We all know the sorry story of running out of closet space...and the hunt for a construction company THAT WILL NOT HAVE ANY IDEA THEY ARE BUILDING MORE CLOSETS FOR YOUR LATEST VICTIMS  (if you happen to be a serial killer!) It's a pain, they never arrive on time (they're like the cable guy) AND, they usually blast really crappy music while working!

Welcome to our next episode in our serial killer series, and Bluebeard, that old goat who had the temerity to murder every single one of his wives, after setting them up for failure! (Jerk!)

Now might be a nice time to read about H.H. Holmes, the notorious serial killer detailed in "The Devil in the White City" who hired contractors over and over to design his murder castle in Chicago. No one company knew the true design of the place, so Holmes could have all the secret chambers he wanted. (Jerk!) A real life Bluebeard, he killed as many as 200, but only 9 have been confirmed.

If you want to watch a HILARIOUS movie about waiting for the Cable Guy, watch "Delirious" starring John Candy!

Looks like someone already beat us to the John Wayne Gacy musical, courtesy of the Tech Players of Tennessee, titled "Crawlspace." DAMMIT!!

And here's a lovely article about how "The Arabian Nights" is somewhat akin to Bluebeard, but only kinda sorta!

And here's a question I need answered...did anyone hear the squirrel run across their roof last night while in bed? We're still looking!

Welcome to our first tale, the tale of the Huldra, lovingly and painstakingly extricated from THE VAULT. Every once in awhile we here at the pod will send someone (the weakest link of course because some of our interns DO NOT return from their journey to the VAULT and of course we are trying to figure out where they go, but it's still a mystery! and yes, OSHA is involved and so are the local pest exterminators but as of yet, we have NO IDEA where the heck they are!)

Anyhoo, these stories have been found all over the world by our intrepid explorers...and sent by AIRMAIL to our base in a tunnel in one of the world's mountains. (Post Payable on Delivery) We are committed to protecting and ensuring that these voices and tales are not lost, and so we are bringing them to you!

This particular tale is recited by Caterina Lilliehöök, author of THE POLAR SAGA, which you can check out here!  From Caterina's website, "Born and raised in Sweden, Catarina Lilliehöök is a former freelance journalist, and the author of two China books. Though the cold north still teases, and as a native Swede she has a long-standing interest in her home country’s most prominent ethnic minority; the Sámi people. Beyond slanted temple roofs, northern lights and reindeer offer a constant source of inspiration. She currently lives in Switzerland, surrounded by tall daring mountains and deep mossy forests. The perfect gateway—to Other Worlds. Where rivers have no names and dragons rule the sky." In other words, the perfect human to share a story of the Huldra!

Despite what you think about amphibians turning into gorgeous love nuggets, the princess in most of these folktales is seriously a WANKER. She's spoiled, she's an ass, and in general, an insufferable jerk! (I really do think she needs some frontier justice, but that's just me and my kink talking!) But here at THE BEAST we thought we would dial up the romance with this little ditty by Jimmie Hudson!

The DEETS:

Performer: JIMMIE HUDSON

Writer: Leon Rene

And here is an article about all the pathetic reasons we fall in love with ANYTHING!

Finally, here is an article wondering whether animals fall in love with each other...I personally feel that we won't know the answer to that until we witness love-bombing between animals, stalking, and all the other deranged behaviors that homo sapiens engage in when feeling paranoid about their partner, insecure, and all the rest of it!

And in case I disappear, I do want to let you know that the squirrel has been giving me the EYE lately, so perhaps, just perhaps, the squirrel has fallen in, at the very least, extreme LIKE with me! (if it's true he'll be easier to trap!) (and by "trap" I don't mean in a terribly horrible relationship where the power dynamics are woefully out of whack, I mean a literal cage!)

WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE TO BE SLEEPING BEAUTY POST-COVID? Well, we still have singing fairies and happy mice, but you can bet your bottom dollar that that Prince is going to arrive with hand sanitizer (I mean, who knows what kind of animals have been walking all over her since her stint in the woods) and a whole lotta gloves and masks...and I don't blame him! You know who I do blame? Her parents, because parents are the root cause of most of the BS in this world!

STATION BREAK: We are not responsible for the words coming out of the mouth of this person!^^^ AND NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING!

Anyhoo, before I was rudely interrupted, I just wanted to tell you that we get all of these precious recordings from https://archive.org/ Go check it out! I'm sure you'll find something to float your boat!

BLAST FROM THE PAST - Check this out, the Medieval Version of Sleeping Beauty, and it's pretty GRIMM (see what I did there?)

And here are a whole collection of different versions of the Sleeping Beauty story!

And here are assorted images from Pook Press with Sleeping Beauty looking lovely and VERY, VERY TIRED!

WHO DOESN'T LOVE A MEET CUTE???? ESP WHEN IT INCLUDES A FROG, OR GOAT, OR SOME OTHER ANIMAL THAT WE THINK SHOULD NOT BE KISSING US?

Yes, this week we deal with all sorts of animals and creatures that just don't measure up to our parent's standards (at least when it comes to marriage, because for eating our parents are all too ready to put these animals in the pot, or oven, as it were!) We talk magic, we talk spells, we talk just what kinda ordeals people (or frogs) have to go through to prove their worth! But guess what? In almost every case, these slimy and furry friends transform into kiss-worthy and bed-worthy mates! (I mean, thank god for that!)

We talk Rapunzel, the worst meet-cutes of all time, Amor and Psyche (yeah, I didn't know who these guys were either, thank god for Tantri's massive intellect) and just how hairy (see what I did there) the road to love can become! This is one case where a straight line will NOT get you where you need to go!

Bridget Jones Diary, a classic of the meet-cute, rom-com genre where Hugh Grant is the wolf, and Colin Firth (sigh) is the Woodsman. "What a big axe you have!"

My fave rom-com: Practical Magic, which I love, but some people say suck, but I say to those people "suck on this, bitches!" AND GUESS WHAT? They're coming out with another movie with the delicious LEE PACE, and what more evidence do we need that this Universe has our backs?

Check out this movie with Tom Hanks and Darryl Hannah, SPLASH, which will delight your frigid hearts, and remind you that the last century had way better movies, in every single way. This is "The Little Mermaid" as seen through the eyes of the crazy and wild '80's, which I hope are someday going to come back, fashion wise.

And finally, this article from "The Live Wire" and written by Madelyn Johnson, about fairy tales as rom-coms and the negative aspects when these two join...read that here!

AGAIN, IF YOU RATE AND REVIEW US, WE WILL KISS YOUR GOAT. (and that is not a euphemism, if you own a goat we will find it and kiss it!)

PSA: the squirrel has escaped containment, and has been heard in the ducts of your building. A team is on it's way!

Herein lies the history of the werewolf...maybe. Possibly. Or MAYBE she's making it all up! BUT, no matter how you feel about this furry excursion into the history of the werewolf, it does make some sense. Or does it? This time I'll let you be the judge!

All our found audio comes from https://archive.org/ Check it out when you have a chance!

For your reading pleasure, here is an article on HOW/WHY the full moon might make us a bit squirrely!

Here is a compilation of early werewolf films. EAT YOUR HEART OUT!

And here is a list of the top 25 werewolf effects in movies. Don't forget to turn out the lights, Beasts!

See you soon ya filthy animals!

Grab your popcorn and your sodas everyone, because today we're bringing you a tale called, "The Lay of the Werewolf."

And before everyone's brains get dragged down into the sewer, the word lay, according to the Interweb, is defined this way: "The Old French word lai, which was adopted into English as lay, most commonly means a short narrative poem or song of romance and adventure." So there, drag yourselves out of the dirty dirty muck you were temporarily oozing around in!

Here are the deets for you nerds who actually want to learn anything:

"The Lay of the Werewolf" by Marie de France

Presented by Voices of Today

This short story is one of twelve medieval romances from the Lays of Marie de France. It tells the tale of the Bisclavret, a werewolf from the old days of Brittany. This is a story of secresy, betrayal, and perhaps even forbidden love - there has been much speculation that the werewolf in this story is an extended metaphor for homosexuality, and there may be more to his wife's rejection of him, and his deep bond with the king later on, than meets the eye. DUH DUH DUH....(cue the dramatic music!)

Narrator: Leanne Yau

Lord/Werewolf: Andy Harrington

Wife: PJ Morgan

King: David Shears

Counsellor: Tomas Peter

Audio edited by Leanne Yau

Here is a Wiki on just who Marie de France was...scandalous likely poet!

And from Xtra Mag, a follow up on Bisclavret and his escapades!

ANYONE WANT A SIDE OF FAVA BEANS WITH YOUR CHIANTI?

I know, it's an old quotation, but I just couldn't help myself! (and for those of you who obvs don't have a life, watch "Silence of the Wolves," cough, cough, I mean, "Silence of the Lambs", and you'll finally belong amongst us) And you wanna know why? Because this time we're discussing the notorious serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer and HOW HE IS A WEREWOLF! (cannibalism and other assorted demented ways of being are discussed in this episode so steel your poor, dead heart!)

But seriously, I'm kinda feeling sorry for werewolves everywhere, being compared to this man, but we went there, so there you are, and here we are, so get to listening! And really, it's not that bad, is it? I mean, we're currently living in a world so sideways that somedays I'm not really sure I'm standing upright, if you get my meaning!

Some additional sidenotes for you, which are VERY DIFFERENT from side-eye, so just do your homework!

Check out this series called MINDHUNTER with the ever so easy-on-the-eyes Jonathan Groff!

Here's a link to the most notorious and devilish serial killer of them all: JACK THE RIPPER AND HIS WIKI

A little article about clinical lycanthropy, where YOU BELIEVE you are a werewolf...which is kinda cool when you think about it!

In Scotland King James just couldn't shut the F up about werewolves, as you'll read in this article, here! (King James said that they were the result of people being sad, so you see what happens when there's no Prozac?) Read below, if you dare, and if you can figure out just what the heck they were saying:

"Thaire hes indeid bene ane aulde opinion of siclyke thingis for by the greekis thay uaire callid likanthropoy quhilke signifies men uolfis but to tell you simple my opinion in this, gif any sicc thing hes bene I tak it to haue proceidit but of ane naturall superabundance of melancholie" (and no Prozac)

And finally, there's this incredible Insta post and werewolf song - combined with a sweet little werewolf movie in remembrance of Michael Hurley. 

Thanks for listening all you ghouls and gremlins...and REMEMBER TO RATE AND REVIEW THIS STRANGE AND PATHETIC POD OF OURS!

Oh, and do try to avoid the flying squirrel, as his lice has proven to be very catching!

Listen in on a very inverted tale-ONE TOLD BY THE STORY LADY WHO SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY BONKERS-and might need some help, just in general, in the world!

And then...the sweet serenade by Freddy Sateriale and his Orchestra. A graduate of Boston College, "The Heights," BC's student newspaper,  had this to say about their somewhat famous alumnae, "Well-known to Boston College socialities for his fine past performances at school dances, Freddie is now in the process of making himself known to the music world in general, and he's getting plenty of help along the way. Such prominent masters in the art of disc-twirling as Fred B. Cole, Bob Clayton, Art Tacker and Jay McMasters, to mention only a few, have grabbed up Fred's slick recording and are beaming it out in all directions over their respective air waves."

Freddy was clearly kicking some ass!

Whatever happened to Freddy is not clear...a deeper dive on the Interweb led to some very dark and dusty corners, but no answers. However, to listen to a few more of Freddy's confections, click here! IT DOES NOT SUCK, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING! (not sure what it's saying, but not sucking is a THING y'all!)

HEY BABES AND BITCHES!

*Please note that this demented episode was produced and directed by the rabid squirrel that currently lives rent free in my attic*

This tall tale is what happens when Goldilocks becomes what so many influencers are becoming today, entitled, narcissistic and completely boring. Listen if you dare...to find out how a DREAM GIRL becomes a NIGHTMARE! Starring Leslie Ash as Goldilocks and directed by Jessica Dromgoole.

Watch this depiction of a manic pixie dream girl as played by Natalie Portman in "Garden State." Her character has a bit better boundaries that our girl, but it's debatable at this point!

And from Wiki, just what we mean by the "Goldilocks Zone!" Educate yourself plebians! (see? The squirrel is an ass!)

And here's an image from the front of a children's book, where Goldilocks looks like she's either A.) sitting on a wet mop, or B.) wants to eat your face.

Hasta la vista everyone!

AND PLEASE RATE AND REVIEW FOR THE LOVE OF NUTS!!