The Codependummy Podcast

-What do anger, resentment, and rage look like in codependents?

-How does our guilt, shame, and embarrassment about our anger help us maintain our unhealthy relationships?

-Why we need to stop asking questions like "What's the point of being angry?" and instead get curious about our anger as a signal that something is amiss!

Welcome to episode 88! This week, I’m taking a deep dive into ANGER, RESENTMENT, and CODEPENDENT RAGE. But Marissa, if I’m pleasing, placating, and problem-solving for others all the time, how can I be angry? Buckle up, buttercup: when we spend all our time dedicating ourselves to others and neglecting our thoughts, feelings, and needs, resentment is guaranteed to build. We will be discussing resentment and rage with the help of Dr. Harriet Lerner, PhD through her work The Dance of Anger.. I’ll describe observations Dr. Lerner has made, connect them to our codependency, and then share an anecdote of my own seething resentment that turned into rage to help you reflect on this topic in your own life. It’s a must-listen! 

Thanks for your support, girl!

Links:

The Dance of Anger by Dr. Harriet Lerner, Phd: https://www.amazon.com/Dance-Anger-Changing-Patterns-Relationships/dp/0062319043

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - 

More deets on the episode: 

I introduce you to the work of Dr. Harriet Lerner and her book, The Dance of Anger. 

I expand on three observations Dr. Lerner discusses in her book:

1. Women have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger.
2. If women repress and suppress their anger, they stay in place.
3. Women learn to fear their anger for two reasons: 1) it brings about the disapproval of others and 2) it necessitates change.

I then share 2-ish anecdotes from when I 1) got angry at my dad and 2) raged at my dad. 

In her book, Dr. Lerner encourages the reader to reflect on the following 7 questions:

What am I really angry about?

What is the problem, and whose problem is it?

How can I sort out who is responsible for hat?

How can I learn to express my anger in a way that will not leave me feeling helpless and powerless?

When I’m angry, how can I clearly communicate my position without becoming defensive or attacking?

What risks and losses might I face if I become clearer and more assertive?

If getting angry is not working for me, what can I do differently? 

We conclude with me answering the questions in the frame of mind I was in post-rage and ways I could have addressed problems with my dad back then.

Thanks for listening! 

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If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional resources:

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

-Sign up for the newsletter:: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

-What can we codependummies learn from an analysis of “Love the Way You Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna? 

-What are some common themes touched on in the song that codependents tend to exhibit in toxic relationships? 

-What about songs like this encourage and enable our codependummy ways and how can we stop relating so much?

Welcome to episode 87! We are back with our DJ CODEPENDUMMY segment where we analyze, deconstruct, and look critically at a song dripping in codependent themes. This week, I’m discussing “Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna. This song discusses topics of manipulation, intolerance of being separated, relationship withdrawal, and others which are commonly found in codependent relationships. You’ll hear me apply choice lyrics to a former codependent relationship in my past to help you better understand codependency in your own relationships.. I open up about ways that my ex and I were both deeply codependent. I hope that by sharing you feel less alone in your own codependency. 

Helpful links:

“Love The Way You Lie” by Eminem and Rihanna - https://open.spotify.com/track/15JINEqzVMv3SvJTAXAKED?si=f17b742d0feb4894

DJ CODEPENDUMMY from December 2021: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dj-codependummy-part-i-love-me-by-the-cardigans/id1550681775?i=1000544066503

DJ CODEPENDUMMY from July 2021: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependummy-playlist-1-part-one/id1550681775?i=1000527846296

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin with our typical check in. It’s so important to check in girl!

We then begin our analysis of 4 lyrics and touch on four themes of codependency:

1. Intolerance: codependents are unable to endure separations (even in conflict)
2. Withdrawal: codependents undergo withdrawal (loss of appetite, restless, lethargic, disoriented, agony, etc.) when separated or a relationship ends
3. Violent fighting/ending: codependents may engage in explosive, vitriolic, and combative arguments which may involve emotional and physical abuse 
4. Manipulation: codependents attempt to control or influence (a person or situation) cleverly, unfairly, or unscrupulously

I proceed to discuss the lyrics and themes while sharing anecdotes from a former relationship. 

You’ll hear me talk about the restlessness and agony I experienced when separated from my ex. 

I reveal just how manipulative I was while “not” talking to him but keeping tabs on him thanks to social media. 

I recall how my ex was also intolerable of separation which turned into him showing up at random which I perceived as romantic. 

In conclude with how, despite all the evidence of how toxic the relationship was, we continued to stay together as I “loved the way” he lied. 

To conclude, I discuss why this song, these lyrics, and this behavior is problematic. I then provide challenging statements to each of the lyrics discussed in an effort to demonstrate the ideals we codependiamonds ought to be working towards. 

Questions for you:

1. How do you relate to these lyrics? 
2. Where in your life are you burning and liking the way it hurts?
3. Where in your life are you crying and others are simply watching?
4. Do you have a relationship(s) where you love being lied to? Why?
5. What’s familiar about these relationships from previous dating relationships and those in your family?
6. How can you start to work towards no longer tolerating burning, crying, and lying in your relationships?

PLEASE R.R.S.S:

Rate. 

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Share.

We need more ratings on Spotify! Thank you in advance!

If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional options and resources:

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

I will see you all next week!

-If all we’ve been is accommodating, appeasing, and appealing to others in non-reciprocating friendships, how do we start making meaningful connections?

-What do we do with the discouragement when we seek deeper connections but end up feeling even more disconnected?

-How do codependents balance the advice we get on making connections (i.e., ask lots of questions) with our tendencies to be too patient, understanding, and loyal (i.e., just listening all the time)?

In this episode, I sat down with Beth Klein, LMFT, LPC to talk about “how to make friends and influence people.” (Just kidding! That’s the title of an archaic book that unfortunately doesn’t help codependummies like ourselves in making authentic and genuine connections) You’ll hear Beth share about how “accommodating” she was in her former relationships, including friendships. So, how did she stop being so codependent/invisible in her friendships to foster deep connections? Beth shares insights on her road of making friendships that we can all apply to our own efforts to create community. We typically hear things like “focusing on giving rather than receiving,” but that’s not the best advice for a codependent. By the end of the episode, you will have specific tips catering to our need for balance as we make connections. It’s a must-listen!

More on this week’s guest:

Beth Klein is a licensed therapist specializing in helping young professional women get unstuck so that they can bring their lives back into alignment with their purpose, passions and values.  She sees people in-person in her office in Saint Paul, Minnesota and works virtually with people residing in Minnesota or Wisconsin.     

[email protected]

612-470-0991

www.fireflycounselingmn.com

@beth.klein.therapist

Helpful links for The Codependummy Podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We start with our “typical two” and hear Beth’s definition of codependency then aspects of codependency from her own life. Beth discusses how she was “accommodating” in her friendships growing up which then turned into accommodation with partners and in her former marriage. She provides examples of codependency between friends, partners, and the parent-child relationship. 

Beth reveals how she started to seek deeper connections following her divorce and wanted to be sure they weren’t like the unreciprocating connections she had in her adolescence and young adulthood.

But how do codependents make meaningful connections if all they’ve had are non-reciprocating, thankless, and boundary-less relationships?

Beth describes how she was able to make friends by taking risks, putting herself out there, and facing the fear of rejection/unfulfillment/loneliness/and other things that we codependents usually face when trying to create community. 

You’ll hear Beth share about her experience attending MeetUp groups, receiving encouragement from her therapist, and slowly creating a network of connections. 

I push back when she suggests focus on “giving rather than receiving” and other tips like that since, as codependents, all we have done is give. The typical advice to make friends may not always apply to us, right?

We conclude with Beth sharing about how we can investigate and explore our values. By knowing our values, we can then decide if we are willing to face the fear and pain that comes with being vulnerable and making friends. 

This is definitely a topic we will be covering on an ongoing basis as we codependents are so lonely but also so discouraged when our attempts to connect with others are not successful. 

Questions for you, dear listener:

1. What came up for you as Beth shared her definition of codependency? What did or didn’t resonate as you heard her examples?
2. How did you relate to Beth’s experiences of codependency from her own life?
3. How are you doing with your friend game? Do you feel fulfilled and connected in your friendships or are you lonely and discouraged? 
4. What have been your experiences recently in making deep connections? Any advice to share (please email me! [email protected])
   1. If you could do whatever you wanted, what would you do?
   2. When you’re 80, what do you want to look back on and remember fondly about what you did?
   3. Are you willing to face pain, discomfort, and fear to attain what you value most?
5. Can you take time this week to look at your values? Beth’s questions:
6. How have you struggled to balance the advice we get on making friends with the fact that, as a codependent, you can maintain relationships for decades where you’re invisible/unheard/unseen/etc.?

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-In what ways was Listener KT raised, reinforced, and rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own? And how has that left him exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?

-How did KT's efforts to negate his needs to maintain his romantic relationship work out? (hint: it didn't!)

-For KT to start taking up space in other people's lives, why does he need to plan for the pain that comes along with that process?

In this episode, we had another brave listener come on for The Codependummy Dilemma segment! Listener KT stepped up to the plate to share about how the show has resonated despite him being male (thankfully listening past all the “girl” content)  and codependency in his life. KT describes how he was reinforced/rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own, particularly in his friendships. We hear how his codependent ways have left him exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships, especially romantically. I then coach KT through making a “pain plan” in order to help him face all the self-doubt, fear, and vulnerability that comes with connecting with others. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

Email [email protected] to come on for The Codependummy Dilemma!

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin with hearing about how KT found the show, what has resonated, and how he has been able to listen despite it pertaining to female listeners. Thankfully, KT connected with the stories and being able to relate to all our guests (we hope you have too!).

Next, we hear from KT on how he was raised, reinforced, and rewarded for putting the needs of others above his own. He expands on how codependency took root in his childhood friendships where he played small to avoid the pain and rejection from his dominant friends. 

And how is KT now exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?

KT recalls his codependency with an ex where he accepted “I just won’t get my needs met.” He did all he could to negate his needs but, in the end, he was burnt out. Please note, dear listener, how our codependent efforts to maintain relationships tend not to work!

We shift into the coaching phase and hear how KT wants help “socially.” Due to what relationships have meant to him in the past, he doubts, criticizes, and convinces himself not to reach out to others. So, what’s a codependummy to do?

We talk through steps to help him honor the pain he’s trying to avoid. If and when he feels rejected, reduced, or ridiculed socially, he can:

-get perspective (call trusted others for support, validation, and help with creating context)

-affirmations (create 3-4 specific affirmations about himself as he endeavors to create new and healthy relationships. For example, “I’m trying to take up space in other people’s lives…and part of that process means it’s not going to work out everytime. AND THAT’S OKAY”)

-Solitude (being alone without being lonely. KT will “play offense and defense” by spending quality time with himself on a regular basis then also go for walks/runs, bowling, visit places, etc. when he’s feeling the pain of rejection)

He will update us in a month to share how he’s doing with his pain plan.

Thank you for coming on KT! You are a brave and loyal listener! Thank you!

DON’T FORGET RRSS! PLEASE R.R.S.S:

Rate. 

Review.

Subscribe. 

Share.

We need more ratings on Spotify! Thank you in advance!

If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional options and resources:

-Get The Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one like the coaching you heard in this episode, please email [email protected]

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

I will see you all next week!

-How was Listener DA raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own? And how has that left her exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?

-In what ways has DA's codependent past with her family turned into current issues in her social and professional life?

-What steps can DA start to take to start validating herself through practicing discernment?

In this episode, we are back with the beloved segment, The Codependummy Dilemma! Listener AV reached out and we sat down to hear: how was she raised/reinforced/rewarded for putting the needs of others above her own AND how she’s exhausted/exasperated/enveloped in crap relationships. I then coach her through an area in her life where’s she’s being a codependummy/playing small/needing to take up space! You’ll hear us work together and collaborate on how she can discern whether her new job is the best fit for her and what she can do to discover more options besides the extremes of quitting or staying-forever-without-making-any-changes. 

Helpful links:

Email [email protected] to come on for The Codependummy Dilemma!

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin, per usual, with two typical questions:

How has DA been raised, reinforced, and rewarded for putting the needs of others above her own?

And how is DA now exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships, including the one she has with herself?

DA describes aspects of her childhood, including relationships with her mother, father, older sister, and older brother. Thanks to “not being attached” to herself, she shares how she was attached to others and made to believe that her opinions/needs did not matter. 

I then ask DA to reflect on an area in her life where she’s currently playing small and wanting to take up space. We hear about her brand new position at work and the observations she’s already made about her boss AND how she interacts with her boss. We discuss ways she used to act at work thanks to her codependency and why she doesn’t want to do that at her new position. 

We talk through steps to help her discern what is best for her: 

Step 1: Awareness. DA is already showing conscious awareness of her past patterns and thankfully is hoping to engage with others and herself differently at work.

Step 2: Decide. In one month, after a total of four weeks, DA is going to take time to reflect, ponder, and be curious about how work is going. She’ll weigh how her new position is impacting her physically, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, etc. After reflecting, she can then discern what she senses is best: stay, go, balance her new job with her own business, etc. Remember girl, we always have options!

Step 3: Validate what she discerns and move forward with that! DA committed to update me in a month to let us know how she’s doing. 

Thank you for coming on DA! You are a brave and loyal listener! Thank you!

DON’T FORGET RRSS! PLEASE R.R.S.S:

Rate. 

Review.

Subscribe. 

Share.

We need more ratings on Spotify! Thank you in advance!

If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional options and resources:

-Get The Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one like the coaching you heard in this episode, please email [email protected]

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

I will see you all next week!

-What are the common characteristics of a codependummy email? (hint: we do too much!)

-Why do we take so long to write certain emails to certain people to express certain needs?

-How can you stop being such a codependummy emailer and start to email like a healthy interdependent codependiamond?

In this episode, I take a deep dive into what and how a codependummy emails! I have a confession–I have been and am very codependent when it comes to sending and receiving EMAILS. I’m a codependummy emailer! I’ve wasted hours typing and deleting, sending and undoing, compulsively replying and ignoring those around me since I am codependent AF in my inbox. You’ll hear me share the 8 characteristics of a codependummy email, including how we compose emails and what makes up our emails. I share an example of a codependummy email from my own life and then conclude with ways you can stop playing small and start taking up space in your inbox, ya dummy! 

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link! 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin, per usual, with our beloved check in. 

Next, we take a look at the 7 common characteristics I have found make-up the body of as well as the composition of a CODEPENDUMMY EMAIL!

The common characteristics:

• We begin with niceties 
• We do too much (offering too many times and too many choices)
• We do too little (as not to impose or intrude, we say “sometime next year?”)
• We apologize or at least sound apologetic (So sorry to ask but could you resend…)
• We add smiley faces, emojis, or gifs to help ease tension 
• We take too long to write an email
• We follow-up when we don’t hear back
• We respond too promptly

I then take a deep dive into each characteristic by providing examples and answer WHY! Why do we begin with niceties? Why do we do too much? Why do we take too long to write an email?

I spell out the details of the body of a codependummy email then the composition of said codependummy email. 

You’ll hear me provide an anecdote from my own life when I engage in all (or most) of the common characteristics of a codependummy email:

• I began with niceties: Happy Monday!
• I did too much: offered multiple times to meet via brunch or lunch (when I was the invitee!)
• I was apologetic: I’m out of town [with added details/proof] the next several weeks. Can we plan on X date?
• No emojis so that’s a relief
• I followed-up when he didn’t respond! 
• I took too long to write “no, I’ve changed my mind.”
• When I did sent my email, I think I threw my phone to the other couch and ran away. Why? AVOIDANCE OF CONFLICT. CONFLICT AVOIDANT. 

We conclude with some ways you can be an interdependent codependiamond when it comes to emails:

1. Set a timer. Before you have to start an email conversation or when you have to respond, take a few breaths and discern “How much time ought to be dedicated to this email? 5 minutes? 10 minutes? 60 minutes?”
2. Niceties are nice but not necessary. 
3. Provide 2-3 options. Period.
4. Only apologize if you made a mistake or hurt someone. 
5. Emojis for enthusiasm! 
6. Only follow-up if you need to.
7. Get feedback, input, and advice from trusted others when composing a stress-inducing email.

Thank you for being here. Episode 83. That’s a wrap!

PLEASE R.R.S.S:

Rate. 

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Share.

We have close to 170 reviews in Apple. Thank you and keep them coming. I noticed I only have 11 ratings on Spotify so for you spotify users, I’d appreciate if you go in to the show page and find the “rate the show” button then add a rating. Thank you in advance!

If you’re needing more than just these episodes to combat codependency in your life, here are some additional options and resources:

-get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

I will see you all next week!

-What is “intergenerational trauma” and how does it relate to codependency?

-What does it mean to be “first gen” and “second gen?” And how can children of immigrants be more prone to codependency?

-How does boundary-setting promote balance and better living in any family, whether you’re “first gen” or “tenth gen?”

Thanks for supporting the show! In this episode, you’ll hear me talk with Ms. Allison Ly, LCSW, all about codependency and intergenerational trauma. Allison talks openly about her own codependency as the daughter of immigrants and ways she has had to navigate assisting her Chinese and Vietnamese parents without being codependent with them. Allison does a great job describing what intergenerational trauma is, how it impacts first- and second-generation children of immigrants, and ways codependency can take root in these families. Allison ends with some amazing insights on what codependents on their healing journey ought to know–be sure to listen to the whole episode for her wisdom!

More on this week’s guest:

Allison Ly is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She provides mental health therapy virtually in California for people who are 1st and 2nd generation, struggling with feelings of anxiety in their relationships to feel more confident. Allison’s a first generation Asian American born and raised in Los Angeles. She identifies as Chinese and Vietnamese culturally, and also speaks Vietnamese conversationally.

@allisonlylcsw on instagram

http://www.allisonlytherapy.com/ 

Helpful links for The Codependummy Podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We start with the typical two and hear about Allison’s definition of codependency: ”putting out own feelings and our needs on the backburner. We typically want to appease other people and what they need…but at the end of the day, it helps us alleviate our own anxieties, we have self-worth, etc.” Allison spells out how it typically depends on the situation–thankfully–where we are codependent at certain times and situations but it’s not a global behavior. 

Allison then describes aspects of her own codependency that began during her childhood. She recalls how, being first-gen, she had certain roles in her family where her parents were dependent on her and she gained esteem, worth, and love thanks to serving them. 

While Allison shares, she also helps us by defining what “first gen,” “second gen,” and “intergenerational trauma,” mean. 

We then hear about what codependency looks like in these children of immigrants and how it starts during childhood, develops in adolescence, and becomes exhausting as an adult. Often, they are stuck trying to discern which cultural expectations to honor: their parents’ culture, American culture, their local culture, etc.?

Allison home’s in on the fear of abandoning the family which comes up when children of immigrants are tasked with choosing which culture to adhere to. It’s overwhelming!

Where do we start then? With awareness, according to Allison. She discusses the benefits of therapy, of having a community, and finding ways to “not be so alone.” 

Notice you have options, notice the lack of self-kindness, and then discern what is the next right step for you to take in self-kindness? Then you try to create compromise in your relationships so it is not all or nothing. There is compromise, a middle-ground, a gray area, a BALANCE. 

Steps:

1. Be aware and kind
2. Go to therapy or find a community
3. Start to create boundaries 

“I hope everyone remembers that it gets better. It’s a process.” Thanks for the reminder Allison!

We conclude with one-minute of silence to reflect on the fact that it gets better. Thank you for joining along with us!

Questions for you, my dear listener: 

1. What are your thoughts and feelings after hearing Allison’s definition of codependency?
2. How can you relate to Allison’s experiences of codependency from her own life?
3. Where can you identify intergenerational trauma in your codependent behaviors? How has codependency potentially been passed down in your family?
4. If you have different roles in your family like those of first- and second-generational children, how are you navigating fulfilling those expectations while also creating boundaries?
5. What was it like to sit in silence while reflecting on the fact that, it gets better, however, it’s a process?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-What are the small steps to empowerment found in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)?

-How can mindfulness aid you along your healing journey?

-Where and how can you direct your keen awareness of others towards yourself?

Thank you for tuning in! In this week’s episode, Dr. Nicole Strauss is here to discuss her healing journey from codependency, her use of DBT therapy with her codependent clients, AND the small steps we can take towards empowerment. In her work, Nicole often incorporates aspects of mindfulness, emotional regulation, interpersonal effectiveness, and awareness to help herself and her clients “seize their independence.” You’ll hear the small steps Nicole took towards healing from codependency, namely with her mother and former friends, and hopefully be able to apply them to your own life asap. It’s a must-listen!

More on this week’s guest:

Dr. Nicole Strauss is a recent graduate with a PhD in clinical psychology who works with adults and teens and women who are looking to uncover their power and heal from a history of complex trauma, depression, and codependency. Nicole also leads a weekly DBT skills group - something she recommends with confidence to all individuals struggling with codependency. Please reach out to her via her email or website for more information if you are looking to participate!

www.innerwavetherapy.com

[email protected] 

Instagram: @dr.nicolestrauss

Helpful links for The Codependummy Podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We start with our “typical two” and hear Nicole’s definition of codependency and experiences of it from her own life. 

Nicole then gives us a vulnerable and honest account of her codependency which touched most aspects of her life and was most poignant with her mother and former friends. Nicole recalls helping her mother regulate her emotions thanks to her sensitivity and what that looked like growing up. We also hear about the signs and signals of codependency in her friendships. 

We explore the small steps of empowerment that Nicole started to take to heal from her codependency, including attending therapy, creating emotional and physical distance in her less-healthy relationships, befriending herself, reading, mindfulness, and so on.

Nicole describes what DBT therapy is and how she incorporates it in her work with therapy clients. She expands on the definitions and provides examples on awareness, mindfulness, emotional regulation, and interpersonal effectiveness. 

We conclude with a reminder to “seize our independence” through small steps.

Thanks for coming on Nicole!

Questions for you, my dear listener: 

1. What are your thoughts and feelings after hearing Nicole’s definition of codependency?
2. How can you relate to Nicole’s experiences of codependency from her own life?
3. What about Nicole’s healing journey inspires you and motivates you to take a small step starting this week?
4. After hearing about DBT therapy, what aspect (mindfulness, interpersonal effectiveness, etc.) do you want to focus on in this current phase of your healing journey?
5. What can you do to “seize your independence” this week?

Thank you for listening!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-What is hypnotherapy and how can it help one heal from codependency?

-With hypnosis, what are the short-term and long-term benefits?

-If we feel “addicted” to our codependent relationships, how can we interrupt our patterns to create new ones?

Thank you for tuning in! This week, I sat down with Ms. Shara Prophet, hypnotherapist, to talk all about hypnotherapy and how it can help promote our healing from codependency. You’ll hear Shara share about her work as a hypnotherapist, her own journey of healing from codependency, and how she helps her clients on a daily basis overcome their bad habits, addictions, and toxic patterns. Is codependency an addiction that hypnotherapy can help treat? Shara weighs in and then provides us with helpful steps we can take to interrupt our codependent patterns through self-hypnosis. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

Shara Prophet is a speaker, teacher, author, life coach, Hypnotherapist, and mystic. She is the founder of Open Door Hypnosis, a global private hypnotherapy practice and The B.E.M.A.G.I.C.  School, an online learning institute for Spiritual Sciences and personal development. Shara’s passion is helping others reach their full potentional by showing them how to harness the power of their subconscious mind to heal themselves. Her motto is “Blessed is she who knows hypnosis is key.”

Free 20-minute phone consultation, https://hypnosishealing.as.me/FREECONSULT

opendoorhypnosis.com

https://www.facebook.com/hypnosisiskey/

https://www.instagram.com/sharaprophet_cht/

linktr.ee/sharaprophet_cht

https://www.linkedin.com/in/sharaprophet

Helpful links for the podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We start with our “typical two” and hear Shara’s definition of codependency and experiences of it from her own life. 

Shara then describes to us what hypnotherapy is, what her work as a hypnotherapist entails, and how we can integrate hypnosis to promote our healing from codependency. 

We explore the short-term and long-term benefits of hypnosis, which, despite the initial impact, requires our ongoing commitment to making choices that promote our healing. 

Shara walks us through ways that we can interrupt our codependent partners through awarfeness, activating oru minds, listening to our bodies, and creating new “anchors” to promote new patterns. 

Thanks for coming on Shara! Take her up on her offer for a free 20-minute consultation: Free 20-minute phone consultation, https://hypnosishealing.as.me/FREECONSULT

Questions for you, my dear listener: 

1. What are your thoughts on Shara’s definition of codependency?
2. How can you relate to Shara’s experiences of codependency from her own life?
3. Do you sense that your codependency is like an addiction to certain people, patterns, and roles?
4. After hearing about hypnotherapy, is it something you want to incorporate into your healing journey from codependency?
5. What is one codependent pattern you can interrupt with the steps Shara introduced to us?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-We all know what boundaries are…but…what are boundaries?

-Where do we start with setting boundaries as codependents?

-How do we maintain boundaries when there’s pushback from others?

Thanks for tuning in! In this episode, I have a fulfilling and meaningful discussion with Ms. Kelli Younglove, a Consciousness Coach, all about the mystery and magic of B O U N D A R I E S. Kelli describes to us what boundaries are (with a healthy expansion to Brene Brown’s definition of boundaries), why they are so foreign to codependents, and how they can truly help us as we heal from our codependent ways. You’ll hear Kelli open up about her own healing journey and ways she has created boundaries in order to heal. We conclude with clear actions you can take to bring more consciousness into yoru life by honoring your needs and boundaries. 

More on this episode’s guest:

Kelli Younglove is a Consciousness Coach, an Anxiety Whisperer, and the creator of the boundary course: Creating the Container of YOU— a contemplative e-course that teaches boundary fundamentals for people pleasers and controllers.

www.kelliyounglove.com

https://www.facebook.com/youngloveinc/

Kelli’s Course: Boundaries | Creating the Container of YOU - https://courses-kelliyounglove.thinkific.com/courses/boundaries-creating-the-container-of-you 

Helpful links for the podcast:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation via PAYPAL to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode:

We begin with our “typical two” questions and hear 1) Kelli’s definition of codependency and 2) a codependent experience from her own life. 

We then shift gears to a focus on B O U N D A R I E S, which is Kelli’s specialty. We hear Kellis’ definition of boundaries, the different types of boundaries, and the steps you can take to become aware of the need for then the establishment of boundaries. 

Who knew that there were so many types of boundaries: emotional, mental, energetic, physical, sexual, spiritual, etc. 

We circle back to Kelli’s definition of codependency where she expands on Brene Brown’s wording: What’s okay for me? What’s no okay for me? And what’s okay for you? And not okay for you? We have to find the middle ground, balance, and compromise between our needs and those of others. 

Once we add a boundary, the maintenance phase begins (which is where the real work is). Kelli adds her description of the two-part formula: their/other people’s job is to do what they want afte we’ve set a boundary. Our job is to hold the boundary after setting it. And always come back to the breath. 

Thanks for coming on Kelli!

Questions for you: 

1. What came up for you as Kelli described her definition of codependency?
2. How do you relate to Kelli’s experience of codependency with her childhood friend?
3. Have you too had relationships fall apart due to your codependency? How are you practicing self-compassion due to the loss?
4. Did you resonate with Kelli’s definition of boundaries?
5. What boundary are you sensing you need to establish this week? How can you use Kelli’s steps in order to set it?
6. How can you take care of yourself after setting the boundary in order to maintain it?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

JOIN OUR MAILING LIST FOR ALL THINGS CODEPENDUMMY: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Make a donation to support the show: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!