When outside situations or people become a source of distraction to one of the partners in a relationship, or poses a threat to the connection of the two partners, we often refer to this as an ‘unmanaged third.’ When left unattended, it can be a major catalyst for causing rupture and disconnection. In our conversation, we illustrate some examples of unmanaged thirds in our dynamic and how we deal with them together as a team so that we can build more security in our partnership.

With unmanaged thirds, it’s all about coming back into sovereignty, rather than letting something else negatively and unconsciously influence our “We.” Managing the third together requires a high level of self-awareness and the willingness to take responsibility for our participation and blind spots. 

In this episode, we share our process for working through external threats like cellphones, flirty texts, and passion projects. We also discuss the fear of an unmanaged third and what we did in a recent situation when that came up at an event. 

This week’s challenge is to take a look at one of your relationships and note where you feel some disconnection or where you already know there's an unmanaged third. See if you can identify it, and if so, consider taking a step towards actually talking about it with the other person. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Common examples of unmanaged thirds 
• Why addressing unmanaged thirds is essential for healthy “We’s”
• Examples in our own relationship of where we struggle
• Coming up with plans to deal with external distractions
• Developing more security in relationship 
• Communicating discomfort and prioritizing connection

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

When someone says or does something that negatively impacts you, what’s your default assumption about their intention? It’s hard to assume positive intent when you feel triggered, but committing to that as a practice is an opportunity for taking greater leadership in relationship.

We’ve made it a vow to practice getting into each other’s worlds around impact and intention, and in today's episode, we explore what that looks like for us and how you can apply it to your relationships. 

We break down a couple of scenarios to illustrate how we gain strength in our secure attachment by assuming positive intent when negatively impacted, and also by taking greater responsibility for the impact we have on each other.

There’s a certain framework that we use to understand each other’s perspective and hold ourselves accountable for our words and actions. As always, we invite you to take what resonates with you and use it to whatever degree you see fit. 

We also have a challenge for you: practice this concept where it's a little bit uncomfortable, and let us know what happens. We really want to know what you're learning and what you notice. Feel free to share your thoughts with us in our DMs on Instagram at @artofwepodcast.  

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• What we mean by assuming positive intent 
• It’s not an excuse to avoid uncomfortable conversations
• Steps to take when we’ve been negatively impacted
• Elevating your leadership by taking responsibility for the impact of your words and actions 
• Understanding how rare it is for someone to actually have harmful intentions 

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.

It’s essential to find true alignment in decision making when operating from ‘the We’ perspective, whether it's intimate or business, to help us accomplish our goals, stay on track with our mission, and develop a deeper connection with each other. And, it’s not always easy!

In this episode, we discuss our agreement to put ‘the We’ first when making decisions and work through an example of what we do when we aren’t in agreement about how to move forward. 

There’s an elevated level of autonomy when we’re making decisions together. By operating in “the We,” there’s space to discover freedom for the greater endeavor that we can create together. In short, with greater responsibility comes greater freedom, which is far from the typical ‘I’ mindset. 

But, what happens when we’re not in the same place around how to work towards our goals? We’ve been bumping up against the decision to share more about our intimate experiences on the show. We share what our process looks like to get into each other's world and work towards a decision that honors both of our needs. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• What happens when you don’t feel considered in a decision 
• What it means to be in alignment with your partner 
• Why systems need to collaborate in order to thrive 
• Different levels of freedom through the lens of “We” versus “I” 
• Example questions to clarify misunderstandings and acknowledge your partner’s perspective

Resources Mentioned

• Alan Watts recordings on Spotify 

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

We’ve found that getting stuck in our familiar victim mindset patterns often stops us from achieving the goals and desires that we deeply hold in our hearts. So, what can we do from a psychological perspective to get out of our own way? In this episode, we share the different tools and modalities that we personally use to address challenging imprints from childhood that can cause unwanted results. 

We’ve found that doing this victim mentality healing inside of a partnership is especially helpful for discovering blindspots and unconscious behaviors. We all hold core stories about who we are and what’s possible for our lives, but we don’t often stop to think about where those beliefs come from. 

In our conversation, we break down some real-life examples that we’ve experienced recently. We describe breakthroughs that we’ve had with EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), psychedelic-assisted therapy, and PACT couples therapy. We highlight some of the key elements of trauma work and ways to safely explore your past. We also discuss the connection that these inquiries have with liberation, success, and goal-setting. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Identifying a victim mentality and developing a healthy relationship with that perspective 
• Understanding why we self-sabotage and fall off track with our goals 
• Clues that we use to see how our history affects our present actions 
• How doing trauma work has unlocked growth and opportunities for us
• Tools to become more aligned with inspiring goals and aspirations 

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

What do you do when your core connection and trust in your desire is called into question? We’ve all had experiences that have rocked our foundations, perhaps the loss of a loved one, an unwelcome career change, or in our case recently, the unexpected damage and demolition of our dream home. In this episode, we explore the idea of faith in the spiritual context and discuss what we do when we’re feeling disconnected from that higher power. 

In previous episodes, we’ve mentioned the lengthy remodel we did on our house this past year. The whole process had us second-guessing our desire and intuition, and ultimately required us to have faith that the universe was throwing us challenges so that we could really savor the beauty on the other side. That doesn’t mean, though, that there weren't many days where we spiraled into victimhood. 

We share ways that we create mental space for new solutions and perspectives when life feels like a constant uphill battle. We talk about having a mature relationship with desire and navigating that middle ground between fantasy and completely ignoring your inner calling. We also pose some questions to consider in your end-of-year reflection. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• What’s getting in the way of having faith on a daily basis 
• Our experience of desire and faith through the lens of our home 
• Strategies for getting back in touch with your faith 
• Taking responsibility for your experience 
• Prompts to guide your understanding of faith and desire 

Resources Mentioned:

• Life Between Lives by Michael Newton
• Many Lives, Many Masters by Brian L. Weiss   

Get in Touch: 

• Art Of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

One of the foundational elements for us as individuals and within our relationship is to take a stand for our mission and vision. In this episode, we explore the long-term goals that we have for our careers and marriage. 

There’s a deep emotional commitment required for making your dreams come true. That drive often directs your action, communication, and mindset. Since we opened the Integrative Psychiatry Institute four years ago, we’ve been focused on scaling in a way that doesn't sacrifice quality. Within our personal lives, our anchor has been the vision for our securely-attached, mission-based partnership. 

But, there are also seasons where you might feel like you’re in a defense mode and simply trying to survive. We discuss some of the tools and questions that have been helpful in getting us back on course and re-connected to a central vision and mission. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• What it means for us to take a stand 
• Having the courage to claim your orientation and commitment to your mission 
• The question that radically changed how Will takes a stand for diminishing the limitations in mental health care 
• Powerful thought downloads that we’ve experienced around this topic 
• What the world needs now for humanity to heal and get to the next level of wellness 

Resources Mentioned

• If you want to dive in deeper into these conversations, we do have a download on our website that can give you more questions. Go to kristavanderveer.com to check out that resource. 

Get in Touch: 

• Art of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

One of the greatest gifts we can give somebody is to generously listen to them. When we tune in for the contribution, value, or lesson of what someone is saying, we create a new level of commitment and presence.

So often, people compose their responses while the other person is talking. Instead of listening with curiosity and intention, we put up unconscious filters and get distracted. By practicing generous listening, you can open up more possibilities and deeper understanding in your conversations. In this episode, we work through a live example of an emotionally-charged topic to demonstrate how generous listening provides space for vulnerable, restorative discussions. 

We also look at this methodology through the lens of parenthood, especially with teenagers and young adults. We explore the profound impact that generous listening has had on our relationship and our ability to assume positive intent with each other. Listen in to learn more about taking yourself off autopilot and becoming a more present listener. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Examples of listening filters that we have 
• Tuning into the physical and emotional cues that you need to listen generously
• Where Krista has found some of the greatest insights and gems in this practice
• Taking responsibility for the impact of your listening 
• What to do when you get distracted in a conversation 
• Recognizing when you’re being a stingy listener 

Resources Mentioned

• Download our “3 Game Changing Conversations For Couples” guide at kristavanderveer.com 
• Learn more about The Collaborative Way 

Get in Touch: 

• Art of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

Our comings and goings were some of the most challenging moments in our relationship, so it's really important for us to have a moment of actual contact and presence with each other before we leave each other. And when we come together, when we re-dock, we intentionally have a moment of actual presence, setting everything else aside.  In this episode, we talk with you about things that help us stay connected and move things forward in our lives. We discuss how we achieve and maintain this depth of connection that we're accustomed to and that we have come to expect from each other.

There's something really important to us about continually going back to presence and going back to the deeper listening of what is going on, in our beings and in our souls and trying to make contact with the deepest level of creative desire. It doesn't come so easily when we don’t stick to our routine, but keeping it in place, gives us the freedom to explore our connection consistently. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• The times in our lives we are more rigid and the times when we go with the flow
• Our tactics for staying connected to each other as we come and go
• Our day, night and annual routines
• Our favourite journal and gratitude prompts
• Our skin time practice
• Checking in with our goals and how we reassess them 

Resources Mentioned

• Stan Tatkin - The Pact Institute
• Dan Go - High Performance Coach & Personal Trainer: @fitfounder
• The Crown - Netflix
• Breathe Right Nasal Strips
• 7 Areas of Life to Empower - Dr John Demartini

Get in Touch: 

• Art of We website
• Art of We Instagram 
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

In the episode, we break down our interpretation of “the We” and how we hold it. This concept really helps us show up as better partners, stay grounded in our vows, and bring things forward that we might not expect. 

We share what it looks like to take mutual responsibility for the health of our connection and provide examples of how we use “the We” perspective in other relationships besides our marriage and business partnership. 

This practice gives us the chance to look at situations from a bird’s eye view, especially when we get caught up in the minutiae of daily life and the stressors of being in a growth season. In our conversion, we explore how we bring this sort of awareness to our relationships with our co-founders and team members. 

Because we have a larger mission for the world, our understanding of “the We” within the container of our business is so important for seeing that vision through. Will also shares his advice for anyone thinking about going into business partnership and/or stepping into a leadership position. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• Why we believe that we can achieve more together than we can on our own 
• Finding win-win-win solutions 
• Actively engaging and tending to “the We”
• Reducing polarity in your relationships 
• Building your capacity as a leader 

Get in Touch: 

• Krista’s Website
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram
• Art of We Instagram 

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly. 

The framework of our vows keeps us grounded and willing to engage in conversations that can be challenging or uncomfortable. In this episode, we explore our vow to live from the knowing that we both win from each other’s successes. We dive into the essence of being for each other's success, how we challenge and support each other to grow, and describe what this practice could look like in the workplace. 

The foundation of being for each other’s success requires really knowing your partner, their life goals, and your collaborative aspirations. We define what success means for us in the context of a partnership and contemplate situations when it’s hardest and easiest to support each other in pursuing our goals. We also touch on how we work through feelings of fear, scarcity, and competition when they come up. 

This vow can also be viewed through the lens of friendships and working relationships. Part of being for someone’s success in a professional setting is understanding when it’s time to let them go so they can find a position or company that’s better suited for their expertise and values. Listen in to hear more of our conversation on what it means to really support someone in their pursuit of success. 

Listen to the episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or on your favorite podcast platform. 

Topics Covered:

• One of the ways that we like to show up for each other’s success 
• A pattern that we’re working through around this concept 
• Making the commitment to authentically participate in challenging, honest conversations 
• Overcoming the subtle fear that you might experience when your partner accomplishes a goal 
• Rerouting the default coping mechanism to choose false independence when we’re stressed 
• How you can actually fire somebody as an expression of being for their success

Resources Mentioned

• The Collaborative Way 

Get in Touch: 

• Krista’s Website
• Integrative Psychiatry Institute
• Krista’s Instagram
• Will’s Instagram
• Art of We Instagram 

Rate, Review & Follow on Apple Podcasts: 

If you want to show your support for this show, please consider rating and reviewing The Art of We on Apple Podcasts. To do that, open the Apple Podcasts app and search for The Art of We. Scroll to the bottom of the package and rate with 5 stars. Let us know your favorite part of the show by clicking “Write a Review.” While you’re at it, follow the show so you can get the latest episode delivered to your phone weekly.