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In this episode, we unpack one of the most misunderstood dynamics in therapy: masking.We start with the Felt Sense Polyvagal Model and how somatic work helps clients notice real shifts in their nervous system. Then we get into what therapists often miss — clients who look “fine” in session but are shutting down outside the room.

We cover:

• Why clients mask in therapy (often without realizing it)
• How therapists can misread progress
• Dorsal vagal shutdown and what it actually looks like
• When a memory is too big for the client’s current capacity
• Why some people stay emotionally stuck for decades
• How blame can block real healing
• The link between underdeveloped identity and addiction risk
• Short-form content, attention and ADHD brains
• The pressure to appear regulated in everyday life

If you’re a therapist, helper or someone trying to understand why change can feel harder than it “should,” this episode will give you a much deeper lens.

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Guest Elizabeth Morrison is a licensed therapist, MS, LPC, in Texas, that specializes in treating Neurodivergent individuals.

We talk through what’s happening as mental health language goes mainstream: it’s helping more people seek support, but it’s also creating confusion, oversimplification, and “pop psychology” that gets repeated as fact. We unpack what neurodivergence and neurodivergent actually mean, why traits aren’t the same thing as diagnoses, and how real clinical work depends on nuance, context, and felt safety. The conversation also zooms out to schools and families, exploring how kids’ behavior often reflects unmet needs, overstimulation, and a lack of support rather than “badness.”

• Why social media spreads both awareness and misinformation about mental health
• Neurodivergence vs. neurodivergent vs. neuroinclusive (and why the labels matter)
• Bottom-up vs. top-down processing and how that changes therapy approaches
• Common neurodivergent presentations discussed: autism, ADHD, OCD (and the broader spectrum)
• Stimming and fidgets as regulation tools, not “bad habits”
• Burnout, dopamine/energy drain, and why everyday tasks can cost more for ND brains
• The difference between having traits and meeting diagnostic criteria (clinical significance)
• Limits of assessments: masking, self-awareness gaps, and the nuance tests can miss
• Medication basics: what it should and shouldn’t do, and when to revisit dosage/prescriptions
• School systems, missed support, and why behavior is often communication
• Practical parenting ideas: reducing demands after school and asking better questions
• How family patterns repeat across generations and how therapy helps revise the “old contract”

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Welcome back our guest Sandra Killebrew, a therapist specializing in high-conflict couples therapy in Seattle, WA. This episode dives into the messy, magical work of being a therapist. We unpack what happens when clients come in with chaos—blame throwers in hand—and how playfulness, props, and presence can shift the energy in the room. From adolescent therapy and couples work to private pay dilemmas and therapist boundaries, we explore the art of staying human while holding space.

Topics include:

• The “blame thrower” metaphor and how to manage chaotic energy
• Using props and playfulness to disarm resistance and build trust
• Working with teens: safety, attunement, and how to not take the bait
• Couples therapy, contempt, and staying grounded in the storm
• Therapist self-awareness: when over-identifying does more harm than good
• Navigating private pay vs. insurance expectations
• What happens when clients want therapy to “fix” someone else
• The loneliness of solo practice and the beauty of professional community
• Energetic integrity: how we show up when the room feels off

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Welcome our guest, Rhiana Holmes Turner, LPC, LAC, is a licensed mental health professional and Approved Clinical Supervisor based in Denver, Colorado, with multi-state licensure across Colorado, Florida, Texas, and Kansas. She has expertise in trauma-informed, care and a career spanning community advocacy, international mental health work, and psychopharmacology education, Turner brings a unique lens to this raw and resonant conversation.

In this episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Rhiana open up about their work with some of the most misunderstood populations — from genocide survivors in Cambodia to clients who have committed murder. The discussion explores what it means to show up authentically as a therapist, the projections therapists carry, and the radical empathy required to do the work well.

Topics include:

• Working with genocide survivors in Cambodia and unintentional publication
• Narrative therapy and reintegration between victims and perpetrators
• Coercion, moral ambiguity, and the psychology of violence
• Treating clients who have killed someone — and confronting therapist bias
• Rejection-prevention behaviors and shame in clinical relationships
• Blank slate therapists vs. authenticity and immediacy
• Attachment dynamics, regulation, and what actually makes couples therapy work
• The universal human need to feel loved, accepted, and safe — even for therapists

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In this raw and wide-ranging episode of Tell Me About Your Mother, Evan and Melissa explore what it means to be a therapist, parent, and human being—flawed, opinionated, and under pressure to perform. From setting boundaries on the soccer field to navigating adolescent risk-taking and drug use, the conversation covers the deep discomfort of losing control, the power of regulation, and the dangers of sanitized professionalism.

Topics include:

• Why regulating yourself is the most powerful parenting move
• The limits of behavioral control in adolescence
• The dark side of data, AI, and digital permanence
• Why therapists shouldn’t have to apologize for being human
• Self-diagnosis trends and the loss of clinical nuance

Whether you’re a clinician, a parent, or just someone trying not to lose it in public—this episode is your permission slip.

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In this fiery and insightful episode of Tell Me About Your Mother:

• Evan and Melissa respond to the backlash after their viral EMDR TikTok clip (24k+ views).
• They clarify what EMDR is actually doing in the brain—hint: it’s not magic or hypnosis.
• The hosts tackle common misunderstandings about working memory theory, bilateral stimulation, and exposure therapy.
• Evan shares a powerful campfire story involving a dysregulated parent and shame spirals.
• Melissa explores how trauma theory intersects with parenting, cultural expectations, and body image.
• Together, they reflect on the ethical tightrope therapists walk when navigating social situations with clinical awareness.

Whether you’re a therapist, client, or just trauma-curious—this episode blends science, snark, and soul in classic TMAYM fashion.

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In this episode, we dive into a fresh look at EMDR therapy and how new research reframes it as “working memory therapy.” We explore the cultural differences in how trauma and sexuality are discussed in clinical training, the challenges of certification in our field, and the ways client conversations about sex, cursing, and honesty become litmus tests for therapeutic trust. Along the way, we swap stories on therapy frustrations, parenting young adults, and how history and culture shape our work as clinicians.

• The hidden costs of certifications and ROI in therapy careers 
• How Dutch researchers approach EMDR and trauma treatment differently 
• Why EMDR might be better understood as “working memory therapy” 
• Cultural contrasts: bluntness about sex/trauma in Dutch trainings vs U.S. squeamishness 
• Therapy rapport: clients opening up about sex and cursing as signs of safety 
• Parenting struggles: guiding a 20-year-old through clutter, college, and career choices 
• Therapy frustrations: reflections clients resist, accountability, and ego defenses 
• Books and history: Comanche Nation, whitewashed history, and cultural imperialism 

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Sandra Killebrew is a high-conflict couple therapist with a boutique private practice in Tacoma, WA. She offers therapy intensives for couples in addition to weekly therapy. She likes to get on her soapbox about excellence in therapy, boundaries, telling the truth, even when it hurts, and is not afraid to say fuck. She hosts networking groups in Tacoma & Seattle and is on the board of the International Experiential Dynamic Therapy Association.

• Guest intro: Sandra’s unique style—therapy intensives, strong boundaries, focus on truth-telling, and comfort with conflict.
• Silence in therapy: Why awkward pauses can disarm clients and reveal vulnerability.
• Public scandal discussion: Reflections on power, privilege, and societal judgment (cancel culture parallels).
• Therapist self-disclosure & marketing: Debate over labeling as a “Christian therapist” and how identity marketing affects client expectations.
• Client boundary issues: Stories of invasive consultation questions (“Are you married?” / “Do you believe in God?”) and how they reflect couple dynamics.
• High-acuity training: How early experience with high-crisis clients shapes private practice work.
• Couples therapy dynamics: Why consultations often feel like stepping into a “war zone” and how to hold boundaries.
• Toxic industry norms: Discussion of underqualified providers and the importance of skilled clinical work.

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• Evan shares a personal story from a therapy group where power and bias were misused
• How therapists can be abusive — even to other therapists
• The danger of bringing personal values, beliefs, or shame agendas into the therapy room
• Why opacity (not transparency) can be safer and more ethical for clients
• Reader bias and how it distorts perception in clinical work
• The myth of sexuality as a binary on/off switch
• The shame response and how it gets used as a tool of control
• Why many men feel disempowered in therapy
• Concerns about therapists vetting clients based on values, appearance, or assumptions
• Questions around what “aggressive therapy” really means and who defines it
• Reflections on transference, group process, and emotional safety
• Reminder: Therapy is the client’s space, not the therapist’s platform

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Evan and Melissa do a brief review of the Netflix show "Adolescence," mostly focusing on the third episode and the intervention strategies of the Forensic Psychologist. 

• Foresensic Psychologist began with rapport building and quickly shifted to a more authoritarian/contrarian relational tone
• Melissa, wha are poop puppets? 
• Truth seeking is not rapport building or important
• Forensic Psychologist becomes dysregulated, fails to co-regulate with client
• The emotional experience of women when male clients become "apish"
• Social media groups and their confirmation biases
• Mom taking responsibility for regulating her husband and implicitly teaching her daughter of a woman's role in the home 

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