Recently I read an interview about how to maintain a strong and healthy marriage - one of the keys is to let them be who they are, and the other one is to be truly happy for their spouse’ success. 

It is exactly how I felt when my husband’s business won an award last year or when my first book was released, I could see he was really excited for me. 

I realized it is key to a good marriage and I also notice it is sometimes not so easily done - say if you have been struggling with your business or weight loss or trying to conceive or to find a romantic partner. When someone you know brought in the good news, you secretly feel sad for yourself.

It can be hard not because we don’t want that for the other person, but it is the fear that we would never have it for ourselves. It is true if it a competition, like winning an Oscar, there is only 1 winner in that scenario, but chances are, most of us are not facing this type of direct competitions daily.

More often than not, the way we fear falls into the zero-sum game category, where we say all the good men are taken or who is going to buy my products if they get yours, etc. We live in the fear that there is just not enough to go around.

Another type of fear stems from unworthiness or question do we deserve that good thing, deep down. 

It is tiring, to say the least, and unproductive most of the time. 

Do you also notice it is far easier to be there for someone when they are wounded than truly happy for their success? 

I figured it all comes down to your attitude - if you are the type who see the glass is half full instead of empty, it is more natural for you to say: If she can do it, so can I! 

Another factor is how willing and capable you are to make peace with where you are. The ability to find gratitude in the unlikely moments. 

The truth of the matter is - we all want to same things - happiness, peace and joy. 

When we are stuck in that fear of lack, or negative self-talk and jealousy, we direct all our energy into the “I am not having what I want” mind space. Even if a good opportunity or perfect solution comes up, our mind wouldn’t be able to recognize it or act upon it. 

In another word, cultivating a good attitude is key to finding success or experiencing happiness.

So next time, when you catch yourself feeling down because you somehow feel “less than” or unable to celebrate someone else's success, remind yourself you can change that line of thinking. 

Draw a breath. Pause. Take a U-turn.

Choose thoughts like:

If it is possible for someone, it is possible for me - if it is right for me. 

The universe conspires to bring me joy, even if I don’t see the full picture right now. 

If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at will change too. 

#positiveselftalk #celebratesuccess #changeyourmind #mindset #findingsuccess #happiness

Have you been thinking about writing your book? Perhaps it is your life story, your knowledge and wisdom or a fictional story. Regardless of what kind of book you have in mind, you may feel insecure, frustrated or overwhelmed in writing your book. That is where a writing coach can help you to move through it. For that reason, I am really excited to share with you my interview with Rhonda Salvestrini. Rhonda is a professional writing coach and a writer for over 25 years. We had such fun recording this interview as I love writing and learning from her experience as well.

When I read through the transcript, I had another round of appreciation for her work, how to write good non-fiction and connect with our readers. I hope you will enjoy this episode as much as I do!

You can listen to this podcast on this page, iTunes, Spotify or any major podcast platforms. Alternatively, you can watch our videos below. The transcript is right at the bottom as well.

Rhoda Salvestrini is a writing coach. She is a professional writer for more than 25 years. She has helped writers to see the clarity through the chaos, overcome the hurdles of frustration transform and self-doubt. She has also supported aspiring authors to bring their story to life, long-time authors complete their memoir, and TEDx speakers bring the audience to their feet. Her mission is to help authors to feel energized and excited about the writing process; to find confidence in their voice, be inspired to write fearlessly, and connect with their audience through authenticity.

Highlights

* How words can scare people because they can bring up emotions and fears* Transforming self-doubt into creating something impactful* Non-fiction books are purposeful and intentional, it needs structure * How to write impactful non-fiction - you are still telling a story * Start with your “Why”* The relationship with your writing coach is a highly personal one, she needs to understand your why and give constructive feedback, at the same time, you can be open to being receptive and non-defensive* The importance to connect to your readers emotionally * Trust the process, be your authentic self instead of judging yourself * Know your audience - who are you talking to? * When it comes to writing, there are mechanics, but there is no one size fit all, the most important thing is to get the story out first * Different forms of editing - taking your story from good to great * It takes courage to write and to give it someone to edit/read but the reward is huge too

If you would like to get in touch with Rhonda, please visit her website: https://www.rhondasalvestrini.com/

https://www.rhondasalvestrini.com/

Subscribe & Review in iTunes

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me.

Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them!

Do you sometimes hear yourself having a dialogue inside your head about what you just said or how you may have come across in a situation with others? 

I’ve noticed lately about my increasing mind chatter. It happens because I have entered a couple of new social groups. One is at my gym and the other is with mums who just had a second baby. 

Here is the thing, we are often out of our comfort zone when we move to a new area, start a new job or meet new people. We haven’t established whether or not we are accepted to the new tribe or if we feel a sense of belonging to the new setting. 

All of a sudden we become more aware of who we are and what we represent. More often than we would think, we judge ourselves on big and small things. 

In many ways, judgement is a learned experience. 

I remember this incredible scene in a movie I saw years ago, a very mean step-dad asked his step-son to rate himself between 1-10. Just like that. Nothing specific. Totally random. 

The son was a shy boy and with reluctance, he quietly uttered: “I don’t know. Six?” (I guess this is his way of saying he thinks he “passed" the test somehow) 

The step-dad replied, “Hmm… I think you are more like a Three to me.” 

I know, what is that? Totally mean. And of course, the step-dad said all the mean things to cover up his own insecurity and frankly, unkindness. He picked on this teenage vulnerable step-son. But it is not uncommon that when we judge others, we also inevitably judge ourselves.

There are some healthy scenarios that we do need to judge others. Let’s say you are in a sports competition or martial art fight, you need to size up your opponent. But in our daily life, we have a tendency to do just about the same. Comparing ourselves to others in ways that are often unnecessary. Perhaps it comes from our human nature or survival instinct. But when we judge ourselves harshly, it becomes counterproductive and disconstructive. 

When our digital age and social media glorifies instant gratification and perfection, we are under tremendous pressure to “look” a certain way and “like” by many, all are different ways of validating that we need to belong and accepted by others. 

From this perspective, how can we not become more judgemental towards ourselves?

If you hear someone begins a sentence with “I don’t mean to judge, but …” it is a warning sign. More than likely that you are about to hear a ton of judgement disguising as "honest opinion”.

When our minds are filled with judgement, whether or not it is towards ourselves or others, it is not a nice neighbourhood to live in.

The act of judgement also weights our spirit down. In order to soar, we must become kinder to ourselves and others. We don’t know the full story behind someone’s success, failure, appearance, behaviour and so on.

Mirroring that, people don’t know you the way you do. If someone is unkind to you, remind yourself that it is actually not your business. The only business you have is how you respond and react to them.

Being kind and gentle with yourself when you are feeling vulnerable is a practice. And it is not always easy. Sometimes we react in a way that we will later regret, we don’t always get it right. But it is ok. As long as will try to do it better next time. 

It is a practice and a work in progress. 

How often do you sit with your emotions and try to understand why you feel the way you do?

Many of us are brought up with an attitude that being rational is better or we should stop being "so emotional". Certainly if we are acting against our better judgement because we are overly emotional over a matter is not a good thing. But so is denying or ignore our emotions and only rely on our thinking without our feeling.

Don't get me wrong, both rationale and emotion have its place, they both can give us important information that to help us to make better decisions.

Some said being confident is a learned skill. I say, being able to understand and stay in touch with our emotion is also a learned skill. So today I have an interview with Lisa Jayne precisely on this subject matter to share with you.

Lisa Jayne is an author, speaker and visionary for the path of Emotional Evolution. With over 15 years experience as an Emotions Practitioner and Educator, she has accompanied thousands of individuals into their emotional worlds and become a passionate advocate for mastering the ability to use our feelings to access ‘flow’, purpose and incredible inner freedom. Lisa works in her private practice and with audiences, virtually, through her workshops and as a speaker. 

Lisa has channelled her passion for large scale impact into Bunji Global - a free, on-demand, not-for-profit platform that provides mainstream and alternative emotional and mental health support for people when they need it, without barriers to access. Through education and therapy that supports individuals to meet short term emotional needs with ease and effectiveness, Bunji Global aims to impact the prevalence of long term emotional patterns that disrupt relationships, foster mental illness and lead to PTSD. 

Interview Highlights

* Emotional Evolution - what it is and why it is so important * Women have a higher tendency to share their feelings as compare to men. We want to become more aware of what our emotions are telling us, instead of reacting to our emotions. We want to become more empowered by having a better understanding of our emotions. * For Athena women - logical, analytical and pragmatic women who spend most of the time in our heads. We tend to think our way through everything and not necessarily have the inside-out approach. * We often expect or subconsciously want other people to meet our emotional needs. And what emotional evolution does is we seek to create connection and unity in every moment. We want to be able to communicate in a way that doesn't blame our partner or create division.* Our feelings show us if we are out of alignment, and if so, we can ask ourselves, how can we own that feeling? What can I do to change my behaviour? What do we need to do in order to take our power back in creating freedom and relief? * Use our emotions as GPS* As children, we look to our parents to meet our emotional and physical needs, but as adults, we need to learn and start to take self-responsibility as you are the only person that can ever meet your emotional needs.* How to harness the power of love during COVID 19 and isolation times* Understand when we need to be reminded about true acceptance and when we need to communicate boundaries without withdrawing love.* When you are burnt out - think about how to re-fill your cup* Bunji Global - a platform where therapists can donate their time so that people who need immediate health and mental support can access the platform to find a therapist without any financial limitations to block their access* The reason it needs to be immediate is because the long-term problems of PTSD, suicide, social anxiety, etc wouldn't be there if we're able to reach out and get he...

When was the last time you played or change your routine?

We all have been affected by a prolonged period of uncertainty and isolation. 

You may have aced your shopping or exercise routine or perfected the “work from home” arrangement, but after a while, the new normal feels stagnated because we don’t get as much stimulus through interactions with people in person or going to events or social activities. 

You may totally enjoy this quieter time or have been super busy trying to start/finish many ambitious personal projects. But still, you may find yourself getting tired easily and feeling restless somehow.

No matter what, one thing is clear, we all need to replenish our energy and renew our mind from time to time. 

That’s where Play comes in. 

Why play is important to raise our energy

I wrote about the importance of play and the need to change our routine in my recent newsletter to my subscribers. I shared how I felt stuck and stagnated because of the lack of play in particular. For every short period of free time I got (it means went my baby is sleeping), I went straight into business work or household chore and left literally no room for play in the last 4 months.

Dr Stuart Brown’s book title says it all “Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul”. There is more to play then we perhaps have given credit to. As adults, we are taught to do more, achieve more, take more responsibilities and to succeed. Rarely we are asked to play more. However, there is evidence to suggest play is essential for us to live a more fulfilled and wholehearted life. 

Play can be defined in several ways but here is how I see it. Play is something you enjoy doing without necessary carry a purpose, and often you don’t feel the time passing as you are so fully absorbed in the play.   

“It energizes us and enlivens us. It eases our burdens. It renews our natural sense of optimism and opens us up to new possibilities.” - Dr Stuart Brown

Change your routine and try something new

Then there are the benefits of breaking up your routine  When we are doing something over and over again, our brain is used to the neural pathways that have been established. The good thing is, we are getting better at whatever that we are doing through practice, but when we do something new, it gives our brain the opportunity to explore new and unfamiliar territories. That’s when creativity, innovation and excitement happen. 

That’s the reason why we need to change up our routine or try something new from time to time to get a resurge of energy. 

You may find my previous podcast episode #77 Good Habits of Sustainable Success and Higher Productivity useful if you want to get some ideas on forming new good habits. 

The COVID 19 pandemic affects everyone differently, and it is hard to measure the impact collectively. But one thing is clear, more than ever, we need to take better care of physical and mental health, our energy level and resilience.

So putting everything in context, I have two suggestions for you. They are also reminders for myself.

Many creative entrepreneurs I know are actually introverts. Therefore, networking in person or presenting a sales pitch may totally push them out of their comfort zone. Marketing for them can be one of the most challenging aspects of their work. For this week's podcast, I'd share with you a very candid conversation I had with Bron Watson about authentic marketing, networking, and how to succeed over adversity.

Bron Watson is the managing director of the eWomenNetwork International chapter. She is also the founder of Bron & Co where she leads a small and mighty team to work with small businesses on marketing in the areas such as strategy, sales, content creation and graphic designs. They offer both "done for you”  as well as show you how it’s done service. Bron has a background in nursing and education for 20+ years and she had launched several businesses in the last decade while raising 5 boys! So in another word, she is a superwoman!  

If you frown whenever someone invites you to a networking event and you have to keep telling yourself that you "should" go, or you know sales & marketing is a very important part for your business but you just can't shake that resistance, then this interview can help you to change your perspective. You can listen to this podcast via the player on the top of this page or go to iTunes or Spotify and look for my show @szewingvetault. Alternately, you can watch our interview below.

Interview Highlights

* “Stay in Your Lane” - do your thing, don’t follow what everyone’s business can save your life and lead you to a better career/business that works for you* Success despite adversity * You don’t have to run your business or do everything alone - consider collaboration and have good “back up” or support system in place* Success means different things to different people at different times, ask yourself: "How do you want to feel?" and “How do you want to live?"* Authentic marketing - showing up and bring true value to your clients with your product/service* Don’t panic or think about what people think, focus on your own work and one step at a time - one post, one action, one commitment no matter how small* How to excel in networking events and actually have fun * Find your tribe and think “six degrees of connection, not separation"* "Be faithful to the small and the big will come"* You are not what you do. You are who you are. It comes across in your networking or marketing message. Be true to yourself and others. * What to think when you end up in a networking event that is not your tribe or you are not having a good experience. 

Subscribe & Review in iTunes

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe on iTunes! You can also find me on Spotify and other podcast platforms, just search for @SzeWingVetault and you will find me.

Now if you are extra nice and kind, I would be really grateful if you left me a review over on iTunes too. Those reviews help other people find my podcast and I’d love reading them! Just click here to review, select “Ratings and Review” and Write a Review”. That’s it!

Every now and then, I find myself procrastinating over certain things. 

Unlike what most people may think, it is not always the overwhelming or really big projects that get on my procrastination list. 

For those big projects, I usually know why am I tripping over mentally and the solution is nearly always about taking smaller steps, just to get the momentum going. 

But I am talking about small tasks that have been sitting on my mind or my to-do list for a while. 

For instance, I needed to schedule an appointment for my baby boy’s 4 months immunization, but instead of booking a time with the GP we normally see, I didn’t want to call and I had no idea why.

Second thing is that I meant to finish a chapter of my book with all the notes that I have prepared, but I just couldn't manage to sit down and write it. 

The third example is that I kept delaying booking a ticket for an event for no good reasons. 

But as it turns out, I found a really nice doctor closer to home that came with great recommendations.

Then one day I came out from mediation and got a light-bulb moment to change the structure of my book entirely. Soon after that, I came across the work of several other authors which made me more convinced that the new structure will work so much better and more engaging for my audience. 

And of course, you may have guessed it, I actually got given a ticket as a gift to attend that event I mentioned earlier.

So why my procrastinations actually work on my favour on these little things? 

Here is the thing, we live in a vibrational universe. If this sounds too out there for you, please just hold that thought and hang in here.

Remember in high school physics class, they told us there are 3 states of matter. Solid, liquid and gas. And even in the solid state, the particles are still vibrating, only in a fixed position. Everything in the universe, all matter is made up of energy,  vibrating at different frequencies. 

When we are feeling happy or elated, we are emitting or vibrating at a magnetic frequency that is higher than when we are feeling down or sad. That’s why the saying goes “The more you are grateful, you have more to be grateful for". It is so true because as a matter of fact, like attracts like.

It may seem off-topic, but actually we are not. Think about it, we can consider everything around us is, in fact, energy in vibration. When we are in the approximate of a certain vibration, we attract things or events that are in a similar range of vibration.

The Law of Attraction

 It is the law of attraction. Many spiritual teachers talk about this, and the most notable one is probably Abraham Hicks. 

It may seem hard to grasp this concept at first, but if we go back to my original examples, it also makes sense. I was looking for a better doctor, wanting to improve my book, thinking about the event. When I was in the right vibration, everything seems to just fall into place, or say attracted into my life/reality.

And that’s why, the idea of keeping our mind positive, is also a way to stay in a higher vibration. When we choose the path of least resistance, we are like surfing the wave, we move faster and smoother. We feel lighter and we soar. 

If we pick the path of stronger resistance, say because we think we should work harder,

If you a coach, spiritual teacher, health & wellness practitioner, or transformational leader, then you would likely have attended or interested in hosting your own retreat at some point. Running a retreat can boost your business, it can also accelerate the outcomes for your clients/students when they immerse in deep experiences with you.

For this week's podcast, I talked to Tamara Golden, who is the go-to person if you want to craft your custom retreat to grow your brand and business. We recorded this interview during the COVID 19 lockdown time, which added extra desire for me to think about attending or hosting retreats in the near future. Imagine yourself being in a beautiful surrounding, connecting with like-minded people and doing deep transformational work. It is one of the most wonderful things I can think of to do!

I hope you will enjoy our interview. I surely loved our conversation as I learned so much from Tamara. If you don't feel you are ready to run a retreat, she also talked about how she helps business owners to "get ready" and strategically plan how to run a successful retreat further down the track when it is the right time.

Tamara Golden is the owner, founder & CEO of Journeywork Retreats, a full-service retreat strategy and planning company operating across the US and worldwide. From do-it-yourself courses to done-for-you services, Journeywork Retreats supports coaches and transformation leaders in creating custom retreats that grow their brand. Tamara has combined her 20 years in travel, event planning and coaching into creating Journeywork Retreats.

If you would like to get in touch with Tamara, please visit her website at www.journeyworkretreats.com or email her at [email protected]

Interview Highlights

* Tamara’s journey from working as a life and career coach for 20 years, then moved into the travel industry and eventually focus on retreats.

* You'll need to strategize before planning a retreat. It is important to align with goals that promote long term business growth, increase revenue and client retention.

* How to create a high-value experience, think about what are the outcomes for the facilitators and participants.

* Crafting custom retreat to grow your business and brand.

* Set up for success, how to get to a level that is “retreat ready” for your business.

* Getting Retreat Ready online course - similar to a mini business coaching course, in the sense that you need to really know your target audience, target client and strategic marketing plan.

* To run a retreat, you need 2 fundamentals: 1. Some clients under your belt and 2. Content materials to cover. Without that educational piece, it becomes a vacation.

* Three key components for a retreat: 1) Educational content 2) Interaction with the destination and with the other members of the group and 3) Downtime - the part that many people forget to plan into. People need time and space for rejuvenation, for relaxation, but also to process what they're learning.

* The difference between running a retreat and conference/boot camp and the business of bonding.

* A retreat offers an opportunity to do more experiential inner work, it also provides a more intimate atmosphere, more access and time with the facilitator.

Have you ever caught yourself saying in your mind “I am not good enough” or "I am just not _____ enough"? You can fill in the blank with any word. It doesn't really matter what you put in. The effect is the same. This type of thoughts come into mind more often than we care to admit. The problem is, this thought does not move us forward but only to let us stay stuck, play small or swallow the feeling of failure.

Recently I had a phone call with a friend who was feeling depleted. And as we dived into the conversation, I realized this: She has been taking on the role of a successful entrepreneur, super mum, amazing wife, loving daughter and an awesome friend. On top of all this, she also wants to find more time to exercise, do yoga, meditate, journal, look after her appearance, change wardrobe, declutter the house, tidy up her home office, etc. As you can imagine, the list goes on and on. Finally, we both started to laugh. She is not alone on this. I have a very similar "Wish-To-Do" list, and I am pretty sure many women out there feel the same.

We have been trying to do it all for so long. We have been constantly trying to improve our personal and professional life, plus looking after everyone in our family. No wonder we are exhausted.

When do we say enough is enough? 

Sometimes it is unconscious, other times we are consciously putting pressure on our shoulder to do it all, and do it perfectly.

Perfectionism and Burnout

No doubt, I am writing from the perspective of a woman. Since women now have more opportunities to have a career compare than say 100 years ago, we simply have added on the roles and responsibilities. Many women I know are working full time and it is not that we have shred much of the care and responsibilities as a wife or mother or carer. Yes, we may have more help in some ways, from childcare facilities to already prepared meals delivered to our homes. But the norm is we just do it and unless it is absolutely necessary or justified, we don't ask for help.

Women are conditioned and primed to want to be perfect in our modern society. This applies to our capabilities to serve and abilities to give, and also the way we look after ourselves. Just look around you, the advertising billboards, magazines, TV commercials and especially on social media. 

When you browse through Instagram for instance, you will notice women look beautifully put together, often they are smiling or standing at someplace incredible or celebrating something worth celebrating.  No one takes out their camera to take a photo of themselves when they are feeling down or looking awful. Perhaps only a very small percentage of comedians would do that to illustrate a point. We are surrounded by an artificial image of women out there at their best moments, and as a result, we are prompted to become the perfect mother, daughter, wife or friend.

Sometimes we get lost along the way. We feel inadequate, vulnerable or downright like a failure. Besides that, many of us don’t want to “border” others or make them worried, and so we don't even want to talk about those feelings or get in touch with what those feelings really represent.

So, we just keep marching on, improving and perfecting ourselves, until we hit a point of exhaustion or burnout.

Lately, I have been doing some research for my new book's title and cover designs. As I browsed on Amazon to look for books in my genre in personal transformation, motivation and women’s health. Something unexpected hit me. 

There are many self-help books out there for women on making great money,

I have always kept an open mind when it comes to healing, and I have no doubt our body and mind are connected on so many levels. When I first heard about Transpersonal Art Therapy, it sparks my interests. I remember Carl Jung said "Everything in the unconscious seeks outward manifestation", and I sense that when we express our creativity through art, we are allowing our unconscious to come through. It is like letting another language to speak through us.

Therefore, when I came to know about Karen, I think her life story and healing work will be of great interest for those who are seeking complimentary modalities to help them on their healing journey, or for those who are interested in art therapy in gereal. Before I interviewed Karen, I didn't know the difference between art in therapy verses art as therapy. So, to say the least, my interview with Karen has opened my eyes (and heart) in many ways. I hope you will find this interview helpful and inspirational. You can listen to the podcast, watch the video or read the transcript!

About Karen Curran

Karen is a qualified Transpersonal Art and Sandplay Therapist with interests in Art in Therapy, Sandplay Therapy, Music, Dance, Storytelling, Spiritual and Inner Healing. As a transpersonal therapist, Karen uses various tools and activities, including working with nature in a holistic way, to help the seeker/client discover their true self. Karen is also an artist and teacher. Karen resides in the Blue Mountains NSW Australia.

Interview Highlights

* What is  Holistic Counseling?

* Why it is so helpful and complimentary to other modalities or medical advice. 

* Holistic counseling looks at the whole body and mind together as one. Many times when people have suffered, or had a shock or have been grieving  whether it's a child or an adult, they don't understand what it is that's making them feel bad. 

* Transpersonal Art and Sand play therapy: working with our inner spirit 

* Sand play or art therapy for children - a tool for deeper emotions communication 

* Creating a safe space and a feeling of peace to connect to our heart and tap into our inner wisdom. 

* Drumming, singing bowls, chanting or music are all tools that can help us to connect to our inner world/subconscious

* Karen’s personal journey from seriously ill to discovering transpersonal holistically counselling and then the right medical person 

* How her subconscious was trying to show her what is going on in her body and the incredible story of the medical discovery and her eventual recovery 

* The difference between art in therapy versus art as therapy

* Karen’s online courses and offerings

If you would like to connect with Karen, please visit her website: www.KarenCurran.com.au

Video

https://youtu.be/Sk626OyGAns

Subscribe & Review in iTunes

Are you subscribed to my podcast? If you’re not, I love to encourage you to do that. I don’t want you to miss an episode. Also, I offer occasional gifts and early-bird offer of my programs first on my podcast! You can use this link to subscribe in iTunes! 

Now if you are extra nice and kind,