That Was Disappointing...

Episode 061 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

Yer a tosser, Harry!

Today’s Theme: Harry Potter. We’re the Crucio of podcasts.

Our first topic is what the Mirror of Erised would show you. Betcha can’t guess what Lex voted for. It starts with a B and ends with a J, but doesn’t end with a Happy Ending. *rimshot* Low-hanging fruit, ladies and gentleman. We’ll forever grasp for it. ❤️

Our second topic is the biggest differences between the books and flicks. Great question, Ken. It’s not like any of us haven’t read the series (if at all!) in over a decade. Would it have been too much for you to ask what happened on page 293 of Prisoner of Azkaban?

Our third topic is how Warner Brothers would do a gritty reboot of the series. Why are you giving them these ideas, Art? Didn’t the world suffer enough with the Snyderverse? Then again, Bruce Wayne is an orphan… Harry Potter is an orphan. That’s gold, Jerry! Gold!

Our fourth topic is where the Sorting Hat would drop yo ass at Hogwarts. Jeff’s preference is House Stark and we’re not sure how to break it to him. Meanwhile, Producer Kenny would like to wind up in the house where you’re most likely ti live off someone else’s dime. That sounds like Ravenclaw to us!

Our final topic is really sticking it to that b-word J.K. Rowling: what would an Americanized-Harry Potter production look like? Matt’s childlike whimsy was forever tainted when she vetoed the casting of Robin Williams as Hagrid. Perhaps it’s time for America to give those Brits another lesson…

Episode 060 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

The episode that will live in infamy…

Today’s Theme: Nothing.

Seriously, we f-ed up and didn’t book any guests.

Seriously, that’s the show tonight. Art, Lex and Producer Kenny throw shade at each other, give a special shout-out to their sole listener in Turkmenistan and even play a game of Kiss ‘Em, F*ck ‘Em, Throw ‘Em Off a Cliff, where their only choices are each other. Ewwwww…

We’re doing Harry Potter next week, folks. We promise!

Episode 059 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

Like that scene in Total Recall, only with even more boobs.

Today’s Theme: Sci-Fi. We talk about things other than Star Wars and Star Trek. Honest!

Our first topic is the sci-fi franchise you’d reboot. Lex already had a perfect response in Dune, but Denis Villeneuve beat him to the punch. Lame! Going for a Hail Mary pass with Battlefield Earth probably wasn’t his best option, but you know what he’d say, “I’d f*ck a Psychlos.”

Our second topic is the first sci-fi experience that blew your mind. Buck Rogers in the 25th Century gets a mention!? We love you 3,000 for bringing us this topic, Sean. Well , maybe not Producer Kenny, as it took him hundreds of hours of therapy to forget about Twiki in the first place. “biddi-biddi-biddi”

Our third topic must’ve been one where Art was feeling industrious: “Sci-Fi mash up! Your consciousness is about to uploaded into the Memory Bank 3000™️. You get to choose any Sci-Fi universe to explore for eternity, BUT you have to preload it with characters from another Sci-Fi universe. What would you mash up?” Still awake? That makes none of us.

Our final topic is surviving the robot apocalypse. Alright, enough of a circle jerk about favorite sci-fi franchises. Ryan wants us to use our acquired knowledge on the subject to avert the machines eventual uprising. Unfortunately, his electric bidet has already seen too much, dooming us all to extinction.

Episode 058 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

What do you mean the closing ceremony was last night?

Today’s Theme: The Olympics. Team USA had the highest medal count for the 2020 Olympics held in 2021, because that’s the batshit insanity we’re dealing with.

Our first topic is non-enhancing drugs: why are athletes being dinged for this? Art loves his edibles and he wants to know why that would disqualify him from competition. We’re just going to overlook the fact that his edibles go by the street name “Little Debbie.”

Our second topic is the most ridiculous events of the modern-day Olympiad. Did you know pistol dueling and live pigeon shooting used to be events? We’re guessing Kelly didn’t as she chose to focus on the present. Or maybe she just really hates water polo. *shrugs*

Our third topic is a serious one FOR ONCE. Specifically, the mental health of our athletes. Lex takes all of the trolls to task for poo-pooing the struggles of our superstar athletes. Now, if someone could just get him to stop Monday morning quarterbacking…

Our final topic is the sport you feel you’d excel in. Difficulty: you have to create it first. Kat served us up, but we kept our choices relatively mild. Well, with the exception of Producer Kenny, but seeing as he’s the one doing the scoring here, we won’t count his severed toe collection.

Episode 057 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

This shit is wack, yo!

Today’s Theme: Crazy Stories. A lot of near death experiences. Maybe next time?

Learn about hilarious things such as the time that Lex’s neighbor thought he murdered his wife and called the police on him. *canned laughter*

Or Art’s near-miss with a subway train and subsequent run from the po-po. He even MacGyvered up a smokescreen with a fire extinguisher. *oohs and aahs*

Newcomer Nick and oldie-but-not-so-goodie Ben have their own shenanigans to share that were probably just as amazeballs… if we could remember them. It’s Producer Kenny’s job to write this shit down and he didn’t even bother showing up for this episode. But hey, at least our buddy, Al, filled in as guest-Producer for the week. *catcalls*

Listen to our guest Nick’s show, Millennial Rewind, on Apple Podcasts at https://apple.co/2T9Lqvo or on Spotify https://spoti.fi/3rd15qh!

Episode 056 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

“Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.” — James Thurber

Today’s Theme: Sleep. When all the physical/mental pain goes away and is replaced with night terrors. ❤️

Our first topic is the weird shit that’s happened when you didn’t get enough sleep. Art wanted us to know it was lack of beauty rest and not hallucinogenics that made a tiny Christmas tree sprout from the hood of his car. Sure, and I suppose that’s just golf balls and not hemorrhoids in your boxers, right?

Our second topic is recurring dreams. Specifically, deciphering said dreams. Every panelist was supposed to have a go but newb, Sean, decided to hijack the conversation. Arrogance may be a turnoff to some, but we’re just happy to find someone that doesn’t hate themselves… yet.

Our third topic is dreams you wish you had more of. Lex doesn’t dream about sex. This makes Lex sad. If you don’t want to make Lex sad, send thoughts and prayers his way to remedy this situation. Perhaps he should’ve specified the type of sex he was talking about first…

Our final topic is the f-ed up places we’ve fallen asleep. Another first-time not-long-time guest, Mike, has slept in all kinds of odd places. He’s kinda like a hobo, but without the cool bag-on-a-stick. Producer Kenny would look up the correct nomenclature for that item, but he has better things to do. Like literally anything. Seriously, get him out of this hell.

Episode 055 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

Let’s get all Julia Child up in this beotch.

Today’s Theme: Cooking. Add bologna, American cheese, repeat.

Our first topic is your go-to dish when you’re hoping to make a little whoopee. As in Wham. Bam. Thank Ya Ma’am (or Sir)! Lex is relatively new to the culinary arts, but he’s a modern day Adonis in the kitchen. As a matter of fact, he’s only burned his Hungry Man once.

Our second topic is the terrible things people do to normal dishes. If you put shredded cheese atop your pizza, Kelly thinks you should be placed in front of a firing squad. A little harsh don’t you think? Shouldn’t we save this punishment for more unforgivable sins like preferring grape jelly over strawberry? Producer Kenny is a monster.

Our third topic is what we’ve learned from our favorite cooking shows. Art’s learned a lot of things from Chopped, most of all that Ted has dreamy eyes. It hasn’t really benefited him I’m the kitchen, but it’s not like you’d have been able to guess that from his waistline. Hiyo!

Our final topic is disastrous dishes/meals. Look, we’ve all clucked up a time or two in the kitchen. Sure, we might not have started the biggest wildfire this side of the Rockies, like Matt, but we all have our cross to bear. You’ll be happy to know he’s never tried his hand at another risotto.

Episode 054 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

Like the Macarena only with even more unattractive men.

Today’s Theme: Short-term fads. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurby!

Our first topic is the fad you saw right through. As in, you knew it was a steaming pile from the start. Art knew the McRib was pure malarkey from the get-go. His argument? Why else would it go into long periods of hibernation. Sound logic, homie.

Our second topic is what it is that draws these suckers, err… people in to begin with. Resident glass-half-full aficionado, Ben, feels people just need an outlet (for their troubles) and something as simple as a fad can fill that vacancy. Yes, we’re already on the line with Bellevue.

Our third topic is what current item in the news is destined to be a short-termed fad. Lex is hoping that it’s deep fakes as people can make it look like you’re doing anything. Like that video of him with the aardvark and the tub of peanut butter. Pure movie magic…

Our final topic is what item shocked you by turning from fad to world-changing. That would be our podcast, Ryan. Duh! Seriously though, it’s kinda shocking just how many fads strike gold. Like beanie babies! The creator has an estate in Santa Barbara and Producer Kenny has the restraining order to prove it.

Episode 053 of That Was Disappointing is Live.

It’s the Nation’s (belated) birthday and our first anniversary. Mazel tov!

Today’s Theme: America, F*ck yeah!

Our first topic is what else is as American as apple pie. Frivolous lawsuits anyone? Lex feels like the eponymous fruit has had its 15 minutes of fame and it’s time to give something else a chance… like coffee enemas. I mean, does it really matter what end it goes in?

Our second topic is America’s obsession with the royal family. New panelist (and an Englishman!), Julian, doesn’t understand why anyone would care about their comings-and-goings. Especially when he (and his fellow redcoats) don’t. We say push posh to that.

Our third topic is what state you’d kick out of the Union. Having already pissed off the world at the beginning of the episode, Art decided to go for the gusto and alienate his fellow Americans too. Producer Kenny’s vote was for Botswana because why not?

Our final topic is your worst side dish for the 4th of July. There’s two things that Chris W. knows in this world and that’s cars and food. Well, and dingleberries, but he told us that in confidence. We’d never dream of betraying his trust. We’re besties like that. ❤️

Episode 052 of That Was Disappointing is Live. Roll (69) for Initiative.

Today’s Theme: D&D. That stands for Dragons & Dungeons, ya goofballs.

Our first topic is your most fun/wasted day in D&D. It’s adorable that Art thinks any session of D&D wouldn’t be defined as “wasted” by the general public. He needs a real hobby, like stamp collecting. Hell, at least you’d be less likely to die a virgin.

Our second topic is your favorite character you’ve played. No, Chris R. isn’t talking about LARPing… it’s somehow even more pathetic. So, apparently everyone doesn’t play a Conan or Dumbledore-clone? Who knew!? Oh duh… I forgot about Legolas.

Our third topic is how D&D has affected your outside life. In other news, people who play D&D actually have a life. Good news for our freshest (read: least pathetic) panelist, Jon, who’s new to the game. Or did things already suck for you to begin with?

Our fourth (not final!) is your best/worst item in D&D. Does a MOAB count or is that just wishful thinking? Tim says there’s more to it than just pointy objects you stab each other with. Pffft! Unless the jousting sticks from American Gladiators are DLC, I’m not interested.

Our final topic is… why? Yep, our resident smartass/ jerkoff, Lex, doesn’t know a f’n thing about D&D, so he needs to defer to the rest of the panel to understand the appeal. Producer Kenny, perhaps you can throw someone a lifeline in the future. kthnxbye