The Cannon Canon

It was bound to happen sooner or later and unfortunately, it happened sooner. One single Cannon film has broken the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) and that movie is Roman Polanski's trash fire of a film, "PIRATES". Enduring the pain of this movie with us this week is Dave Schilling (Full Court Chat)! We all eat the rat on this one. Good luck! 

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HOT DOG!!! On this episode, the Cannon Bros (Frank & Geoff) get Stockholm Syndrome watching 1986's FIREWALKER starring Chuck "Molasses 2x4" Norris, Lou "Iron Eagle" Gossett Jr and Melody "Flash! AH, AH!" Anderson. So much to cover in this adventure, action-comedy! Shockingly short production turnaround times! Misleading Fonts! "Dead People Sleeping"! Stomped on Comedic Timing! Paul Rodriguez Punch Ups! Moving Eye Patches and Problematic Catch-All Casting! If the gold isn't here, then it's somewhere else! But it's all gold on The Cannon Canon, baby!!!

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GAWAINNNNN!!! On this episode of The Cannon Canon, special guest Jon Gabrus (High & Mighty, Action Boyz) joins the Cannon Bros to discuss a Cannon take on an Arthurian legend...kind of...maybe??? Whatever it is, it's certainly, "Sword of the Valiant: The Legend of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight". From sex witches turn ceramic frogs, to floppy horned unicorns to Sean Connery's green chest hair, just try to keep up with a plot so needlessly complicated that it would confuse a 4th level Dungeon Master. We cover SO much that we forgot to even mention that crazy detached Connery head! To quote Friar Vosper, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"

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Dog will hunt! Today on The Cannon Canon, Michael Berdan (Uniform) joins the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank & Geoff) to debate the good, the bad, and the repetitive of 1986's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2! Lefty rejects redemption, bodies from the first film used like furniture and muppets, Bill Moseley turns Geoff's stomach, Frank gets homesick for Texas, the impracticality of chainsaws as weapons and SO much more!  OH, OUR ACHIN' BANANA! What an episode! 

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DUDIKOFF BABY!!!! "Avenging Force" might be the most Cannon-y Cannon films in the history of Cannon Films and the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are sticking it where the sun don't shine (audibly speaking and into your earholes, of course)! Is it a sequel to "Invasion U.S.A"? Is it almost too prescient of our current times? Are Frank and Geoff jealous of Michael Dudikoff and Steve James' friendship? Is that John P. Ryan's real guttural demonic scream? Which Build a Bear killer costume would we choose? And DID SO MANY KIDS NEED TO DIE?!?!?! So many questions, you could discretely fit them into a baby crib, it's...."Avenging Force!"

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Runaway Train never going back. But the Cannon Canon Bros (Frank and Geoff) are back...to talk about the THREE-TIME OSCAR NOMINATED Cannon Film "Runaway Train" with our special guest Mike Pace (Mike Pace and the Child Actors, The Oxford Collapse, Worst Gig Ever). We revel in all of the insane acting choices in this Cannon Film that many consider to be, "the good one". From your mama's farthole, to eatin' anchovies, to finding some shoes. We cover every aspect of "Runaway Train" like it's gold! "THAT'S GOOD!"

Do you think Manny ever found that bathroom in the end?

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EEEEVVVVIIILLLLL! Use your Mom's red stockings as a mask and take some giant pills, because The Cannon Canon bros (aka Frank and Geoff) are back and breaking down the "Punk"/"New Wave" "holiday" horror film New Year's Evil!  Weirdo sons overcoming nepotism! Accurate representations of the LAPD! Death by weed bag!  Colorady! Morose Liquor Store transactions! Punks shuffle loud! Judas Priest takes a nap! Subtle 3 Stooges ADR! Bob Hope lookin' Stan Laurel masks! It's almost as good as the main theme which is definitely not punk. All that don’t mean doodly dee squat if you miss out on this one! You're in sh*# city.

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No better time to watch people sweating and holding hands while screaming in each other faces!  That's right, we're guzzlin' Valvoline and talkin' about the Brut stench of Sylvester Stallone's "Over The Top" with special guest Andrew Ti (Yo, Is This Racist?; Mixed-ish). From what a bad dad Stallone's character is, to the jerkiness of the Razzies, to why we should all listen to Loggia and drink our orange juice. We're flippin' that cap around and helping you go...Over The Top! Just don't go running in traffic on us, Ok?! 

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DUDIKOFF BABY! The Cannon Canon bros get into our first American Ninja and our first Michael Dudikoff film. That's right. He's American...and a ninja?! We go through it all! Dudikoff's James Dean stares, not so stealthy motorcycle escapes, Jackson's practicality and badassery, ALF's neighbor is HIGHLY flammable and lazer ninja hands?! Listen to this episode and you will finally exclaim "HE IS A NINJA!"

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BRONSON IS BACK! Sigh. And he is fighting Mormons? And he ISN'T a detective? And he has multiple bulky leather jackets? Well, the Cannon Bros aka Frank and Geoff are here to guide you through this ridiculous mess one Bronson impression at a time. And by the end you will agree that Bronson is the Dave Barry of Cannon Films. 

You'll definitely have an 80's Taco Bell craving after this one. 

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