The Accidental Negotiator

Nobody ever said that this negotiating thing was going to be easy to do.  

This can be especially true when you are involved in a negotiation that  has to do with territory, control, rights, or power. Turf battles can arise over any type of scarce or sacred resource in a negotiation.  Often in such battles, two or more groups view the other side as the  enemy and its own side as above reproach. When anticipating a group  negotiation, negotiators tend to view the other group as inferior to our  group on many dimensions, including intelligence, competence, and  trustworthiness. In addition, groups in conflict tend to see the other’s  positions as more extreme than they actually are. 

Just exactly how  should we handle situations like this?

Negotiators are always looking for ways to become better.  

We’ll read books, we’ll attend courses, and we’ll talk with the experts  in order to develop new negotiation styles and negotiating techniques.  Our ultimate goal is to find a way to make our next negotiation go  quicker and more smoothly as we work our way towards getting the deal  that will meet the needs of both sides. However, it turns out that one  of most powerful skills that we need to have in order to get what we  want from a negotiation may be right before us. 

Or, a better way to say  this, it may be on the sides of our head: our ears.

The best negotiations happen when we sit down with the other side, have a  discussion, make some concessions, and then reach a deal that both  sides can live with. 

We like these kinds of negotiations. However, not  all negotiations turn out this way. In fact, sometimes we run into  trouble. We reach a sticking point in our discussions that we just don’t  seem to have a way around. Both sides see the world differently and  it’s not clear how we can reach an agreement. These types of disputes  need to be resolved. 

As negotiators, we need to know what our options  for resolving disputes are.

It would be nice if in the world of negotiations we could all just get  along. 

We’d have nice negotiations and there would be no conflict  between the different parties. However, as we all know, we don’t live in  that world. Instead, sometimes it seems as though conflict rules the day. In fact, there seems to a number of different types of conflicts that we encounter during a negotiation. 

Just exactly how can a negotiator avoid having to deal with all of this conflict?

Negotiation is all about sharing.  

Well, at least pretty much all about sharing. One of the big questions  that every negotiator is dealing with when we start a negotiation is just exactly how much we want to share with the other side.  We all know that no matter what negotiation styles or negotiating  techniques we use, we are going to have to share at least some  information with the other side. The question that we are facing is how  much is too much? 

Negotiators need some guidance in how to go about  doing this sharing thing the correct way.

As negotiators, what we are all trying to do is to become better. 

Our  goal is to be able to use our negotiation styles and negotiating  techniques to walk away from our next negotiation with the feeling that  we got what we wanted and that the other side will come through with the  promises that they have made to us. 

In order to be successful, we need  to develop three negotiating skills that will allow us to reach better  agreements faster.

As negotiators, what we want most out of life is to be able to use our  negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to close a deal with the  other side that meets our needs. 

However, it turns out that there just  might be something else that we really we really want – our next  successful negotiation. Our need to move from one successful negotiation  to another is something that can motivate us as we desire more and more  “wins”. 

Is this really a good way for us to be operating?

When we enter into a negotiation, what we’d like to be able to do is to  use our negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to determine what  the other side’s interests are and then reconcile them with our own.  

Successfully doing this can be quite a process. Attempting to do this  can make things a bit more challenging for you. There will be times that  we encounter a situation in which the other side presents a myriad of options and offers at the negotiation table. 

As negotiators we need to determine if this will help facilitate a negotiated agreement?

Ah, ethics. 

We all know about them, we all know that no matter what  negotiation styles or negotiating techniques we are using, we should be  ethical when we are negotiating, but do any of us really know what it  means to be ethical during a negotiation. I mean, we enter a negotiation with one key objective in mind – get as much for our side as possible. Where does ethics come into play when we are thinking this way? When all is said and done, do you want to feel good about what you have been able to accomplish?  

If so, then you had better learn how to conduct an ethical negotiation.

As negotiators we are always looking for ways to become better. 

We would  all like to be able to find a “silver bullet” that could allow us to  move to the next level. It turns out that there really is no such thing  as a silver bullet when it comes to negotiating skills. 

However, there  is one thing that we can all do that will have an immediate impact on  our abilities: start listening more.