Thank You Heartbreak with Chelsea Leigh Trescott

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Intuitive Grief Guide and Podcast Host of Coming Back: Conversations on Life After Loss, Shelby Forsythia is a Certified Recovery Specialist, Grief Coach, and Reiki Practitioner. Joining Chelsea 5:45 minutes in, she opens up about her first memory of having "a voice," how losing her voice is correlated very strongly with heartbreak—–the feeling of hopelessness and losing power——and how her voice returned to her in a new way after losing her mother to cancer, which was her biggest lost to date and an experience that shattered her open, rendered her voiceless, and has now made her a student of grief.Gems to look out for:+ the one fright that doesn't exist for her+ how long it took her to get her voice back+ there's a point where helplessness tilts into surrender+ after heartbreak, the things from the life before return to you in the life after but they don't look the same; they've been taken apart and reassembled+ the first time she registered her voice was coming back+ grief was a leveling up of her voice that she didn't ask her+ grief is like an involuntary scavenger hunt+ we don't choose, for the most part, the griefs we experience in life but you do choose the elements you try on in life and whether they work for you+ recovery from any kind of heartbreak needs a certain level of sovereignty+ you can't go on the scavenger hunt with other people telling you what to do, try on, or be+ there's a perception in grief culture about being able to make the pain go away + pain doesn't necessarily decrease but it's about learning how to talk with it, sit with it, and how to ask it questions+ the importance of personifying pain+ loss doesn't come along to teach us lessons but the pain we experience does carry a message+ the solution is in the witnessing of pain+ the benchmark for healing is no pain but in ability to coexist with it+ pain versus fear+ resilience is a thing that is practiced; it is more skill than anything+ the heartbreak of not only her engagement ending but in her ex becoming a person who had never known before+ the healing power of Reiki + the privilege and relief of being suspended in somebody else's attentive space without having to explain yourself+ how her fascination with spirituality connects her to her mom's devotion to religion+ learning that her mom wasn't ignorant or a bigot for fearing for her sexuality and her relationships with women+ the hardest part to accept about her mom's death+ the toxic phrase of "at least"+ the hardest conversation she had with her father after her mother's death+ how another woman living in her parent's house is another cause for grief and simultaneously the appreciation she feels for having both a maternal and female presence back in her home+ overtime life grows around the lossPlus, so much more.__To connect with Shelby, visit her:Website: http://shelbyforsythia.comServices: http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/grief-coachingComing Back Podcast: http://www.shelbyforsythia.com/comingbackPodcast via Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/coming-back-conversations-on-life-after-loss/id1236608896Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/shelbyforsythiaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/shelbyforsythiaYouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo34-FLEEdl7JSdzGisfr3w__Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: [email protected]

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak

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Life for Maria Leonard Olsen, attorney and author of 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Life, pretty much fell apart as she approached her 50th year. She had drank her way out of a 25-year marriage, found herself completely codependent on her two children, whose trust she had lost due to her alcoholism, was a new empty nester, and was forced to reenter the work force to support herself financially after a 15 year hiatus playing supermom. It was her rudderlessness, however, that incentivized her to change her life for good. And change she did. Now 6 1/2 years sober, Maria opens up with immense honesty about how the various trauma and heartbreaks she endured—recovery from addiction, sexual abuse, divorce, empty nesting, racism, codependency, parental death, and being raised as a latchkey kid—impacted her character and how her call, ultimately, toward sobriety, mentorship, and adventure helped her cultivate an attitude of gratitude, forge new neural pathways, drop the perfectionism shtick, regain her children’s respect, and enter into her healthiest, most independent relationship yet.Gems to look out for:+ feeling like you don’t belong in the affluent neighborhood you are raising your own children in+ the pros and cons of marrying into a wealthy family+ helicopter parenting+ the perfectionism of motherhood+ the impact of not having parents that were good role models+ parenting your own mother+ the anxiety wrapped up in being June Cleaveresque+ harboring unexpressed rage after her father’s death+ the triggering nature of trauma+ why she didn’t speak up about the sexual abuse she endured until she was about to become a mother+ sober sex+ feeling like you’re alone and freak because no else is experiencing what you’re experiencing+ how she embraced the use of medication to treat anti-depression+ 12-step programs are not a once-and-done sort of thing but a guide to being a good human being+ dealing with rejection via The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz+ becoming codependent on your own children+ love is choosing someone every day+ how she got back into the work force after 15 years away+ swapping out people pleasing to commit to oneself And so much more.Interview begins at 13:30.Transcript: https://medium.com/@tyhbpodcast/living-my-amends-with-maria-leonard-olsen-433692b71bf6__To connect with Maria, visit her:Website: www.marialeonardolsen.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/fiftyafter50Facebook: www.facebook.com/FiftyAfter50Twitter: www.twitter.com/fiftyafter50Purchase 50 After 50: Reframing the Next Chapter of Your Lifewww.amazon.com/50-After-Reframing-Next-Chapter-dp-1538109646/dp/1538109646/ref=mt_hardcover?_encoding=UTF8&me=&qid=1557371380__Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: [email protected]

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak

Advice Column: https://www.huffpost.com

Writing: https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-leigh-trescott

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Interview begins at 17:30. __How My Ex-Husband Accidentally Became My Good Friend by Jaimie Seaton via NYMag.com https://www.thecut.com/2018/11/its-complicated-how-my-ex-husband-became-my-good-friend.html

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

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"There’s this idea that once you’ve moved on, you should just completely move on and there should be no looking back,” Mika Leonard COO of Onward, a post-breakup concierge service, muses. “But how can we do that when our brains are meant to remember things? That’s part of what's so awesome about life and your experiences, is that you get to have those memories.”Best friends since elementary school, Lindsay Meck (CEO) and Mika Leonard (COO) joined forces to introduce Onward, a post-breakup concierge service, that helps new singletons navigate their relocation, relaunch their life, and remap their future equipped with a home (or room) of their own and financial independence. The warm and fuzzy of this company? Lindsay and Mika's bubbly personalities and the fact that the company is being run in Lindsay’s mother’s legacy, a prior divorce attorney who believed that the on the other side of a challenging situation, there is an opportunity to lead a better life. Joining Chelsea 11:30 minutes in, the founders of Onward echo this sentiment, emphasizing their efforts to help men and women get to the other side of a breakup stronger, healthier and more resilient than ever. Gems to look out for:+ the unifying nature of heartbreak+ as a culture, we tend to act like those breaking up should have to deal with it on their own+ why calling upon a neutral party to help manage the logistics of a uncoupling alleviates the breakup burden for your community of friends and colleagues + one of the most Googled questions: when do you know it’s time to break up with someone? + how society treats breakups as failures+ how the performance of success on social media isolates the single folk + why breakups are more stigmatized than divorces+ being each other’s person for a period of time is actually a victory+ what if we treated breakups like we treated job transitions; one leads to the dream job, the other to the dreamed of “one” + harnessing grace and integrity enables you to integrate the lessons of your love into the story of your life+ bitter endings make it hard to process the relationship with optimism + calling in a “chain gang” post-breakup to help lift your spirit and make you to stick to your gut+ the skills, life lessons, and tools that they took from past-partners+ how past-loves made them more practical, intentional and helped them adult better in new relationships+ the difference between love and respect+ how cohabitation makes it much more difficult to get out of your relationship’s ecosystem+ how to make a home for yourself in the wake of heartbreak__To connect with Lindsay & Mika of Onward visit their:Website: www.move-onward.comOnward Services: www.move-onward.com/plansInstagram: www.instagram.com/OnwardOnlineFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/OnwardOnlineTwitter: https://twitter.com/OnwardOnlineEmail: [email protected]__Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: [email protected]

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak

Advice Column: https://www.huffpost.com

Writing: https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-leigh-trescott

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Inspired by Death, Sex & Money’s breakup episode Cut Loose, Emily Theis—a devoted listener of the DSM podcast, indie pop musician, and Head of Producer at Upstatement—created the Breakup Survival Guide, a site powered by listeners of the DSM podcast that services up randomized heartache cures. “You’re entitled to decide what you want and don’t want. And that’s sort of freeing, in that like, okay, I’m on this island and you're on that island and if the ocean between us is not what we both want then I don’t need to swim." — Emily Theis The conversation starts at 6:30. Gems to listen out for:+ how long-distance works for her+ tips to encourage someone back into the world post-heartbreak+ a set of questions to ask yourself in the midst of a relationship to check-in on the health of yourself and the relationship + in an age where it’s easy to text to make a plan and break a plan, you have to be purposeful about the time you spend with people+ the importance of reminding your brain that there isn’t only one person in the world that can help you+ if our expectations for partners have changed, it may be fine that the divorce rate has increased + how will long-term relationships change as our society changes+ no one walks into a relationship and predicts or counts on the tragedies and also the good surprises that they encounter in their lifetime+ often breakups are so powerful because it’s not what you wanted or expected or even, in the past, imagined could happen+ the power of softening to other people’s healing processes + you’re entitled to people treating you well but you’re not entitled to the exact imagination of everything perfect that makes things easy for you+ toggling your disappointment and sense of entitlement when something falls apart+ why the Breakup Survival Guide was made as a one-by-one randomizer versus a listicle + feelings are not scripted so, in the post-breakup aftermath, choosing your own healing adventure is more personal and empowering+ in an effort to be casual, people downplay their own disappointment as well as pamper their own excitement + we’re all on a journey of learning where all the special moments lie + happiness is not for a vacation but for right here in this moment+ being shameless about what you need + even your own past perception and advice will be more or less useful to you someday + how your words, and songs, can come back and mean something else to you in the future + being a musician enables you to have a time capsule of experience and growth—To connect with Emily, visit her:Breakup Survival Guide: www.breakupsurvivial.guideSubmit your own suggestions: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1gOWtev9fBu9fx0l-bsgrDWR7JB1GsNWi1A1Qr7v3atM/viewform?edit_requested=trueWebsite: http://emilythe.is Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/the_isSpotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/1zEABYYe4zKiVsiHJzC8zw?si=GirlklgTTsG3iYcfMS17yADeath, Sex & Money's breakup episode, Cut Loose: Your Breakup Storieshttps://www.wnycstudios.org/story/cut-loose-breakups-death-sex-money—Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: [email protected]

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak

Advice Column: https://www.huffpost.com

Writing: https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-leigh-trescott

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102: Nobody Knows Me Like You with Nick Kamboj by Chelsea Leigh Trescott

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

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Mental Health Clinician, Educator, Advocate & Author of The Self-Love Workbook Dr. Shainna Ali talks about the life-changing journey of self-love, the courage to go beyond the stigma of mental health and still show up for yourself, and why engaging in the opportunity to see yourself completely post-heartbreak is the greatest comeback story of all. Gems to look out for:+ fostering a connection with checking in with ourselves + the disparity between mental wellness and physical wellness+ the internal and external blocks that prevent us from seeking help+ internal barrier can start with, what does it mean to you to go to therapy?+ needing help doesn’t mean you’re natural resilience+ her personal journey of learning that mental health is actually a strength—and her calling+ the difference between mental illness and mental wellness+ the focus on what we have and the growth process versus the absence of what we have+ too often we wait for there to be an exasperated problem to seek support+ the most empowering time to get help is when you feel or are experiencing something that looks like a symptom of anxiety or depression, for instance+ waiting till the very last straw is a really difficult place to start seeking help because we are worn out+ how we break our own heart is by detouring away from our meaning and who we know ourselves to be+ finding the trend of why we do x, y or z to ourselves+ we don’t always realize, or are ready to see, that we aren’t being true to ourselves+ people aren’t truly broken, they are need to work toward mental wellness+ self-awareness is the foundational aspect of self-love+ without self-awareness fostering coping or healthy communication will often fall flat+we’re all going to have blindspots from time to time+ how do we move what is in our blindspot into our awareness+well-intentioned, genuine feedback, though easier said than done, can be tremendous+ the difference between a friendship and a therapist+ proactive versus reactive self-care+ why we need more self-love post-breakup+ Dr. Shaina's favorite activity for checking in with oneselfPlus, so much more greatness.🖤To connect with Dr. Shainna visit, her:Website: https://www.shainnaali.comInstagram: http://www.instagram.com/drshainnaFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/IntegratedCounselingSolutions/Purchase The Self-Love Workbook: A Life-Changing Guide to Boost Self-Esteem, Recognize Your Worth and Find Genuine Happiness Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Self-Love-Workbook-Life-Changing-Self-Esteem-Recognize/dp/1612438660Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-self-love-workbook-shainna-ali-phd/1129054781#🖤Work with Chelsea: www.breakupward.com/shopChelsea’s website: www.breakupward.comSign up for Chelsea’s newsletter: bit.ly/tyhbletterInstagram: www.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakConnect and send in your questions and/or letters viawww.instagram.com/thankyouheartbreakOr by email: [email protected]🖤I'm so sorry for the audio. It's less than ideal. And embarrassing and I feel bad. Forgive me!For $100 off any service over $100, use promo code: "100episodes" at www.breakupward.com/shop

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

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Thank you and discounts aren't enough but let's start there: Thank you for helping me achieve this tremendous milestone. $100 off my services at breakupward.com/shop with promo code: 100episodes

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

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099: It Used To Be Harder To Say No by Chelsea Leigh Trescott

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

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098: Graduating From The Game with Ex-Pickup Artist Mojo by Chelsea Leigh Trescott

Chelsea Leigh Trescott:

Email: [email protected]

Instagram: https://instagram.com/thankyouheartbreak

Advice Column: https://www.huffpost.com

Writing: https://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-leigh-trescott