where we started.

Music credits:

"Dark Mysterious Cinematic Piano," by Sun Channel Music

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

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Todd got a brand-new hog and he wrecked it while Elizabeth was on it and now there's only one twin in Sweet Valley, but folks: We have to talk about the Hot Clam Special. At Dairi Burger? What the hell is going on with this dish? It's completely bonkers. What is actually in it and why do people keep ordering it and ... just ... we have so many questions about this thing. Anyway, Liz is dead.

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

"Tango for Two," by Allen Grey

"International Nurses Day," by Crazy Tunes

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

“Typewriter Blues,” by AllenGrey

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This week, Jessica Wakefield stays up all night long thanks to a mustachioed creep named Scott. Elizabeth Wakefield accidentally wears a cursed artifact that causes her to transform. Todd Wilkins shops for an accessory to help him float better. And the Joke Doctors drive their Ha-Ha-Ha-mbulance to the scene of a badly injured joke to revive the patient and save the day for everyone!

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

"International Nurses Day," by Crazy Tunes

“Typewriter Blues,” by AllenGrey

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

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The Sweet Sweet Valley Boys continue their dangerous reading spree through the Sweet Valley books this week with a deep dive into the life and times of Robin Wilson, a character who frankly deserved better. (Please be careful not to confuse this discussion about the novel "Power Play" – about a bunch of young people using their superior numbers to gang up on an isolated member of the group – with the hockey term "Power Play," which is about the same thing, except with a lot more ice.)

Music credits:

“A Sitcom,” by HitsLab

“Dark Lullaby,” by J Blanks

“Summer Memories,” by Trixtor and Pantsmode

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