Is it a Christian's duty to be "dumped on"? Surely there are times when we must recognize the need to say, "Enough!” Maybe you are in that kind of situation at this time.

If you've extra-miled it, and you've been giving not only your cloak but your whole wardrobe away, it's time to stop and ask yourself how many extra miles you should go. Jesus doesn't call us to be doormats, to simply lay down and allow people to run over us. And if you just let it continue, you'll lose respect for yourself, others will lose respect for you, and eventually you'll explode somewhere to someone inappropriately.

But as you think about your own particular situation, the first question you must honestly answer is "Did I go the first extra mile?” In this society, where we fight tooth and nail for our individual rights, being dumped on is not acceptable in any measure. But Matthew 5 teaches us this principle of doing more than is asked of us, more than others would say is necessary. Whatever form that extra mile takes, we've got to travel the extra mile first, before we take any other action.

For those of you who are extra-milers, I want to thank you and I want to encourage you not to quit. Address the out-of-control situations that exist—yes—but don't crawl back into that shell of "I'll just do what I have to and nothing more."

There's no question that it's possible to go too many extra miles, to become a doormat and allow that treatment to make you bitter and angry. And with that attitude, it's impossible to truly love and care about others and to share the love of Christ with the people in our worlds.

But we must remember that we are called to be servants, and sometimes that requires allowing others to "dump on us.” Jesus certainly practiced that principle, and he warned us that in this world we will suffer persecution. But be encouraged, he said, because he has overcome the world.

Been dumped on lately? While there are times when we are called on to endure unfair treatment patiently and wait for God's timing, there are also times when we know that God would have us take some kind of a stand against this kind of treatment.

If you feel you're in that position, after much prayer and patience, then remember these guidelines:

Don't take assertive, confrontational action when you're emotional, upset, angry, or tired.

Don’t confront someone else's behavior when others are present. Do it privately.

Plan your approach. Write it out ahead of time so that you choose your words carefully. Even though you're not going to read your speech, by writing it out you will choose your words much more carefully. Take a few notes with you to help you remember.

Soften the blow. Choose words that will not cause a defensive reaction on the part of the other person, as much as you possibly can. Try not to issue ultimatums. "Sweetness of speech increases persuasiveness," as we read in Proverbs 15, so make your words as palatable as

Don't talk about the situation to everyone else. Keep this between you and the person you're confronting as much as possible. Be careful not to get in a mode of maligning and degrading that person to others.

Try to create a "win-win" atmosphere in your conversation. Point out the benefits for everyone involved.

Be sure your timing is right. Avoid very busy days or times when the other person is upset or tired or preoccupied with other things.

Most importantly, give this decision much prayer and seek counsel from trusted advisors.

Remember, when we are emotionally involved in a situation, it can be difficult for us to see the    forest because we're looking at the trees. We sometimes need the perspective of others who are more objective.

What should a Christian do when being dumped on? We've seen that Jesus sets out principles for us in Matthew 5 that teach us to be willing to be dumped on at times—turn the other check, give your coat as well as your shirt, go the extra mile. But does that mean that we are supposed to endure unfair, unjust treatment without end?

Let's look at those principles in Matthew 5 again. It seems to me that while Jesus is teaching us to turn the other cheek and go the extra mile, he is also teaching us that there are limits. He said if someone strikes you, turn your other cheek, but he didn't say lay down on the ground and let him run over you with a truck. He said if you're sued for a tunic, give a cloak as well, but he didn't say to throw in your whole wardrobe. He said if you're asked to go one mile, go two, but he didn't say go fifteen extra miles.

But how do we know the difference? Well, one way is through prayer. Begin by asking God for clear guidance, pray for the people involved, pray for patience and endurance, and pray that God will be glorified through the situation. That will change your perspective and keep you from running ahead of God's plan. Remember, he's working in the background, doing things you'd never dream of, but you can trust him explicitly.

Another way we can determine when enough is enough is to determine if we are actually doing the other person a disservice by allowing him or her to continue to dump on us. There are points at which going too many extra miles would be wrong for others as well as for ourselves—the point at which we become enablers of their evil behavior.

If you're being dumped on right now, ask yourself: Am I allowing this person to get by with behavior that is detrimental not only to me but to others as well? By continuing to be dumped on, am I reinforcing this poor behavior in this other person? And is this situation causing me to become bitter or burned out or resentful so that my testimony is damaged?

Maybe you're in a situation where it's now time to take some action. Certainly we see examples in Scripture, even of our Lord, when godly people took strong stands against unfair and unjust treatment, but not for their sakes alone. I find this to be a clear principle by example in the Bible, that when we take assertive stands simply for our own advantage, we are acting selfishly and usually in anger. However, when we take assertive action to right a wrong, to take a stand against sin or evil, for the sake of righteousness more than to vent our frustration, then we are acting in accordance with biblical principles.

Is someone taking unfair advantage of you? I can't think of anything more frustrating and humiliating, can you? What is an appropriate Christian response when you find yourself being dumped on?

Jesus set out principles in Matthew 5 of allowing people to take advantage of us. Let me give you one example that happened to a friend of mine on her job. She took a new position within her organization, and she encountered a coworker who tried to advance herself at my friend's expense. This coworker began a campaign of lies and treacheries in order to make herself look good while making my friend look bad. This coworker played the political games and worked her way into the confidence of management, convincing them that my friend was not doing her job.

My friend really struggled with this, because she always tried to make her job performance reflect her love for Jesus, and the lies were damaging her reputation. She found it impossible to defend herself because it was her coworker's word against hers. For two years she endured this situation, constantly seeking God's wisdom. And each time she prayed, the Lord gave her the same answer: "Wait.” Now, that's not the answer we want to hear when someone is dumping on us, is it?

But during this period, my friend determined to pray for her attacker and let the Lord defend her. After two years this coworker became seriously ill and my friend was left to do the job alone. After four months her boss nominated her as Employee of the Month for the entire very large department. He came to understand what kind of an employee my friend truly was, and she was totally vindicated. No one dumped on her after that.

So, you see, sometimes God is working behind the scenes, and when we desire to obey him and live by the principles of Matthew 5, we open up great avenues of blessing that God can pour on us.

If you're being dumped on right now, before you do anything to correct it or get out of it or get your pound of flesh, will you first do what my friend did and pray to God for guidance. Instead of begging him to change the situation, ask him to work his will in it, both for you and everyone involved. Ask him to teach you what you need to learn through this ordeal. Give him permission to keep you in that predicament as long as it can bring glory to him. And then, let go and wait for his direction. You'll know when it's time to take action.

I received a question from a listener who asked: "What is a loving Christian way of dealing with work issues in which one feels 'dumped on'?” She went on to say that as a nurse, she occasionally works charge duty, a job no one really likes. Because others protest their turn at being charge nurse for the shift, she ends up working far more than she should. She said, "It's high pressure, very tiring and I find myself getting angry at the inequity. How should one address such a grievance—short of simply burning out and quitting?"

Well, she poses a good question: Are Christians supposed to be doormats? This is what Jesus said in Matthew 5:

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.  And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles” (Matthew 5:38-41).

It might be easy to read this passage and think that Jesus is teaching us to let people take advantage of us. Is that true? Well, I think the answer has to be "yes.” To turn the other cheek, to relinquish your rights, to voluntarily do more than is demanded is, in the world's perspective, to allow others to take advantage of you. And most people have a difficult time swallowing that pill.

But one of the distinguishing marks we bear as Christians in a world consumed with getting what's coming to them and taking care of number one, is a willingness to go the extra mile, even to the point of someone taking advantage of us.

In studying Genesis, I was reminded of how Isaac was taken advantage of. He dug some wells that his father, Abraham, had dug and then his enemy came along and said, "Hey, that's our well. Move on.” That happened to him twice, and he could have started a war over the wells; he certainly had a right to those wells and had done all the dirty work to dig them. I imagine the enemy thought he was a pushover because he refused to fight for his wells.

But eventually God gave him the best well in the best location, and blessed him abundantly, much more than his enemies. Isaac was willing to wait on God's timing and purpose, even if it meant being dumped on.

Is someone dumping on you? Ask God to give you patience and endurance to withstand it with gentleness. But maybe not forever.

The first woman I’d like you to meet is a woman who was not—as far as we know—a believer in the true God. She was not Jewish but rather Persian. In fact, she was married to the Persian King Ahasuerus, who was a wimpy, weak, narcissistic man. Most Christians are familiar with the story of Esther—the courageous Jewish Queen who God used to save her people. But what about her predecessor, Queen Vashti? Do you know her story? It’s in the first chapter of the book of Esther.

In a drunken stupor and at the end of a five-day drunken feast, the king had a brilliant idea to bring down the house with a final display of his superiority. He commanded his servants to summon the prized Queen Vashti decked in her royal crown, so that he could show off her beauty. It is probably true that she was summoned to appear naked, with just her crown on.

Vashti refused to appear and that enraged the king—his own wife was defying him in front of all the men of Susa. The royal wise men advised the king that Vashti’s humiliating behavior could not go unpunished because, if the king let the incident slide, all the women in the kingdom would have contempt for their husbands, thinking, “If Queen Vashti can get away with disrespecting her husband, so can I” (verses 16–18).

King Ahasuerus responded to the situation by sending out a royal edict saying that Queen Vashti was never to be allowed to come before him again, and the king would give her crown to another. So Queen Vashti was banished, and a search began for a new queen to replace her.

And why was Vashti vanquished? Why did she lose her title, her position as “first lady” and all the wealth and privileges that came with it? We aren’t told why, but what do you think would cause a Queen in that culture to refuse to obey the King? She had to know it would cost her the crown, but she refused to be paraded before drunken men just to show off her body.

Her refusal is truly amazing. Whatever her reason, it took great courage. Beauty and wealth were considered the most important things in that culture. The King was wealthy, Vashti was beautiful. She could have simply accepted her position and used her beauty as her “calling card,” but she refused.

Listen again to what the Bible says is more important than riches and beauty:

Proverbs 22:1: A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.

Proverbs 31:30: Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.

Can you think of any parallel situations we might encounter in our culture today? What compromises could be asked or even demanded of us that would be in opposition to our faith and the principles of Scripture which are our guidelines?

As we watch our culture slide quickly into a godless secular culture; as we see how the things considered virtues even a few short years ago are now passe; at what point will you and I have to decide whether we will take our stand against what is wrong regardless of the cost? I think it’s important that we think in advance, so that if and when we are faced with such choices, we will be grounded in the truth of God’s Word and have the courage to make a “Vashti choice,” to stick with God’s truth regardless.

In a very enlightening article from Breakpoint Daily on transgender issues and the use of transgender pronouns, they point out that Christians should avoid unnecessary offense whenever possible, and I certainly agree with that. But the article continues: “And we should know that calling males men and females women will not in and of itself resolve the thorny cultural, psychological, and spiritual challenge of transgender ideology. Still, caving on words will destroy our ability to understand and undermine our ability to debate the issue truthfully. And it is truth,

I’ve learned that any time you talk about forgiveness, it resonates with almost everyone, because we all need to forgive, and it’s really hard to do sometimes!

I want to explain why you can’t afford not to forgive. Whether it’s a small thing or some traumatic hurt that has left deep scars, you cannot afford not to forgive.

And here’s the main reason: If you don’t forgive, God won’t forgive you. Jesus said:

“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins” (Matthew 6:14-15).

If we forgive, we will be forgiven. And conversely, if we do not forgive people that have wronged us, we will not be forgiven by our Heavenly Father. I don't know how to expand or explain that any further. If we forgive, we'll be forgiven; if we don't, we won't.

Now, how important is it to you to be freely forgiven by God?  Can you run the risk of not being forgiven regularly by the Lord?

Another reason we really must forgive is that if you don’t, you will become bitter and bitterness will destroy you. And bitterness manifests itself in many ways, such as losing your temper, irritability, sleeplessness, depression, a constant negative perspective, and generally not feeling so good.

Forgiveness is probably the hardest thing we are asked—no, we are commanded—to do as followers of Jesus Christ. But you can learn to forgive; by the power of the Holy Spirit you can grow in your ability to forgive. That is, if you want to.

And one last reason you can’t afford not to forgive is because you need the freedom that comes through forgiveness. You know, when you harbor unforgiveness and bitterness starts to grow in your heart, it’s like drinking rat poison and then expecting the rat to die. The poison of your unforgiveness is keeping you a prisoner. You’re in a self-imposed prison that is painful.

Galatians 5:1 says “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.” Forgiveness sets you free to enjoy the abundant life that Christ died to give you. There are many reasons you cannot afford not to forgive and God will give you the grace to do it.

Are you feeling anxious about something? Are you very disturbed over a situation in your life? Does it seem impossible to find any rest and peace right now? Recently a passage in Isaiah 48 gave me some insight into the reasons behind the anxiety and unrest that I was experiencing.

"This is what the Lord says—your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the Lord your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea" (Isaiah 48:17-18).

How incisively the Word of God cuts through and exposes the real issues. I was reminded that anxiety and unrest are often a result of my failure to pay attention to what I know about God. Rarely do I need some new truth or principle to help me out; I just need to practice what I know already.

God's direction and commands are there for all of us to see and understand. We know the basics, don't we? And yet our feet tend to stray. We leave off something here and something else there, which we know we should be doing, and we fail to completely follow the commands of God which are clearly understood.

I find that I rarely make a deliberate decision to wander from God's principles. It's simply a failure to pay attention to what I know already. My focus becomes fractured. I move slightly off-center, simply because I haven't paid attention like I should.

And when that happens, the results are loss of peace, loss of rest, anxiety, frustration. When you start to dig underneath those outward effects, you often discover that the cause is failure to pay attention to God's commands. It may be something that seems very small, but if you walk away from doing it God's way, you can expect to lose the peace and rest you so need.

The Lord told his people, "If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river.” If you're missing peace in your life, check out the obedience department and see if there's some area where you're not paying attention to God. Once you get that straightened out, that wonderful, marvelous, indescribable peace will return, like a river, flooding your heart and calming your nerves.

In Psalm 19 David asked God to forgive him for his hidden errors, and I suggest that we need to do the same thing—to ask God to show us any hidden sins we just don’t see. But what about those areas of sin that we try to hide? When we knowingly cover up sin in our lives, we are asking for trouble.

Proverbs 28:13 tells us that he who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. I believe with all my heart that many Christians are floundering and ineffective for Jesus because they try to conceal their sins. It's one thing to have errors in our life that are hidden to us, but it's a far more serious problem for us to try to cover up our errors.

Think right now: Are you finding it difficult to prosper in what you're doing? Now, by prosper I don't mean get rich, but I mean find success. How's your job going? Are you prospering in your work? Are your relationships prospering, doing well? Is your ministry for Jesus going forward and making progress?

If not, check it out. If you're covering up some sin in your life, you are asking for failure. God cannot bless us when we cover-up. God will not be involved in cover-ups. God will expose our cover-ups if we continue to try to hide them.

Someone has said that rarely do any of us change without pain, and I guess that's true. But it shows we're not very smart, doesn't it? I mean, if you know that you can't prosper by covering up your sin, and you know that God will deal with it if you don't, doesn't it just make sense to confess that sin, renounce it and find God's mercy? The Bible says if we judge ourselves we will not be judged.

Do yourself one big favor: Uncover those cover-ups. Confess to God any areas of willful sin, and ask for his mercy. Commit to him that you are renouncing that sin and by his grace you will not return to it. When you do that, God is then able to prosper you in everything you do and in all your relationships. Just makes good common sense, doesn't it?

I’m quite certain that you know how important it is for Christ-followers to pray and yet not too many of us make it a priority in our lives. Why not?

Well, for one reason, we don’t plan to pray. It’s not on our to-do list; it’s not part of our daily schedule. I can promise you that Satan will do everything he can to keep you from praying because your power comes through prayer. So, if you don’t intentionally plan to pray, you probably won’t pray very much. Do you have a certain time set aside to pray each day?

Another reason you may not pray like you should is because you don’t really believe it makes any difference. You know God is sovereign, so how do your prayers change anything? And besides, maybe you’ve had many prayers that weren’t answered according to your timetable or the way you wanted them answered. So, you may have lost faith in prayer. But can you remember that Jesus prayed while on earth—a lot! He knew that prayer was important in his life, so how can we question our need to pray.

But in my opinion, one of the main reasons Christians don’t make prayer a priority in their lives is because they’ve never learned how to pray. The disciples asked Jesus to teach them how to pray. Have you ever asked God for the same thing? Have you ever looked at prayers in the Bible and patterned your prayers after them. Have you ever taken The Lord’s Prayer—more accurately called The Disciple’s Prayer—and used that as your format for praying?

Years ago I did that and it revolutionized my prayer life. In fact, I produced a journal similar to the one I use, and you can get one for yourself. It’s available on our website, and perhaps it might help you learn to pray more effectively.

I hope you will get serious—if you haven’t already—about becoming proficient in prayer—learning to pray more effectively. You will never regret it.