The Codependummy Podcast

How’s your body, heart, mind, and spirit doing?

What can you do to stop worshipping other people and start to explore spiritual worship, prayer, and meditation?

What areas in your life can you investigate to discern your spiritual health as you heal from codependency?

Welcome to episode 69! Or 70! In this episode, I pose the following questions to you: how’s your body, heart, spirit and mind doing? As in, how’s your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental health? In an attempt to help you heal in a holistic manner, I figured it was time to talk ways I’ve integrated spirituality in my journey. I’ll describe how we codependents need to create a relationship with a Higher Power rather than continue to allow others (our parents, partners, or peers) to be “gods” that rule our internal worlds. You’ll hear me go through a 23-item inventory to reflect on how your heart, mind, body, and soul are doing and what changes you need to make in order to honor them. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with a check-in on how I’m doing…then get to how you are doing. 

I then describe how, in my healing from codependency, I’ve had to create a relationship with God rather than continue to “worship” my parents, partners, and peers. I was never really that religious or spiritual while growing up, however, I was able to recognize how I treated other people as “gods” where I based my decisions, actions, inactions–basically, my life–on the approval, attention, and affection of others. That is not sustainable baby girl!

To help you reflect on your own spiritual, emotional, physical, and mental health, I present a 23-item checklist that a mentor recently shared with me. I share the checklist with you then add reflections on how I am doing in all areas. 

Plot twist: I reflect on the items as 23-year-old me back from 2012 to contrast it with 33-year-old me from today in 2022. I hope this will help you relate to how much of a struggle life was for me in my early 20s thanks to my codependency and how far I’ve come. You can come that far too! Or farther!

I walk you through the inventory for you to reflect on:

Am I honoring my body?

Am I honoring my mind?

Am I honoring my heart?

Am I honoring my spirit?

For you, I want you to go through this inventory and compare yourself to yourself: you “now” versus you “in the past,” whether it’s one month, one year, or one decade ago.

BONUS ASSIGNMENT: Try to imagine yourself “in the future,” and how you would like to respond to the inventory. For example, I can imagine myself at 43 and reflect on the items. What would I want the 43-year-old version of me to respond? And what changes can I start to make TODAY, this week, this month, this year to make that hope into a reality? That’s your homework!

I love you. The end!

PLEASE R.R.S.S:

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If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Please rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!

What is it with codependents being so compliant?

Why do we stay places we don’t want to be and how do we start to leave?

How does our compliance help in the short-term but damage us long-term?

In this episode, we will be answering the question: why do I go to things I don’t want to go to? And how do I stop? We codependents tend to be so compliant when it comes to our interactions with others: we stay in relationships, remain in jobs, and feign interest in meetings that we don’t sincerely want to be in. We will unpack what compliance looks like in codependency, hear from me about a recent codependummy-compliant commitment I made, and how you can start to leave situations that aren’t good for you. There is no need to keep avoiding the rage, rejection, or abandonment from others–stop complying with others so you can start complying with yourself. 

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with our ever-familiar check-in. How and where are you practicing tenderness towards yourself?

The lens we are using today to unpack why we continue to remain in places we don’t want to be is from literature from Codependents Anonymous. Great resource: https://0vyd2ork.pages.infusionsoft.net

Here is CoDA’s Patterns and Characteristics of Codependence, specifically symptoms of compliance:

Codependents:

• are extremely loyal, remaining in harmful situations too long. 
• compromise their own values and integrity to avoid rejection or anger. 
• put aside their own interests in order to do what others want. 
• are hypervigilant regarding the feelings of others and take on those feelings. 
• are afraid to express their beliefs, opinions, and feelings when they differ from those of others. 
• accept sexual attention when they want love. 
• make decisions without regard to the consequences. 
• give up their truth to gain the approval of others or to avoid change. 

How does this apply to you? How does this apply to me?

One example from the present time: my joining a board of a local non-profit and being compliant AF for the three months I was on it. I attended meetings I didn’t want to be at, started to fundraise even though I loathe fundraising, and felt all kinds of disjointed on the board. The story concludes with me leaving the board, however, not before I murdered my cuticles during a meeting I did. not. want. to. be. At!

The biggest lesson I learned is that I do not need to stay in places I don’t want to be AND I also need to take time in making decisions on commitments. This will be a challenge for me since my codependency often drives me to say “yes” to others and stay in them out of fear of others perceiving me negatively, getting mad, or feeling disappointed in me. That’s not sustainable!

For you:

How do you relate?

Where are you going that you don’t want to go? What are you doing that you don’t want to do? 

Identify one thing to say “no” to this week.

Say “no” and see how it feels. 

Align your actions with your priorities 

Friendly reminders:

If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek: www.codependummy.com 

Also, if you are wanting to dive into your codependency deeper one-on-one, please email [email protected]

Please rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!

-What are the generational cycles of codependency passed down from one generation to another?

-How can first-generation adults balance out their own needs versus the needs of the family?

-If all we do is give, give, give in our relationships (especially with our parents and partners), how do we start to receive?

In this week’s episode, we are fortunate to have Adriana Rodriguez, LMFT, sit down and share about codependency in first-generation children of immigrants. Adriana specializes in working with millennial first-gen clients and bequeaths us with her experiences as a therapist and first-gen herself! You’ll hear her describe codependency as “give, give, give” without receiving “and then we give more!” We discussed how codependents can start to receive and cover the basics: how to say “no,” setting boundaries, and breaking generational cycles of codependency. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

More on this episode’s guest:

Adriana Rodriguez, LMFT, is a first-gen, queer, Latinx therapist based in Sacramento. She works with folx all around California and specializes in working with BIPOC and First-Gen millennials committed to breaking generational cycles, while living with intention and authenticity.

www.adrianarodrigueztherapy.com

@adrianarodrigueztherapy - instagram

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start with hearing Adriana’s conceptualization of codependency. She drops terms like insecure attachment, parent-child dynamics, and other wisdom from psychotherapeutic literature. In sum, Adriana highlights how, in codependent relationships, “You give, give, give. Then, you don’t receive from the other person. You figure you aren’t doing enough so then you give more.” Hit the spot, right?

Adriana describes aspects of codependency in her own life, including those from her childhood. She opens up about growing up in El Salvador, her parents moving away from the time she was a little girl to a teenager, and how all that impacted her: she developed some codependent behaviors to “be enough.” Can you relate?

We then discuss ways that Adriana practices compassion for others who may have contributed to our codependency, including her parents. She also explores with Marissa the ways she is working on both giving and receiving in her relationships. 

And what about generational cycles of codependency? Well, Adriana talks about the guilt that often is experienced by first-gen children of immigrants where they believe “My parents did everything for me,” and thus, are indebted to them and can’t say no. What was modeled to us in our families is often hard to say no to, however, we are growing up in a different time, culture, and context. 

Adriana points out ways we can start to take “one breath, one step, one moment” between being asked something and immediately responding “yes.” She also adds ways to create boundaries, discern if they are helpful, and find a balance in prioritizing our needs and the needs of others. She mentions “object permanence,” which could easily be a whole episode so we will have to have her on again!

Thanks for coming on Adriana!

Questions for you:

1. What came up while you heard Adriana’s definition of codependency?
2. What resonated with you as Adriana shared about codependency in her own life? 
3. How are you at receiving in your relationships? How are you at monitoring how much you give? Is there a balance between how much you give and receive with those closest to you?
4. Whether you are first-gen or eighth-gen (like Marissa!), what generational cycles of codependency do you have in your family and which would you like to stop?
5. How can you implement Adriana’s suggestion to take a breath, a step, a moment when you are asked to do something before automatically agreeing?

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-How can we create relationships where we can feel truly connected (accepted) AND be ourselves (authentic)? *and why do codependents act like it’s one or the other?

-What tends to happen in our relationships when we start to set boundaries and make healthy changes? (hint, it ain’t pretty! BUT it’s often worth it!)

-In creating healthy relationships, why is it important to identify our “adult part” to care for our “inner child?”

In this week’s episode, Gina Metcalf, LCSW has graced us with her presence, wisdom, and amazing perspective on codependency. Gina shares with us her own conceptualization of codependency and SO MANY HELPFUL EXAMPLES of what it looks like. She describes her observations from her work with clients how, most often, codependency is at the root of anxiety, depression, and trauma. We explore “parts” work, including our adult and child parts, as well as how this can help when we have a codependent meltdown. We conclude with Gina’s perspective on how to persist when met with pushback regarding positive changes and ways to celebrate progress. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

More on this episode’s guest:

Gina Metcalf, LCSW, is the founder of North Star Therapy, based in San Diego, CA and serving throughout CA via telehealth. Gina specializes in working with female identifying individuals from their 20s through 50s around issues of anxiety, depression, trauma, and codependency. Gina herself is a 30-something Mexican American millennial therapist that's down to talk everything from the neuroscience of trauma to astrology and anything in between.

northstartherapyinc.com 

@north.star.therapy on IG

[email protected] 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We start as we always do: how does Gina define codependency? In summary, Gina shares how codependency is “the conscious and unconscious abanadoning of the self.” Ooof! Spot on, yes?

Gina then describes multiple examples from her own life as well as those she has witnessed in her clients. I hope you are nodding along as she lists all the ways we are codependent, including “the big one” where codependents “think they are selfless but take away people’s right to learn.” (Marissa acknowledges how her codependency comes up when people mispronounce her name and she doesn’t correct them. The struggs is real girl). 

Gina discusses how she often sees codependency at the root of her clients’ anxiety, depression, and trauma. 

We hear about “parts work” and the need to establish our “adult part” early on in our healing journey. Marissa is able to provide an example of when her “child part/inner child” took over when her then-boyfriend was running late. She sure needed an “adult part” to help her calm down!

Gina gives us a reality-check when it comes to the reality of making changes. Yes, we will feel better long-term, however, short-term, we may face negative feedback, resistance, and pushback from others. Gina encourages us to “fight the good fight” but also normalizes why some people end up not making changes to their codependent ways. 

We conclude with Gina sharing how she celebrates her progress via a reflection every full-moon. “What do I want to bring in?” and “What do I need to let go?” She suggests we have a reflection time at least 1-2 times per month in order to acknowledge the changes we are making. 

Thanks for coming on Gina!

Questions for you:

1. What came up while you heard Gina’s definition of codependency?
2. What examples did you relate with the most? Identify the top 3 that stood out to you and why?
3. Do you agree that codependency is at the root of your anxiety/depression/trauma?
4. Did you resonate with the need to identify your “adult part” to help along your healing journey? What would your “adult part” recommend the next time you have a codependummy moment?
5. Have you had moments of wanting to give up when it came to setting boundaries and making positive change? How can you provide compassion to yourself for feeling like giving up after hearing this episode?
6. What do you want your version of a time-for-reflection-celebratio-and-accountability to look like? Full-moon time with Gina? Start one and let me know how it goes!

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-How has The Confiding Codependummy: 30 Days of Journaling Prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious YOU helped Listener MV?

-What realizations did MV come to thanks to completing the CC?

-Why do YOU, yes YOU-READING-THIS-RIGHT-NOW, need to get yourself The Confiding Codependummy ASAP?

In this week’s episode, an amazingly supportive listener MV comes on to tell-all about her experience going through The Confiding Codependummy. It’s a collection of 30 journaling prompts which I created for listeners just like you and MV to help you dive deeper into your codependency and help you along your healing journey! MV shares what motivated her to buy the CC, how it went, and a HUGE REALIZATION she had about her codependency thanks to journaling. She adds how she also was able to develop more self-trust, self-reliance, and healthy patterns in her relationship all thanks to completing the Confiding Codependummy. 

Girl–if you haven’t gotten The Confiding Codependummy, STOP everything you are doing and BUY IT now. INVEST IN YOUR HEALING. It’s the equivalent of $1 a day for the next 30 days. Hop to it! Help me help you!

Helpful links:

https://codependummy.com/toolsforhealing/

Buy here: https://keap.app/checkout/cvv081/confidingcodependummy

More on the episode:

MV and I begin by catching you all up on her, how she came to find the podcast, and what has kept her listening for the past year (thanks for the support MV!). 

We then explore what motivated MV to purchase the Confiding Codependummy and her initial experience. 

MV shares how, thanks to some painful codependent moments, she found the motivation to start and complete the CC. However, it wasn’t easy. She had memories from her childhood come up that were hard to face: feeling wrong, feeling abandoned, feeling unprepared. 

Marissa asks MV how she was able to persist despite the feelings. MV talked about it in therapy, reached out to Marissa, and also got support from others. She also was able to rely on herself for reassurance and started the writing again after a brief break. 

AND YOU GUYS, MV FREAKIN’ FINISHED THE CONFIDING CODEPENDUMMY. 

ALL 30 JOURNALING PROMPTS! YYAASS! A round of applause for MV please. 

She reveals the realizations she had as a consequence of completing the Confiding Codependummy and how that’s impacting her day-to-day life, including her relationship with her boyfriend and loved ones. 

Her healing journey continues and I hope you can all hear how she sped up the process thanks to committing to and completing the CC. 

Get yourself a copy here: https://keap.app/checkout/cvv081/confidingcodependummy

Questions for you:

1. How do you relate to MV’s experience with codependency?
2. What have you started and stopped along your healing journey? (therapy, courses, the self-validation challenge?)
3. What would it mean for you to invest $30 in yourself and your healing journey by purchasing The Confiding Codependummy?
4. If you hesitate, how come? 
5. What would it take after listening to this episode for you to start taking action via The Confiding Codependummy?

Thank you for listening! Thank you MV for coming on!GET YOUR CONFIDING CODEPENDUMMY HERE: www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing Marissa’s info:

www.codependummy.com 

[email protected] 

@therapywithmarissa on Instagram 

Support the podcast by leaving a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

One last time: START THE CONFIDING CODEPENDUMMY TODAY: https://keap.app/checkout/cvv081/confidingcodependummy 

How do hysterical reactions in the present demonstrate historical feelings from the past? 

Instead of thinking we are “crazy” for having feelings, how can we view our feelings with tenderness?

What do we do to feel through our unresolved feelings from our past? 

In this week’s episode, another Codependummy Confession deep-dive: hysterical reactions indicate historical feelings. I want to look into and share about an experience on this in hopes that you stop thinking you are crazy, dramatic, pathetic, or stupid when it comes to strong emotional reactions over seemingly slight provocations. mmmkay? If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. You think you’re being all weird and emotional and shit but no: it makes total sense, it’s completely understandable, and there is a way to respond to your feelings with tenderness rather than self-denial so you don’t keep “overreacting.”

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on this week’s episode:

How do hysterical reactions in the present demonstrate historical feelings from the past?

Hysterical: deriving from or affected by uncontrolled extreme emotion.

Historical: belonging to the past, not the present.

If you find yourself having an uncontrolled extreme emotion–I would argue that, 9 times out of 10, the feelings, the emotions, the sentiments that you are currently experiencing belong to the past and not the present. 

Context: I share a memory of when I had a hysterical reaction to a crush being imperfect. I was sooo disappointed. Why? WTF happened? He missed class, that’s what!

He missed class and I proceeded to have an uncontrolled and extreme emotional response. 

Feelings: Anxious: Dread. Disappointed. Disillusioned. Defeated. And thought I was a crazy person. 

But I wasn’t. Why? If it’s hysterical, it’s historical. 

How can you apply this and show tenderness towards your feelings? 

-start with the situation

-identify the emotions

-to find out how it’s historical, ask yourself - when have I been in a situation and felt similarly to this before? 

-pinpoint what’s a tender response? Gentleness, kindness, sensitivity to pain 

-TELL YOURSELF how you’re feeling and then feel the feelings! 

-allow our feelings to pass through me, accept them, release them, then know what to do next. 

Friendly reminders:

If you’re needing more, get your copy of the confiding codependummy 30 days of journaling prompts for a less-codependent and more-conscious you! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing 

Self-Validation Challenge - free 30-day guide to providing yourself with all the validation you seek @ www.codependummy.com 

What else do you guys want to see, hear, or buy? [email protected] 

Rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!

Why am I so terrified to speak up?

What gets in the way of codependents being able to speak our truth?

How can you start to speak up when you need to through awareness, acceptance, and action? 

In this week’s episode, we will be unpacking why we codependents are so terrified of speaking up! With the use of Karen McMohan’s Coaching Technique, I will help you reflect on your own terror to speak up and empower you to start to squeak, whisper, state, proclaim, or YELL whatever it is that you need to rather than live in that terror-ridden state. You will have a step-by-step way to reflect on when you stay silent in hopes that it will help you speak up next time. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing - check out The Confiding Codependummy for just $1 a day for the next month (it’s $30 total). 

www.codependummy.com - check out the Self-Validation Challenge for free!

More deets on today’s episode: 

Why am I so terrified to speak up?

Let’s look at the who, what, when, where, why, and how of a recent situation when I was unable to speak up due to my codependency.

Who: I was terrified to speak up to my therapist

What: We were in session and it felt like he wasn’t listening, like he was distracted, like he was multitasking. 

When: Saturday, January 22 at 12pm. More like 12:25pm. 

Where: We meet via telehealth.

How: How come?I just sat there wondering, worrying, and wanting to say something and I couldn’t do it. I could not say “Doctor, you seem distracted. Can you give me your undivided attention?” 

Why: I couldn’t do it. I even thought to myself, “I can’t. I can’t do it. I know that I need to. Part of me wants to. Oh, maybe now? No. How much time left? Come on, Marissa. You can do this. Nope, nope can’t say it. Won’t say it. We will go on forever as therapist and patient and I will never, ever say it.”

We then apply Karen’s process: awareness, acceptance, and action!

In every moment/situation, you can ask yourself, in doing or not doing something, is this a fear-based decision or desire-based decision? 

Conclusion: It’s okay to speak up. It’s terrifying but living a life of not speaking up is also terrifying. 

Homework for you: apply the steps!

Take it situation by situation 

What happened? The context. Who, what, when, where, why, and how?

Awareness: what is/are the codependent behaviors and patterns you’re falling into?

Acceptance: how can you express self-acceptance towards yourself and these behaviors?

Action: by becoming conscious, aware, having insight: how can I choose to honor myself and make a desire-based decision? 

Outcome: It’s all good information. 

THE END! 

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing Marissa’s info:

www.codependummy.com

@therapywithmarissa on IG

www.therapywithmarissa.com

Help keep the lights on here: https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Rate, review, subscribe and share! Love you!

-What is true intimacy?

-How does codependency inhibit us from experiencing true intimacy with ourselves and others?

-When we have a feeling, what are the four steps we can take to truly feel them?

In this week’s episode, we have a truly intimate discussion with Melisa Keenan, intimacy coach, about her healing journey from codependency and coaching with high-powered businesswomen. Melisa opens up about codependent relationships in her life and how, after years of working on herself, she’s been able to transform her codependent loneliness into true intimacy with others (including herself!). We conclude with Melisa walking Marissa through her four-step process to help her clients feel her feelings–it’s powerful and a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

More on this episode’s guest:

Melisa Keenan is a USA Today Bestselling Author and CEO of a multi-6-figure international intimacy coaching company, supporting high-level businesswomen to reclaim their femininity and sensuality to create deep intimacy. She works with soul-driven female leaders who know that 'living the dream' is only as fulfilling as their most intimate relationship, and their impact is only as wide as they are willing to go deep within themselves.

www.melisakeenan.com

[email protected]

Click to download Melisa’s Emptiness to Intimacy Guide: https://yy5lat56.pages.infusionsoft.net 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin by hearing about Melisa’s definition of codependency. She distinguishes the term through contrasting codependency, independence, and interdependence. “Codependency is when you’re all mashed up with someone and defining your happiness through them.” Ring any bells in your life?

Melisa opens up about codependency in her life, including her estranged relationship with her mother. She reveals how she found out about her husband’s hidden addiction a few years into their marriage and how, through her commitment to healing, she was able to transform her relationship into one with true intimacy. 

Melisa defines true intimacy for us as “into me see.” But how come we can’t go the into-you-see-then-into-me-see route that most of us codependents tend to take? Despite it being obvious, Melisa provides such tender care in her explanation as to why we seek intimacy in this round-about and codependent way. 

Melisa discusses how codependency is an actual inhibitor of intimacy. Through our codependency, we lose our relationship with ourselves and our relationship with others. 

We conclude with Melisa walking us through her four initial steps to fostering intimacy through feeling our feelings. First, sense the emotion in your body. Second, practice curiosity with yourself. Third, practice acceptance. And fourth, provide self-compassion. She walks me through the four steps and I completely bypassed the first step! Of course I did since I’m a healing codependent who’s learning to pay attention to her body. 

Melisa provides encouraging words for the 20-year-old codependent version of herself in hopes that it provides encouragement to all of you. It gets better!

Questions for you:

1. What came up while you heard Melisa describe her take on codependency?
2. Do you relate to her desire to “learn how to fix my mom” when she started to attend 12-step support groups?
3. What relationships in your life provide you with true intimacy? Where are you lacking in intimacy in your relationships, including the one you had with yourself?
4. How can you implement Melisa’s four-step process this week?
5. Melisa encourages tenderness over and over. How can you practice tenderness with yourself this week?
6. What comes up while completing Melisa’s Emptiness to Intimacy guide? Click here to download: https://yy5lat56.pages.infusionsoft.net 

Thank you for listening! Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

[email protected]

https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

-What happens when your codependent spouse becomes your codependent ex-spouse?

-In relationships, how can we distinguish “codependency” from “healthy caretaking?”

-Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and codependency are the “triplets of codependency.” How are they connected and what can we do to move towards the “triplets of interdependency?”

In this week’s episode, I had the pleasure of interviewing Karen McMahon, a Certified Relationship and Divorce Coach, about the intricacies of codependency in divorcees. What happens when we go from a codependent couple to codependent exes? Karen shares with us about the codependency she’s witnessed in her clients, how she coaches them to move past their codependent ways, and the initial steps she takes with them to practice awareness, acceptance, and action. It’s a must-listen!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

More on Karen: 

Karen McMahon is a Certified Relationship and Divorce Coach and Founder of Journey Beyond Divorce. She began divorce coaching in 2010 after recognizing that the pain of her divorce led her on a transformational journey into an incredible new life. Karen leads a national team of divorce coaches in supporting men and women around the world to become calm, clear and confident as they navigate divorce. Karen is the host of the acclaimed Journey Beyond Divorce Podcast, co-author of ‘Stepping out of Chaos: Turning Pain to Possibility” and creator of JBD’s exclusive 12 Step Divorce Recovery Program.

https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/ 

https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenmcmahon/ 

https://www.facebook.com/journeybeyonddivorce 

https://www.instagram.com/journey_beyond_divorce/ 

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/journey-beyond-divorce-podcast/id1261400624

Download Karen’s Free Divorce Survival Kit

https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/divorce-recovery-plan 

Schedule a Free Rapid Relief Call

https://www.jbddivorcesupport.com/rapid-relief-call 

More deets on this week’s episode:

We begin by hearing about Karen’s definition of codependency: “those of us who put others’ needs before our own in an unhealthy way…we are striving to receive love and acknowledgment but we lose ourselves.” 

Karen opens up about her codependency in her marriage. She describes ways she put the financial needs of her husband before her own. “No one was putting a gun to my head,” Karen shares, however, like most of us codependents, we act like we are being “forced.”

I then ask Karen about ways she witnesses codependent behaviors in the divorcees she coaches. She tells us how we can distinguish codependency versus healthy caretaking and how we start by “choosing” to care for others rather than feeling “forced.”

Karen describes the triplets of codependency: people-pleasing, perfectionism, and dependence then contrasts that with the triplets of codependency: respect, acceptance, and self-love. 

Karen reveals an initial step she takes with her clients to help them develop interdependence: awareness, acceptance, then take action. We apply it to a recent codependummy moment from my therapy session! Karen evidently is an amazing coach so be sure to reach out to her if this resonates!

Questions for you:

1. What came up while you heard Karen define codependency? Do you lose yourself in your codependency?
2. How did you relate to Karen’s codependent experiences with her ex-husband?
3. What’s happened to your codependency with another when a relationship ends? Are you cured or have you simply become codependent on someone else?
4. How can you practice healthy caretaking as opposed to codependency?
5. What would awareness, acceptance, and taking action look like in your life this week?

Thank you for listening! www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing Marissa’s info:

www.codependummy.com 

@therapywithmarissa on IG

www.therapywithmarissa.com

Help keep the lights on here: https://linktr.ee/codependummy 

What lessons have I learned from this first year of podcasting???

What are my intentions for the second year of the podcast???

How can you celebrate the internal and external milestones in your own life?

Happy One-Year Anniversary, ya dummy! That’s right–we celebrated a year of the podcast on January 25. Woo hoo! In this episode, I reflect on the need for all of us to celebrate our internal and external milestones (like podcasting for a year). You’ll hear the ten lessons I learned this year and the intentions I am setting for year two. There are some tears of pride at the end thanks to you, my dear sweet listener. Thank you for your continued support of the show!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!

More deets on this week’s episode: 

We start with a check-in and announcements. Friendly reminder to get yourself a copy of The Confiding Codependummy at www.codependummy.com. 

Next, we dive in to the 10 THINGS I’VE LEARNED THIS FIRST YEAR OF PODCASTING. 

1. I was and am codependent AF
2. Discernment is key. 
3. Podcasting about codependency is SO FUN! 
4. I can do this long-term!
5. There’s always room for improvment 
6. Welcome Labors of Love 
7. No Messiah Complex for me
8. Holla ‘atcha gurl
9. Don’t phone it in
10. Try a little tenderness!

My intention for the second year of the podcast? Tenderness, meaning gentleness, kindness and sensitivity to pain. I want to be sensitive to your pain and mine as we continue to heal from our codependency.  

Questions for you:

How are you celebrating your own milestones?

What does progress or regression look like as you reach this mark?

What have you learned this past year, 5 year, 10 year, etc. of your milestone?

How are you acknowledging all that you have accomplished in that time period? 

Let me know how you are celebrating: [email protected]

Cheers to year 2!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

www.codependummy.com/toolsforhealing

Please leave a rating & review. A subscribe and share is welcomed! RRSS!