Tell Me About Your Mother

Evan and Melissa launch a new book club format, digging into the first three chapters of Amir Levine's Secure, the follow-up to Attached.

In this episode:

• Taking the attachment quadrants on themselves — and why scoring "secure" doesn't always match how it feels in the moment
• Running their own friendships through Levine's CARP framework (consistency, availability, responsiveness, reliability, predictability)
• SIMIs — the small, seemingly insignificant interactions that quietly shape the nervous system
• The Cyberball exclusion study, and what it reveals about co-parenting after divorce
• A boundary Melissa's built in her own recovery: understanding someone's backstory is their work to do, not a tool for explaining away their impact on you

Chapter markers:

00:00 Introduction to attachment styles and the book 'Secure'
05:34 Building secure attachment
08:32 Friendship and everyday connection
22:13 Exclusion, divorce, and co-parenting
36:09 Accountability and recovery

Are you in NC and interested in scheduling a session with Evan or Melissa? Visit www.millercounseling.net to book your free consultation.

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Virginia Gilbert has spent over two decades working with people in high-conflict divorces — she started this specialty after going through one herself and getting nothing but platitudes from therapists who didn't understand what she was dealing with.

In this episode, Evan and Virginia get into:

• Why family court isn't built to solve real parenting disputes — and often makes conflict worse
• How social media turned every ex into a "narcissist" or a "borderline"
• The difference between wanting to be understood and wanting someone to agree with you
• Why conflict itself isn't the problem in a relationship — it's how you fight
• Family estrangement and emotional cutoff, and what actually happens after "no contact"
• Running skills-based divorce support groups, and why men show up differently in group than the stereotypes suggest

If you've ever wanted to hand someone a diagnosis instead of doing the actual work, this one's for you.

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We started with accountant rage. We ended at grief, the body, and a grandmother who was home.

Melissa walks Evan through his first focusing session using the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model — Gene Gendlin's somatic framework for making meaning of what your body is already trying to tell you. What starts as frustration about cash flow lands somewhere much deeper. Then the conversation shifts to where the field is falling short — and the clients paying for it.

In this episode:

• The Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and focusing — live, unscripted
• Countertransference and when the therapist's stuff shows up
• Sex offender treatment, TikTok moral panic, and clinical nuance
• A woman fired from a jail job for having a nervous system
• Dunning-Kruger in the therapy field — and why it matters
• Why licensure and aptitude are not the same thing

Two licensed therapists. Unfiltered. No coaches. No pop psychology. No wellness rebrands. New episodes bi-weekly.

Therapy practice links

Evan Miller, LCAS, LCMHC 

www.millercounseling.net

Melissa Martin, LCMHC

https://www.emdrtherapyworks.com

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Evan sits down with Rhiana Holmes Turner for a sharp, honest conversation about therapist burnout, private practice, money, ADHD, recovery, and the culture of over-sacrifice in mental health. They talk about brain drain, disaster psychology, community mental health, performative social justice, and why helping people does not mean destroying yourself in the process.

• brain drain, disaster psychology, and why good intentions can still miss the point
• therapist burnout and the culture of self-sacrifice in mental health
• why so many clinicians stay underpaid, overworked, and stuck
• private practice, private pay, and charging what your work is worth
• the overlap between ADHD, addiction, systems, and adaptation
• recovery, shame, and how culture treats addiction differently than healing
• criminalization, punishment, and why rehabilitation is more complicated than people want to admit
• therapist branding, authenticity, and the pressure to perform a professional identity
• what it looks like to stop over-identifying with struggle and actually build a life

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In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in therapy: masking.We start with the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and how somatic work helps clients notice real shifts in their nervous system. Then we get into what therapists often miss — clients who look “fine” in session but are shutting down outside the room.

We cover:

• Why clients mask in therapy (often without realizing it)
• How therapists can misread progress
• Dorsal vagal shutdown and what it actually looks like
• When a memory is too big for the client’s current capacity
• Why some people stay emotionally stuck for decades
• How blame can block real healing
• The link between underdeveloped identity and addiction risk
• Short-form content, attention and ADHD brains
• The pressure to appear regulated in everyday life

If you’re a therapist, helper or someone trying to understand why change can feel harder than it “should,” this episode will give you a much deeper lens.

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Guest Elizabeth Morrison is a licensed therapist, MS, LPC, in Texas, that specializes in treating Neurodivergent individuals.

We talk through what’s happening as mental health language goes mainstream: it’s helping more people seek support, but it’s also creating confusion, oversimplification, and “pop psychology” that gets repeated as fact. We unpack what neurodivergence and neurodivergent actually mean, why traits aren’t the same thing as diagnoses, and how real clinical work depends on nuance, context, and felt safety. The conversation also zooms out to schools and families, exploring how kids’ behavior often reflects unmet needs, overstimulation, and a lack of support rather than “badness.”

• Why social media spreads both awareness and misinformation about mental health
• Neurodivergence vs. neurodivergent vs. neuroinclusive (and why the labels matter)
• Bottom-up vs. top-down processing and how that changes therapy approaches
• Common neurodivergent presentations discussed: autism, ADHD, OCD (and the broader spectrum)
• Stimming and fidgets as regulation tools, not “bad habits”
• Burnout, dopamine/energy drain, and why everyday tasks can cost more for ND brains
• The difference between having traits and meeting diagnostic criteria (clinical significance)
• Limits of assessments: masking, self-awareness gaps, and the nuance tests can miss
• Medication basics: what it should and shouldn’t do, and when to revisit dosage/prescriptions
• School systems, missed support, and why behavior is often communication
• Practical parenting ideas: reducing demands after school and asking better questions
• How family patterns repeat across generations and how therapy helps revise the “old contract”

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Welcome back our guest Sandra Killebrew, a therapist specializing in high-conflict couples therapy in Seattle, WA. This episode dives into the messy, magical work of being a therapist. We unpack what happens when clients come in with chaos—blame throwers in hand—and how playfulness, props, and presence can shift the energy in the room. From adolescent therapy and couples work to private pay dilemmas and therapist boundaries, we explore the art of staying human while holding space.

Topics include:

• The “blame thrower” metaphor and how to manage chaotic energy
• Using props and playfulness to disarm resistance and build trust
• Working with teens: safety, attunement, and how to not take the bait
• Couples therapy, contempt, and staying grounded in the storm
• Therapist self-awareness: when over-identifying does more harm than good
• Navigating private pay vs. insurance expectations
• What happens when clients want therapy to “fix” someone else
• The loneliness of solo practice and the beauty of professional community
• Energetic integrity: how we show up when the room feels off

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Welcome our guest, Rhiana Holmes Turner, LPC, LAC, is a licensed mental health professional and Approved Clinical Supervisor based in Denver, Colorado, with multi-state licensure across Colorado, Florida, Texas, and Kansas. She has expertise in trauma-informed, care and a career spanning community advocacy, international mental health work, and psychopharmacology education, Turner brings a unique lens to this raw and resonant conversation.

In this episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Rhiana open up about their work with some of the most misunderstood populations — from genocide survivors in Cambodia to clients who have committed murder. The discussion explores what it means to show up authentically as a therapist, the projections therapists carry, and the radical empathy required to do the work well.

Topics include:

• Working with genocide survivors in Cambodia and unintentional publication
• Narrative therapy and reintegration between victims and perpetrators
• Coercion, moral ambiguity, and the psychology of violence
• Treating clients who have killed someone — and confronting therapist bias
• Rejection-prevention behaviors and shame in clinical relationships
• Blank slate therapists vs. authenticity and immediacy
• Attachment dynamics, regulation, and what actually makes couples therapy work
• The universal human need to feel loved, accepted, and safe — even for therapists

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In this raw and wide-ranging episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Melissa explore what it means to be a therapist, parent, and human being—flawed, opinionated, and under pressure to perform. From setting boundaries on the soccer field to navigating adolescent risk-taking and drug use, the conversation covers the deep discomfort of losing control, the power of regulation, and the dangers of sanitized professionalism.

Topics include:

• Why regulating yourself is the most powerful parenting move
• The limits of behavioral control in adolescence
• The dark side of data, AI, and digital permanence
• Why therapists shouldn’t have to apologize for being human
• Self-diagnosis trends and the loss of clinical nuance

Whether you’re a clinician, a parent, or just someone trying not to lose it in public—this episode is your permission slip.

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In this fiery and insightful episode of Tell Me About Your Mother:

• Evan and Melissa respond to the backlash after their viral EMDR TikTok clip (24k+ views).
• They clarify what EMDR is actually doing in the brain—hint: it’s not magic or hypnosis.
• The hosts tackle common misunderstandings about working memory theory, bilateral stimulation, and exposure therapy.
• Evan shares a powerful campfire story involving a dysregulated parent and shame spirals.
• Melissa explores how trauma theory intersects with parenting, cultural expectations, and body image.
• Together, they reflect on the ethical tightrope therapists walk when navigating social situations with clinical awareness.

Whether you’re a therapist, client, or just trauma-curious—this episode blends science, snark, and soul in classic TMAYM fashion.

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Have any questions or insights about this episode? Reach out to us at [email protected]