The Accidental Negotiator

So it turns out that every negotiation that we are in has two different  conversations going on at the same time. 

The one that we are most  familiar with is the one that comes out of our mouth and we can follow  along with using our ears. The one that you may not be aware of and  which has nothing to do with the negotiation styles and negotiating  techniques that are being used has to do with body language.  The other side of the table is always sending you clear messages about  how they are feeling. Likewise, you are sending them messages also. 

In  order to be an effective negotiator, you need to be able to read the other side’s body language and understand what they are saying.

As negotiators we all understand that threats and ultimatums are a part of the process of negotiating no matter what negotiation styles or negotiating techniques are being used. 

We’ll make threats  sometimes in order to get the attention of the other side and likewise  they’ll threaten us. 

The big question that we need to be able to answer is when you are threatened, should you strike back with a counterthreat?

I’m pretty sure that we’ve all heard that people make first impressions about us.  

In a negotiation, the expectation that someone is “tough” or  “cooperative” can become a self-fulfilling prophecy at the bargaining  table. When you approach an allegedly tough competitor with suspicion  and guardedness, he is likely to absorb these expectations and become  more a more competitive negotiator. 

How can we make this first  impression thing work for us during a negotiation?

As a negotiator, who wouldn’t want to walk into a negotiation knowing that you had all of the cards? 

Knowing that you were in the position of  power and the other side had few options – they were going to have to  agree with whatever you told them that you wanted? This type of  situation does not happen all that often; however, it will happen  occasionally. 

When it does, how should we deal with it?

As negotiators it can be easy for us to focus on using our negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to get the deal that we are working  on.

However, it turns out that what we really should be thinking about  is what we can do in order to make sure that the deal that we’re working  on holds up well over time. If we don’t take the time to do this then  broken contracts, damaged relationships, and lawsuits are a common  outcome. 

What can we do to avoid this from happening?

When we enter into a negotiation, more often than not we have a goal in  mind – there is something that we want to get out of the negotiation.

That goal often has to do with a price. Perhaps it’s how much we want to  sell something for or perhaps it’s how much we want to pay for  something. No matter which type of price we are dealing with, we’d like  to use our negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to be in  control of the discussion surrounding it. 

It turns out that there is a  way to make this happen: price anchoring.

When we are involved in a negotiation, one of the key issues that we  have to deal with is trying to determine if the other side is not being  completely honest with us. 

Our goal is to find ways to prevent them from  using their negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to be  deceptive. The other side may not realize that they are being deceptive,  they may believe that they are being ethical. 

We need to understand how  we can work with the other side in order to avoid allowing deception to enter into our negotiation.

So what are the most important skills for a negotiator to have? 

There  are many of them; however, hopefully we’d all agree that the bargaining  skills and tactics for building trust while negotiating are among the most important. Each time that we start a negotiation we  all share the same hopes, dreams and goals: we want to share  information, build a relationship, and be treated fairly by the other  side. This is all fine; however, all too often when talks get started,  most of us have also had the experience of holding back information, viewing the other side’s behavior with suspicion, and feeling distrusted  by them. 

How can you get negotiations with the other side off to a trusting start?

So this thing that we call negotiating actually has two different parts  to it. 

The first is called integrative bargaining and it is where we  look for ways to increase the pie of value for all parties, often by  identifying differences across issues and making tradeoffs. The second  is where we use our negotiation styles and negotiating techniques to try to get as much of the pie for ourselves as we can. This part of the negotiating process is called distributive bargaining and it has to do with the process of dividing up the resource or array  of resources that parties have identified. We are all familiar with the  process of haggling over issues such as price. 

What is the best way to  get the most out of our distributive bargaining?

How good are you at predicting the future? 

Are you the person who can  always guess who will win the Superbowl each year? Can you guess  someone’s age when you meet them the first time? If you are like most of  us, the future is a big mystery to you. That’s why a lot of  negotiations grind to a halt – both sides think that the future is going to turn out differently and they are not willing to sign an agreement that doesn’t line up with what they think is going to happen. 

Is there any way around this problem?