The Codependummy Podcast

-What does codependency look like in plus-size persons?

-How does judgment from others lead plus-size persons to ‘play small’ in their relationships?

-What are the initial steps to healing from our codependency with body image?

Welcome to Episode 128! This week, we are graced with the presence of Annelise Asch, advocate of body neutrality and liberation, to discuss the interconnection between codependency, body image, and plus-size persons. Annelise shares with us how, as young women, we can become codependent on society’s standard of beauty and attraction. This, in turn, can lead us to become codependent on our body image and becoming obsessed with morphing and molding our bodies to fit the “ideal.” Annelise opens up about her own codependency with body image and how she was able to break the connection. We conclude with the initial steps she suggests for plus size persons to stop playing small and start taking up space! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

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Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Annelise Asch is the Social media chair for the International Association of Eading Disorder Professionals iaedp LA and a Professional Relations Representative for The Renfrew Center. She is Passionate about mental health and has worked for 3 years providing peer support and coordinating outreach for mental health organizations in Southern California. Annelise is an advocate of body neutrality and liberation and channels that into her work and personal social media presence.

instagram.com/anneliseasch 

Deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Annelise’s definition of codependency: when one seeks validation from others and allows others to define one’s boundaries. She opens up about codependency from her own life and admits how she used to think it was a compliment! Her former relationship was, unbeknownst to her, extremely codependent where their “compromise” was really them sacrificing their needs. Can you relate?

Our focus turns to codependency in plus size persons. Annelise shares about how, as young women, we are vulnerable to becoming codependent on society’s beauty standard where we strive to meet the standards of an “ideal body.” This in turn can lead to becoming codependent on our own body image where she obsessively think about, worry about, feel self-conscious about, and hyper-focus on our bodies. Annelise describes her own codependency with her attempts to lose weight and how she was enabled due to the positive attention from others and praise. 

I ask Annelise about how a plus sized individual may be vulnerable to being codependent in their relationships. If they worry they aren’t “pleasing others” with their body, then they may be more agreeable, conflict-avoidant, and appeasing to their partners, parents, and friends. Annelise also describes how being teased, criticized, or shamed by others can lead a plus-size person to ‘play small.’ 

What does recovery look like for a plus-size person? Annelise lists how realization of one’s worth, an understanding of body neutrality and body acceptance, finding community, and challenging the beliefs/standards of beauty can free one of being codependent on their body image. 

Thanks for coming on Annelise! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-What is purity culture and how does it relate to codependency?

-What are the short- and long-term consequences of purity culture?

-How can we explore and cultivate healthy intimacy?

Welcome to Episode 127! This week, we are graced, for the second time, with the presences of Susanna Guarino, LMHC, to dive into purity culture. In a previous episode, Susanna shared about religious trauma and is here to expand on the impact of purity culture on codependency. We hear what purity culture is, how it left codependent young women to be vulnerable, and the negative consequences it had. Susanna reveals how she helps her clients attempting to heal from codependency compounded by purity culture. You’ll be left with insights on how to address issues related to your own lack of intimacy or sexuality. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

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FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Susanna Guarino is a therapist in private practice in NY working with couples and individuals who have experienced religious trauma, spiritual abuse, or damaging effects from membership in a high-control group. She is licensed in NY, AZ, RI and FL.

http://www.goodearthcounseling.com 

Deets on the episode: 

Susanna Guarino is back everyone! We begin with reviewing how she defines codependency: overly focusing on what others need to the detriment of oneself. We connect that to Susanna’s specialty working with religious trauma: codependency is seen when one makes decisions based off fear, yields to others influence to avoid sin, and is worried about their eternal damnation if they prioritize their own needs. 

Susanna opens up about codependency in her own life with an anecdote about purity culture. She describes being part of a Christian church and promising to not have sex until married during a youth gathering. She recalls how, despite the majority making the pledge, two young women defied the leader and refused to acquiesce to the leader’s shaming them. 

We then focus on the interconnection and overlap between codependency and purity culture. Susanna educates us on the history of purity culture, the impact it had on adolescents and teens during the 1990s throughout the US, and it’s consequences. 

Susanna lists various consequences, including internal shame, fear, a lack of sexual pleasure, a lack of intimacy between partners, and a patriarchal/male-centric approach to sex. Many adolescents and teens, especially young women, were vulnerable in this environment and often prioritized the needs of their church leaders, families, and community above their own. 

We conclude with hearing from Susanna about ways she helps her clients attempting to recover from purity culture through education, developing an understanding, developing comfort discussing sex, cultivating critical thinking, and so on. 

Thanks for coming on Susanna! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-In our families, how do roles, rules, and responsibilities contribute to our codependency?

-As adults, how can we challenge the expectations we have of ourselves and our family members in order to heal?

-What are the initial steps we can take to make changes in our families?

Welcome to Episode 126! This week, I sat down with Dove Pressnall, LMFT, to discuss her work providing therapy to adult families: between siblings, adult children and a parent, or having a whole family working with her. Dove discusses her approach by helping her clients get clear on their roles, rules, responsibilities and reasons within their family. She opens up about her own role as the “caregiver” and how she was able to heal from that role, especially in her relationship with her mother. We explore how to challenge familial expectations, boundaries, and communication. You’ll be left with thoughtful questions you can start to ask yourself to heal your family as an adult. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dove Pressnall, pronouns she/her, is a psychotherapist (all one word, most days) who has been helping individuals, couples and families tackle problems and build the lives they want since 1997. Dove also founded the nonprofit organization Survivors' Truths and, in her spare time, is the single mom to a 15-year-old who is way cooler than she'll ever be.

https://www.talkingpossibilities.com/ 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We begin with hearing Dove’s definition of codependency: when one sacrifices for someone else that is not having the effect one wants. It becomes codependent when what we sacrifice for does not work. She then shares about her approach to codependency which involves looking at her clients’ rules, roles, responsibilities, reactions, and reasons. 

Dove describes her codependency as a child where she was the caregiver in her family. She would roll with the punches, sacrifice her needs, go along with others, etc. She was able to heal from that role and offers hope by sharing about the drastic change she and her mother have had in their relationship. 

We shift focus to Dove’s work with families. She has worked with adult families, including siblings, a parent and a child, or the entire multi-generational family. She helps them question the different expectations in communication, the roles they’ve had, helps them create space, and explores how they can meet their needs and the needs of others. 

Dove suggests asking ourselves deep questions like: how and why caring became important to us? When has sacrifice previously paid off? When has sacrifice caused us harm? 

She concludes by offering her perspective that “good things are going on” when she begins with a new patient. Her focus is to help them become curious about what if things were better? 

Thanks for coming on Dove! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-How can codependency delay the grieving process?

-What are the common behaviors of codependents going through grief?

-Why do we need to be mindful and not delay the grief process? What’s the worst that can happen?

Welcome to Episode 125! This week, I had the pleasure of talking with Kayla Nettleton, LCSW, about codependency and grief. Kayla opens up about her codependency and how it delayed the grief process after the loss of her father. Through sharing her experience, Kayla highlights the common behaviors of codependents who engage in behaviors of people-pleasing and self-sacrifice to “help others,” but, unfortunately, it delays their own grieving after a loss. Kayla describes the consequences of delaying the grief process and suggests steps we can take to move forward if and when we are grieving. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

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FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Kayla Nettleton is a Licensed Clinical Social Wworker based in Texas. Kayla loves working with overwhelmed/stressed out women looking to find balance in their life. She also enjoys working with couples looking to get out of a rut. Some of her favorite things include spending time with family and friends, traveling and listening to inspiring podcasts.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/kayla-m-nettleton-san-antonio-tx/883559 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

Kayla defines codependency as always wanting or willing to give in relationships and rarely wanting to receive. She describes how codependents often try to be the “hero” as a consequence to how they were raised to offer but not ask for help. She opens up about codependency in her own life and how it led to a pattern where she always wanted her friends to come to her but she never sought their help. 

We turn our focus to grief and codependency. What is grief? The journey after losing a loved one/someone who meant a lot to you. The grieving process after the loss can be stalled by codependency since, as demonstrated by Kayla’s experience, since we dive into patterns that inhibit our own grief. 

Kayla recalls how she felt needed by her mother, took it upon herself to organize funeral services, and put her grief aside. Kayla shares how she often sees this type of behavior in her client going through the grief process as well as veterans, couples, etc. The consequences of these behaviors leads to anger, resentment, outbursts, and the grief coming up at inappropriate times with inappropriate people. 

The initial steps Kayla suggests to resolve grief involves going to therapy, sharing our feelings, asking for help, and being more honest. 

Thanks for coming on Kayla! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in the children of immigrant families?

-How can the immigrant experience lead to the development of narcissism in parents and codependency in children?

-How can adult children create healthier relationships with their families?

Welcome to Episode 124! This week, I sat down with Harry Au, therapist and son of an Asian immigrant family, to talk about the codependency that develops as a consequence of the immigrant experience. Harry opens up about codependency in his own life as the eldest son in his family. We then explore what codependency looks like in Asian immigrant children and the long-term consequences as they become adults. Harry highlights a narcissistic-codependent dynamic that can manifest and how he helps his clients navigate this. We conclude with the initial steps Harry takes with his clients to help them create healthier relationships with family. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

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FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Harry is a social worker and therapist who lives on the Indigenous territory of Dish with One Spoon, which is a Wampum Treaty of the Houdenosaunee and Anishinaabe. This is commonly referred to as the city of Toronto, Canada.

https://www.harryautherapy.com/ 

https://www.harryautherapy.com/newsletter 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

Harry defines codependency as: really good at knowing what others need, reading signs, honing in on the needs of others. He emphasizes how, in the beginning, this is a great pattern to have in relationships, however, in the end, it results in anger, resentment, and feeling uncared for. 

Harry opens up about codependency in his own life, including how he took care of his family since he was the eldest, a son, and the son of immigrants in Canada. He discusses experiences with codependency and narcissism. 

We explore what codependency looks like in Asian immigrant children: being the translator, protecting your parents, providing for the family’s needs, while also neglecting one’s needs in order to not be a burden. Harry then reflects on the narcissism that can develop where a parent becomes defensive, blames/shames children, is judgmental, passive-aggressive, and gets their needs taken care of through family members. 

How does Harry address this narcissistic-codependent dynamic with his clients? He begins by helping them define their emotions, practice embodiment, and set boundaries with non-family members. His work may be focused on helping them cut-off family members, however, he helps them do it in a conscious and intentional manner. 

Thanks for coming on Harry! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What are attachment styles?

-How do attachment styles relate to codependency?

-How can we navigate the positive and negative impacts of attachment styles on our relationship?

Welcome to Episode 123! This week, I had the pleasure of speaking with Elizabeth Polinsky, LMC, all about attachment styles. Liz educates us on the four types of attachment style: avoidant, disorganized, anxious, and secure. She describes the similarities between anxious attachment style and codependency (since we often are anxious in our relationships, right?). We then explore how attachment styles impact our intimate romantic relationships. Liz shares about her work with couples and how she helps them learn to cope together, foster healthy dependency, and mprove communication. We conclude with hearing the initial steps Liz takes with her clients to help them navigate their attachment style in relationships. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

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FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Elizabeth "Liz" Polinsky is a Certified Emotionally Focused Therapist and Marriage Counselor practicing in Virginia Beach, Virginia. As a military spouse, she has a special passion for working with military and veteran couples. She is also the host of The Communicate & Connect Podcast for Military Relationships.

www.ElizabethPolinskyCounseling.com 

www.CommunicateAndConnectPodcast.com 

More deets on the episode:

Liz shares her definition of codependency and describes why she doesn’t like the term! However, she often sees it as a pattern where one partner gives up themselves to the other. 

She opens up about codependency in a former relationship where she worried about conflict, feared being rejected, and did her best not to rock the boat which led to dire consequences. 

We then focus on Liz’s specialty of attachment styles. What is ‘attachment style?’ Liz teaches us about anxious, avoidant, disorganized, and secure attachment styles. The one that is most aligned with codependency is anxious: a template for how I cope by being perfect, needed, caretaking, etc. 

And what happens when we are in relationships with others who have opposing attachment style? There’s stress! Liz spells out how, due to the threat of loss, our attachment style comes “online” and we often end up in a pursue-withdraw pattern. How do we change this to a pattern of ‘coping with?’ Liz works with her clients on becoming more flexible, emotionally aware, and cultivating a healthy dependency. 

We conclude with hearing initial steps: understand the pattern (trigger, emotion, meaning, protective behavior, a.k.a, TEMP) and create a secure bond. Simple but not easy!

Thanks for coming on Liz! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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See you next week!

-What does it mean to ‘define a relationship?’

-How can we set clear expectations in our relationships through defining them?

-Why should we start defining our codependent relationships asap?

Welcome to Episode 122! This week, we hear from Jamal Jones, LMFT, on how to ‘define relationships.’ Jamal shares with us how, what, why, and when we can take our relationships–especially our codependent ones–and clarify our expectations through defining them. Jamal provides helpful examples to improve our understanding of how we can implement relationships definition in our personal, professional, and social life. We conclude with tangible steps for how to define relationships and hear about the long-term benefits, including self-awareness and healthy boundaries. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

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Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Jamal Jones is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), Entrepreneur, Speaker and Coach. In his clinical practice he specializes in Marriage Counseling, Therapy For Men, and People of Color.

https://www.centralvalleychristiancounsel.com/ 

https://www.facebook.com/centralvalleychristiancounsel 

https://www.instagram.com/jamall.jones1/ 

www.linkedin.com/in/jamal-jones-lmft-4352579b 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We begin with hearing Jamale’s definition of codependency, which he sees in behaviors like people-pleasing, difficulty making decisions, an inability to acknowledge and own one’s needs, etc. Jamal describes codependents often live a life, have a mindset, and display patterns that are focused on pleasing others. 

Jamal opens up about his own codependency as a professional in his former career. He emphasizes how, as a consequence to his codependency, he was vulnerable as a service-oriented, heart-oriented professional where he sought the approval of his boss. Like many of his clients, Jamal recognizes how he was depressed, anxious, afraid, and suffering as a consequence of his codependency. 

We shift focus to Jamal’s expertise with helping his clients define relationships. Jamal provides an example of a relationship evolving from dating to a long-term commitment. Similar to dating, Jamal encourages us codependents to define relationships in all areas of our life.

He describes how we can start to define relationships by identifying what is important to us; by getting clear on who we are, our values, our needs, etc. Jamal suggests Stephen Covey’s book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People as a start. In addition, he encourages us to be proactive and create a self-care plan to create actions to shift from being dependent to independent. 

Thanks for coming on Jamal! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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See you next week!

-What is holistic therapy and how can it help treat codependency?

-How can you build holistic boundaries?

-How can you better prepare if your boundaries piss people off, hurt others, or are met with pushback?

Welcome to Episode 121! We have the honor of getting to know Chris McDonald, LPC, and her approach to treating codependency through holistic therapy. In this episode, Chris shares with us on what holistic therapy is and how it can help us set boundaries. You’ll hear how Chris helps her clients become more aware of their psychological, physical, mental, emotional, social, and physical selves in order to identify how to better meet their needs. We conclude with hearing unique tips from Chris to set boundaries and realistically prepare for pushback. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Chris McDonald is a Holistic Licensed Therapist and owns a group online practice, “Path to Hope Counseling.” She specializes in treating young adults with anxiety, depression, trauma and grief. Chris is host of “The Holistic Counseling Podcast.”

https://www.holisticcounselingpodcast.com 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We begin with hearing how Chris conceptualizes codependency: as a learned behavior that is a consequence of unavailable and/or narcissistic parents. Chris describes how codependents often have a core belief that “I don’t matter” and prioritize the needs of others, engage in people-pleasing, have a fear of conflict, worry about hurting others, have perfectionistic tendencies, and complain of feeling depleted. 

Chris shares about codependent experiences from her own life, including an email exchange from earlier in the day! She recalls a codependent relationship from her young adulthood. Can you relate?

We shift gears and focus on Chris’ specialty as a holistic therapist. She defines holistic therapy for us and how the client is assessed in multiple areas of their life: emotional, mental, spiritual, physical, social, physical, and psychological. In addition to perceiving her clients through this holistic lens, she integrates somatic work and trauma therapy to have an all-encompassing perspective on the client and their needs. 

And what about setting boundaries in a holistic manner? Chris describes how codependents often do things for others out of obligation. When they get in touch with their needs in a holistic manner, they are then able to better identify their needs and set them with others. 

Chris details how she has her clients start small, focus on their values, and role-play in order to prepare for the pushback from others. Others might be pissed–they might be hurt. Chris helps her clients by role-playing and preparing for the aftermath of setting boundaries. She also helps empower them by standing firm. As a consequence to setting boundaries, she’s observed how her clients then have more time, more ownership of their time, and are able to schedule self-care. We hope you’re able to create a holistic boundary this week as a consequence to hearing this episode!

Thanks for coming on Chris! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-How does codependency relate to weight, body image, and eating disorders?

-If we are always needing the love and approval of others, how does that translate to how we treat our bodies?

-What are some ways we can focus on connection with others for who we are rather than how we appear?

Welcome to Episode 120! Meredith Blumenthal, MS, RDN, CD, joins us to talk about the interconnection between codependency, body image, weight, and eating disorders. If we, as women, are so preoccupied with being approved and loved by others, then how does that translate to our relationship with our bodies, food intake, and weight? Meredith educates us on eating disorders, disordered eating, and patterns we develop around food and weight. You’ll hear how, similar to codependency, eating disorders are often rooted in an attempt to get one’s needs met–it just ends up doing the opposite. We conclude with tips from Meredith on how you can focus on connection with others rather than approval from others of your body. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Meredith is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist specializing in nutrition therapy for individuals struggling with food and body image concerns. She owns an all-virtual private practice where she helps clients get to the roots of their unhealthy relationships with food and movement, and reclaim trust in their bodies. Meredith considers herself an "Anti-diet Dietitian" and helps individuals understand how dieting is harmful to their mental and physical wellbeing, and how to honor their body's true desires without depriving themselves of the foods they love, or jeopardizing their physical health.

www.nutritionwithmeredith.com 

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We begin with hearing how Meredith conceptualizes codependency. She prefaces her definition by acknowledging she sees it through her lens as a dietitian: a pattern in relationships–romantic, parental, social, professional, therapeutic–where an individual values the approval of others above their own. Codependent seek validation from external sources.

Meredith recalls codependency from her own life and how she often sought validation from external sources. She recalls being praised, approached, and approved of by others for meeting the cultural ideal for those presenting as female. This turned into her always wanting to please others with her looks, outfit, appearance, etc. However, this was met with feelings of isolation and loneliness since she was connecting with others through her appearance. 

We shift gears to Meredith’s specialty: eating disorders, weight, and body image. Meredith educates us on eating disorders and how they can be seen on a spectrum. And how do they relate to codependency? Meredith describes how eating disorders, dieting, and related behaviors often develop as a protective tool where we attempt to connect with others. If I’m thin, others will like me. If I eat healthy, others will approve of me. But then, those with eating disorders, become fixated and over-focus on the eating/weight/body image rather than the connection they hope to garner. 

We conclude by hearing about ways we can “skip” connecting with people through their approval of our bodies and simply connect with them. Meredith shares an affirmation she uses: I want to be seen for who I am, not for how I physically appear in the world. 

Thanks for coming on Meredith! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

PLEASE:

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What do addicted and dysfunctional families look like?

-How does growing up in an addicted and dysfunctional family contribute to the development of codependency?

-What are the similarities and differences between highly sensitive people (HSP) and codependents?

Welcome to Episode 119! This week’s guest, Natalie Friedman, LMFT, is here to enlighten us on the traits and characteristics of addicted and dysfunctional families. Natalie opens up about experiences from her own family and identifies and common signals of addiction/dysfunction. We explore the consequences of growing up in families with addiction and how it often manifests in codependent relationships. We conclude with hearing Natalie’s initial steps she takes with her therapy patients to help them become aware of a) the fact that they have feelings and b) how to feel their feelings. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest:

Natalie Friedman is a licensed marriage family therapist in private practice in Santa Monica CA. She has been in practice for about 10 years and is currently seeing people online and in person (prefers in person). Natalie loves working with highly sensitive folks who grew up in addicted/dysfunctional families.

www.natalietherapy.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Natalie’s definition of codependency. She describes how she relates codependency with recovery, Al-Anon, and the field of addiction. “Codependency is a set of behaviors we learn in systems to stay connected.” She emphasizes how codependency often starts in childhood with good intentions and then turns into less adaptive behaviors as adults. 

I love Natalie’s language, don’t you! In intimate relationships: “we get a beautiful view of all these strategies.” “It was like I was body-snatched.” “I dated people who were highly unavailable.” Love it!

Natalie recalls a codependent relationship from her early 20s and how her attempts to control him led to his observation: “It feels like you’re mothering me.” 

We shift to Natalie’s specialties with highly sensitive people (HSP) who often grew up in addicted/dysfunctional families where there was chaos. As a consequence, children in these households often are hyper-vigilent and sensitive to stimuli–emotional, relational, physical, etc. Common traits include observing, mind-reading, caretaking, sensitivity to the needs of others, and not allowing our own needs. 

And what happens to this children? Natalie compares resourceful versus unresourceful children. Those who are resourceful end up as “giving” adults, experience relational anxiety, are attuned to others, read moods, become physically ill, dissociate, and are great personal assistants!

We wrap up with hearing how Natalie helps her patients recognize that a) they have feelings and b) how to feel their feelings. She suggests rewiring by reading, having a conversation about their feelings (like in therapy), being curious, somatically listening to their bodies, etc. She reads an excerpt from Melody Beattie’s book, The Language of Letting Go, from the day we recorded. If you’re interested in hearing more about her specialty, Inner-Relationship Focusing, be sure to reach out!

Thanks for coming on Natalie! And thank you for being here, dear listener!

PLEASE:

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We need more ratings on Spotify! TY!

-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

See you next week!