The Codependummy Podcast

-Why do overachieving codependents find it so hard to practice self-care?

-How can cooking help one combat their codependency and nourish themselves?

-What are the initial steps we can take to focus our attention on self-nourishment?

Welcome to Episode 138! This week, I sat down with Kristin Tand, counselor and cooking coach, to explore the magical world of cooking and how it fosters self-nourishment. Kristin describes how overachieving codependents often over-function in their professional lives which leads to them neglecting self-care in their personal ones. We investigate the long-term impact of self-neglect and how cooking can help us bring us back to our bodies. Kristin details the benefits of cooking and how she helps her clients take the initial steps to set time aside to prepare, cook, and serve themselves. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Kristin Tand is a mental health counselor who also loves to cook. She is passionate about helping overwhelmed adults slow down the hustle for perfection and start nourishing themselves in the kitchen. Kristin teaches tips and tricks to get out of your head and into your body, using cooking as a vehicle for living a richer life--while also taking the intimidation factor out of how to cook.

www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com 

https://www.youtube.com/@inthekitchenwithkristin 

Sign-up for Kristin’s reflection bundle on her website: www.inthekitchenwithkristin.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Kristin’s definition of codependency: an adaptive strategy (often in childhood) used to get your needs met that then becomes unadaptive (often in adulthood). Kristin shares her child development perspective and how codependency often stems from intelligent and strategic behaviors to get one’s needs met. 

Kristin opens up about codependency from her own life, from early dating experiences with her husband to promotions at work thanks to her overachieving tendencies. Her codependency led to her developing fatigue, chronic pain, and eventually quitting her former position to start her own business. 

We shift focus to codependency, self-care, and self-nourishment. Kristin highlights the common consequences of self-neglect, including fatigue, chronic pain, burnout, shame and imposter syndrome, never feeling satisfied, anxiety, and fear. If one is codependent in their professional life, they may even develop an unhealthy reliance on their partners to take care of household tasks. 

And how might cooking combat the self-neglect inherent in codependency? Kristin emphasizes how eating is nourishment and how it is a process of slowing down, taking time to make what you want, tap into your 5 senses, get back in your body, and re-parent yourself. Wow! 

And how does one begin to self-nourish through cooking? Kristin describes her two initial steps: 1) awareness and understanding; and 2) taking small steps. Kristin lists the common objections she hears from her clients when it comes to cooking (failure, shame, limited time, etc.) and how she engages in reflective questioning to help them identify the barriers and make changes in order to start small–like cooking one meal a month. She also notes how she combats codependency from her clients to her by helping them identify their motives: are they looking for a gold star or nourishing themselves. 

Thanks for coming on Kristin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What is Autism and how does it relate to codependency?

-How is “high masking,” a common trait in high-functioning autism, similar and different to codependency?

-How can individuals with autism let go of their codependent behaviors?

Welcome to Episode 137! This week, we welcome back Gina Metcalf, LCSW, to hear about her recent observations of ASD and codependency. You’ll hear about ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) and how, due to their neurodivergency, many with autism engage in “high masking” behaviors to please and perform for others. Gina details how autism and codependency relate and differ. You’ll hear how individuals can distinguish whether they have ASD and how they can then address their codependent behaviors they have developed as a consequence. We end with Gina’s take on how we can also be codependent with loved one’s who have autism and what we can do to address it. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Gina Metcalf is a Licensed Therapist and Founder of North Star Therapy, a therapy practice specializing in supporting female-identifying clients around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, and codependency. This is her second time on the show. Be sure to tune into her first episode that aired in March of 2022 titled “That’s The Dream.”

Gina’s initial interview on the podcast: https://codependummy.com/thats-the-dream-to-be-accepted-and-authentic-with-gina-metcalf-lcsw/ 

www.northstartherapyinc.com 

https://www.instagram.com/north.star.therapy/ 

Resources mentioned by Gina: 

https://embrace-autism.com/ 

https://www.amazon.com/Unmasking-Autism-Discovering-Faces-Neurodiversity/dp/0593235231 

https://www.instagram.com/neurowild_/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin by revisiting Gina’s definition of codependency: a lack of trust in ourselves and others. Gina describes how codependents often self-abandon, find it difficult to express or know their needs, and fear sharing their truth. Gina encourages her clients to ask themselves: if you could wake up and be honest in your relationships, what would you say? Good prompt to reflect on!

Gina opens up about codependency in her own life and how she has been the “emotional taker” in her relationship with her husband. She points out the “secondary gains” of her role and the “shadow side” consequences of her role. Again, healthy to reflect on your own secondary gains and shadow side of your codependency. 

We then shift gears to ASD: Autism Spectrum Disorder. Gina educates us on how autism is a neurodevelopmental difference in social functioning and hypersensitivity. She describes “high masking” which is a common trait amongst high-functioning autism where one uses strategies to hide autistic behaviors. 

Gina reflects on her experiences with clients and how autism often is missed due to ableism embedded in the therapeutic process. In therapy and many areas in their life, those with autism can engage in performing and impression-making behaviors in order to “fit in,” however, this results in them feeling lonely and disconnected. 

Gina distinguishes autism from codependency since it involves: 1) sensory sensitivity; 2) stemming; 3) special interests; and 4) structured routine. If Gina suspects that a client coming in for codependency is also navigating undiagnosed autism, she has learned to seek neurodivergent education, resources, online assessments, and other content and then present her observations to them. We discuss how loved one’s and family members can do the same if they suspect autism in others. 

As a consequence, Gina is then able to help her clients let go of their codependent patterns through awareness, identifying safe relationships to let patterns go, joining strong communities, and practicing self-empathy. 

Thanks for coming on Gina! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What is “work-life balance” and why is it so foreign to codependents?

-What does imbalance tend to look like in codependents in work and life?

-How can we begin to cultivate balance in our lives?

Welcome to Episode 136! This week, I sat down with Naketa Ren Thigpen, Balance and Relationship Advisor, to talk all about work-life balance. We take an in-depth look into what it looks like to have imbalance in your life and the long-term consequences of an imbalanced life. Naketa shares her balance formula and how she helps individuals and couples focus on a) the truth of what they want and b) boundaries to make that truth happen. We explore how codependents can tune out the noise to get in touch with what they want and set boundaries aligned with their needs. We conclude with hearing about Naketa’s own work-life balance and how she combats being codependent with her own clients. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Naketa Ren Thigpen is the #1 Balance (and) Relationship Advisor in the World, activating power couples and potent humans who privately identify with witty tongue-in-cheek humor as lazy overachievers. The intersection of work life balance, sustainable business, mental health, and fulfilling relationships is where Naketa thrives at work and in real life. She’s marking her legacy of unbound brilliance, beauty, and balance with unapologetic insights on owning the right to be intentionally selfish by leveraging micro sabbaticals that empower you to work less and trust more.

https://www.thigpro.com 

http://www.linkedin.com/in/naketathigpen 

http://www.instagram.com/asknaketa 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Naketa’s definition of codependency: prioritizing someone over yourself. She distinguishes how codependency varies from the unhealthiest to the healthiest version (i.e., giving priority to a child in the moment). 

Naketa opens up about codependency in her own life with her mother. She recalls how she was codependent with the “potential and possibility” of her mother who struggled with mental illness, substance use, and unhealthy patterns like parentifying Naketa when she was a teen. Naketa describes how this codependent dynamic that she had with her mother repeated in her friendships, professional life, and in her marriage. 

We shift focus to Naketa’s specialty: BALANCE. What does work-life imbalance tend to look like in codependents? Naketa describes how balance is comprised of work, life, and love. When there is imbalance, an individual is not choosing themself–even for a small amount of time. With imbalance, one experiences their energy being sucked by others, saying “yes” when you want to say “no,” and fulfilling the needs of others while neglecting your own. 

Naketa educates us on her balance formula: T / B. T = the Truth of what you want. B = Boundaries expansive enough to hold space for what you want. 

But what if codependents struggle to identify their Truth? Or once they have it, they hesitate to create those Boundaries? Naketa details exercises she does with her clients to help them find out what they want related to their “heir” and what they are passing on. She also describes an exercise where she asks: Who is in your kitchen? Through the use of metaphor, Naketa helps her clients decide who they are most intimate with in their “kitchen” and “at their table” compared to those “out in the parking lot.” 

We conclude by hearing about how Naketa continues to combat codependency with her clients and how she deliberately sets limits to model healthy boundaries for them. Through walking the talk, Naketa empowers her clients to create the same types of boundaries and promote work-life balance. 

Thanks for coming on Naketa! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in veterans?

-Why does a poor transition from military service to returning home often contribute to codependency in veterans?

-How can veterans begin to combat their codependency?

Welcome to Episode 135! This week, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Daniel Hermosillo, LMFT, and U.S. Army Veteran. Daniel and I discuss what codependency looks like in veterans upon their return from military service. As we heard in last week’s episode, many codependent traits and characteristics are beneficial in the military but are harmful upon the return home. Daniel opens up about his own codependency and how he helps his veteran clients let go of their codependent behaviors. While the situation with many veterans may seem dire, Daniel leaves us with a message of hope. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Daniel Hermosillo,  LMFT and U.S. Army veteran, provides mental health therapy to teenage boys, men and veterans. Daniel assists the people he works with by assisting them comfront traumas, anxiety, depressions, and relational stressors. Daniel is CBT certified (Cognitive Behavior Therapy), MBSR trained (Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction), and TRM trained (Trauma Resilience Model).

Phone: (818)744-9551

www.hermosillotherapy.com 

Veteran Peer Access Network: https://voala.org/vpan/ 

More deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Daniel’s definition of codependency: an over-reliance to someone, an object, or an idea. This is related to relational impairments, psychological pain, and behaviors that previously were functional but are now dysfunctional. 

Daniel opens up about codependency in his own life and how he relied excessively on his ex-girlfriend upon his return from the military. He describes how he constantly needed her feedback as a consequence to receiving so much feedback during his service. His independent thinking was “quelched” and he needed constant feedback, validation, and lacked a sense of self. 

We then expand our focus to codependency in veterans. Daniel details how veterans will over-rely on partners/family members, seek constant feedback, over-commit to others, hold on to their military identity, have poor boundaries, people-please, self-sacrifice, etc. As a consequence, Daniel has observed their development of cognitive dissonance: “I want it (i.e., validation), but I don’t want it.” This has the potential to lead to coping behaviors through substances, video games, etc. 

In extreme cases, Daniel highlights how codependency can be detrimental and contribute to homelessness, substance abuse, divorce, and joblessness. He emphasizes how veterans dysfunction previously served a purpose. For example, they’re ability to “just take it” before in active duty now leaves them vulnerable to working too much in toxic environments. 

What’s a veteran who is really struggling to do? Daniel suggests the need for a good transition home, grieving their military experience and attaching to other things, creating boundaries, and helping them get past their stuck point. In his one-on-one work, Daniel focuses on creating safety, forming a healthy relationship, helping them self-regulate and self-explore, take on “task challenges”, and utilizing their strength. 

We end on a message of hope as Daniel shares how rich the work is with veterans: they’re open-minded, well-traveled, have cultural exposure, good ideas/attitude, and empathy. 

Thanks for coming on Daniel! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What does codependency look like in active duty military members?

-How are codependent traits and patterns beneficial in the military?

-What are the consequences of unaddressed codependency in the military? And how can we begin to address them?

Welcome to Episode 134! This week, I sat down with Austin Koestner, Associate Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and Retired Air Force Veteran with 17 years of service. Austin and I take a deep-dive into what codependency looks like in active duty and how many codependent traits/characteristic are beneficial while serving our country. We discuss self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, passive communication, etc. and how they truly have a function in military life. But how can codependency harm mission, morale, and the mental health of military members? We investigate these questions and conclude with initial steps Austin recommends to his active military clients to break codependent patterns. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Support the show!!! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Austin Koestner, Associate MFT and Air Force Veteran, practices in Monrovia CA. He is working towards his AASECT licensure (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) and focuses on serving the LGBTQ population, artists and those who struggle to find meaning, own their identity, and fly their unique flag high without apology. 

https://openpathcollective.org/clinicians/austin-koestner/ 

https://www.facebook.com/aoktherapyla/ 

[email protected] 

Deets on the episode:

We begin with hearing Austin’s definition of codependency: an excessive reliance on others. He describes how codependents often lack their own self worth, have an inability to validate themselves, often meet the needs of others above their own, and are ever ready to please others. 

Austin opens up about codependency in his own life related to his time in the military and how he sought his father’s approval after every medal, ribbon, and award he received. He felt like the baby bird in Dr. Seuss book, Are you My Mother? “I couldn’t inherently validate myself.” It took him having a break-down to finally wake-up to how detrimental his codependency was. 

We shift focus to codependency in military life. Austin describes how codependency looks like having no sense of self, seeking validation from authority figures, self-sacrifice, people-pleasing, enmeshed boundaries, passivity to commands, and defining one’s existence through others. We learn that many of these traits are necessary in order to succeed in the military but, to an extreme, they can be harmful. 

Austin shares about the impact of codependency on mission, morale, and the mental health of service members. While home in between tours, military members will maintain their codependent traits which leads to self-medicating, suicidal thoughts, angry outbursts, feeling embittered, avoidant behaviors, and self-sacrifice.

Unaddressed codependency in military life is not sustainable. Austin’s experience demonstrates how his own codependency “almost broke me.” So what can one do to make changes while in active duty? Austin suggests: seek help through base mental health squadron, stop comparing, validate yourself, talk to others, seek resources from local veteran centers (active duty members qualify for services!), and don’t let fear stop you from seeking help. 

Thanks for coming on Austin! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-Why is self-compassion so foreign to codependents, especially those who have food and body issues?

-What is mindful self-compassion and how can it help us heal from codependency?

-What are the initial steps we can take to cultivate a self-compassion practice?

Welcome to Episode 133! This week, Cori Rosenthal, LMFT, is back to educate us on mindful self-compassion. In the episode, you’ll hear Cori and I discuss the interconnection between codependency, food, weight, and body image. Cori describes how codependents are vulnerable to said issues since we often have low self-worth, attempt to self-soothe (possibly by over- or under-eating), and receive positive feedback when we meet (or attempt to meet) ideals of conventional beauty. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves us disconnected. Cori believes mindful self-compassion can help us heal from all this. She shares about her work integrating self-compassion and how you can start providing self-compassion to yourself asap. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Cori Rosenthal is a licensed therapist based out of southern California. Her training in mindful self-compassion informs her work with teens and adults. Cori specializes in working with intimacy and codependency, food and body issues, trauma, anxiety. 

SIGN-UP FOR CORI’S FREE SELF-COMPASSION INTRODUCTION by emailing [email protected] 

Corirosenthal.com

https://www.instagram.com/cori_lmft/ 

Cori’s first episode on the Codependummy Podcast: 

YT: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXxEq0yOKDs 

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-and-food-weight-body-image-with/id1550681775?i=1000508146785

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4REHu0vcAXUpiidHY5qAlx?si=6A3MuZSYTBOGGNlr91Y17w 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Cori’s definition of codependency: due to developmental “misses” or trauma in childhood–often childhood neglect–one develops a pattern of seeking value from others. Cori differentiates between emotional neglect and “good enough parenting” to help us understand where codependency comes from. As adults, we often don’t realize what needs went unmet. We often did not develop an emotional language and our emotions were not validated. 

Cori opens up about a codependent experience from her own life with a friend. “She was my person and I would suffer on my own until I could talk to her.” She reflects on how she was able to make positive changes thanks to hearing a metaphor on dixie cups that encouraged her to create a “team.” Now, Cori knows her strengths as a friend and the categories of people she needs on her team. She encourages us all to ask: Where are my strengths as a support? and What positions do I need on my team?

We then dive into mindful self-compassion and how it helps with codependency, food, and body issues. Codependents are often vulnerable to food and body issues since we have low self-worth, self-soothe (possibly through food), then receive praise from others when we are “disciplined” or meet conventional beauty standards. 

Mindful Self-Compassion, as created by Kristen Neff, involves:

1. Mindfulness (versus over-identification)

2. Common humanity 

3. Self-kindness

Cori breaks down how we walk through each aspect and how that helps us identify our needs then take action.

In her work with clients, Cori helps them create self-compassion through repetition, identifying emotions and needs, repeating phrases (like I’m human, it’s okay), and developing their emotional IQ. It’s all about understanding what you didn’t get in childhood then giving it to yourself. 

Thanks for coming on Cori! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

See you next week!

-What is humanistic therapy and how can it help with codependency?

-Why is it important to change how we see ourselves with understanding?

-How can we begin to improve our self-esteem, self-worth, and sense of self?

Welcome to Episode 132! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Lindsay Scales, LMFT. Lindsay uses a variety of therapeutic approaches and came to educate us all about one of her specialties: humanistic therapy. In the episode, you’ll hear Lindsay open up about codependency in her own life and how, thanks to her own therapy, she’s been able to channel that into an impactful career as a therapist. You’ll learn about Carl Rogers, the creator of humanistic therapy, and how he treated patients with understanding, compassion, and viewed them as “the expert.” Lindsay details the initial steps she takes with her clients struggling with codependency and you’ll leave with useful guidance on how to improve how you view yourself. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Lindsay Scales is an LMFT in Southern California. For the past twenty years of her career, Lindsay’s therapeutic skills consist of humanistic, strengths-based, client-centered, and psychodynamic approaches with a holistic perspective; meeting clients where they are in their journey. She has been invited to work with people from all walks of life, at different stages of life, and is always honored by the invitation. 

Lindsay’s professional email and profile:

https://www.soultenders.com/therapists/lindsay-scales/ 

[email protected]

45-minute session with Carl Rogers and Gloria: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ee1bU4XuUyg 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Lindsay’s definition of codependency: the absence of self in relationships, including familial, romantic, social, and professional. She add how codependents often neglect themselves, totally rely on others, and are susceptible to connecting with individuals who struggle with addiction or illness. 

Lindsay shares with us about her own experiences of codependency, including how she was “set up” as a child of a single parent whose religion, community, and culture encouraged codependent behaviors. Once Lindsay began attending therapy, she realized how her efforts to “show love” to others was misaligned with her needs. 

We shift focus to one of Lindsay’s specialties: humanistic therapy. She describes the humanistic approach: treating the whole individual human rather than the symptom/illness/sickness/disorder. With the approach, the emphasis is on looking back at their whole history and consider all aspects in therapy. 

Lindsay details how codependents are viewed through a humanistic lens: codependency is a part of the person but does not define them on the whole. Humanistic therapists attempt to offer space for patients to look at other aspects of their lives and focus on their needs. Throughout the therapeutic process, the focus is on building rapport, offering understanding, compassion, creating a safe space, and providing UNCONDITIONAL POSITIVE REGARD (UPR). UPR was a radical concept created by Rogers where he attempted to provide his patients with unconditionally positive responses in order to combat their shame, embarrassment, and negative self-judgments. 

Lindsay emphasizes how, through this approach, one is able to radically change their sense of self: they improve their self-worth, self-esteem, self-love, etc. As an initial step, one can ask “how do I currently view myself?” and “how do I want to view myself?” Then, begin to take steps to move towards what you want. 

Thanks for coming on Lindsay! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

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See you next week!

-What are the root causes of codependency?

-How do the root causes of codependency show up in our lives?

-Where do we begin if we want to get to the root causes and rebuild from there?

Welcome to Episode 131! This week, we are graced with the presence of Lacey Morris, LMFT, for a deep dive into the root causes of codependency. Lacey opens up with us about codependency in her own life and her own root causes that led her to developing a love addiction. Lacey describes the root causes of codependency, ways it shows up in our adult lives, and how it reflects an insecure attachment with others–and OURSELVES! Lacey explains how our attachment style is reflected in our relationship with ourself and what we can do to cultivate a secure self-attachment. We conclude with Lacey’s hope and insight on how she helps her clients find a sense of wholeness within. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Lacey Morris is a LMFT therapist. One of her passions and specialties is helping others break patterns of codependency and find a secure bond within themselves. This changes one from the inside out and helps one finally find true freedom and joy.

www.laceymorris.com 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with hearing Lacey’s definition of codependency: where one has too much dependency on others and we abandon ourselves in our relationships. Lacey adds how codependents often are responsible for others’ emotions, seek approval from others, and lose themselves in the process. 

We hear about Lacey’s experiences of codependency from her own life, including how she lost her sense of self, lived off “bread crumbs” in her relationships and had little relational nourishment, and formed a love addiction. She used to believe that if she could heal her former partners, then they would love her. This all came to a halt when she had a wake-up call, began her journey to understand her own codependency, and cultivated a sense of worthiness, wholeness, and self-love. 

Lacey lists the common root causes of codependency: unresolved emotions from childhood, unmet needs from when we were young, childhood trauma, negative early experiences that led us to over-focus on the needs of others in an attempt to meet our own. 

And what happens when these roots grow as we get older? The root causes of codependency show up in our romantic relationships, familial relationships, friendships, and professional relationships. Lacey details a few examples for the ways the root causes show up in our adulthood. Can you relate?

We then dialogue about how codependents often have an insecure attachment with others AND THEMSELVES! Yes, we constantly need reassurance, validation, approval, and love from others. Yes, we are anxious in relationship, worry about rejection/abandonment, and struggle to feel connected. And yes, we may become suicidal when our relationship are going poorly or when we lose them. ALSO, we are insecure with our relationships with ourselves since we often abandon, reject, and avoid ourselves. 

Lacey suggests 3 ways to begin to form a strong attachment with ourselves: explore the root causes of our codependency: get specific on our relative experience, follow the intricate process in addition to therapy, and re-parent ourselves. This path will lead us to a secure attachment with ourselves. 

Thanks for coming on Lacey! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

See you next week!

-What are common characteristics of codependents while dating?

-Why do codependents tend to attract assholes when dating?

-How can we be more intentional about our needs to find a healthy partner?

Welcome to Episode 130! This week, I sat down with Alyse Freda-Colon, LCSW, to discuss her approach on helping codependent women who want to stop dating assholes! You’ll hear Alyse’s observations on the common characteristics of codependents while dating, the common mistakes we tend to make on dates, and the red flags we miss with romantic interests. I even share some anecdotes about my dating history since I had a knack for dating assholes. We look at the long-term consequences if we never address our codependent ways when it comes to romance. Alyse spares us from heartache by revealing the initial steps she takes with her coaching clients to help them be more intentional, aligned, and conscious while dating in order to attract healthy partners. It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Alyse Freda-Colon is a therapist in New York and has recently launched 2 small group coaching programs for women: First, Stop Dating Assholes! for women who are ready to start dating more strategically. The second is Are you Mad at Me? for women who are tired of bending themself into a pretzel to please others and who are ready to start prioritizing their own needs unapologetically.

https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ 

Download Alyse’s Secret Weapon Dating Guide: https://www.coachingwithalyse.com/ 

More deets on the episode: 

We begin with Alyse’s definition of codependency: when someone whose self-worth is tied up in someone else.” She details how codependents often develop their sense of self from an external source and are always asking if they are enough, if they are okay, and base their wants on others. 

And when it comes to dating? Buckle up! Alyse shares common characteristics of codependents: having no idea what we want in a partner, fear around being single, preoccupation with societal and parental pressure to date, settling with partners who are not ideal for us. She adds how codependents often doubt if they deserve a healthy relationship, ignore their gut in relationships, and often spiral about expectations of themselves and others. 

Alyse details the common dating mistakes codependents commit: we make excuses for our partners behavior, make ourselves responsible for our partners feelings, fail to recognize when a partner is disrespectful, have no sense of our needs, lose ourselves in relationships, and have no clarity on what we are and aren't okay with in relationships. 

I open up about how I distorted stalking as romantic. And it was not just in one but two subsequent relationships! 

And the red flags we miss: the fact that we are walking on eggshells, feel like we can’t be authentic, fear disappointing our partner, make excuses, and believe lies. 

We forecast the long-term consequences of these behaviors if they go unaddressed: toxic relationships, wasted time, repetitive patterns, and justifying bad behavior. 

Alyse spares us of romantic misery by suggesting: adjusting our timetable on love, getting clear on what we want in a partner, cultivate a strong sense of self, determine our dealbreakers/must-haves/key characteristics, reflect on past relationships, and pursue what we want. 

If you’re needing more help to stop dating assholes, be sure to sign up for Alyse’s group!!!

Thanks for coming on Alyse! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

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See you next week!

-What is chronic pain and how does it relate to codependency?

-How might codependents sabotage their health?

-What are the initial steps we can take to practice self-care and prevent conditions like chronic pain?

Welcome to Episode 129! This week, I had the pleasure of interviewing Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, on the connection between codependency and chronic pain. In the episode, Dr. Furlan educates us on what chronic pain is and how codependency a) contributes to the development of chronic pain and b) ways that codependents may sabotage their healing from chronic pain since we can’t practice self-care. You’ll hear ways Dr. Furlan has navigated codependency in her own life, including with her chronic pain patients. We explore Dr. Furlan’s eight steps to curing chronic pain and discuss ways you can begin to implement them in your life asap! It’s a must-listen!

Links for the show:

Sign up for the newsletter to receive all things codependummy: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

Journal! The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a Less-Codependent and More-Conscious YOU for just $1 a day. www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

FREEBIE! The Self-Validation Challenge: Learn to validate your GD self: www.codependummy.com/challenge 

Money! Funds! Help support the show via a one-time donation via secure Paypal link: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC

Work with me! Email [email protected] to inquire about psychotherapy, coaching, or coming on the show!

More on this week’s guest: 

Dr. Andrea Furlan, MD, PhD, is an Associate Professor in the Department of Medicine at the University of Toronto and a Staff Physician and Senior Scientist at the Toronto Rehabilitation Institute. Her YouTube page has more than 487,000 subscribers and more than 42 million views. She received a CIHR New Investigator Award, and her research focus is on treatments of chronic pain including medications, complementary and alternative therapies, and rehabilitation.

https://www.iwh.on.ca/people/andrea-furlan 

https://youtu.be/hxP5XKcNGmI 

https://www.instagram.com/dr.andrea.furlan/ 

Deets on the episode:

We begin by hearing Dr. Furlan’s definition of codependency: in a relationship between two people, one person puts the interests of another above their own to help them succeed. Dr. Furlan describes ways that she learned about codependency in addiction medicine and started to see it in her patients who would refuse to take care of themselves. 

Dr. Furlan opens up about codependency in her own life where, as a mother, she has had to find the balance between doing the right thing for her and her children related to caretaking. She reveals how she and her colleagues often combat codependency with their patients. “We work harder than our patients.” She details empathy research on doctors who prioritize the needs of their patients over their own which contributes to burnout. Can you relate?

We shift focus to Dr. Furlan’s expertise: chronic pain. We learn what the definition of chronic pain is, the difference between acute pain versus chronic pain, and how it relates to the alarm system in a house. Thing is, with chronic pain, the physical “alarm system” is broken. 

Dr. Furlan and I discuss the ways she has seen her patients become codependent with their chronic pain where they form an identity as a “chronic pain patient.” We also hear her struggles with codependent patients who have difficulty practicing self-care and sabotage their chronic pain recovery. 

What’s a codependent trying to heal from chronic pain to do? Dr. Furlan suggests these eight steps which she details in her book:

1. Accept you have chronic pain 

2. Control your emotions

3. Sleep

4. Nutrition

5. Communication

6. Medication

7. Exercise

8. Goals in life 

Dr. Furlan leaves us with reminders to practice self-love, compassion, and to create healthy community. 

Thanks for coming on Dr. Furlan! And thank you for listening, my dear listener!

PLEASE:

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-The Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com/challenge

-Get your copy of the Confiding Codependummy: 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

-If you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected] to work with me!

-Sign up for the newsletter: https://keap.app/contact-us/2302598426037497 

-Support the show via a one-time secure donation: https://www.paypal.com/donate/?hosted_button_id=RJ3PSNZ4AF7QC 

See you next week!