The Collaborative IEP

How do you handle your own stress as a caregiver, especially when your body seems to be working against you?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I'm talking about caring for the caregiver and why it matters for co-regulation with our children. Parents of kids with disabilities carry an extra layer of stress on top of everything else life brings, and our bodies keep the score. I share what has finally started working for me after years of trying, and why taking care of yourself is one of the ways you take care of your child.

In this episode, I discuss:

• The books that have shaped how I think about stress, the body, and regulation

• How chronic caregiving stress shows up in our bodies, especially as we age

• Why intentionality and “enjoying the process” have changed my daily routines

• How simple mantras can help both you and a dysregulated child

• The practices that help me most, from meditation and yoga to breathwork and rest

• A mindset shift that helps me appreciate the person at the center of the work

• How our own regulation affects our children's regulation

Caring for yourself can feel like one more thing on a list that is already too long. But our children regulate based on us, and the connection between caregiver and child is real. When you make time for your own wellness, you are not taking something away from your child. You are helping them.

I'm not a doctor or a psychologist, just someone who has read a lot and lived a lot. If this resonates, start by noticing: your child's regulation, your own, and what your body is telling you.

In this episode I also mention my friend, @KaraRyska, over at The Special Needs Mom Podcast in this episode. I also mention a few books. They are Mindset (Carol Dweck), The Body Keeps the Score (Bessel van der Kolk), Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers (Robert Sapolsk), Atlas of the Heart (Brené Brown), and Fire Child, Water Child (Stephen Cowan).

Listen now for an honest conversation about caring for yourself so you can show up for your child.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

Trying to get more minutes of specially designed instruction into your child's IEP? Or fewer, so there's more room in the general education classroom?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I explain why the real question is never actually about minutes at all, and how building the IEP in the right order gets you closer to what you actually want.

In this episode, I explain:

• Why requests for more or fewer minutes usually point to a different underlying need

• How to prioritize when your family can't get everything you want in the IEP

• Why building the IEP in order, from present levels to goals to services, determines the minutes

• How trading time between subjects can help a team support what matters most to your child

• Why fewer minutes of specially designed instruction does not automatically mean more inclusion

• What deliberate, meaningful inclusion actually requires in the general education setting

Getting what you want in an IEP is not about winning an argument or finding the right words. It is about knowing what you want, knowing what you want most, and building the document so that the present levels, the goals, and the services all support that priority. When a team builds in that order, the minutes tend to take care of themselves.

Listen now to learn how building your IEP in order can help you get more of what your child actually needs, whether that means more specially designed instruction or more time with general education peers.

Listen to Episode 8, Getting More Services Out Of An IEP: https://ashleybarlowco.com/getting-more-services-out-of-an-iep/

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

What is the one thing that can turn a productive IEP meeting into a standstill in a matter of seconds?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I talk about how easily a meeting can get derailed, not because anyone was unkind, but because someone tried to summarize a hard topic quickly and left too much unsaid. I share a story from my years doing family law negotiation that shows exactly how it happens, and I walk through what to do when it happens to you.

In this episode, I discuss:

• How shorthand phrasing about a child's disability can unintentionally sound dismissive

• Why one imprecise word can trigger a strong emotional reaction in a meeting

• How a story from a family law negotiation shows the way a single phrase can undo hours of progress

• Why teams can get stuck reacting to wording instead of solving the real problem

• How naming and repairing a comment in the moment can get a meeting back on track

• Why returning to the underlying concern defuses a loaded statement

• When slowing down and regrouping helps a team refocus on the child

Meetings rarely go sideways because someone was unkind. They go sideways because someone tried to be efficient and, in doing so, left out the words that carry the full picture of a child's needs. Naming that moment and repairing it gently is one of the most useful skills a parent or a professional can build at the table.

Listen now to learn how the words we choose can move an IEP meeting forward or stop it in its tracks, and what to do to bring it back.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

What do you do if you don't like the language in your child's IEP?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I answer a question that came in from a Down syndrome association and applies to almost every family I work with: what to do when the wording in an IEP or evaluation feels off, unfair, or just plain wrong. Parents are not only allowed to weigh in on how an IEP is written, they are supposed to.

In this episode, I explain:

• Why parents can and should weigh in on how an IEP is worded

• Why descriptions of a child's physical appearance rarely belong in an evaluation

• How to reword language that frames normal social struggles as pestering

• Why language that implies behavior is a choice can be unfair to a child

• How to mark up a draft IEP and return it with suggested language

• When it helps to explain an edit instead of leaving it to speak for itself

• Why naming the skill deficit behind a behavior leads to better supports

Language in an IEP is never just semantics. The words a team chooses shape how a child is seen, and over time, how that child comes to see themselves. Speaking up when something feels off is not adversarial. It is part of collaborating on a document that has to serve your child well beyond this one meeting.

Listen now to learn how to spot language that labels or blames, and how to ask for something better.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

How do you actually get more minutes in your child's IEP?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I'm answering one of the questions I hear most, whether that means more special education minutes, more time with a related service provider, or more of a specific intervention. It's a question that comes up constantly at intake, and it deserves a real answer.

In this episode, I explain:

• The two clarifying questions that shape every request for more minutes

• How building your IEP in order supports a stronger case for more services

• Why expert reports and curriculum research can strengthen your request

• How looking at the daily schedule can reveal minutes that already exist

• Why networking with other families and staff can uncover what is possible

• When requesting outside services becomes the appropriate next step

Getting more minutes is rarely about asking louder or negotiating harder. It's about knowing exactly what you're asking for, understanding why it matters for your child, and building a request grounded in data the team can act on. Approached that way, you're not creating conflict. You're giving your child's team what they need to say yes.

Listen now for practical, collaborative strategies to use the next time you're asking your child's team for more support.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

Is my IEP good, and is the school doing everything it should be doing?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I take on a question I hear all the time, one I gathered from parents at the Down Syndrome Affiliates in Action Conference: is this IEP good, and is the school doing everything it should? I think we're asking the wrong question, and today I explain why that matters.

In this episode, I explain:

• Why the IEP document matters legally but is not the finish line

• Why asking whether the IEP is good is not the most useful question

• How shifting to asking whether the IEP is working opens up real collaboration

• What to ask when a new intervention, service, or support gets introduced

• Why parents share responsibility for understanding implementation even though delivering it is the school's job

• How curiosity about curriculum, data, and follow through leads to stronger team meetings

The goal was never a perfectly drafted document. It's progress: access, participation, belonging, independence, and learning for your child. When we ask what's working instead of what's written, we create room for teams to problem solve together instead of just getting along on paper.

Listen now to start asking the question that actually moves your child's IEP forward.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

This episode publishes on the first day of school in my district, and I am starting the year with a thank you to teachers.

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, I highlight the people who make a school a community. I tell you about my fifth grade science teacher, who was also my neighbor and my mom's colleague, and what watching her taught me about advocacy long before I ever sat at an IEP table.

In this episode, I discuss:

• Why school community matters more to our IEPs than we tend to notice

• What teacher appreciation looks like beyond a gift in October or May

• How watching teachers plan and problem solve shaped the way I advocate today

• Why understanding the pressure teachers carry does not lower our expectations for our kids

• What has changed in schools that makes that kind of teaching harder now

• A membership expansion I am beta testing this year for disability organizations that want to hand off their IEP support

• How to add your question to the running list of podcast topics

Our children deserve specially designed instruction that is built for them and helps them make meaningful progress, and holding teams to that is the work. It is also true that the adults sitting across the table are navigating principals, superintendents, and a growing pile of bureaucracy while they do it. Seeing both at once does not soften our advocacy. It makes it land.

Listen now for a back to school celebration of teachers, school community, and the belonging that makes good advocacy possible.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

Interested in the organization beta, or have a podcast topic to add? Email [email protected] or DM @thecollaborativeiep on Instagram.

We're back, friends, and we're back right on time for back to school season.

In this episode, I'm sharing my tried and true method for getting your child's team ready for the new school year, and it starts with something you already have in your house: one of those barely used notebooks that came home in June.

I'll walk you through exactly how I use it, what to jot down over the next two or three weeks, and how that page becomes your back to school email to the team.

Then we get into the part most parents miss. Your school does not know what your family values. They don't know if you're inclusively minded. They don't know how you feel about demands, or compliance, or social emotional health, or how much stretch you want for your child. And here's the thing: that's okay. Teams are serving families with genuinely different interests, values, and experiences. But they can't honor what they've never been told.

Can a private therapist come into your child’s school to support their IEP or 504 plan?

In this episode of The Collaborative IEP Podcast, we continue the conversation around navigating complex IEP situations by answering one of the most common questions parents and advocates ask: whether an outside provider can or should be brought into the school setting.

In this episode, I explain:

• Whether you can require a school to allow a private therapist or provider into the classroom
• Why challenging school policy is not always the most effective advocacy strategy
• The differences between private therapy approaches and school-based supports
• How conflicting philosophies can create confusion and limit student progress
• Why liability is a major factor in a school’s decision to deny outside providers
• When collaboration with outside providers can work effectively
• Alternative ways to support your child without forcing access into the school

IEP and 504 plan decisions are rarely as simple as getting a yes or no. While outside providers can offer valuable insight, true progress happens when teams are aligned, communication is clear, and supports are designed to work within the school environment. This episode will help you think strategically about advocacy so you can focus on what actually benefits your child.

Listen now to learn how to approach this situation with clarity, confidence, and a collaborative mindset.

Join The Membership: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-membership

Buy Tickets for The Collaborative IEP Experience: https://ashleybarlowco.com/the-collaborative-iep-experience

In this episode, I share a personal reflection on stress, caregiving, and advocacy, along with what I’ve learned about recognizing when pressure and intimidation are affecting your ability to advocate clearly.

In this episode, I discuss:

1. How stress affects our bodies, decision-making, and advocacy
2. Why caregiving and advocacy roles can create significant pressure
3. What it feels like when meetings or situations become overwhelming
4. Why recognizing stress signals in your body matters
5. How awareness can help you stay grounded in advocacy conversations

IEP advocacy is emotional work. Caregiving is emotional work. And when we combine the two, it’s important to recognize the impact stress can have on us.

In this episode, I share some of my own experiences with stress and regulation and why paying attention to those signals can help us take better care of ourselves and the people we support.

Listen now for an honest conversation about stress, advocacy, and the realities of supporting children with disabilities.