S3E14 A Deep Dive into stabbing, playing with fire, and shoehorning in another f*cking business by Swimming in Sweetwater: A Deep Dive into Riverdale

Back to the War Metaphors this episode, the best part being “5 grand, that what you think you are worth” Slow. Clap. It. Out. Josie.

Serpents: A deep dive into tattoos, dealing drugs, and teenagers skinning women by Swimming in Sweetwater: A Deep Dive into Riverdale

Sarah stops by to rehash everyone's favorite party girl turned social justice warrior turned business woman. Caitlin is extra annoying and turns her Archie hate on Veronica, starting to think Caitlin does really like anyone.... Instagram @swimminginsweetwater, Twitter @swimsweetwater, and/or email us [email protected]

Tanner comes by to try and piece together the history of Riverdale. We focus a little too much on genocide and not enough time on the unknown riots Pop Tate mentions. We also accidentally discover maple syrup urine disease and where in the country you can just tap a tree for sugar. Find us on Instagram @swimminginsweetwater on twitter @swimsweetwater or you can email us [email protected] We try to do math but warning, we aren't sure Name Year they were Born Current Age Cheryl 2000 17 Clifford 1975 42 Nana Rose 1950 67 NR’s Dad 1925 92 NR’s Gdad 1900 117 NR’s G-GDad 1875 142

Parentdale: Tommy and Sierra’s Love and Justice for Moose Tommy and Sierra are getting married, and the kids want a party, so cute. We get TWO scenes of them in bed together. #wet Also loving the legal foreplay Kevin and Moose and fooling around but Moose hasn’t come out yet, Moose finally tells his dad and they plan some bunker sex. (Cheryl advises new sheets which gross. Is there a laundry schedule?) Meanwhile the parents have been called together to play the game. But it turns out this was all a distraction to get to Moose and Kevin. V Scared. Reggie meets Gladys, and JB is an evil genius Hermione explains she needs {assuming 2 mil?} and Reggie/Veronica are going to get it, starting with the speakeasy. There isn’t enough but Reggie offers to rob his abusive father to get the money, ending up with a bullet graze and a bag of dyed money. Gladys and JB then head home to mind fuck FP and Jughead that they are home and happy but clearly this isn’t true. What is her end game? ALSO THIS IS HOW YOU WRITE A VILLIAN! Where are they all sleeping, it’s a small house Toni voices her needs to her partner Toni feels like she lost her family. Cheryl promises to fix everything by forming a new girl gang the pretty poisons. Which is a dumb name but as you heard it here first - Was My Idea! Also why weren’t these girls in the Serpents? And why have we never seen them before because they are hot hot hot, like has Toni dated them before? Has Cheryl crushed on them? Josie gets some support and some kissing Josie’s auditioning to Juliard and needs a ride to Seaside, but Sweet Pea is tired of being a hot piece of ass. Don’t worry, Archie is always around to be a hot piece of ass. Marcus almost makes sense as the original Gargoyle King, but they closed the loop on him too. So like who is left? Edgar I guess Also--Where is Chic people? Going to guess right here right now that he will be another fake Gargoyle King but not the true king. Disappointed that keller probably won’t be the Gargoyle King, but glad we are settling down with some good parents.

Falice: A deep dive into the erotic act of spitting gum, a dead love child, and snake necklaces by Swimming in Sweetwater: A Deep Dive into Riverdale

Sweet Pea and Fangs are like way too uncool about this dead body. Channel your inner Joaquin. Jughead tells his dad what is happening and then FP tells him what is REALLy going on. Lots of double crosses and shooting and killing of previously dead people And then Veronica is upset that her family are drug dealers. She pulls a real Jughead (YES I SAID IT) and burns all the drugs which #crystalmeth. SOMEONE SHOW THESE KIDS PEAKY BLINDERS because she cheated a more powerful criminal out of a lot of money. #badplan Answers: Why the Quarantine? Who shot Hiram? Is Hermione a useless victim? Unanswered: What is going on with Veronica’s moral compass? A helpful chart for Betty and others DOMINATRIX =/= EVIL MURDERER == EVIL (stop talking to Hal!?!?!!!) Answers: What happened in the Barn? Who killed Claudius? Why were people getting seizures? Unanswered: Why did Alice cover up Darrell's murder? Why is Betty still visiting Hal? Archie is breaking a road and then tries to break his foreman’s face Fred is not winning any parenting awards.Josie tries to get him to work through his shit #therapy but Archie gets confused and fucking tries to kill Hiram? Email us SwimmingInSweetwater@gmail,com tweet us @swimsweetwater or instagram us @swimminginsweetwater

Season 1 Sheriff Keller: Corrupt Cop or Put Upon Public Servant? turns into Season 2 Sheriff Keller: AKA Sheriff Killer AKA Adulterous McGoo AKA Riverdaddy turns into Season 3: Tom Keller: Possibly the Gargoyle King- hear me out The delightful Sami swings by to rehash everything we know about Tom Keller in this extended deep dive. Catch us on all the bullshits: on Instagram @swimminginsweetwater on twitter @swimsweetwater, you can email us at [email protected]. LAST BUT NOT LEAST: you know the drill-- please rate review and subscribe

Archie now has changed. One bear attack did it. Not when he was buried alive. Or when he went to prison. Or when he was stabbed. Or when he was molested by his teacher. Or when his dad was shot. Or when he joined the mob. Fucking rich. Betty’s side Hannibelector Plot: Raw Liver and Fava Beans. Hal is forbidden to ever say the phrase “father- daughter time” #creepers. Jughead does not understand how gangs or the legal system works. YOU ARE A GANG CALM DOWN ABOUT KILLING ONE GUY. Catch us on Instagram @SwimminginSweetwater or on twitter @swimsweetwater or you can even email us [email protected]