Pia takes us into her home (virtually), and into her heart. Naz responds by trying to catch her out, in this the first sub-episode of our new spinoff sub-series: Nazeem Hussain - Corona Cop.

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Gen gets a unique insight into Naz's shredding regime, and tells us about a concept we don't totally get. Naz just wants to talk about Sandra Bullock pashing.

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Naz auditions for X Factor winner Dami Im! Does he make it to the next round? Listen to find out. Also - Naz asks Dami whether she's wearing pants, and we probably have to acknowledge he's crossed a line there.

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Vyom considers Naz's recommendation that scientists ought to be taking Ritalin. Naz licks a doorknob.

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Merrick imagines a reality in which he imposes on nursing home inhabitants against their wishes. Naz disrespects circus folk, but says NO DISRESPECT first, so it doesn't count. Nice try, circus folk.

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Hughesy comforts Naz with tales of gigs gone weird. Naz wishes he had some stories about getting nude for strangers, and only conceals that wish very thinly.

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Tommy leads Naz astray, detailing a dastardly scheme whereby they would take to the skies and escape their lockdown woes. Naz goes along with it, but for legal purposes we herein state that he didn't completely comprehend and does not endorse criminal conspiracies or schemes, dastardly or otherwise.

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Richard Wilkins tells Naz about his experience of ACTUALLY HAVING coronavirus. Naz gets distracted and calls old school crooner Kamahl.

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Jason quite sincerely tells Naz the secret to happiness. Naz gets all muddled up and says what he knows about being a dog owner.

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Tom Ballard sets the tone for the episode, and if you're asking the tone is nipples. Naz remains isolated in his own mind, a wonderful, fantastical land of horses with stuff on their heads.

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