In the hustle and bustle of modern life, finding the time and approach to foster strong, meaningful relationships with our children can be challenging. This is especially true when it comes to the deep and nuanced bond between fathers and daughters. In a heartwarming discussion from a recent episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis and guest Al Zonsius of The Period Academy explore themes that resonate beyond the confines of typical parenting advice, offering powerful insights into building lasting connections.
Presence Over Perfection
One of the standout themes is the importance of being present over being perfect. Al Zonsius shares personal stories about her relationship with her father, highlighting the rollercoaster ride filled with both highs and lows. She emphasizes that the consistent act of showing up and being there, even amidst imperfections and disagreements, builds a foundation of trust and support. This theme urges listeners to focus less on being flawless and more on being there, listening, and engaging in the little everyday moments that matter most.
Educating for Empowerment
Another vital theme revolves around education and empowerment. With Al’s background as a student nurse midwife and co-founder of the Period Academy, the conversation underscores the importance of equipping daughters with knowledge about their bodies. Fathers are encouraged to step into this dialogue confidently, fostering an environment where their daughters feel empowered, informed, and unashamed about natural processes like menstruation. This educational empowerment extends beyond physical health, imparting self-esteem and confidence that carry into other areas of a young woman's life.
Bridging Emotional Gaps
Fathers often grapple with understanding the emotional landscapes their daughters navigate, especially during puberty. The podcast discusses strategies for bridging these gaps, such as offering support, practicing empathy, and creating spaces where daughters feel comfortable discussing their feelings. Acknowledging and validating emotions builds a framework for open communication, making daughters feel heard and understood. In turn, this emotional availability strengthens the father-daughter bond.
As you reflect on these themes, consider tuning into the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast for further insights and practical advice. Listening to real stories and expert opinions can inspire and equip you to enhance your relationship with your daughter. Because at the end of the day, being an engaged dad isn't about knowing all the answers—it's about being there, learning together, and growing stronger, one conversation at a time. So, why not take a moment, listen in, and start building those bridges today?
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TRANSCRIPT
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and daughter connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm doctor Christopher Lewis, and the dad and daughter connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started. Because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection. I'm really excited to have you back again this week to really delve deeper into that relationship that people have between dads and daughters to be able to build those strong connections that will help to create that, not only communication, but that relationship that we all want to have with our daughters. And every week, I love being able to have you here, to talk to you, to help you, to give you some resources to draw upon, to help you to become the dad that you want to be.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]: Because it is so important to be able to have resources at your fingertips because the bond that you are creating, the connections that you're creating with your daughter are so important. And anything that you will read, any person that you will talk to will tell you how important that relationship is. And it may not always be easy, but it is so important to put in the time, the effort, and be willing to put yourself out there to build that strong relationship. And every week, I love being able to have different guests to help you along that journey. And today, we got another great guest with us. Al Zanzias is with us today. And Al is a student nurse midwife, but also she is the cofounder of the Period Academy. And one of the most awkward conversations sometimes that dads are most concerned about concerned about having is talking to their daughters about their period, talking, going into that stage of their life when their bodies are changing.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:23]: And as a dad, you've not gone through that and you don't always know what to say or how to support your daughter. And this academy that Al has co founded is one resource that's out there that can really help you to be able to start not only understanding it for yourself, but to also be able to be a good resource for your own daughter. And I'm really excited to be able to talk to her about her own experience as a daughter, but also to talk about the Period Academy. Alf, thanks so much for being here today.
Al Zonsius [00:02:54]: Thank you for having me.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:55]: You know, I'm really excited to have you here. And I always start these conversations really delving a little bit deeper into the relationship that you had with your own father. And we were talking beforehand and I said, Sometimes those relationships can be positive, negative, or somewhere in between. But I always love having these conversations because I think that not only do I learn something, but others will learn things about ways in which we can build those stronger relationships. So, I guess, thinking about the relationship that you had with your father, what's one thing that your father did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?
Al Zonsius [00:03:35]: That is a great question. So, it's funny you say that some are positive, some are negative. And my dad and I had a very roller coaster ride of a relationship. At times, it was really wonderful, and we were really bonded. And at times, it was pretty negative, and we were very disconnected. But I will say the times that I remember so fondly as a child or as a young teenage girl were times where my dad would go above and beyond to be present with me. He actually traveled quite a bit for his job and was on the road a lot in and out of town. And I happened to be a big athlete when I was young, and there would be days that he would fly in just to come see me play basketball.
Al Zonsius [00:04:17]: He would fly in just to come see me play volleyball, and I just knew how much effort that took. And not that it has to be every single day, every single game, every single moment going above and beyond, but I just remember the, like, just full body joy I would feel watching him show up in the gymnasium for a game knowing that he was, you know, across the country just, you know, that morning before. And so I remember those moments and, you know, having that up and down relationship with him has really kind of encouraged me to encourage my partner to kind of go above and beyond in those moments when he has the opportunity to do so because that was so impactful for for me as a child.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:58]: You know, I I wanna unpack. You said that you had a roller coaster of a relationship, and and that can be challenging, of course. I mean, but I guess as you think back to that and where you are today as a person, how has that relationship and the experience that you had, and you already talked about talking to your own partner and how they can support you, but how did that relationship with your father influence the way in which you navigate life relationships and challenges today?
Al Zonsius [00:05:27]: As an adult woman now, I would say that something that I that will always be with me as as the daughter of my dad is that he was always so strong in his stance on morals and beliefs. He wasn't that he was closed minded. He was always open to learning. He was always trying to learn something new. But it makes me very, very strong in my beliefs and how I wanna advocate, whether or not it's just in my daily life as a mom of my daughters or as my role as a clinician in the hospital. I mean, I'll really put up a fight for every single patient I encounter, and that I know deep into me in my soul is because of him, because he was that way. And that's probably why we had those negative moments in our roller coaster ride together because we both were heavy handed in that way. We both had, like, big, big opinions and big, big feelings, and we would stand our ground.
Al Zonsius [00:06:24]: And so I think we battled a lot because of that, for sure.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:27]: And you're not the only daughter that goes head to head with their dads, and there are definite points in time in a person's upbringing where that happens, but also sometimes in life, it just happens in regards to the relationship. Talk to me about what did you have to do to try to bridge that gap in the moment? And are there things that you might say to other dads that are having those tumultuous times that might help them to bridge the gap with their own daughters?
Al Zonsius [00:06:58]: Yeah. I think gosh. I think that what and by the way, my dad actually passed two years ago, and so I keep talking about him in the past tense. But he would you know, we would have years, months go by where we wouldn't speak because we had a little argument. We disagreed about something, and that argument turned into, I'm not gonna re reach out to him first, and then he would think the same thing. I'm not gonna reach out to her first. And I guess for me now as a an adult woman, I would say that because he was the parent, he should have always been the one to reach back out. In my mind, I was most of the time being stubborn, teenage, early adult years, making, you know, crazy decisions in life, learning life lessons as we go.
Al Zonsius [00:07:45]: But I always needed him to reach out and to restart, rekindle the conversation of and just kind of get back into our relationship. And as we grew older as he grew older, him reaching back out became fewer and far between. And I always really had a difficult lot of resentment for sure too. And I just say, like, when I think about the future of dads and, like, what they can do is just always remember that you are the parent, you're the nurturer, you're the protector, you're the safe place. And so don't stop ever reaching out to your children. Don't ever stop trying to reconnect with your kiddos, especially if you're in a kind of a bumpy relationship, especially with a daughter, because it might not be that one day that you send a text message or that she's gonna respond, but two weeks later, she might really need you to reach out. So just never give up on them.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:35]: I love that, and I think it's so important that the last point you just said is to never give up on them. And I think that too often when people dig in, and it's not my fault, it's not my fault, and they're not willing to meet in that middle. And I appreciate you saying, you know, you're the parent. And yeah, that you may not see eye to eye, but you're still the parent. And you can meet in the middle. You might not always have to agree on things, but you can still unconditionally love your child, and be there for them, even if you don't agree with everything that they are doing, or the way in which they live, or whatever it may be. So I really appreciate you sharing that because that's it's not an easy thing to take in, but it is so important to internalize and to be able to think for yourself, Where am I at right now, and where do I wanna be? And I guess let me ask you this, and if it's too personal, you don't have to answer. Your father passed away a few years back.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:32]: At some point, at toward the end of his life, were you able to get to that point of understanding? And if so, what did you have to do to get there?
Al Zonsius [00:09:42]: We did and we didn't. I was actually one of the final people with him when he was kind of put to rest. And I feel like in those moments, I could picture us back in the, you know, good old days when I was a little kid, and I was, you know, just obsessed and adored my dad. But leading up to that, we were still in a very kind of rocky, unknown. Communication was pretty minimal, not very deep. And so I wouldn't ever say that we were perfect when he passed. I did get closure in a lot of different ways just being with him in those last moments and saying a lot of things to him. But I think the way to get to it, which was part of your question, I guess, would be I had to also meet him in the middle even though I feel and felt a certain way about, you know, certain things, how I wanted to manage my family.
Al Zonsius [00:10:34]: And so, yeah, there was things that I had to be sacrificed in a way to ignore and push beside to have a relationship with him. And so we both had to do that. And I think if we would have had more time, I think we could have gotten back to a really good place, but he passed very suddenly. And so I yeah. I always have a lot of regrets though. And I think that if any dads are listening who have daughters, like, just know that every day is not promised and that you gosh, you don't wanna leave this earth in a rough situation with your kids. I mean, I think about it all the time, how many more conversations I would have loved to have with him.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:10]: Well, I appreciate you sharing that and and being willing to to go down that path because it's not always an easy thing to talk about, but I appreciate you sharing that even though it wasn't always the most positive experience. Now I talked about the fact that you're co founder of the period academy. And as I said, talking about a period with your daughter is not only awkward for the dad, but it's awkward for the daughter too. And a lot of times your daughters may not wanna talk to you about their periods, but it's still very important as a dad to understand what they're going through, how it's impacting their bodies, but also their mindset, their etcetera. And I, as a father of two daughters that are now 17 and 20, You know, I've gone through this and definitely something that I wish that I had had the Period Academy at the time when things were first happening. So I guess one of the questions that came up when I heard about this was first and foremost, tell me the origin story and why you decided to go and become a cofounder of this organization, the Period Academy.
Al Zonsius [00:12:20]: Yeah. Of course. Okay. So, honestly, it really started the company came about for many, many different reasons that just kinda kept telling me to do something, telling me to create some sort of educational platform. For me as a clinician, I work as a nurse now, and you mentioned I'm a student nurse midwife. And so I'm in my kind of final months of residency to be a midwife. But we take care of I take care of kids from very early age when they start to experience puberty all the way up until menopausal time for women. And so I see a big spectrum of different patients.
Al Zonsius [00:12:51]: And a reoccurring theme in this field I'm in, and I've been in this field for almost ten years, is adult women didn't get educational resources as children. They they are very unaware of basic anatomy. They're also often unaware of what a period is and what is actually happening to their bodies. And I see it in the clinic, and I see it when they go to have their babies at the hospital. So that was a hospital. So that was a big thing that started to come up for me a lot, is that I was like, oh my gosh. Like, this is not this woman's fault that she doesn't have this knowledge. We must have missed something.
Al Zonsius [00:13:23]: And the other reason is I was 11 when I started my period as a young kid, and I did not know what the heck was happening to my body at the age that a lot of women my age, and I'm in my late thirties, but a lot of my age women and even probably younger, like, it was very taboo. It was a very stigmatized conversation. My parents did not prepare me at all. And it still has a lot of stigma around it, which shocks me, but it does. And it is hard to talk about. And so what I started to notice is because of my experience in the healthcare field doing reproductive health, I also have two daughters and my daughters are four and six. And they are a little early for this talk, but I will tell you, my four and six year old know a heck of a lot about periods because I've been exposing them since they were born. You know, they ever since they could crawl after me into the bathroom, they have been exposed.
Al Zonsius [00:14:16]: They've been desensitized almost to it. It's a very normal thing in our home. And I'll explain to you some, like, very easy things fathers and dads can start doing at home. But but yeah. So I actually started to have friends reach out to me. Hey. Do you have any tips of how we can get this conversation started with our kids? And I said, well, actually, funny you ask. I do.
Al Zonsius [00:14:34]: I have so many opinions about it, and here's what you can get started with. Here's just a couple of easy ways to just start the conversation and start it as soon as you can. Because what we know is girls can start their periods as early as eight years old. That's a normal range, eight to 17. It's a big range, but we're starting to see girls start their periods earlier and earlier in life due to many different factors. But I just always tell people start sooner than you even think you would ever need to start because before you know it and you won't even realize it, they're gonna start to get information from friends at school. So start having those conversations. I started giving tips out and talking to parents about it.
Al Zonsius [00:15:09]: And then I mentioned it to my partner one day, and my husband and I said, listen. We think we need to create some sort of period educational something, seminar, presentation because nobody is doing this. And why not? And, you know, I started to research what are kids getting in public school systems, and it's so minimal. And I was just, like, shocked by it, really. And I was also trying to explore who's doing this, who's educating our kids so that the parents because, you know, because we have this lack of comprehensive, standardized period education, menstruation education in school systems, it all falls on the dad and it all falls on the mom. The parents are expected to do it all. And that's a big burden, in my opinion, as a parent myself, to put on parents who maybe don't have the experience I have. I talk about periods every single day with about every single patient.
Al Zonsius [00:15:57]: I ask them about their period and we talk about their period. And so for me, it's very easy. Right? The language, the tools, it's easy, but that's not the same for every household. So the Period Academy was born, and my husband really was a cheerleader of it. Created a really wonderful kind of world of illustrations and how we could teach it. And then it just took off from there, and it was such a beautiful thing to see at the very beginning stages. We start we kinda opened up shop last summer, and hearing all of the parents just be so grateful that it's a great starting point. It gives them the language to use at home.
Al Zonsius [00:16:30]: And then I'd always have moms leave and parents leave, like, telling me how much they learned. Even though I'm really focused on my teaching is really kid focused. Right? I'm not teaching as if it's adult people. I'm teaching them as kids where they're at. You know? And this is, like, age kind of eight, nine, 10, 11 is where my target usually is. So that's kind of how it all started, and now it's going really well. And it's amazing. And I feel like maybe I can make a little dent in some of these kids' brains and give them a lot of education.
Al Zonsius [00:16:59]: And my really ultimate goal is for a kid to start her period and not be scared. If just some kids could start and feel empowered and feel ready, like they have the tools and that they know they're gonna be okay, because it is a very terrifying life, you know, transitional moment for most kids.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:16]: Many fathers may feel unprepared or even uncomfortable discussing menstruation with their daughters. What advice do you have for dads who want to be supportive, but aren't sure how to start the conversation?
Al Zonsius [00:17:30]: Yeah. No. That's a really good question, and I'll start it with this. And this I'll be interested to hear how this feels as a dad. Right? So I would say one of my number one questions I get from kids and I teach kids in groups of, like, 10 to 15 kids at a time. And the number one question I get is what if my mom's not home and only my dad is home? So we've already built this society, this norm, this world where young girls assume they can only go to their mom. Now this is assuming we have a traditional household. Right? We have a mom and a dad that they've grown up with that dynamic.
Al Zonsius [00:18:05]: So we've already spent however many years, eight, nine, ten, eleven years of that child seeing their parents that way. And I would say to that is how can we shift that? Because I know when I talk to dads, I know that they would feel so humbled and grateful if their daughters knew they could go to them if they needed help. And so they start their period, Mom's not home, maybe mom's on an out of town trip, and they start their period at school because most kids we know most kids will have their very first period at school. It's because they spend so many hours during the week at school, or they might be at, like, a camp or, you know, an extracurricular activity. So sorry to go back, but we know that this is already in their brains. So which really every time I get asked this question, it hurts my heart because I know the dads in this world wouldn't make them feel like they did something wrong. They'd be so supportive, and I know they would. So how can we get this shift to happen in
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:59]: the
Al Zonsius [00:18:59]: household? And the advice I always give is for dads to not exclude themselves from the conversations. Every adult person and even older sibling in the household should be part of the conversation and should contribute to it. So if we're maybe starting to introduce anatomical parts to our children, you know, one, we know we always need to use appropriate anatomical terms for body parts. That's a big part of my the very beginning of my presentation. Use appropriate terminology with your kids. And then also like, make sure that you know what those are for a girl. Know what the difference is between a vulva and a vagina. Help teach your kid that because if you can start that early, early on, you're gonna always be seen as a safe space for your daughter.
Al Zonsius [00:19:43]: Your daughter will feel like she doesn't have to hide her period in the bathroom until get mom gets home the next morning or or whatever it might be. Just be part of the conversation. I think and this is a big expectation, but the moment I had a daughter, I had a very high expectation for my husband to be able to be the default when it comes to those things because I work a lot. When I go to the hospital, I'm there fourteen hours. That's a long time to be gone. And and if my daughter were to need help, I always have told him, I want them to feel so safe with you that they can come to you and not even think twice about it. Mom's not home? Okay. I'll call dad.
Al Zonsius [00:20:19]: Oh, dad's in this room. It's a little closer than that room. Like, I can just go to dad. That's my expectation for him. And my husband, you know, he also helped me build this company, but he really did put in an effort. And that's what I think it is. I think dads just have to put in a bit of effort to know basics about period. You should also know basics about anatomical reproductive parts for boys and girls, and you should know the basics about a period, especially just how to manage it.
Al Zonsius [00:20:43]: Pads, tampons, period underwear. How because that's what your daughter's gonna come to you for. Right? She's gonna have a period at school, and she's gonna be probably very overwhelmed, and she's gonna want, you know, know what to do next. The other tip I give to people in their households, not only being a part of this conversation, and this conversation, by the way, is very ongoing. Right? We're talking about it all the time, is to start to expose your kids in the home to menstruation products and, like, actual in the moment menstruation. And sometimes my kids well, even today and my kids are a little unique, right, because I'm their mom. But, you know, sometimes I'll be in the bathroom and my six year old will be like, do you want me to go get you a pad? Are you on your period? I make it so it's such a normal day in the month that sometimes in my period I'm on my period, and sometimes I'm not. I actually and if parents are comfortable with it, and I know that not all parents are, but invite them into your space, especially when they're really little.
Al Zonsius [00:21:36]: Right? When they're really little. Because the more you show them period blood, pads, what you when you wipe and you have very bright red blood, the more you show them that you're sitting on that toilet and you're okay, you're not hurting, you're okay, it desensitizes it, It normalizes it. It becomes a very normal part of life, and it's very, you know, and it's every month for, you know, most adult women. As long as they're regular, it's every month. So it's such a normal part of life. And so just by exposing them, don't make it a big deal. Yeah. This is just period blood.
Al Zonsius [00:22:08]: This happens to your mom every, you know, twenty five days. And, you know, it doesn't bother me. I have pads and I have tampons. This is what I use. You know, my kids love to play with pads and tampons. Have you ever given a three year old a tampon? It's awesome. They love it. It's very fun.
Al Zonsius [00:22:20]: And so exposing them. Having products out in the open, I'm big advocate of this. Having a basket of your pads out in the open so kids can ask questions, especially when they're really young. Let them ask questions. Dads know how to use a pad, know how to put it in the underwear, know how to take it away, know that they can only wear it up to eight hours, know that they should really wash their hands before and after. Those are things that dads should know, and moms too and parents too. But, yeah, those are kind of like the general and the go to things I say. These are the things that you guys can start doing that's not really gonna need a lot of effort is just to start to increase exposure in the home to periods.
Al Zonsius [00:22:55]: And I always joke, and I recently was interviewed. And I always say, like, the big reduction of stigma moment for me is when I go to a bathroom in a public space, I always hold my tampon or my pad outside of my pockets because I just want it to feel like this is a normal, physiological, natural thing that half the world's bodies do. And we're so scared of it and scared to talk about it. And I just wanna keep finding ways to make it less scary, less stigmatizing.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:23]: Now you kind of already talked about this, but one of the things that I was thinking about when I looked at your curriculum is that it covers a lot of the topics like period management, self care, puberty. And I guess, how can dads help to normalize periods and ensure that their daughters feel confident rather than embarrassed about this natural process.
Al Zonsius [00:23:45]: And not only in a way of periods, but I think dads can build confidence in girls, which I think is something that's really needed in our world today. Right? We need to kinda make young women, young girls more confident, have higher self esteem because we're seeing it kind of at a big downfall right now. And I think if you can build your kids up from day one, always be their biggest cheerleader, always be their biggest fan. And I personally, and my husband too, like and it's really easy. It's just the language you choose to use. So when my kid has, like, a new outfit on, I try not to say you look really cute or look really pretty, but I always tell her, you look super brave, or you look really confident, and you look really kind today. Because those words in their brain are going to go far, far deeper than just this idea of, like, an outfit. Right? So ever since they were babies, it's like, you're look you're being so brave.
Al Zonsius [00:24:37]: It's not you look so cute. I mean, my kids are adorable. Don't get me wrong. They're I'm obsessed with them. They're the cutest things on the Earth. But I try to impede their brains with language of how brave they are, how smart they are, how autonomous they are, how important decisions they make are could be life changing for them. And so building those kids up. And then when it gets to time where you start to experience puberty, because we know you're gonna start to notice puberty for your kids probably before they have a period, we do have an expectation that you're likely gonna have breast buds.
Al Zonsius [00:25:08]: You're gonna likely grow some pubic hair, maybe some underarm hair, have a big growth spurt, and may even start experiencing vaginal discharge right before you have your very first period. I think that would be a great time for dads to really start to empower their kids. Have a moment where you see, like, okay. Maybe maybe you've noticed your daughter has some pubic hair or some breast buds, or you noticed when you did laundry that when you helped with laundry one day that there was vaginal discharge in her underwear. This is a great, great time for you to make sure she's ready when she's away from the home. It's also a great time to make sure she's ready at home. Make sure you have pets. Make sure she knows where they are.
Al Zonsius [00:25:46]: Make sure they're teen sized or preteen sized pads and that you can assume she's gonna use what the other adult female in the house uses because it's different, you know, tampons and pads. And we do know that I mentioned tampons here and there all the time because kids kinda get forced in a tampon usage, which is another conversation. But most children will use pads for a very long time. So dads can assume if they have an eight, nine, 10, 11, 12 year old that they're gonna need to use pads first. Okay? So you don't even need to worry about tampons quite yet, but really focus on having pads available and access to them. Like, where are they? And then also having something in their backpack for them so that they know it's there. And I would encourage dads to I give kids at my seminars. I give them all a period kit, but it's not like anything that is hard to do.
Al Zonsius [00:26:31]: It's just a little canvas bag, and it's got pads in it, a moist towelette. And I also put a little note in there, and it's an encouraging note that says, you got this. You're gonna be okay, and we are here to support you. This is a big day for you. And so we are here if you need us. And I think if it had put that on a little piece of paper, like, you're gonna you're you're great. You've got this. It's gonna be okay.
Al Zonsius [00:26:54]: I know it's overwhelming because we can have prepare and prepare and prepare. But the first time you bleed, it's a lot. It's a big you know, and most adult women would probably be able to tell you where they were, maybe even what they were wearing, what the bathroom looks like that they were in, and what they felt in that moment. And and so being an outspoken empowered women, I can kind of assume that I have unique experiences in those ways, but most women are very shut down and fearful about it. So, yeah, if a dad can just give her the tools, make sure she's got something in her backpack. Even a spare pair of underwear would be ideal. Right? Because you can assume she might either first start her period when she goes to sit to go pee. And we this happens often because your pelvic floor rests at that time, and so period blood can come out.
Al Zonsius [00:27:39]: It might be noticed on toilet paper when she wipes, or she's gonna have some in her underwear. And that is very overwhelming for kids. Kids ask me about that a lot too. What if I bleed through my undies? And so I like to say, put a pair of underwear in your backpack as well to always have, always have maybe an extra pair of shorts or something like that as well. And then just remind your kid, you can call me if you need me. I will come bring you clothes. I will come bring you pads. I'm always here.
Al Zonsius [00:28:05]: Just communicate with them that you are accessible and that you are supportive. And if you don't have all of the answers, I think that's fair too. Right? Because I don't have all the answers either. And I have kind of started to become very knowledgeable about periods for young girls, but but I don't have all the answers. Sometimes kids will ask me a question and I'll be like, oh my goodness. I gotta get back to you on that. And I think dad's being, like, very humble and and transparent. Like, I don't know the exact answer you need from me right now, but I do know how we can go find it, and we can kind of help you.
Al Zonsius [00:28:34]: Just be supportive and communicate with your kids and remind them that they can always come to you. Just keep keep reminding them. I'm always here. You can always come to me even And this sorry. I'll my answers are so long, but this is one more thing I'll always mention. I like to tell kids when we have these conversations, whether it be puberty conversations, period conversations, sex conversations, that it is very normal to have a feeling in your body and in your mind that is a little strange and uncomfortable. And that's normal to have this uneasy feeling. And I think if dads just expressed that to their kiddos, like, I know talking about these things with me might make you feel a little weird in your body, but it's still something important we should do, and I need you to know you're safe with me.
Al Zonsius [00:29:21]: And that's kind of a big deal, making kids feel safe when they use their words and they have big feelings and wanna talk to you. So that's something I would suggest too is to always tell your kids, you're gonna feel weird about this, but you're safe with me. And that's you know, I feel weird. And he would tell him, I feel weird about it too. You know, it's a hard conversation to have. Be honest with your kids. You're human.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:44]: Now I know that puberty can also bring mood swings, PMS, and other emotional shifts. How can fathers recognize when their daughters need emotional support, and what strategies can they use to help without overstepping?
Al Zonsius [00:30:02]: Yeah. And I you talk about premenstrual syndrome, PMS, in the presentation, and I talk about it because it becomes a very big part of your life when you start to have a cycle. And for some people, it can be a very debilitating part of your life. And so I talk about what is expected, what's the most common, and then when is it too much or an issue where we would wanna maybe speak to a clinician. But when it comes to mood disturbances, irritability, a little less patience, even anxiety can increase as your period's approaching. These are huge, huge, huge feelings that your daughter is probably feeling. And in your mind as an adult parent, you're probably thinking, oh my gosh. Who is this child? One moment, they're crying.
Al Zonsius [00:30:38]: The other moment, they're happy singing in the car. And so it's like very it can be very roller coaster ride. I think just reminding yourself that oftentimes mood disturbances and irritability and that kind of anxiety that kids can get right before a period is something that's really generally out of their control. And that's because hormones, when they come in, they come in hot. And so and it's something that's very difficult to understand, especially when they're experiencing it for the first time. And they're really young and they're, like, preparing to go through these stages. So I would just say, instead of taking this approach of, oh, you're you must be PMSing. I mean, we've all heard it.
Al Zonsius [00:31:14]: Right? Mom's PMSing. Go, you know, go clean your room. Or mom's PMSing. Don't talk back. Do the dishes. Do your chores. I think instead of if you approached it in like, you know what? It seems like you might be having some bigger feelings these days, and I wanna know if there's a way I can support you. Because sometimes kids will be able to tell you that, yeah.
Al Zonsius [00:31:33]: You know, I just don't wanna talk about it. But they also might say, oh, yeah. I've noticed that too, and I don't really know the way I could use support right now. And then you can give suggestions. I oftentimes try to take my kids' leads, you know, and it's not a perfect example, but when my kids are tantruming or we're in a moment and all parents know these moments, right, where your kid is not thinking logical. They're tantruming. They're not logical. They're having definitely some hormone stuff happening.
Al Zonsius [00:32:01]: And I always just ask them, do you want me to give you space, or would you like me to sit here with you? And I think sometimes as parents, that's just needing to sit there and be quiet is a great way to show support and to hold space for your kids. And and even ask them, would it be better if I sat out right side the door and you let me know when you would like me to come in? Do you wanna maybe listen to some music together? Do you wanna go on a walk together? Do you want me to give you more ideas of how we can kind of support you, or do you wanna let me know when you have some ideas? And I think just making sure you're not abandoning them in those big, big feeling and moments, and you're giving them the opportunity to have autonomy over what they're experiencing. You're telling them that they can tell you what they need, and that's so empowering for a young girl. Right? Being being very open. Like, is there something that specific I could do for you? Sometimes my daughters will ask me they'll be in that headspace that's out of control, but I'll just say, would you like me to be here with you, or do you want some space? And they'll all the time say, I want you here with me, but I don't want you to talk. And so they're just telling me they need the space. They need the sound and this chaos to slow down, but they need somebody in there to also hold on to all of that chaos with them until they're ready to then talk about it. Sometimes I just offer, you know, let's go sit outside for a second.
Al Zonsius [00:33:20]: Let's just go take a couple deep breaths. Let's listen to some music we both like. Let's put on a record we both like and just sit and just sit. Let everything slow down a little bit. But I think giving your kids autonomy over what they need is so huge. Those kids, eight to 12, is a tough age. It is a tough age. They're experiencing a lot of things in that lifetime.
Al Zonsius [00:33:41]: So, yeah, giving them the choice how they can be supported.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]: Well, I truly appreciate you sharing that. And, you know, your your mission is so much more than just periods from everything that you have just said. It's from what I'm hearing, it's about not only periods, but helping young people to understand and feel comfortable with their bodies. And I guess as we finish up today, is there anything else that you'd wanna say in regards to how fathers can truly contribute to their daughter's overall sense of body confidence and autonomy in a way that fosters trust and empowerment?
Al Zonsius [00:34:17]: That's a big question. I'm gonna try not to carry on like I have. I would say try not to always let the default for when it comes to very feminine things in life always go to the mom. I think starting to show that maybe because you're a guy, you're a male figure, that you don't have any kind of understanding of those things for kiddos. I think, like, there's nothing more wonderful than, like, my husband taking out my girls and then picking out a a Barbie and a really sparkly dress. And, like, that may be seen as something that I would do with them, but he loves having those moments where they can be in their feminine selves. And and I he sits down and paints their nails, and they sit down and paint his nails and, like, just kind of really desensitizing this idea that all the feminine times in your life have to go towards one way. And like I said, you know, girls really do have these fears, about being only with dad when they are in the most, you know, vulnerable time of their life.
Al Zonsius [00:35:16]: And that to me just shows me that dads just need to do more inside the home, be part of more conversation inside the home. Maybe it's not something you're comfortable talking about, but maybe you have, like, a pamphlet or a brochure. I have a good print off on the our website on theperiodacademy.com, and it's like it's like the stages of puberty so that when you know, like, your period might be getting close, just give that to your kiddo and say, I found this. I thought it might be helpful and supportive of you to know kinda where you are at in your puberty years And when we know the period's coming, bring her things home. If she's PMSing and starting her period or she's on her second cycle or whatever it might be, like, bring her something sweet home. Bring her a bouquet of flowers home. Make her feel feminine. Make her feel good.
Al Zonsius [00:35:56]: Make her feel empowered. Build that relationship so that you are such a safe space for her that you can be like that forever. Be that guy that's, like, really hard to compete with when she's an adult woman, you know, looking for her life partner. And I think that would be the best. Right? I want our kids, my children to always say, like, you know, their future partners in their lifetime, if they so be you know, happen to be males, you have to compete with the love and the safety my daughter my dad provided me. And I think that's, like, the goal dad should have for sure.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:36:27]: Well, well, Al, I just wanna say thank you for sharing all of this today. And I guess as we conclude and we finish things up, as you think about fatherhood and your dad and other dads that are out there, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters? What would you say to them?
Al Zonsius [00:36:51]: I would say to as much as you can, when you're together, to be very present with each other. We live in this world where we're kind of being overpowered by technology, and I have found it greatly affects kids. And for myself too, I always find myself answering emails on my phone or messages on Instagram or whatever it might be. And in my brain, I'm like, I'm working. I'm working. I'm always working. But when you're in the same room as your kids, try to find those moments to be super intentional. Turn off all the technology and be just intentional with your time.
Al Zonsius [00:37:24]: Even if you do have work to do, give your kids an hour of your undivided attention because that is starting to become very rare for a lot of relationships with kids. And especially for dads who maybe are the breadwinners and who maybe work a lot, you know, just like even if it means scheduling it. Scheduling, you know, from twelve to two, like, everything's off just me and you, kid. Like, what do you wanna do? What do you wanna get up to? And I think, you know, that's a good kind of tool of advice for a lot of parents and even for myself to remind myself to really kind of carve out time to be intentional and be really kind of mindful of your interactions and make them be something that is clear to that child that you are engaged with that child in that moment, whatever their kind of game they're playing or wanna do. I think that's really important.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:07]: Now for anyone that wants to find out more about the Period Academy, where should they go?
Al Zonsius [00:38:11]: You can go to the periodacademy.com, or you can find us on Instagram. On Instagram, I do a lot of tips and kinda teaching tools, and I share a lot of videos about how we can kind of approach certain topics based on periods. And then also on TikTok, I'm in my late thirties, remember, so I'm getting better and better at TikTok, but I'm trying. And, so, yeah, the period academy at the period academy on all the social medias.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:38:33]: Well, Al, I just wanna say thank you. Thank you for sharing your story today. Not only your story about your own relationship with your father and the things that you had to do in your life with that, but also in what you've created and what you're continuing to create to help parents, not just dads, to help their daughters to be able to maneuver through this time in their life that can be kind of tumultuous, but also concern thing, it can also be a questioning time for them, for you as a dad, and I truly wish you all the best.
Al Zonsius [00:39:06]: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. Thank you.
Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:39:09]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and daughter connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.
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