The Codependummy Podcast

-How can therapists be codependent with their clients, staff, and colleagues?

-If a therapist is codependent, what are the short-term and long-term consequences on them and those they work with?

-Which question do therapists (and for the matter, ALL OF US) need to ask ourselves to combat codependency and instead honor our values, boundaries, and safety?

Welcome to episode 78! This week, we hear about codependent therapists from Ms. Julianne Guinasso, LMFT. Julianne shares with us about the codependent traits and patterns she’s witnessed in therapists throughout her career (from graduate school to starting their own practice). You’ll hear us discuss the consequences of poor boundaries, enabling, self-sacrifice, and avoiding conflict with therapists and their clients, staff, and colleagues. Julianne discusses her role as a consultant for therapist “leaders” and generously shares ways therapists (and all codependents) can combat their codependency and foster interdependence in their personal and professional life. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

levelupleaders.org

IG: @levelupleaders

Helpful links for the podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We begin with our “typical two” and hear Julianne’s definition of codependency and experiences of it from her own life. Julianne describes her “resentment meter” and ways she ignored her body thanks to her codependent way of being. 

We then shift to questions about codependency in therapists: how they can be codependent with their clients, with their staff, and even encourage CODEPENDENCY IN THEIR STAFF WITH THEIR CLIENTS. Oh man!

Julianne discusses the short-term and long-term consequences of codependent therapists–to themselves, their clients, their staff, and the field in general. It’s brutal!

We conclude with specific strategies that Julianne utilizes with her therapist leader consultees. Pay attention to your body cues…focus on your values, boundaries, and safety…and ask yourself “What is the kindest thing I can do right now?”

Thank you for coming on Julianne!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Julianne’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Julianne’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. After hearing the ways that therapists can be codependent with their clients/staff/colleagues, what came up for you with the behaviors? Do you find yourself behaving similarly or differently at work/school?
4. Have you too worked in an environment that bred codependent behaviors in their staff? How did that impact you emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc.?
5. When hearing Julianne’s strategies, how can you start to implement one of them this week?
6. WHAT IS THE KINDEST THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOURSELF RIGHT NOW?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-Are you anxious? Codependent? Or an anxious-codependent? (And how to distinguish the two)

-How can you pay attention to body signals in order to alleviate your anxious/codependent thoughts?

-Why incorporating play into your healing is paramount (and ways you can start playing more asap)?

Thanks for tuning in! This week, I introduce to you Ms. Nara Lee, licensed therapist and anxiety specialist. Nara shares with us about experiences of codependency from her own life, including the cultural expectations she navigated as the daughter of immigrants. We then hear Nara distinguish codependency and anxiety—while there is overlap, we learn they are not the same. Nara describes ways that codependents can better cope with their anxious thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and we end with specific tools you can implement this week! This episode is like a warm hug and it’s a must-listen!

Thanks for your support!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Nara Lee is a psychotherapist in Los Angeles, California. She specializes in treating anxiety, depression, trauma, grief, and relational issues. She received her M.A. in Clinical Psychology with a specialization in Spiritual and Depth Psychology from Antioch University.

http://www.naraleetherapy.com/ 

More deets on this episode:

We hear about Nara’s definition of codependency and experiences of it from her own life. 

Nara emphasizes the physical experience of codependency. Oof, right? We then talk about the overlap as well as the distinction between codependency and anxiety. While codependents often experience anxious symptoms (thoughts, feelings, and behaviors), others who struggle with anxiety may experience it related to social settings, specific phobias, etc. 

I read off a list of anxious symptoms and Nara does a great job sharing about the interconnection of anxiety and codependency. We then hear about ways we can start to address our anxious symptoms when we are stuck in a codependent hole. Nara describes how we can “come back” to ourselves via thinking back, experiments, and play!

We end with hope as Nara emphasizes how significant of a change one can make when they make a decision, answer the call of healing, and transform into a completely different person. 

It’s a must-listen! Thanks for coming on Nara!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Nara’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Nara’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. After hearing the symptoms of anxiety, how do you experience anxious thoughts/feelings/behaviors related to your codependency?
4. Do you also struggle with anxiety separate to your relationships? If so, how?
5. When hearing Nara’s recommendations, how can you start to implement thinking back, experimenting, and play into your week?
6. How are you making a decision, answering the call, and committed to becoming a completely different person/codependiamond???

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-What happens to the child of an alcoholic/codependent couple when they grow up and become…an adult?

-Who are these “adult children of alcoholics” and what are the common traits they have in their relationships with others and themselves? 

-How come adult children of alcoholics need to explore their values in order to heal (or “grow up”) from their childhood wounds?

Thanks for tuning in! This week, I sat down with Anna Jarviautio, Integrative Therapist and Personal Transformation Coach, to learn about “adult children of alcholics” (ACOA) and how their common character traits relate to codependency. Anna shares with us about how children, when growing up in an alcoholic/codependent home, develop certain coping mechanisms in order to survive and navigate that environment…but those coping mechanisms are necessarily sustainable as adults. You’ll hear Anna discuss some of the 14 traits of adult children of alcoholics, including the all-too-familiar trait of denial. We conclude with how ACOA’s heal by getting in touch with their values which then leads to caring habits, choices, and beliefs–and how you can do the same!

It’s a must-listen!

Thanks for your support!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Anna Jarviautio is a Personal Transformation Coach and an Integrative Therapist. She lifts up and carries the Stressed-out overthinkers, grown in dysfunctional families towards peace and focus.

www.mayfaircoachinglounge.com

Instagram @anxiety_specialist_in_mayfair

Book a free 30-minute zoom consultation by checking out Anna’s website!

More deets on this episode:

We hear about Anna’s definition of the term codependency which she describes as a “somatic feeling.” She articulates the tightness in our bodies which we prioritize the needs of another over ourselves in an effort to create or maintain “safety.” 

Anna recalls codependent experiences from her life, including a time when she reluctantly let her friend borrow her “very expensive” shoes–despite her hesitation to lend them. Sound familiar? 

Anna then teaches us about the history of “adult children of alcoholics” (also known as ACOA). The group and resources for ACOA came about after services providers realized “Ok, we have treatment for alcoholics. We have support for their spouses. What about the kids growing up in that home?”

What are some of the 14 traits of ACOA? Here is a complete list: https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/ Anna describes how codependency is common as well as denial. “These children learn to survive by not having needs. Then they forget they have needs. Then they deny they have needs!” While these traits and coping skills were necessary in order to navigate the home environment with an alcoholic parent and an enabling/dependent/codependent parent, these traits typically are not sustainable in adulthood. 

Anna then describes how ACOAs start to feel as adults: isolated, empty, discontent, unfulfilled, lonely, and so on. That’s when they end up in her therapy office. 

We end by hearing about Anna’s treatment using Transactional Analysis where she helps her clients heal from their “child ego” by letting go of their inner critic/”parent ego” to then become their “adult ego” self where they are their best self. She details how she helps her clients put words to their experiences, explain what they are going through, STOP LIVING IN DENIAL, and “come home” to themselves. 

It’s a must-listen! Thanks for coming on Anna!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Anna’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Anna’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. After reading the list of the 14 traits of ACOA, https://adultchildren.org/literature/laundry-list/, which traits resonate most with you and why?
4. Have you experienced similar feelings of emptiness, loneliness, discontent, and isolation like Anna described as the reality of ACOAs?
5. Did Anna’s description of the parent ego, child ego, and adult ego describe your experience? How can you work towards integrating your inner parent and child egos in order to be a loving/compassionate adult-ego-to-yourself?
6. Hearing Anna and I talk about how long this process takes–are you practicing patience with yourself and the pace of your healing? If not, can you make an effort to take deep breaths, slow down, and surrender to the process?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-How, despite our “giving” exteriors, are codependents emotionally unavailable in relationships?

-When we codependents keep doing things for others, especially our partners, what are the consequences? (i.e., we rob them of their autonomy, create conditional love, etc.)

-Why we need to ask: what is the relationship I want to be in INSTEAD OF who we want our partner to be?

Thanks for tuning in! This week, I sat down with Kim Bielak, AMFT, to talk about codependency in couples. Kim shares with us about the familiar pattern of couples including one codependent partner and one “emotionally unavailable” partner–but we discuss how codependents are indeed emotionally unavailable too! We discuss how codependents are emotionally unavailable to themselves–so how can they ever truly be emotionally present for others? Kim describes how she works with couples to help them cultivate a relationship with themselves as individuals to then strengthen their relationship as partners. We end with some specific tips for you to integrate in your own life to improve your relationship with yourself. It’s a must-listen!

Thanks for your support!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Kim Bielak is an Associate Marriage & Family therapist in Los Angeles, California, currently supervised by Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist Chris Tickner.

Kim works with both individuals and couples through a highly integrative, holistic, and mindfulness-centered approach to helps clients slow down, relax their grip, and use curiosity and openness to explore the patterns that are currently holding them back.

Kim has spent time as a former yoga teacher and life, career, and executive coach, all of which have contributed to additional perspectives from places like somatic psychology and positive psychology she brings into her work.

You can following Kim on Instagram at @kimbielak or visit her website and sign up for her newsletter at kimbielak.com.

More deets on this episode:

We hear about Kim’s perspective on the term codependency, which she emphasizes likely was an “adaptive” way to interact with others in the past. Wow!

Kim shares about codependency in her own life, including her romantic relationships where she tended to find emotionally unavailable partners…but maybe she was emotionally unavailable too! Kim reflects on how she contributed to the unhealthy patterns in her relationship which hopefully helps you see how you too may be covertly avoiding intimacy with others by being so overly-focused on them. 

We discuss the ways that Kim works with codependency in the couples she works with. She begins with boundaries, education, and acceptance. “If we enter into a relationship with someone, we have to accept them as they are. We can’t create conditions to earn love.” Amen!

Kim describes some suggestions she has for those who have codependent tendencies. First, practice self-compassion. From there, we focus on building our relationship with ourselves and developing our own social lives/hobbies/ways we want to spend our time. Kim concludes by emphasizing how, instead of thinking of the “person” we want to be with, we need to ask ourselves: What is the relationship I want to be in? It’s important to ask this instead of thinking of “who” we want to be with. 

It’s a must-listen! Thanks for coming on Kim!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Kim’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Kim’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. How do you sense your codependency shows up in your relationship if you are part of a couple?
4. When you keep doing things for others, what do you sense you are communicating to them? 
5. Where can you bring in more self-compassion in your life?
6. What is the relationship you want to be in? With yourself, with friends, with a partner, etc.?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

-How can codependency show up in our physical bodies?

-What about bodywork can help you stop neglecting your body and start to tend to your physical needs?

-Why should you start to integrate body work into your self-care routine to help promote your healing from codependency?

In this episode, we hear from the amazing Randi Kofsky, LMFT, all about codependency in the body and how bodywork can promote our healing. Not only does Randi share her expertise as a licensed psychotherapist about her perspective on codependency, she also explains the negative physical consequences she’s observed as a body worker. You’ll hear Randi share about cranial sacral therapy and she walks us through a specific exercise you can use to help slow down and tune into your body! We codependummies are like a “chicken with her body cut off,” so tuning into this episode to learn how to tune in to our bodies is A MUST! 

Thanks for your support!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Randi Kofsky is a Marriage and Family Therapist & Bodyworker. She provides Cranial Sacral Therapy in Los Angeles and specializes in Somatic Psychotherapy for Individuals and work with Couples to Rewire Communication habits for enhanced Intimacy & Connection.

www.innerwavebodywork.com 

www.innerrichestherapy.com 

More deets on the episode:

We start with hearing from Randi about how she conceptualizes codependency and some codependent experiences she’s had in her own life. 

We then shift to the topic of the body-ody-ody! That thing attached to our heads that we tend to neglect to our detriment thanks to being overfocused on others and their needs. 

Randi answers how codependency shows up in the body, how bodywork can help us heal from our codependency, and what bodywork looks like in our self-care practices. 

Randi emphasizes how and why it is so important for codependents to connect with their bodies. Rathern than simply processing our thoughts, feelings, and actions in our head, bodywork can help us integrate our experiences in a more holistic manner through our body. Imagine going to talk therapy one time per week to “talk it out” and then going to a bodywork session to “roll it out.” It’s a win-win given how cut off we are from our bodies.

We end with Randi walking us through an exercise that we can take with us to practice connecting with our bodies.

 It’s a must-listen! Thanks for coming on Randi!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Randi’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Randil’s examples of her codependency? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. How do you sense your codependency shows up in your body? What are the physical symptoms of your codependency?
4. Where would you rate your level of connectedness with your physical body from 1-10? Why did you pick that number and what do you need to bring it closer to a 10?
5. What did you notice while following Randi’s steps to connect with our bodies via a cranial sacral method?
6. How can you pay more attention to you body this hour? This day? And this week? It’s a must to start to pay attention to our bodies!

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-How can church leaders unintentionally become codependent with the people they serve?

-What happens when we let the people we work with/help/support become like gods where we do all we can to please them?

-Why is it important for church leaders to have healthy boundaries/self-care and what are the consequences if they don’t?

In this week’s episode, we are graced with the presence of Rachel Engles, LMFT. Rachel is a licensed therapist and shares with us about her work with church leaders, including those who struggle with codependency.  You’ll hear her share about her own codependency when she worked in ministry and how she was “a candle burning at both ends” trying to serve her students, staff, and superiors. Rachel explains how, with the church leaders she has worked with, there can be a misinterpretation of Christian teachings that can lead one to believe it’s virtuous to burn themselves out. You’ll hear how Rachel was able to help herself and specific tools she provides her clients to help them create balance in their lives. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Rachel Engels is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the owner of Flourish Counseling Services in Los Angeles, California. Her passion is to help pastors, leaders, and other therapists be vibrantly emotionally healthy, and well equipped to carry out their callings, so they can impact the world without burning out and running themselves ragged. She loves a good discussion on the intersection of faith and mental health, and is currently writing her first book on what it does -- and doesn't -- mean for Christian leaders and helpers to "suffer well."

Rachel’s Freebie! https://bit.ly/3scnmXk 

Rachelengels.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/flourishcounselingLA

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with hearing about Rachel’s experiences with codependency, including her time in ministry with college students. She shares about the expectations she put on herself (as well as those put upon her by others), which almost led her into a complete and total burnout. 

Rachel then shares about her own conceptualization of codependency and how it relates to those she often treats in therapy: church leaders. How do church leaders unknowingly become codependent with the people they serve? 

We transition to hearing how Rachel has seen and heard the church leaders she serves misinterpret church teachings and virtues which has led them to work late, be unable to say “no,” and neglect their home/family life in order to uphold the standards they put on themselves. Rachel discusses the consequences of codependency in church leadership, which includes burnout, leaving the church entirely, and providing a disservice to those they serve. 

Rachel concludes by sharing with us some key tools that she uses with clients in church leadership to help them create a sense of balance through healthy boundaries, coping skills, and realistic expectations on themselves. Thanks for coming on Rachel!

Rachel’s Freebie! https://bit.ly/3scnmXk 

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Rachel’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Rachel’s example of her codependency while working in ministry? What aspects of your codependency were you reminded of?
3. Have you experienced your church/religious leaders display behaviors related to codependency? Or did they encourage codependent choices?
4. Have you or one of your loved one’s felt disserved due to a church leader doing too much for too many people?
5. What from Rachel’s tools resonated with you most? How can you integrate that in your life this week?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

What are cognitive distortions anyways?

How do cognitive distortions like personalization, magnification, and catastrophizing relate to codependency?

Why does it help to know ‘where your heads at’ when you’re stuck in unhelpful, unhealthy, and unsustainable cognitive distortions?

Welcome to episode 73! This week’s episode we discuss cognitive distortions: the exaggerated and irrational thoughts you have as a codependent. You’ve likely heard terms like catastrophizing, all-or-nothing thinking, and personalization. In this short and spontaneous, I share what all 13 cognitive distortions are and describe how they relate to your codependency. It’s a quick episode that I hope is meaningful!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start off with a serenade and check-in. 

Then I share briefly on the history of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, what cognitive distortions are, and the 13 that have been identified:

1. Magnification
2. Minimization
3. Catastrophizing
4. Overgeneralization
5. Magical Thinking
6. Personalization
7. Jumping to Conclusions
8. Mind Reading
9. Fortune Telling
10. Emotional Reasoning
11. Disqualifying the Positive
12. “Should” statements
13. All-or-nothing black-and-white thinking

Questions for you:

Which one stands out to you the most?

Which cognitive distortions do you tend to experience most often in your codependent moments/interactions/relationships?

How can you observe your cognitive patterns this week to identify the ones you use most often to become more conscious of them?

What would it be like to be able to recognize when you are using a cognitive distortion and then try to combat it with a more balanced, compassionate, and tender thought/perspective?

The end!

Thank you. Love you. RRSSS. 

Rate, review, subscribe, share, and support.

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

If you’re needing more, get your copy of The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - FREE 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Xoxo

Why is it so hard to make sustaining change, especially in relationships?

What are the Stages of Change?

How can you provide yourself with tenderness if and when you find yourself struggling to change, ya dummy?

Welcome to episode 72! In this episode, we will be answering: what is it going to take for you to make a change in your life? I will walk you through the 5 (ahem, 6) Stages of Change to help you understand why it is so hard to make changes, especially in your relationships. If you struggle to set boundaries, assert your needs, or make necessary changes to your relationships–this episode is a must-listen for you! After walking you through the Stages of Change, I then apply them to a past dating relationship to build your understanding. It was a painful relationship. It was painful to revisit. I hope that by seeing the Stages of Change in action, you will provide yourself with better compassion as you make changes in your life. 

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start off with a serenade and check-in. 

Next, I share some background on The Stages of Change: the Transtheoretical Model of Change which is the basis for developing effective interventions to promote health behavior change first published by Prochaska & DiClemente in 1983.

It has 5 stages but we will include 6: precontemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance, and the sixth is relapse. Relapse is not necessary but it often happens which is why it is included as the 6th stage. 

Short breakdown:

1. Precontemplation - it’s in the word itself. Pre, as in before, contemplation. Nothing much is happening at this stage, however, data/observations/experiences are being collected.
2. Contemplation - the action of looking thoughtfully at something FOR A LONG TIME, deep reflective thought. You’ve gone from 0 to awareness that a change is needed. 
3. Preparation - in this stage, you are prepping yourself to take action sooner than later. You’ve recognized a need for change and now you are prepping internally and externally.
4. Action! - in this stage, actions are taken to make change. It’s observable, explicit, external behavior.
5. Maintenance - you work to maintain whatever changes/actions you have made. This is all to prevent regression and/or relapse.
6. Re lapse - or regression. In this stage, you revert to an earlier stage of change - contemplation, preparation, etc. 

I then apply 6 stages to my past relationship with a homeless man. 

Questions for you: 

If you have a current struggle, toxic relationship, addiction, challenge in your life–where do you sense you are in the SOC?

What experience can you look back on in your life to see your own process in going through the SOC?

How can you practice tenderness towards yourself given where you currently are in the SOC in relation to your current struggle?

What, if any, step can you take to move forward into the next stage? One step–one action–one call. 

How can you practice compassion for others given where they are in their SOC journey?

Is this a helpful lens to apply to your life? If so, do, if not, don’t!

The end!

Thank you. Love you. RRSSS. 

Rate, review, subscribe, share, and support.

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

If you’re needing more, get your copy of The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - FREE 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

-How can you start to rewrite your "codependent story" to one of empowerment?

-What steps can you take to improve your "codependent mindset?" (i.e., the I-have-to-do-everything-for-everyone-to-avoid-rejection story)

-Why do you need to start cultivating self-alignment rather than being so aligned with others?

In this week’s episode, we are graced with Ms. Pam Goodbois presence. Pam is a coach, recovering therapist, and overall badass. You’ll hear her share about how misalignment is what led her to make a drastic change in her life where she ultimately chose to be of service to herself as opposed to dedicating her life to serving others (sound familiar?). Pam describes how she works with clients via coaching to re-write their stories. She provides insights for how you can start to rewrite your own story from one of codependency to that of EMPOWERMENT. You’ll leave the episode with a sense that you are capable! It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More on this episode’s guest:

Pam Goodbois is a recovering therapist, a self-development and business coach, and the host of The Out of Your Mind Podcast, a place for entrepreneurs to come together, gain insight, and be inspired to write a story of connection, joy and passion!

30 Day Abundance & Manifestation Challenge- The Abundance Project- all about shifting the mind and changing the story. www.pamgodbois.com/freebie

www.pamgodbois.com

FB/IG/TikTok- @yoginipam

Twitter- @pamgodbois

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with hearing about Pam’s journey from being a therapist to a coach (and why she refers to herself as a “recovering therapist”). 

Pam shares her own definition of codependency: an overwhelming, disconnected, dysfunctional need to be in a role/relationship or be perceived by others in a way that will get you what you want. Damn! She then shares about one codependent experience from her young adulthood and admits how that is “one of two or three thousand examples from my life.”

We transition to hearing how Pam perceives relationships as being based on a spectrum with codependency on one end and empowerment on the other. How do we cultivate relationships based on empowerment? Communication, collaboration, and conveying “I believe you are capable.”

Pam describes how she aids her coaching clients with cultivating a mindset that helps them overcome codependency. Start with awareness, notice your patterns, and embrace the story you want by CHOOSING that story. 

She then shares with us about her 30-day abundance challenge–join here: www.pamgodbois.com/freebie

Thanks for coming on Pam!

Questions for you:

1. What came up as you heard Pam’s definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Pam’s example of waiting in the ER parking lot for hours? Do you have similar back-and-forth-dialogue in your head that leaves you “stranded” and worried of rejection?
3. Are your relationships based in codependency, empowerment, or somewhere in between? 
4. How can you cultivate more empowerment in your closest relationships?
5. What is your codependent story? I have to do everything for everyone; I’m only worthy by being available for others; why am I the one always giving people rides to the airport? Etc., etc., etc.
6. What patterns do you have in your life that reflect your codependent story?
7. How can you start to empower yourself and create a new story? 

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

Why is it so easy for codependents to deny their feelings?

What does denial look like for codependents?

How can you identify if and when you are in denial and attune to yourself?

In this episode, we will be looking at patterns of denial in codependency. Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Get it, Da Nile? We will review a list of behaviors that codependents tend to use–consciously and unconsciously–to deny their feelings, thoughts, and needs. I open up about gaining the courage to “just say ‘no’” to potential guests for the podcast and how, due to my denial, it was hard! It’s hard to be aware of how you are feeling and be able to say that in the moment–but we are working towards it. We end with ways for you to start building that awareness within yourself so you don’t have to keep denying yourself, ya dummy! It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with a check-in as usual. 

I then describe the 9 symptoms of denial as spelled out by Codependents Anonymous. How do you relate? Which stand out most to you:

Codependents…

Have difficulty identifying what they are feeling

Minimize, alter, or deny how they truly feel

Perceive themselves as completely unselfish and dedicated to the well-being of others

Lack empathy for the feelings and needs of others

Label others with their negative traits

Think they can take care of themselves without any help from others

Mask pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation

Express negativity or aggression in indirect and passive ways

Do not recognize the unavailability of those people to whom they are attracted

I then share about ways I was in denial but practiced attunement during four interactions with potential guests on. the. podcast! 

-Cool media therapist with too much back-and-forth correspondence

-the women’s mental health therapist who never mentioned codependency in her initial email

-the therapist who perceived me as “bored” in a recent episode interview 

-the poor sound quality interview that had to be rescheduled

I still have yet to end an interview prematurely due to a poor fit, however, cancelling ahead of time due to a misalignment feels good!

For you:

How does denial show up in your own life?

Where does it come up the most: family, friends, work, partner?

What are the “costs” of remaining in denial? Do you lose money, time, miss out on opportunities or other relationships?

What would it be like to focus on self-attunement and do what you can to attune to rather than deny your feelings?

What’s one feeling you need to acknowledge this week to stop the pattern of denial in your life?

I love you. The end!

PLEASE R.R.S.S:

Rate. 

Review.

Subscribe. 

Share.

If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Please rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!