The Codependummy Podcast

The Inner Dialogue of Codependents: Harsh much?

What does the self-talk of a codependent sound like?

How do codependents sound after they’ve made a mistake, f*cked up, or disappointed someone?

Why are codependents so affected by other people? Then OBSESS over controlling the behavior of other people?

Thank you for listening! 

Be sure to join the Codependummy Podcast Facebook page at: facebook.com/groups/codependummy for MARCH MADNESS where Marissa will be hosting a Q&A, group coaching, and a chance to interact with her + Codependummy listeners. Also, if you join THIS WEEK, you’ll receive her recent workshop Self-Care in Self-Quarantine: How to Prioritize Your Mental Health at Home along with a free companion workbook! HOP ON IT!

In this episode:

• Marissa earns an “E” for explicit! It’s vile, vulgar, and violent language but also a true depiction of just how cruel codependents can be towards themselves when they make a mistake, disappoint someone, or fail.
• Marissa provides a real-life example when she f*cked up dating someone and how cruel she was to herself for “ruining” a potential relationship (nevermind the fact that he was not perfect since that never, ever matters to a codependummy!)
• Marissa provides two strategies you can start to create a kinder inner dialogue and assert your feelings & needs in your relationships 

Helpful links:

• Cori Rosenthal’s interview that discusses the idea of creating a kinder inner dialogue: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/codependency-food-weight-body-image-cori-rosenthal/id1550681775?i=1000508146785
• Melody Beattie’s book, Codependent No More: https://amzn.to/37Aedx8
• Marissa’s free course, Codependummy 101-->www.codependummy.com
• Wanna work with Marissa? Visit her practice page at www.therapywithmarissa.com
• Tryframe.com/dummy for $20 off your first 3 sessions after matching with a therapist.

In this episode, Marissa shares about the inner dialogue of codependents. Why? Because, as a group, codependents are very, very harsh with themselves. 

Before she gets into it, Marissa shares a few things:

1. Girl, thank you so much for listening! YOU--listening right now. Thank you for listening.
2. 1. Hear her make her commitment to post an episode for the next 5 years!
3. If you are a patient of mine, you can let Marissa know you’ve been listening. The focus of each therapy session is on you so I haven’t brought it up but you can! 
   1. She’s gotten feedback and questioned the entire theme of the show.
   2. What’s it like for her to show up imperfectly and practice “courageous vulnerability, which many experts who treat codependency encourage? HARD but also not impossible. 
   3. Despite the feedback, Marissa is going to persist and ensure she is working towards her goal to help you stop playing small and start taking up space. 
4. How has Marissa been a codependummy even in the first 3 weeks of launching the podcast? 

Next, we get into what the inner dialogue sounds like. 

Melody Beattie, author of Codependent No More, defines codependency as “someone who is affected by the behavior of others and is obsessed with controlling that person’s behavior.”

Marissa describes her obsession with controlling others...and how she also controlled herself by being harsh, mean, and self-destructive with how she spoke to herself. 

WARNING: EXPLICIT LANGUAGE. 

WARNING: HONEST LANGUAGE! Marissa earns an “E” for explicit since this is how codependents truly sound to themselves. 

F*ck filters. Marissa shares what she actually sounded like throughout her 20s when she made a mistake, disappointed someone, or failed. 

Five scenarios when codependents inner dialogue is at it’s worst:

1. When we blame ourselves
2. When we pick on ourselves for our thoughts
3. When we pick on ourselves for our feelings
4. When we pick on ourselves for our looks
5. When we pick on ourselves for our actions 

Marissa gets true and honest about how mean she was towards herself: idiot, stupid, worthless, incompetent, and on and on it went. Marissa also discusses the guilt she felt as a codependent when she made a mistake or disappointed someone. “I can never, ever disappoint someone.”

Marissa would deny her thoughts, feelings, and needs through her self-annihilation via her self-dialogue.  

Marissa gives a real-life example when, at the age of 21, she f*cked up. She was in a dating relationship that had her up to her eyeballs in codependency. Her behaviors and actions demonstrated her sole purpose at that time: What do I need to do for you to stay?

Marissa denied her feelings about her potential boyfriend’s ongoing communication with his ex-girlfriend. In an effort to cope, she got drunk and did something to compromise the whole relationship. Nevermind that he was communicating with his ex-girlfriend--Marissa felt HORRIBLE afterwards. 

Marissa was such a codependummy. She was so focused on proving how lovable she was to this young man that she didn’t even factor in the fact that he was still heavily involved in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend. She recalls how she cried, was distracted, lost her appetite, and felt so so guilty for disappointing him. 

There likely is an unconscious part of codependency where we think “If I’m harsh enough with myself, then I won’t do it again. If I beat myself up enough, I’ll receive the harsh punishment and be able to move on from there.” Codependents are their own judge and jury where they often give each other a harsh punishment. Marissa discusses how pervasive her ruthless inner dialogue was and how it didn’t take much to “kick in” and for her to beat herself up. 

What comes up for you while listening? Have you been this harsh to yourself or harsher?

Then, we talk about how we can develop a kinder inner dialogue. We also need to pick on other people instead of picking on ourselves. 

Marissa gives examples of how you can both be kinder to yourself and also verbalize your thoughts, feelings and needs to avoid being so mean to yourself. 

Your homework: reflect on your own inner dialogue. How do you talk to yourself when you make a mistake? Disappoint others? Not meet the expectations of others?

Join the facebook group to request your spot now for March Madness! Starting March 1, Marissa will be in there for a Q&A, group coaching, and other bonus material from the podcast. You can connect with her and other codependummy listeners but you have to request to join between 2/22-3/1! facebook.com/groups/codependummy 

The Codependummy Dilemma: Live Coaching with AV

New segment, who dis? 

In this week’s episode, I’m introducing an inaugural segment: The Codependummy Dilemma where I help a brave listener walk through an aspect of her life where she’s caught up in a codependent quagmire. “Do I do what want or what other people want, need, expect of me?” What’s a codependummy to do?

Listen in to hear me walk AV through her current codependummy dilemma: do I let my anticipated disappointment from others dictate my next move--or do I let my own feelings decide what I do next?

Thank you for listening! 

Be sure to join the Facebook group, The Codependummy podcast at facebook.com/groups/codpendummy. I’ll be opening the doors on March 1 to offer live coaching, Q&A, and info about Codependummy’s Lonely Girl Social Club launching April 1. Request to join the Facebook group today at facebook.com/groups/codpendummy--don’t be a dummy and wait till February 28. If you sign up this week, I’ll send you a free link to my workshop Self-Care in Self-Quarantine: How to Prioritize Your Mental Health At Home. Hop on it sis! 

Go to www.tryframe.com/dummy for their offer to listeners for $20 their first three therapy sessions! 

In this week’s episode:

-Marissa walks through, LIVE, with a listener, AV, a Codependummy Dilemma she is having where she is having to confront her codependency--GRAD SCHOOL APPLICATIONS--and needs solutions and coaching to get through it. 

-AV opens up about how she has been rewarded to put the needs of others above her own and how that’s led her to feel exhausted by her codependency as a young woman because “I don’t really know what feelings I’m having in the moment. It’s just tears but I can’t verbalize that which is exhausting.” 

-AV leaves the Codependummy Dilemma with a clear plan for how she can cope with her codependency as she navigates the next two months while hearing back from graduate schools. She commits to prioritizing herself and her feelings in order to decide her next move--and not letting other people’s feelings influence her. 

Introducing The Codependummy Dilemma segment! In this inaugural episode, Marissa sits down with listener AV to walk through a current dilemma she’s in thanks to her codependency. As codependents, you likely often get into situations where you are trying to decide: do I do what I want to do or what others expect of me? Should I say how I am actually feeling or stay quiet to maintain the peace? Should I cancel that appointment or keep it lest I disrupt someone else’s plans???

In addition to providing psychotherapy, Marissa is also a Codependency Coach! Unlike therapy which is more focused on the past, coaching is all about the present and future. Marissa asks AV about some aspects of her codependency that she’s experienced in the past but then dives in to how that is impacting AV currently as well as how it may dictate her behavior in the near future--maybe even compromising her dreams to attend graduate school! 

We start with asking AV about ways she has been raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above her own. AV talks about how she was rewarded at home by her family to “be quiet and not push back.” She also experienced this at school where she was rewarded to be “very adaptable and I was rewarded for that. I got good grades and saw that these behaviors were desirable to be successful.” Marissa highlights how, at home and school, AV was taught “don’t push back, don’t talk back, be quiet, and how to not to get in the way.” 

We then hear how that’s led to her being exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships, including the one she has with herself. AV reveals how she has a hard time confronting others or worries about saying her truth since it may negatively impact others. AV adds how she’s trying to learn that it’s okay for her to speak up and confrontation isn’t such a bad thing. AV describes the exhaustion of letting other people’s feelings take precedence over her own feelings. She often “turns to tears” and is not able to express her anger, frustration, or other negative emotions. AV’s relationship with herself suffers since she struggles with setting boundaries with her partner, mother, sister, and others. She adds how she often questions herself and if she is taking up too much space, saying the wrong thing, and worried about “being unlikeable.” 

What Codependummy Dilemma did AV want to talk through? Her fear of disappointing others if she doesn’t get into graduate school! 

“I was worried about what people would think about me not getting into grad school versus what was going to happen about me not getting into grad school. I was worried about their pity instead of what I would do if I didn’t get in.” Marissa highlights how AV is picturing the pity and disappointment from others so early into the process and how that is starting to impact her plans if she does not get in. 

Instead of letting the presumed disappointment and pity from others dictate your next move, AV, why not be really intentional the next 60 days that you hear back from schools and then you decide, on your own, what your next move is???

“Do I allow the possibility of others disappointment, pity, and rejection dictate my next move--or, for the next two months, do I intentionally focus on taking it one rejection at a time, feel my feelings, welcome my own doubt, and let that dictate my next move?”

AV opens up about how, after receiving a couple of rejections, she thought “I quit” since she did not want to disappoint others. Marissa highlights how she can journal, talk with supportive friends, go to therapy, and use other coping skills the next two months to be more intentional and then decide what she wants to do. AV agrees how she can be more intentional the next two months and then decide what she wants to do. 

AV and Marissa role-play a hypothetical interaction where AV informs her “mother” that she was not accepted into graduate school. Marissa is AV’s “SAD MOM” and responds how she would if she didn’t get in. What would AV say in response in order to avoid letting her mother’s pity overwhelm her or dictating her behavior. AV practiced how she can talk about other options in order to assert that she has a plan. AV agreed how she can emphasize that she needs more experience, has research options, and will continue to apply. 

AV talks about how she is trying to unlearn ideas of perfectionism. “I am working on learning it is okay to make a mistake.” Marissa also helps AV check in with reality about the process of applying to graduate school, the average age of graduate students, and how she needs to let go of her mother’s black-and-white thinking in order to pursue her academic goals. 

Thank you for listening. Join the Facebook group at: facebook.com/groups/codpendummy Go to www.tryframe.com/dummy for their offer of $20 off your first three therapy sessions after you match with a therapist! https://linktr.ee/codependummy

Codependency And Food, Weight, & Body Image with Cori Rosenthal

How does codependency relate to food, weight & body image?

How do codependents overeat, undereat, and everything in between to please others?

How can you stop using food to deal with your codependency?

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In this podcast episode, Marissa speaks with Cori Rosenthal, a Santa Monica-based psychotherapist, about codependency, codependency’s influence on weight, eating, and body image, and how Cori treats codependency with her clients. How does Cori define codependency? How did she cope with her own codependency? Marissa and Cori both open up about trying to undereat and please others then swinging to overeating to cope with all the stress throughout their 20s. 

Meet Cori Rosenthal, LMFT, Santa Monica based marriage and family therapist (#98720) and mindfulness educator in private practice in Santa Monica.   She incorporates mindfulness, compassion practices and Brainspotting in her work with adolescents and adults. She specializes in working with intimacy and codependency, eating disorders, disordered eating, trauma, anxiety and depression. Cori is trained in Pia Melody’s Post Induction Therapy for codependency, is certified in Brainspotting, and also is a Mindful Self-Compassion teacher.

[email protected]310-228-8081

www.corirosenthal.com

In this podcast episode:

• Cori discusses what she believes contributes to the development of codependency in young women: developmental trauma. What’s developmental trauma? Cori explains it all. 
• Cori talks about the connection between codependency and being “needless and wantless” when it comes to food, body size, and weight. 
• We discuss how you can stop coping with food and start being kinder to yourself, unfollow unhelpful social media accounts, and learn to say “no” so you don’t end up coping with food! 

Cori discusses what drove her to work specifically with codependents and their issues with food, weight, and body size. She opens up about how she started as a life coach and transitioned to becoming a licensed therapist after she saw the same thing over and over again: “My clients were codependent.” Cori had her own fears about graduate school but overcame her fear when she saw the need to learn more to serve her clients better. Cori discusses her difficulty in creating and making boundaries as a young woman. She shares about her dating messes and the “bad boys” she dated and was codependent with, including how he made decisions about what they did after school while she ignored her own plans. She let him run off with his plans while ignoring what she wanted and needed in the moment. Cori discusses how she was “easy going” and how “there’s nothing easy going about being easy going.” 

Marissa asks Cori about what she believes is the cause of codependency. Cori describes Pia Melody’s teachings about how codependency is rooted in developmental trauma, meaning negative experiences you went through during your childhood and adolescence. It may be abuse, neglect, stress and how it’s “subtle.” Cori and Marissa discuss multiple ways that birth order, family issues, sibling’s issues, and parents level of presence can all be ways that contribute to abuse and neglect. 

Cori talks about the connection between codependency and food. There are two ways she sees it: wanting to shrink yourself to be worthy versus coping with codependency by overeating, binging, and restriction. Cori discusses how food does offer “temporary relief from pain” and how that leads codependents to overeat to avoid the pain of the emptiness in their relationships. 

Cori and Marissa discuss how comments about weight, whether positive or negative, are NOT HELPFUL, especially for codependents. If codependents are always seeking the attention, affection, and approval from others, then their weight loss or gain will be dependent on the feedback that they get from others and that can cause a lot of damage. 

What about safety seeking through food? Cori discusses how we can be in control of our food to feel safe within ourselves. Marissa adds how this is not always conscious and how we may engage in overeating or restriction in an effort to feel like we are in control but unconsciously we want to feel safe. 

Cori and Marissa talk about the influence of culture and how the media, television shows, movies, music, and etc. teach us to “equate who we are with our appearance.” Cori recalls a song she loved and how she would belt out “Invisible!” and how she worked to embody that. They reminisce about the songs they sang that reinforced them being small, wantless, needless, and codependent in their relationships. 

Cori mentions mindfulness and how that can also help codependents “tolerate your own lived experience even when it’s challenging, scary, or difficult.” She encourages those who are codependent to trust that they have themselves and will be able to handle what comes. “I’ve got me and it’s okay.”

Cori suggests three ways to start developing a healthier relationship with food and yourself. First, start to develop a kinder inner dialogue. Second, stop following any social media accounts that make you feel poorly about yourself. And third, start to say “No” as a complete sentence. Marissa emphasizes how this is so needed to promote intergenerational healing. Cori adds how we can start to talk about our wants, needs, boundaries we are proud of instead of what food group we have eliminated. 

Be sure to check out Cori’s meditation series that she mentions at the end. She has four meditations to help people create a healthier relationship with their bodies. 

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

The Center Does Not Hold

Pia Melody’s Book

Invisible song

Love the Way You Lie song

@body_redefined on IG

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com or visit @therapywithmarissa on IG and Tiktok

What is it about codependency in therapists?

How does codependency interweave with money and therapy?

Can we choose better people to be codependent with?

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In this podcast episode, Marissa speaks with Tiffany McLain, a fee consultant about codependency, codependency in therapists, and codependency with money! ______________________________________________________________________

Meet Tiffany McLain, LMFT, a private practice fee strategist whose mantra is, “Full fees are the new black.” Via her program, The Lean In. MAKE BANK. Academy, she helps therapists ethically earn 30 to 50% more per month while seeing fewer clients by showing them how to think about and directly address fees in a clinically appropriate manner.

www.heytiffany.com@tiffanymclain on IG ______________________________________________________________________

In This Podcast

• Sometimes codependency can benefit us if we choose the right people to be dependent on
• Tiffany and Marissa reflect on their experiences with codependency and how their knee-jerk reactions were more about “What does this other person need from me?” as opposed to “What do I need?”
• Tiffany provides examples, both recent and long-past, where she was taught to “not see what I see and not feel what I feel.”

To start off, Marissa shares a funny story with Tiffany about how she was dependent and trying to please Tiffany as an instructor when they first met. Tiffany agrees and talks about how we can be thoughtful about who we surround ourselves with so we can please inspiring people, motivated people, and who we feel good being around. 

Tiffany talks about what codependency means for her and how she resonated with a story about defaulting to please another person before she can check in or know to check in with herself. She shares stories about her codependency from her 20s and even more recent at 40! Tiffany mentions being a psychoanalyst--a form of therapy that focuses on the unconscious parts of ourselves that we don’t know are there but highly impact our day-to-day decisions. 

Tiffany talks about metaphors of her codependency, including being a balloon without anything to tether to or a cork in the ocean just floating with the waves. She discusses the extremes her relationships or experiences would get to because of her difficulty in asserting or maintaining boundaries. She adds the growth and progress she has made in creating boundaries thanks to being a mother and not tolerating the same boundary violations she experienced as a young woman...but still doubts herself, wonders if she is being dramatic, or acting “crazy.” It is evident that the healing and growth from codependency takes time, support, and reflection. 

We also delve into how codependency is a form of sef-protection and how we seek safety in pleasing others. When reflecting, it can be obvious that it is self-sabotaging but it is so hard to see and believe if standing up for ourselves was unsafe as children. 

Tiffany and Marissa discuss how codependency + money comes up often for helping professionals who often charge lower fees to avoid upsetting or inconveniencing their clients. Tiffany shares how she sees it come up for therapists again and again in their businesses. And then, how her ability to see it in others, led to her recognizing it in herself. She adds how she, as a therapist who uses psychoanalysis, sees codependency as having “aireless worlds,” where one’s identity is only experienced through the eyes of others, namely a parent. “It’s like being a siamese twin!”

Tiffany and Marissa share their experiences working with clients and the healing journey they have ahead of them to resolve codependency. Tiffany shares how we first need to help a client separate from their families/primary caregivers AND THEN how they also need to separate from the therapist. 

Tiffany also recognizes how “if you spot it, you got it.” She sees if often in therapists and then reflects on how she may be codependent with the therapists that she works with! She shares about overfunctioning, chasing students in her course, and doing the work for them. Tiffany adds a new motto for all of us codependummies to use that she learned from her coach: “I am responsible to you. I am not responsible for you.” She adds some real-life experiences of worrying it’s her fault and taking action out of guilt--and ways she is taking more responsibility for herself so she can give responsibility to others.

What are the long-term consequences of codependency?

Can codependency lead to burn out, depression, anxiety, and quarter-life crisis?

What can happen if you keep putting the needs of others above your own decade after decade?

Are you finding yourself exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in crap relationships?

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa walks through the long-term consequences of codependency, including the physical, emotional, and relational side effects
• You’ll get details and examples to help bring awareness around your own codependency and how it is hurting, damaging, and causing destruction that you need to start addressing now!
• We continue to normalize rather than pathologize your codependency--since you were set up to be this way. You are not crazy!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

Codependent No More by Melody Beattie

Codependent No More Workbook by Melody Beattie

Long-term effects of co-dependency during or after college

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com 

What are the long-term consequences of codependency? What will happen if you continue to put the needs of others above your own? According to the literature, in the later stages of codependency, you may experience feeling lethargic, feeling depressed, withdrawing from your relationships, becoming isolated from your relationships, losing your daily routine and structure, abusing or neglecting your children/other responsibilities, hopelessness, planning escapes from relationships you feel trapped in, suicidality, violence towards others or yourself via self-harm, becoming physically/emotionally/mentally ill, developing an eating disorder (or other type of addiction related to food/body/weight), or becoming addicted to alcohol and/or other drugs. 

What stands out to you? How are you coping with your codependency in ways that are starting to take a toll on your health and your relationships?

Marissa gives real-life examples and shares about her “rock bottom” related to her codependency. She was 20 years old, single, lonely in her apartment, weighed about 40 pounds more than she does today, and codependent up to her eyeballs. After being everything for everyone, she became nothing to no one...including herself. She had dedicated so much time and energy to pleasing her family, professors, friends, and a romantic interest all to no avail. Then, the pendulum swung and she was depressed, anxious, withdrawn, and not pleasing anyone or herself. Have you experienced the same in your codependency where, maybe you weren’t suicidal, but ambivalent towards life? While listening, see what stands out to you about your codependency and how it is starting to take its toll on you. 

You’ll also hear about her motivation to create this podcast in order to a) spare you from the agony, suffering, and pain of codependency and b) help you transform from a codependummy to a codependiamond!

Be sure to leave a rating and review! 

In Part I, we discussed how you have been raised to be codependent.

In Part II, we looked at how you have been reinforced to put the needs of others above your own.

In Part III, we will cover how you have been REWARDED to put the needs of others above your own. You were set up sis to be codependent through the advantages, benefits, and opportunities you got thanks to working so hard to get everyone’s attention, affection, and approval! 

Be sure to listen to Part I and Part II to hear about ways you have been raised and reinforced to be codependent!

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa walks through ways you have benefited from, gained advantage, and received opportunities thanks to putting the needs of others above your own.
• You’ll get details and examples to help you build awareness of how you have been rewarded for being a codependummy...and thus, set up to neglect yourself while prioritizing everyone else. 
• You’re invited to reflect and think critically about the messages you received from others about what it meant when you were self-sacrificing and prioritized others above yourself. You were taught it was a good thing because you were rewarded for it!
• We start to normalize rather than pathologize your codependency--since you were set up to be this way. You are not crazy!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

The Benefits of Codependency

THE BENEFITS OF CODEPENDENCY

The High Functioning Codependent

Theodore Millon Article on Codependency

The Codependent Friendship

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com 

What is codependency and how does it manifest other ways?  In this episode, we look at how you may have been codependent in your relationships with other young women. From the framework of Theodore Millon, who in 1981, wrote that one trait of codependency is a need for “a stronger, nurturing figure and without one, they feel anxiously helpless. They’re often conciliatory, placating, and self-sacrificing.”

How has your codependency shown up in your friendships as a little girl, adolescent, tween, teen, and young women? And how have you been rewarded to be so giving, self-sacrificing, available in these friendship?

Marissa provides real-life examples of ways she was rewarded to be codependent by “winning friends and influencing people” through her giving, pleasing, and placating stance in relation to others. She recalls friendships from high school, college, and career that were all codependent.

Do you remember times when you were rewarded for being a nurturing figure in your friendships? What did your parents and other friends teach you about friendships and your role in them? 

Ask yourself: What were your friendships like as a girl, adolescent and young women? Have you been the giver or receiver most of the time? How have you been codependent in your friendships?

Also, think about how you can be codependent in some relationships while independent in other one’s. How do you see your codependency with family compared to friends? With friends compared to coworkers? 

Be sure to leave a rating and review! 

In Part I, we discussed how you have been raised to be codependent.

In Part II, we will look at how you have been reinforced to put the needs of others above your own.

How have you been set up to be codependent through the encouragement, modeling, and reinforcement from others.

Be sure to listen to Part I and Part III to hear about ways you have been raised and rewarded to be codependent!

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa walks through ways you were encouraged, reinforced, and cheered on to please others--as it relates to her body.
• You’ll get details and examples to help you build awareness of how you have been reinforced to be codependent in your own life from your parents, authority figures, and even your friends! 
• You’re invited to reflect and think critically about the messages you received from others about what it meant when you were self-sacrificing and prioritized others above yourself.
• We start to normalize rather than pathologize your codependency--since you were set up to be this way. You are not crazy!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

Social Pressures Often Reinforce Codependency

Interactions in Relationships: Codependency vs. Positive Reinforcement

The Common Thread Between Food Addiction and Codependency

How Food Addiction & Codependency Go Hand in Hand

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com 

What is codependency and how does it manifest other ways?  In this episode, we look at Karen Horney’s definition of codependency as: “a magical belief that they will find an answer to life through others.” Marissa talks about how she was often reinforced to please others through her body. She discusses how she became “body conscious,” meaning hyper-concious and self-conscious of her body in order to get others approval, attention, and affection. 

How has your body, weight, and relationship with food been dependent on the like, love, and approval from others?

Marissa provides real-life examples of ways she was reinforced to be codependent as it relates to her weight--since she wanted others to like her so she figured she needed to stay small. She also discusses ways she has seen it in other young women who were reinforced to please others by maintaining a small body.

Do you remember times when adults provided you messages about how they liked you for your beauty? Your brains? Your body? Your thoughtfulness? Your consideration?

Ask yourself: What’s a time when you really learned that you could please others by looking pretty? Being smart? Maintaining a small frame? Getting everything done on time? Cleaning the house? How did you learn to get the love you were pining for by meeting the expectations of others?

Also, we look at the rules that codependents follow where they hold themselves to a higher, almost impossible standard out of feelings of unworthiness. 

How has your codependency shown up in different ways? How does it manifest? What do you sense is underneath your symptoms and negative coping skills? 

Be sure to leave a rating and review! 

In Part I, we discuss how you have been raised to be codependent

How have you been set up to be codependent by your family, authority figures, and the education system. 

Be sure to listen to Part II and Part III to hear about ways you have been reinforced and rewarded to be codependent!

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa walks through ways your family, society, teachers, and other authority figures raised you to put the needs of others above your own.
• You’ll get details and examples to help you build awareness of how you have been raised to be codependent in your own life no matter where you are from or what type of family you had
• You’re invited to reflect and think critically about the messages you received about what it meant to be a “good girl” growing up
• We start to normalize rather than pathologize your codependency--since you were set up to be this way. You are not crazy!

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

Very Well Mind - What is codependency?

Diagnostic Criteria for Codependency - Timmen Cermak

Timmen Cermak - Wikipedia page

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com 

What is codependency? In this episode, we discuss Timmen Cermak’s definition that he created around 1986. He talks about five essential features of codependency, one of them being “the assumption of responsibility of meeting others needs to the exclusion of meeting one’s own needs.” 

Isn’t that motherhood? OR RATHER--is that fatherhood? Let’s break it down:

1. Assumption of responsibility
2. For meeting others needs 
3. To the exclusion of 
4. Acknowledging one’s own needs

Marissa provides real-life examples of ways she was raised to be codependent. She also discusses ways she has seen it in other young women who were raised to put the needs of others above their own starting from a young age.

Do you remember times when adults used guilt to make you feel bad about who you were, what you did, or what you said? What did those times teach you about speaking your mind, asserting your feelings, and maintaining boundaries? 

Ask yourself: What’s a time when you really learned that your needs are not as important as other people’s needs?How have you been raised to believe that you are responsible for other people's needs? And how were you raised to put your own needs aside?

Be sure to leave a rating and review! 

Codependency as described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5)

What is “dependency,” codependency, and what are the common traits?

How are you, me, and everyone we know codependent?

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com 
• https://www.facebook.com/groups/codpendummy

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa walks through the diagnosis for Dependent Personality Disorder
• You’ll get details and examples on how you have been set up to be dependent on others at home, school, work (i.e., everywhere)
• You’re invited to reflect and ask yourself “Am I codependent? Am I a codependummy? And how come?”
• We start to normalize rather than pathologize your codependency

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

Psychology Today - Dependent Personality Disorder

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com 

What’s dependent personality disorder? “A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of.” Marissa talks about how pervasive codependency can be: parents, partner, peers, and pool hall staff. This leads to “submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation.” 

Isn’t this everyone? You mean to tell me that this is a diagnosis? When I learned about this in graduate school, I thought “Ugh...this is me.” Are these symptoms also you: 

1. has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others;
2. needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of your life
3. has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval (isn’t that everyone???)
4. has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on your own because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than lack of motivation or energy
5. goes to excessive length to attain nurturance and support from others to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant 
6. feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone due to exaggerated fears of being unable to care for yourself 
7. urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends (any type)
8. unrealistically preoccupied with fears of having to take care of yourself

Marissa also gives real-life examples of when she let others make decisions for her, gave into pressure to please and impress others, and the consequences of allowing the needs of others to be more important than her own. You’ll hear about her difficulties staying in college, creating healthy boundaries--especially with men, and other codependent adventures! Hear how Marissa recognizes how she contributed to her excessive dependency on others and how that got her into codependent dilemmas since she ignored her intuition, kept silent, and put others’ comfort over her own. If you find yourself feeling codependent with others in multiple areas in your life--this episode is a must listen!

Be sure to leave a rating and review! 

Youtube channel coming soon→stay tuned for the link! 

Welcome to The Codependummy Podcast

Who, What, When, Where, Why, & How of the podcast answered!

What’s a “codependummy?”

What’s the intention of this podcast and who is it for?

Thanks for listening! Be sure to check out:

• www.codependummy.com
• @codependummy on IG
• Sign up for my free course Codependummy 101 at www.codependummy.com
• https://www.facebook.com/groups/codpendummy

In This Podcast episode:

• Marissa introduces herself and the term codependummy
• You hear about the who, what, when, where, why, and how of the podcast
• Marissa shares her background and motivation to create the podcast
• You learn why this podcast as made for you, sis

Helpful links:

www.codependummy.com

Want to work with me? Go to www.therapywithmarissa.com or visit @therapywithmarissa on Instagram/Tiktok

As a young woman, you have been raised, reinforced, and rewarded to put the needs of others above your own, Now, in your 20s, you’re finding yourself exhausted, exasperated, and enveloped in dissatisfying relationships. This podcast was made to help you stop being such a codependummy and shine like a codependiamond! 

Marissa discusses the pain, agony, and suffering she went through during her 20s thanks to her codependency and her goal to help you bypass all of that. 

A codependummy is the perfect term for the codependent women out there who often are self-deprecating, self-annihilating, and self-criticizing themselves and their behavior all the time. The things we do to get the attention, affection, and approval from others is stupid. This podcast is all about helping you to stop playing small and start taking up space, ya dummy! 

Codependiamond = healthy relationship with self and other as the goal. 

Youtube channel coming soon→stay tuned for the link!