The Codependummy Podcast

-What is ‘feminine sovereignty’ and how to codependents often lack it?

-How does the masculine mindset of our patriarchal culture contribute to women being vulnerable to developing codependency?

-What can we learn from feminine archetypes to integrate into our healing journey which promote balance between doing (masculine energy) and receiving (feminine energy)?

Welcome to Episode 108! In this episode, we hear from Dr. Rima Bonario about feminine sovereignty, feminine archetypes, and how focusing on our feminine sides can help us heal from codependency. Dr. Rima describes to us the 5 feminine archetypes she uses to help her clients develop self-referencing (as opposed to the other-referencing we codependents are used to doing). We discuss how the masculine mindset and patriarchal norms of our culture can contribute to women feeling more dependent and hyper-focused on deriving our sense of worth with others. We conclude with a discussion on ways Dr. Rima helps her clients cultivate more balance between their masculine and feminine energies in order to feel empowered and heal. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

Dr. Rima Bonario is a Dream Weaver, Soul-Coach and Wild-Heart Healer who draws from the culmination of 30 years of her own evolution to help women experience personal wholeness, relationship harmony, and material abundance in their lives.

Rima specializes in the arena of personal sovereignty and the challenge many women face in maintaining a healthy balance between caring for others and caring for themselves. Her doctoral work in transformational psychology informs her coaching, workshops, online courses, and guided tours to historically sacred places, and supports women to shed their fears, embody their feminine power and manifest their deepest dreams.

https://www.thesevenqueendoms.net/series 

https://rimabonario.com/free-gifts 

https://www.facebook.com/RimaBonarioTHD

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Dr. Rima’s definition of codependency and an experience of it in her own life. Dr. Rima emphasizes how codependency involves self-abandonment, other-referencing instead of self-referencing, and a total loss of sovereignty. Dr. Rima opens up about her codependency in her first marriage and shares a vulnerable experience where she tried her utmost to ‘stand in her power’ but, in the end, was not able to override her codependent urge to meet his expectations for a clean house. 

We then shift to hearing about feminine sovereignty and how Dr. Rima makes use of feminine archetypes to help her clients cultivate a sense of empowerment. She discusses archetypes of the queen, the good girl, the princess, the rebel, and super woman. Can you relate?

And how does this all play in to the masculine mindset and patriarchal culture we live in? Dr. Rima emphasizes how men and masculine energy is all about “giving” which is the opposite of feminine energy when is all about “receiving.” What happens to women in such a masculine culture? We strive, we do, we execute–and we end up burnt out and exhausted! 

Dr. Rima shares how this impacts us women, especially in the bedroom and our sexuality. I share about how, in times when I was most codependent, I was likened to a “star fish” in bed since I had nothing else to give to my partner and was not able to receive anything from him. We will be sure to have Dr. Rima on again in the future to talk all about codependents and sexuality, yes?!?

Dr. Rima concludes with sharing about the 7 queendoms she focuses on building with her clients in order to help them heal: spiritual, mental, dharmic/expressive, emotional, passionate, physical, and energetic. She highlights how focusing on these aspects in our lives can help us be sovereign like the queen archetype we want to emulate.

Thanks for coming on Dr. Rima! 

And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

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See you next week!

-How does childhood trauma affect our identity and contribute to the development of codependency?

-What effect does trauma have on our relationships, especially the formation of our codependent ones?

-With the knowledge of the long-term consequences of childhood trauma, is healing possible?!?

Welcome to Episode 107! In this episode, we talk with Tomiko Mackey, LCSW, on the interconnection between codependency and trauma. Tomiko shares with us about how trauma, especially that which we experienced in childhood, can contribute to the development of codependent patterns in our relationships. You’ll hear her describe the ways trauma impacts our identity formation and can make us more vulnerable to attaching to others in a manner that requires our passivity, self-sacrifice, and self-neglect. We explore whether it’s trauma or codependency that comes first–and ways that codependency can make us more vulnerable to ongoing exposure to trauma. We conclude with answering the question: is healing possible after traumatic experiences? It’s a must-listen!

Thank you for supporting the show!

More on this episode’s guest:

Tomiko Mackey is an LCSW in private practice, Mackey Counseling Services. She’s certified in TF-CBT (trauma focused cognitive behavioral therapy) and trained in EMDR (eye movement desensitization and reprocessing). Tomiko provides teletherapy to children, adolescents and adults who’ve experienced trauma, dealing with depression, anxiety. She’s licensed in California and Mississippi.

www.mackeycounseling.com

@TomikoMackey

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing from Tomiko on her definition of codependency as well as codependent experiences from her own life. Tomiko emphasizes how she observes codependent behaviors in ‘how we move in relationships.’ As a trauma therapist, she believes that codependent patterns comes from the quality of our attachments, especially with our early caregivers. 

In her own life, Tomiko acknowledges ways she was codependent in her young adulthood, especially in her romantic relationships. Thanks to her efforts in attending therapy, building a support system, and developing coping skills, she’s been able to heal and strives to provide the same experience to her patients. 

We turn our focus to trauma and ways childhood abuse, sexual assault, and other forms of trauma affect our identity and contribute to the development of codependency. Attachment, attachment, attachment is what Tomiko emphasizes. 

Tomiko drops some wisdom with the quote: It’s easier to build strong children than to repair broken adults. If we are broken adults, it seems that we may be more susceptible to experiencing trauma again and again due to the disempowerment that comes in our codependent relationships. 

With all the talk about the consequences of trauma–and how codependents may re-experience trauma again and again, one has to wonder: is healing from trauma possible? Tomiko says YES! She discusses how, in addition to therapy, we can focus on moving our bodies, mindfulness, building community, incorporating laughter, and practicing self-grace to promote our healing. 

Thanks for coming on Tomiko!

And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-How does codependency change from one life stage to another like adolescence to young adulthood to motherhood?

-What considerations must we keep in mind while healing from our codependency? Professionals and clients alike?

-When we embark on our healing journey, what long-term benefits can we look forward to experiencing across our lifespan?

Welcome to Episode 106! In this episode, we have the pleasure of hearing from Dr. Janiel L. Henry, PhD, about codependency across the lifespan. Dr. Janiel describes what codependency looks like in adolescents, young women, and new moms. Similar to how we change as we age, our codependency tends to evolve and looks different in different phases of life. However, underneath those changes is the core issue: a pattern of behavior where we put the needs of others above our own. Dr. Janiel explains to us the clinical considerations we ought to have as we seek help (and what therapists should keep in mind as well when treating codependents). We conclude with hope with a discussion on the long-term benefits of addressing codependency, no matter what phase of life we are in. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

Dr. Janiel L. Henry is the CEO, Founder, & Clinical Director at Women Rise Psychological and Wellness Center, located in Southern, CA. Women Rise is a boutique psychological and wellness center specializing in women's mental health & wellness across the lifespan with services including psychotherapy, clinical functional nutrition, women's wellness practitioner, doula support, massage therapy, and yoga movement, thereby targeting the whole person. As a licensed psychologist, Dr. Henry works to empower women so that they may not only survive, but heal, grow, thrive, and RISE in every aspect of their lives.

http://www.womenrisepsychandwellness.com

IG: @womenrisepsyc_wellness

Facebook: @womenrisepsycandwellness

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing about Dr. Janiel’s definition of codependency: a pattern of behavior where we put the needs of others above our own. 

Next, we dive in to our main focus: codependency across the lifespan. Dr. Janiel expands on what codependency looks like in adolescence, young adulthood, and in new mothers. We also highlight what relationships our codependency tends to be focused on: friendships in adolescence, romantic partnerships in young adulthood, and with our children in motherhood. 

Dr. Janiel shares with us about the clinical considerations that professionals should have when working with codependents. And honestly, these are considerations we should all have–whether we are clients or professionals.

Dr. Janiel emphasizes how we need to understand that the codependency has a function and, though it doesn’t appear to be, is ‘working for us’ in some manner. She describes how we need to consider that our codependency may be deeper than it appears and how the focus needs to be on creating safety in our relationships, developing coping skills, and honoring how past trauma may be contributing with our current behaviors. 

We conclude with hearing Dr. Janiel elaborate on all the ways we can benefit from addressing our codependency now. It doesn’t matter which phase of life we are in–if we work towards healing, we will be sure to have more authentic and deeper connections, feel safe and secure in our relationships, have a higher sense of well-being, sense reciprocity in our relationships, and so on. 

Thanks for coming on Dr. Janiel!

And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

PLEASE:

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in new motherhood? 

-How can the healthy and natural dependency between mothers and children turn into unhealthy and unnatural ‘codependency’ when parents over-identify with their role as parents?

-Why do we need to get clear on what our values are in order to maintain our sense of self and avoid enmeshment in our families?

Welcome to Episode 105! This week, Kelly Fabiano joins us to talk about codependency in new motherhood. You’ll hear Kelly reflect on experiences of codependency in her own experience as a new mom as well as the women she works with as a coach. Kelly describes how new moms are often codependent by putting the opinions and perspectives of others–family members, friends on social media, and everyone in society–at the forefront of their minds. We explore the consequences of codependency on new mothers and end with ways you can combat them by getting in touch with your values. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

Kelly Fabiano is a life coach that supports moms in reconnecting with their mind, body and purpose. She supports them in ending the tug-of-war between career, kids and their identity outside of motherhood so that they live a life that lights them up inside.

www.lifeanddeathwithkelly.com 

@kellylynnlifecoaching / @tilldeathdoulaparts

Freebie: https://lifeanddeathwithkelly.com/21daystoyou 

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with the “typical two” and hear about how Kelly defines codependency as well as experiences of it from her own life. She opens up about ways she put the opinions and perspectives of others at the forefront of her mind, especially as a new mom where she often thought about what her family, “mom friends” on social media, and others in the larger society expected from her. 

Kelly describes ways she and the women she works with engage in codependent behavior in early motherhood, including difficulty asking for help from partners, comparison on social media, and taking action to please the implicit and explicit opinions of others. 

Kelly and I reflect on how vulnerable new mothers are and how, as codependents, they may be particularly sensitive to the opinions of others in their families, social media, and society at large. 

How does Kelly help women avoid these codependent traps? She describes how she helps her coachees with defining their mission states, getting clear on their values, and boundaries. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries! Both external boundaries as well as internal ones. The internal boundaries like separating our self-worth from the behavior of our kids (or others in our families). 

Thanks for coming on Kelly!

And thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

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Review.

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-How is codependency conceptualized in the practice of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM)?

-What are the long-term consequences on the mind and body if we do not address our codependent patterns in relationships?

-How can practices like acupuncture, hypnotherapy, tai chi, and so on help us transform our health?

Welcome to Episode 104! This week, we hear from Dr. Sharleen Lawrence, practitioner of traditional Chinese medicine, acupuncture, and hypnotherapy. Sharleen shares with us about how codependency is perceived in traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) and ways that it shows up in our physical and emotional body. You’ll hear us explore the long-term consequences of maintaining our codependent ways (hint: chronic codependency can lead to chronic health conditions). We conclude with hearing about ways Dr. Sharleen helps her patients create more balance and harmony in their lives. 

More on this episode’s guest:

Sharleen is a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine, licensed acupuncturist, certified hypnotherapist, and the founder of the HypnoPuncture Method.

Free Mental Health eBook on my website:

https://www.empirewellnesscenter.com/mental-health-ebook 

www.empirewellnesscenter.com

@ewchealth for IG, FB, and Twitter

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Dr. Sharleen’s definition of codependency through the lens of traditional Chinese medicine (TCM). She then reflects on aspects of codependency in her own life, including the time she was recommended to read the book Codependent No More from a business coach. 

We shift gears and get the 101 definitions of acupuncture, hypnotherapy, and traditional Chinese medicine. Now, how do they relate to codependency? Sharleen describes how physical symptoms are often related to imbalance in other aspects of our emotional, mental, spiritual, relational, lives. 

Sharleen describes the various ways she has observed codependent behavior in our relationships show up in our bodies. She emphasizes how, in her work, it’s important to ask questions about our symptoms to help build a better understanding of what treatment may be needing, including physical treatments like acupuncture as well as relational treatments like speaking up in relationships. 

Sharleen warns us about the consequences of codependency unaddressed: chronic conditions. She then helps us by sharing about ways she helps her patients combat codependency, including acknowledging our emotions, creating timelines of our intense emotions, and integrating Chinese medicine. 

Thanks for coming on Sharleen!

And thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

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We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

See you next week!

-In our codependent relationships, how can we become codependent on the version of ourselves that we and others expect ourselves to be?

-What are some ways we can replace the harsh expectations we put on ourselves with self-compassion?

-How do we cultivate self-compassion without becoming lazy, enabling, or self-indulging?

Welcome to Episode 103! In this episode, Dulce Orozco, LHMC, comes on to talk about the ever-elusive topic to codependents: self-compassion. We begin by hearing about ways that codependents often create expectations of themselves based on who they believe others want them to be–like a persona. This version of ourselves then becomes something we are codependent on. To combat this misalignment, Dulce encourages us to practice self-compassion and teaches us the initial steps we can take to be kinder to ourselves. This episode is a must-listen! 

More on this episode’s guest:

Dulce Orozco is a Latina Immigrant Therapist and speaker that specializes in working with people of color and from immigrant families.

Because of her personal and professional experience working in private practice, community mental health, psychiatric hospitals, and counseling centers, she is fascinated by culture's role in mental health and how we perceive ourselves.

Dulce’s Freebie on the Things She Wished She Knew When Looking For a Therapist: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1XAfWeSwBylCgBvzm2fTE2sc4XElJpKGs/edit?rtpof=true&sd=true

https://www.dulceorozco.com/

https://www.linkedin.com/in/latinaimmigranttherapist/

https://www.instagram.com/latinaimmigranttherapist/

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Support by donating Money/Funds! Help the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin with the “typical two” and hear about how Dulce defines codependency (on a spectrum) and ways she’s experienced it in her own life (with family on a recent visit when she couldn’t be present for a big achievement since she wasn’t readily available for her parents and sisters). 

Next, Dulce describes ways that we can be codependent on ourselves and the person we are expected to be! Fascinating, yes? I reflect on ways I’ve experienced this in my own life when, in previous relationships, I would take actions and make decisions throughout the day that I sensed my parents or my partner or my friends would later approve of. Dulce emphasizes how we are not acting from an autonomous place when this happens and we just become a certain version of ourselves that we develop codependency on. 

How do we start to break this codependency on who we expect ourselves to be? Self-compassion. Dulce defines the concept of self-compassion and ways that she helps her clients cultivate it in their lives: cultivating a sense of deservedness, gratitude, addressing guilt, inviting energy of self-compassion in, and so on. 

I highlight how, at times, codependents may find it easy to practice compassion to others but need to learn to channel it towards themselves. Dulce invites us to ask ourselves “What would I say to someone I love in the same situation?” We can also practice asking what do I need, the “one for you-one for me” exercise, point out our small improvements, and cultivate community. 

Thanks for coming on Dulce!

And thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What is Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and how can it be used to help us address our codependent thoughts, behaviors, and actions?

-Why is it disempowering to use the term “codependent” when describing ourselves? And how might it be helpful to focus more on describing our behaviors?

-What is a useful skill from DBT that we can begin to use to describe, express, assert, and reinforce our needs?

Welcome to episode 102! This week, we are graced with the brilliance of Dr. Hollie Granato, PhD, who provides us a 101 lesson on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and how it relates to codependency. You’ll hear Dr. Hollie discuss how DBT challenges labels and terms like ‘codependency’ and why it is important to focus more on the behaviors underlying the label: people-pleasing, conflict avoidance, self-doubt, etc. Hollie reveals the DBT methods and skills she uses with her clients to help them develop mindfulness, articulation of thoughts/feelings/needs, and self-acceptance. It’s a must listen!

More on the episode’s guest:

Dr. Hollie Granato is a DBT and CBT certified clinical psychologist practicing in Beverly Hills. She trained at the University of Washington where her work focused on the intersection of sexual trauma, substance use, and emotion dysregulation. Hollie is currently in private practice as well as remains involved in several research grants and supervision/training of clinical doctoral students.

www.drholliegranato.com

www.instagram.com/drholliegranato 

Helpful links for the podcast:

Work with me by emailing: [email protected]

https://linktr.ee/codependummy 

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

More deets on this episode: 

We begin with a 101 lesson on Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) thanks to Dr. Hollie’s expertise int his therapeutic modality. The creator, Marsha Linehan, found herself in a dialectical dilemma, and thus, created a type of therapy to integrate cognitive and humanistic approaches to balance skills-building and fostering acceptance in patients. 

And how does DBT define codependency? Hollie shares how there is an effort to avoid labels like ‘codependency’ as they may disempower an individual to stay stuck in their own behavior. Instead, Hollie suggests that the definition of codependency should be defined “in behavioral terms and asking what are the individual’s goals and what are the behaviors getting in the way of those goals?” Wow!

We hear about the codependent behaviors found in the patients Hollie works with who struggle with emotion regulation, including staying in unhealthy relationships, denial/not seeing relationships for what they are, begging/pleading for their partner to change, resentment building, and passive-aggressive behavior. 

How does DBT help address codependent behaviors? SKILLS! All the skills. As well as individual therapy, phone coaching, and consultation for the therapists. Hollie emphasizes how exposure is also paramount as it is a way for us to break codependent patterns on our own terms since we initiate the boundary setting, the saying “no,” or the assertion of our needs. 

We conclude with a description of the DBT skill D.E.A.R.M.A.N: describe, express, assert, and reinforce our thoughts/feelings/needs. The M.A.N. part denotes being mindful, appearing confident, and negotiating. You can read more about it here: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/dbt-dear-man

Thanks for coming on Hollie!

And thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

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-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

-Work with me, your hostess mostest! Dive deeper and heal from your codependency by reaching out via email to set up a free consultation: [email protected]

-What is the Gottman Method and how does the approach help treat codependency in couples?

-Why do we get caught in cycles of criticism-defensiveness if and when we try to communicate our thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs?

-How do we differentiate between accepting versus trying to control or change others? And how can we start our path towards acceptance?

Welcome to Episode 101! In this episode, Jeremy Treat, LMFT, shares with us about The Gottman Method, a therapeutic approach to provide couples therapy and how it can help us with our codependency. You’ll hear Jeremy discuss key aspects of The Gottman Method that relate to codependency, including the criticism-defensiveness cycle and the four horseman in conflicts: criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling. We highlight how codependents often feel contempt towards others as a result of not getting their needs me. To end, Jeremy reveals steps we can take to combat codependent patterns in our relationships, including the ever-elusive skill of listening. This episode is a must-listen! 

More on this episode’s guest:

Jeremy Treat is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Pasadena, Ca, specializing in couples counseling with the Gottman Method. Jeremy helps couples re-ignite the spark by listening to each other more carefully, understanding each other more deeply, and building new skills to relate to each other in reliably positive ways.

www.jeremytreat.com

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More deets on the episode:

How does Jeremy define the term “codependency?” Taking care of other people while sacrificing your relationship with yourself. He offers how codependency is one side of a spectrum that includes independence, interdependence, and codependence and highlights how, depending on the relationship, we may lean more towards codependent behaviors. 

And what about Jeremy’s perception of “interdependence?” He encourages us to ask ourselves ‘how do I maintain myself as a complete person while being with another?’ and remember that, when in a relationship, there are two individuals that make the sum greater than it’s parts. 

We move on to hear about Jeremy’s work with couples using The Gottman Method, a form of couples therapy created by John and Julie Gottman. Like building a house, the Gottman’s argue that relationships must have a strong foundation made up of friendship and healthy conflict. 

Jeremy educates us on the criticism-defensiveness cycle and ways that codependents get stuck in these patterns with others, especially partners. He details the four horseman in conflict: criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling, and contempt. We explore how codependents, due to our avoidance of conflict, often become contemptuous with partners. He should just know what I want, right?

We conclude with advice from Jeremy on how he helps couples break these codependent patterns: being able to articulate their thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs and via LISTENING. Gottman’s focus on: friendship, healthy conflict, and creating a legacy. Here’s a link to the Buddhist teacher he mentioned to help with compassion: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbLEf4HR74E

Thanks for coming on Jeremy!

And thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-How was Listener SP raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own?

-And how has that left Listener SP exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships, including the one she has with herself?

-How can Listener SP stop playing small and start taking up space when it comes to interacting with her high-anxiety-mother?

Welcome to Episode 100! In this episode, we are back with our beloved segment, The Codependummy Dilemma. A brave fellow-listener, SP, volunteered to come on and share a) how she was raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own; b) how that’s left her exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships; and c) how she’s playing small and wants to take up more space when it comes to interacting with her high-anxiety mother. I coach her through ways she can do this to not take in, be so affected, and depleted by her mother. It’s a must-listen!

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Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Support! Donate Money/Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin by hearing by hearing how SP found out about the podcast and how it’s helped her thus far. She signed up for The Confiding Codependummy which has helped her learn more about where her codependency comes from. Get your own copy at www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Next, SP describes ways she was raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own. Her parents modeled the typical codependent-alcoholic dynamic and her mother always stuck up for the underdog—which wasn’t SP. 

How has that affected SP long-term? How is she exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships? SP shares about her exhaustion, especially in recent years, as a consequence of doing everything for everyone and nothing for herself as a wife, foster mother, daughter, etc. SP goes into detail about the physical toll her codependency has had on her: not sleeping, eating whatever, drinking whatever, not moving her body and being sick all the time. 

SP acknowledges how she really talks “like crap to myself. I’m a horrible mom, a horrible person, I’m horrible.” And yes, she’s making progress but we both resonate and emphasize how working through our codependency is h a r d.

And what would SP like help with from me? “I dread my interactions with my mother.” 

I have her reflect on recent interactions to help her identify what’s the worst part: she conveys—either implicitly or explicitly—that SP is inadequate. 

We review a recent interaction and unpack what SP can do next time to navigate her interactions with mom. No, she won’t be able to change her mother. No, she won’t be able to go through the interaction carefree and casually. It WILL come into her, affect her, and deplete her. But how can she make it less painful? Only 90% as opposed to 100% depletion?

SP suggest: acknowledge my mother’s thoughts/feelings (“Yeah mom, that was a lot”), stand firm with where she’s (SP) is at, use her inner dialogue to compassionately have a reality check, and use the bathroom for solace. 

Let’s see how it goes SP. I will be sure to update you all on how she is doing soon. If you’re interested in coming on, email [email protected]. 

Questions for you:

1. What came up for you as you heard how SP was raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own?
2. How do you relate to how that’s left her exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in sh*t relationships?
3. How are your interactions with your mother lately? 
4. If you find your interactions with your mother coming into you, affecting you, and depleting you, how can you better prepare for the before-during-and-after of the interaction to not be 100% taken out? Only 90%?
5. What can you do to integrate the practices that SP came up with to play big in your relationships? 

Thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

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Review.

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Share.

We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC - 

See you next week!

-What is the “Demon Dance” and how do codependents tend to pursue while their partners withdraw?

-How are codependent relationships, at their worst, like those of parasites and hosts?

-When we’re stuck in an unhealthy relationship pattern, how can we cultivate attunement, separate responsibilities, and reciprocity?

Welcome to Episode 99! In this episode, Magena Amen, a couples therapist, educates us on how and why codependent relationships look like those of parasites and hosts. You’ll hear her share about the “Demon Dance” we get stuck in through a pursuing-withdrawing pattern and how to get out of it. Magena then educates us on how we can break the pattern through taking space, separating responsibilities, cultivating attunement, and creating a sense of reciprocity. It’s a must-listen!

More on this episode’s guest:

Magena helps those who've been dealt a shit hand in life. Maybe it's been trauma or some other awful experiences, but they've got you stuck & emotionally up & down. If you've ever been called too much or too sensitive, Magena's your gal. She helps people reclaim their run away emotions to create more joy & better connection in their lives.

elevatepsychservices.com

@elevatepsych on Insta & Facebook

Helpful links for the podcast:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things Codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - 

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Support! Donate Money/Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] to schedule a free 30-minute consultation.

More deets on the episode:

We begin by hearing Magena’s definition of codependency: like a “leeching system.” She compares codependency with that of a parasite-host dynamic where we, the codependents, are the “host” and are in relation with someone who, like a parasite, takes from us with little to no reciprocity.

We then hear about Magena’s previous experiences of codependency, including a previous boyfriend. “I loved the men I could save.”

Next, we explore the patterns of codependency in the couples Magena works with. She describes to us her work using EFT, Emotionally Focused Therapy, and how to break the “Demon Dance.” Magena spells out how one partner tends to leave, stonewall, act out, etc. while the other pursues/chases, attempts to keep the communication going, and attempts to appease their partner to make them stay. Sounds like two partners dancing together, yes? “You lead and I will follow.”

I ask about what’s helpful and hurtful during these times of conflict/tension/discord. Magena encourages us to ask ourselves, “What’s mine? What’s not mine?” This question helps us discern our own thoughts, feelings, and behaviors while not being responsible for our partners. 

And how do we break these patterns? 3 ingredients: attunement, separated responsibility, and reciprocity. Magena helps couples achieve this through education, reflecting/mirroring activities, and practice, practice, practice! 

Thanks for coming on Magena! Be sure to check out her website for the free Vimeo tutorials on these practices as well as ways to find a therapist. 

Questions for you:

1. What came up for you as you heard Magena’s definition of codependency? 
2. How do you relate to her experiences of codependency? 
3. When have you engaged in “pursuing” behaviors with a partner/parent/friend who was “withdrawing” like those in the Demon Dance?
4. How do you sense you’ve felt powerful/in control when it was you who was being pursued in relationships and got to withdraw from time to time?
5. What can you do to integrate the practices that Magena recommends—reciprocity, attunement, and separation of responsibilities? 

Thank you, dear listener, for listening! 

PLEASE:

Rate. 

Review.

Subscribe. 

Share.

We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

Work with me! Email [email protected] 

See you next week!