The Beer Engine

When we don’t talk beer on this show we normally Seltzy, but today it’s about cocktails. We also spend some time being grumpy old men - is 40 the new 80? Of course, there is some Cobra Kai talk, because we are old men trying to relive our youth. And Brian Mollica tells a story involving Reebok Pumps and a Vasectomy in only the way he can.

Well, you won’t believe it, but I waited until the last minute to write the show notes again. And I’m on my damn vacation checking out all of Tony’s recommendations! The racist anti-masker mead guy was chasing me down the street and I remembered I had to write these. Now, what did we get into? I think Tony, fresh off his latest gig planning the unmasked wedding of some political operatives, was drinking some hazy IPA (wow?!). Then, we tried out the old “Segment in a Segment” concept with a Stupid Beer Tricks version of HBNDSN. 57% beers, bubble gum ale, and year old crowlers, wow that is all very stupid. Finally. Tony slips and falls into the well again, and this time, he might be stuck there for a week. OK it’s done. I can get back to chilling out and drinking cherry wine!

After 25 episodes together, you’d expect that the boys would have formed some chemistry and are producing some well-organized and flowing content. Well instead you’re getting whatever this was! Fan-favorite Kelly joins the show to talk all things pumpkin spice. Tony, with a clean bill of health from his time in Sturgis (which I believe was one million years ago) is deeply confused by this decorative American fruit. Tony coincidentally also has low Vitamin A levels. Yeah just like his damn report card right?! Moving on, with Kelly around, Pastrybot couldn’t keep his grubby and very cold hands out of this episode as he writes today’s version of “Two Brews and a Lie.” Beep boop beep boop, activate comedy!! ERROR: COMEDY NOT FOUND activate confusion (y/n)? 

Season one of the Beer Engine Podcast comes to an end in a star-studded finale. On this very special episode, Tony "McCloskey" straps on his beanie and wraps his hands around cold steel while Griff does some of his whining about labor injustice. Then, the boys pat themselves on the back for 25 episodes with a half-assed segment that includes an "honorable mention." Of course we couldn't let the season come to an end without a game, as Griff puts Tony to the test with a special edition of "This, That or the Other Thing!" On this show, we respect the bocks!!!

Ah ha! You again! Now that we have got you cornered in our underground secret lair, you must listen to an episode of our podcast, (sinister laugh)! Today, Tony serves up Mich Ultras to Antifa Ultras, Surly puts 20 years of goodwill into the toilet and Griff "comes up" with the laziest game of all time. Also, lager and stout are discussed at length (ed note: we do this every episode, Griff you don't really need to mention it).

We have heard the cries from our fans. "When are you guys gonna put out more seltzer content?" "I don't know which seltzer to buy, should I just buy whatever Pitbull likes?" Gang, this is the episode for you. After Griff goes on a Pro-Labor tirade, the guys shift to their two favorite topics - macro-seltzer and barrel-aged barleywine. Then, Two Brews is back as Tony battles through a macro/micro seltzer brain-buster. Pairs best with friends!

The Beer Engine children are at it again. Time for Dad to come lay the smackdown. “Hey, you little rats, quit doing that! What are you doing with my wallet? Why does my credit card have a $1,000 charge from 'eBay - Breweriana and Collectibles?' And why can’t either of you form a coherent thought yet? You’re in your mid-30s and you’ve done 20-something episodes!” Our podcast dad Brian Mollica comes on to give the boys a piece of his mind about the “news of the day” in the beer world: expensive glassware, brewery expulsions and seltzies! Plus, a bathroom experience that is probably fit for a brewery at closing time. Make rocket go now!

Listen I know. Write the show notes on Monday night, I get it! But I forgot again and waited until the last possible second. Oh well, you'll never, ever know...oh oops. Anyway, on another special episode of the Beer Engine - Tony finally gets recognized by his countrymen, Griff plans his big day out, and Tony's long nights studying roller coaster names finally pays off when the guys play "This, That or the Other Thing, This or That Edition." I guess there are world famous roller coasters, who would have thought?!

♪♪ Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to me. Hey, Griff write the dang show notes. On your birthday for me! ♪♪ And many mooooooore (shows) ! Tony is cracking the whip again and it's because, as we announce on this special episode of the Beer Engine, he's now part of the ruling class of beer. Congrats, Tony! Anyway, also on this edition, the guys talk over their Instagram comments and do some mental gymnastics to envision who these nice people might be. Then, Tony tells us more about one of his famous cardboard glasses, Griff plans out his birthday drinking, and the boys play a special Birthday-themed round of "Untrappd." Will Tony be able to lift himself up from ½ way to Hell back to 3/8ths? 

OK, OK! Stop banging your fork and knife on the table and screaming. We’ll give you more content if you’re so damn hungry. Here, take it! Today on a special edition of the Beer Engine, Griff apologizes for past misdeeds, Tony hooks up with a demon and the guys go adjunct heavy on some berliners and barleywines. Then, the $250 cup scandal is given it’s airtime as mandated by the Midwest Beer Podcast Association (MBPA - thanks to those guys for their support). Finally, Tony gives a VERY thorough breakdown of the returning NBA season and the boys put their money where Tony’s mouth is. Yeah, it’s in a demon, amirite! (That’s a callback and you guys probably wouldn’t get it unless you are certified comedy professionals.)