That's Not How I'd Do It

"Rosebud..."

Those were the last words on Charles Foster Kane's lips as the snowglobe dropped to the floor, shattering. A tear rolled down his face as he looked upon the crumpled diaper on the fireplace mantle. He let out his last breath. Alone amongst his sculptures in Xanadu...

What did that last word mean? Find out on this week's episode, where we reboot Orson Welles' 1941 classic film as NETIZEN KANE 2.0!

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Andy Serkis. There's nothing that you and hundreds of special effects artists can't do.

Happy Birthday! Congratulations listener, It's that time of year again. The time of year when we plan out Jared's Birthday several months in advance. This year he's turning 31 so we want it to be extra special. Because you only turn 31 once. After this episode I think we will all agree that is a very good thing. TBH I only came for the strippers.

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to ourselves, Sam Chidley and James Meiser, for being the best friends ever.

Inconvenient truth? More like a golden opportunity for balloon manufacturers and SpaceX. How are those two things related, and what do they have to do with climate change? Everything, my child. Everything. There are more solutions for the worsening climate than watching Al Gore give powerpoint presentations, and we make some headway on a better way forward. We also invent the future of the economy. All in a day's work.

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Al Gore for being a hypocrite who stuck his tongue down his (ex)wife's throat before he gave up on becoming President.

Do you have a thirst for blood? Do you want to see the life go out of a man's eyes? Are you seeking vengeance? If so, hop in our time machine and give us a hand killing Adolf Hitler. It's going to be fun, exciting, and might even be a little dangerous.

The best part about it: no moral repercussions whatsoever!

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Tom Cruise, for giving the whole "killing Hitler" thing a shot in that movie Valyrie.

Hold on to your funyuns, it's that time of year sports fans! This week we take a break from fantasizing about genetic engineering to fantasize about football. Well, clone football mostly. Hope you wore your helmet because some of these ideas are really, really bad.

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Will Smith for discovering concussions or something (oh and also to David Croom for stopping in as a special guest).

What is a Daytona 500 and why can you only turn left on it? Is there a better way to celebrate victory than drinking milk? (Spoiler: don't drink spoiled milk). Join us on this journey through hard left turns, near crashes, actual crashes, turtles with fishing poles, a modernization of NASCAR and a new way to save the world from global warming!

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to UberFast, for getting us to the finish line. (UberFast is entirely fictional and in no way associated with Uber the ride-sharing company).

Flu Game Jordans. Triple Black NMDs with the Japanese lettering. Red Octobers. All crap.

If you're tired of taking L after L trying to cop the latest Yeezys because you're not a robot, and feeling bad about being a consumerist shill for Big Sneaker, this is the podcast for you. Unless you're a robot. Robots go home. You aren't welcome here. Unless you happen to be BB-8. Everyone loves BB-8.

Anyway. Shoes. When it comes right down to it, we're all just podcast listeners waiting for the other shoe to drop.

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Waldo. We hope you find what you're looking for.

What happens when we die? Is there a heaven? Is there a hell? You're favorite N64 multiplayer games? An infinite orgasm? Every everlasting soul screaming out for it to end? The answer may surprise you. (Yes).

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to THE BIG GUY, whoever that is...

I want to be the best there ever was!

To beat all the rest, yeah that's my cause!

Shamare! Buzzcat! Bing Bong!

Shadonk! Buzzroar! Drim Drum!

Catch 'em, catch 'em, gotta catch 'em all!

If you have any suggestions for future episodes, go ahead and tweet to us at @thatsnotpod. You can also drop us a line at [email protected].

A special thanks this week to Satoshi Tajiri, for being really into bug fighting!

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the anarchy from which it came, one nation, under no rule of law, with bluetooth firework speakers for all!

This week we lift up the hood on the 4th of July and realize it needs some tinkering. Why do fireworks have to sound like explosions? Why isn't Glengarry Glen Ross considered a quintessential 4th of July film? This week's episode is not for the faint of heart: you're going to be getting a big dollop of reality slopped on top of your back yard BBQ burger.