You've heard the jingle: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, don't believe it—not for a minute. Words can do more damage than sticks and stones could ever inflict. Words have power.

Did you ever think that we all carry a loaded weapon with us every day—an instrument that can be used to destroy and injure others as well as ourselves? We do and it is our tongues. In James we read that the tongue is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. I'm sure you can remember words spoken to you years ago that hurt deeply, so deeply that the memory brings the pain back as though the words were just spoken.

The Bible has a lot to say about how words can deliver deathblows. Here are some examples.

Harsh words - Proverbs 15:1 says harsh words stir up anger. Harsh words may simply be the tone of voice we use, more than the actual words we say, and they can hurt very much.

Gossip - Proverbs 17:9 says gossip (repeating a matter) separates intimate friends. We may try to camouflage gossip or justify it, but words of gossip carry enormous potential for harm and damage.

Here's another bit of ammunition that comes from our mouths—quarrelling. Proverbs 20:3 says that any fool will quarrel, but we're told to abandon the quarrel before it breaks out. Ever notice how people say such hateful things when they're angry, things they don't even mean, but once those words are said, the damage is done!

Hasty words - Proverbs 29:20 says that a person who speaks in haste has less hope than a fool does. Words spoken in haste are very frequently the wrong words. We need to think before we speak.

Lying is another way to injure with words. Today lying is quite acceptable—indeed a skill to be admired in many environments. The Bible, however, gives strong condemnation to liars. And there's no such thing as a white lie. When we lie, we speak words that harm.

Oh, there's no question about it. We all have the ability to inflict great amounts of pain and suffering by using inappropriate words. We truly need to seriously consider the impact of our words on others.

You’ve heard the jingle: “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Well, don’t believe it—not for a minute. Words can do more damage than sticks and stones could ever inflict. Words have power. Did...

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Hebrews 12:1)

I truly believe that one of the main sins that hinders and entangles us is self-pity. And I think it's one we don't easily recognize, because when we are wallowing in self-pity, we feel justified. After all, something has happened to cause us to feel that we have a right to feel sorry for ourselves, so it's difficult for us to see self-pity as a tool that Satan uses to hinder us.

The other thing I've noticed about self-pity is that although we are miserable at these pity parties, they hold some kind of weird fascination for us. We seem to love the misery and are reluctant to walk out of our pity parties, because we feel justified in our self-pity, and since usually nobody else is feeling sorry for us, we have to do it ourselves!

Pity parties are pitiful, and I want to do everything I can to convince you that every time you throw one of these affairs, you damage your witness for Jesus, and you do yourself a great disservice.

Here are some of the usual outcomes of pity parties:

Almost always, pity parties cause us to waste time.

Not only do pity parties waste our time, they also waste our energy. Self-pity just drains you.

Have you noticed this? When you throw a pity party, your imagination runs wild.

And in that over-reaction, what often happens is that relationships are damaged.

When we have pity parties, one thing is certain: we are self-centered.

Another inevitable result of self-pity is that it affects our performance.

I want to focus on the cure for self-pity. Here are six ways to avoid pity parties:

Change your attitude about pity parties.

I hope that you will get really fed up with pity parties, as you see how much damage they are doing to you and to everyone around you. Just get good and mad at the enemy who has used this weapon against you time and again. Ask God to give you holy anger about pity parties, to see them as he sees them, and to get sick and tired of feeling sorry for yourself.

I truly believe we must have a change of attitude toward self-pity and keep telling ourselves: "Pity parties are pitiful.” A smart person is not going to allow herself or himself to be swallowed up in self-pity. A godly person is not going to keep falling for this trick of the enemy.

2. Refuse to think about the bad reports; think only about the good reports!

In Philippians 4:8 we are told what to think about, which also means we are told what not to think about. And that verse tells us to think about things that are of a good report. Wouldn't that also say don't think about the bad reports?

Usually when we are having a pity party, we are thinking about some bad report. It has helped me greatly to tell myself over and over again, when I'm tempted to feel sorry for myself, "Mary, stop thinking about the bad reports. Think about some good reports.” I often start reading the emails from our listeners, which helps me focus on the good things God is doing though our ministry. Those good reports will break up a pity party fast.

3. Resist the enemy who is trying to entangle you and hinder you by making you feel sorry for yourself.

Just say to the enemy, out loud if possible, "Sorry, but I'm not having a pity party today so take off the party hat and go find someone else. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I don't have time and I'm not wasting that energy.” The Bible tells us that if we resist the enemy, he will flee from us.

4. Think about Jesus and all that he endured.

Hebrews 12:2 says "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus...” By a set of your will,

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us” (Hebrews 12:1)...

Does the Bible give dress standards for Christians? That's an issue we've been looking at through the eyes of our friend, Fran. She has had to face her attitude toward what she wears, and her new suit that has a very short skirt, has brought this issue to the forefront.

After some anger and exasperation, Fran has come to understand that this is a control issue with her and the Lord. Finally, she has been willing to admit that Jesus is the Lord of her life, and therefore he has a right to set her standards of dress.

At lunch with her boss this Monday, Marilyn comments on her new suit. "That's really a beautiful suit, Fran. You looked good for your presentation this morning; I bet they were impressed."

"Well, I hope so, but I was nervous," Fran replies.

"Nervous? Why?" Marilyn asks.

"Well, not about my presentation but about my skirt. It's just too short," Fran says. Marilyn looks at her with a quizzical expression.

“That’s the way skirts are these days,” Marilyn replies.

"I know, I know," she says, "but that doesn’t make it right.” Marilyn has become a believer in Christ through Fran’s witness, and Fran has become a mentor to her as a new believer. Fran continues, “You see, as a woman of God, we do have a responsibility to dress with modesty and that means go the extra mile to be certain we always make a modest impression."

Marilyn puts her fork down. "You mean as Christians we can’t wear fashionable clothes?"

"No, not at all,” Fran laughs. “It just means our standard is to dress with modesty. It can be fashionable, but it also needs to be modest.”

“Well, for sure the clothes women are wearing today are so tight and revealing—I mean, I’m embarrassed at how some of the women dress around here,” Marilyn says.

“We just have to remember, Marilyn, that we are not to be conformed to this world and it’s fashion standards. We represent Jesus to the people around us and we have to be willing to dress by his standards, not what’s fashionable,” Fran says. “Guess I’ll be looking for a short woman to give this suit to.”

“Really?” Marilyn says.

“Yeah, it’s not worth it, Marilyn,” Fran says. “It’s far more important for me to please Jesus than it is to wear the latest fashion.”

Well, what do you think? It is a personal issue for each woman to settle with the Lord, but there are certainly some strong principles in scripture to guide us. Remember what Fran learned: Obedience is the best way to live.

 

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Does the Bible give dress standards for Christians? That’s an issue we’ve been looking at through the eyes of our friend, Fran. She has had to face her attitude toward what she wears, and her new suit that has a...

Today Fran has just completed a presentation to a new client, but throughout the whole morning she was very conscious that her skirt was short, perhaps too short. Her conscience is bothering her over this because the Spirit of God convicted her about it this morning and she became defensive. Now her friend Louise has seemed to agree that the skirt is on the short side, though she told Fran that it’s an issue between Fran and Jesus.

Fran is thinking that over as she sits in her office. She finally decides to talk to Jesus about it, "Lord, why am I so defensive about this? Why does it bug me that I can't dress like everyone else?"

"Could it be,” Jesus says, “that this comes down to an issue of control? Who is in control of your life?"

"Lord,” Fran says, “you think that this is all about having control over what I'm going to wear? I mean, is my new suit such a disgrace—really? It’s just a professional suit and honestly, I think it’s really nice.”

“But” Jesus says, “have you thought about this? Even though you’re wearing the suit you chose—with the short skirt, it is not bringing you any joy or pleasure, is it?”

She thinks about how she felt all through her meeting this morning, how uncomfortable she was. She realizes how much emotional energy she has wasted on this whole question. "You’re right, Lord," she quietly responds, "it seems to be causing me a lot of unnecessary turmoil."

Well, Fran, I’ll just quietly remind you of what we’ve talked about before," Jesus says, “Obedience is the easy way out."

“I know, Lord,” Fran agrees. She begins to think about her relationship with her own children. “When they obey me, it is for their good. But they just want their own way sometimes, and that's basically what's happening to me over this issue. I want my own way," she admits to herself.

"And I'm behaving like a child," Fran smiles. "I get it, Lord; I get it. You have my permission to set my dress standards and I will obey."

You know, I think Fran has learned a good lesson, and that is, when we insist on having control in any area in our lives, we are not only displeasing the Lord but we're making our lives miserable.

Today Fran has just completed a presentation to a new client, but throughout the whole morning she was very conscious that her skirt was short, perhaps too short. Her conscience is bothering her over this because the Spirit of God...

Should Christian women have a unique dress standard? This is certainly a topic on which we can find a great deal of disagreement, I’m sure. But I keep reminding myself that my opinion or someone else’s opinion can be dead...

Should Christian women have a unique dress standard? This is certainly a topic on which we can find a great deal of disagreement, I'm sure. But I keep reminding myself that my opinion or someone else's opinion can be dead wrong. I need to know what the Bible has to say.

In 1 Timothy 2:9a Paul wrote: "I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety. . .” So, there is our guideline. But the differences arise over our definition of dressing modestly and decently. How can we know where to draw the line?

Well, Fran is struggling a bit with that issue. It began on Sunday when the soloist at church wore a short skirt and a tight top. She thought that was inappropriate for singing at church, but does that apply to how she dresses for work?

Today, Monday, Fran is wearing a new suit to work, and this skirt is about as short as the soloist's at church. So, Fran is feeling some guilt, and then feeling angry that she has to feel guilty about wearing a fashionable suit. She leaves for work in a defensive, confused huff.

As she arrives at the office, she has a few minutes to get ready for her presentation. The client arrives and after everyone is settled in the conference room, Fran begins. She does her usual first-class job, and the client is impressed. She sits down next to the President and he begins asking her some further questions. Fran notices that she keeps tugging at her skirt. She seems to be continually aware of how short it is—and how much shorter it is when she is sitting than when she is standing.

Was the client noticing as well? Sure seems like it to Fran. Fran feels that nagging sense of guilt—that distance between her and Jesus because of disobedience. But then she thinks, "What have I done that's so wrong? I just bought a nice suit and wore it."

After the presentation, she goes back to her office and slumps in her chair. Her friend Louise pops in shortly afterwards. "What's the matter? Didn't your presentation go okay?"

Fran looks up. "Yeah, I think it went fine. But. . .well. . .listen, tell me what you think: Is this skirt too short?” Fran stands up and turns around for Louise to observe.

"Oh, it's a gorgeous suit, Fran. I love that color on you," Louise replies.

"C'mon, Louise, tell me, is it too short?” Fran insists.

"Well, it's no shorter than anybody else's," Louise hedges.

"But too short for me, is that what you're saying?" Fran asks.

"That's not for me to say, Fran," Louise says. "That's between you and the Lord.”

Well, what do you think? Is Fran's skirt too short? Is this really a spiritual issue between her and the Lord?