The Dad & Daughter Connection

This week on the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with John Francis, founder of Father's Eve and proud dad of two daughters, for a heartfelt conversation on what it truly takes to connect with our daughters and nurture their growth into confident, independent women. Whether you're a first-time dad or a seasoned parent looking for fresh inspiration, this episode is packed with wisdom, real-life stories, and actionable advice that will resonate long after you listen.

One of the central themes of this episode is vulnerability. John Francis recounts a powerful moment when he allowed his daughters to see him grieve and express emotion about the loss of his own father—a memory that not only brought the family closer but gave his daughters permission to be honest about their feelings as well. As Dr. Christopher Lewis highlights, modeling vulnerability to our daughters breaks down barriers, opens up deeper connections, and provides a living example that it's okay to be real and open as men.

The show also explores the importance of intentional parenting. John Francis emphasizes being truly present, stepping away from the "helicopter" parenting style, and letting kids learn through natural consequences 05:27. By designing his work and life to allow for more time with his children, he's witnessed the value of being available and engaged throughout their childhood—something he encourages all dads to strive for.

Perhaps most touching are the actionable ideas shared: from creating regular one-on-one time with each daughter, to writing handwritten letters at major milestones, John Francis offers practical ways to strengthen bonds during both the joyful and challenging times. He's candid about his own parenting mistakes, revealing how seeking family therapy and learning patience have helped him foster a healthier, happier home environment.

Finally, don't miss the inspiring story behind Father's Eve—a growing movement that gives dads a special night to connect, share, and celebrate each other just before Father's Day. John Francis invites all fathers to get involved ("It's fun, it's free, it's everywhere!") and reminds us that being a great dad is about showing up, listening, and always striving to grow.

If you're looking for encouragement or practical tips for your own fatherhood journey, tune in to this episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection"—and start building the relationship your daughter will cherish for years to come. Listen now!

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TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work together on these relationships, relationships that you want to build with your daughter. And it is a journey because each one of us is on a journey to be able to become the best dad that we want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:09]: But on top of that, we have to put in the time, the effort to be able to build those solid relationships, because the relationship between a father and a daughter is a really important one, and you and I both know that. But we have to be present, we have to be in it to win it, and we have to be willing to learn and to grow to be able to become the dads that we want to be. And that's why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to bring you different people with different experiences to be able to have them share some of their own journey in being a dad to a daughter. And today we got another great guest. John Francis is with us, and John is the founder of Father's Eve, or we're going to be talking about Father's Eve, because Father's Eve is coming up here in not too long. And. But even more important, he is a father of two daughters, so we're going to be talking about his own relationship and experiences with his daughters, as well as what he's done with Father's Eve, and I'm really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:05]: Thanks so much for being here, John.

John Francis [00:02:06]: Thank you. I appreciate it, Christopher. I'm glad to be here and be on your podcast. I love it. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:12]: Well, I'm really excited to be able to have you here today, and I appreciate you being here. To be honest, John has been on podcasts with me for many years. We. I've had him on a couple of other podcasts along the way, so I always love being able to reconnect with John. And this time we're going to be talking about a few different things in regards to your relationship with your daughters. I guess the first. First question that I love to start these conversations with is, as you think about the relationship that you've had with your daughters, what's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with each of your daughters and what made it so special?

John Francis [00:02:47]: Wow, that's a really good question. Hard to think about just one or the most. I'll think about something. I guess what's coming to my mind is they've seen me be vulnerable in a personal way, and I just remember the look on their face. I was having a memory about my dad. I lost my dad when I was 26, and I lost my brother just a few years later when I was 29, before I ever got married and well, before I ever had kids. And we were at home one day and I don't know what we were talking about. It might have been my dad's birthday or a holiday or something.

John Francis [00:03:19]: And I was telling stories about my dad and how much I missed him and the sadness and the grief. And I can feel it now just thinking about it. I teared up and I was. Let it out, you know, just let it. I didn't stifle it. I just said, you know, I gotta let this out. And. And it was fine.

John Francis [00:03:35]: It was natural and appropriate. And I think I've learned how to. That's living experience, let that happen. And. And they weren't little, but they were young. But they were old enough to see that, gee, that dad doesn't do that very often. And we talked about it kind of in the moment and then a little bit after, and I felt good about it because I think they realized that, oh, wow, it's okay, look, here's our dad. And we have typical kind of household environment here.

John Francis [00:04:00]: But anyway, it was a moment where they saw me as regular, real human who has emotion and can express them. And it's not always just, rah, rah, let's go crazy. Was here's dad really dealing with grief over his father? And anyway, it was a meaningful moment. And I remember in the moment thinking, I'm gonna just do this and let it happen and talk about it because I want them to see it. So it was intentional, but I was intentionally natural. I don't know if that makes any sense. I didn't stifle it. I think a lot of guys, or a lot of maybe in the past I would have Said, well, you know what, we're going to talk about something else or move on or I wouldn't hold it.

John Francis [00:04:35]: But I. Anyway, I feel like that was a meaningful moment and I. We all kind of grew together and an understanding that it's okay to be real and be emotional and express that, especially when you're together with your family.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:47]: It is really important because so many times men have a tendency to compartmentalize and we don't always share things. And I've said over and over again on this podcast the importance of being vulnerable and showing our daughters that men can be vulnerable and pushing ourselves out of our comfort zones in that way. Because ultimately, as you found as well, you're going to find that that vulnerability opens you up and your daughters up to more connection and that becomes even more important in the end.

John Francis [00:05:20]: Yeah, I agree 100%. I can think of a few other moments that we've had that were meaningful, but maybe not in the same sense. But I'm a lucky guy that I've been able to. I designed my lifestyle, frankly, to be able to work from home when my kids were little and when they were old enough to start paying attention, I was really able to be full present as a dad, engaged at their schools and involved in their lives. Not helicopter snowplow parents, but fully available and to the point where it was like, well, that's just normal. Doesn't everyone have mom and dad who kind of do this? And then when they were old enough to realize that, boy, that's not common. Not every mom and dad have this kind of availability, I'll call it. So it was intentional for me and I'm just so grateful because we've got that kind of connection and relationship and I think it was good for all of us.

John Francis [00:06:09]: And I'm just grateful to be able to make the choice and. And conscious enough to make the choice, you know, because a lot of guys just aren't, aren't, aren't thinking about it that way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:22]: You know, now every one of us as fathers want to be able to do what we can to be able to help our daughters to become who they're becoming. How did you balance guiding your daughters while still giving them the independence to grow into the people that they inevitably becoming?

John Francis [00:06:43]: Well, that's another great question. I don't know that a lot of it was really conscious, but I think that what's coming through my mind is there were moments where I let them learn a lesson where I didn't just solve the problem or I didn't make Them see the problem. I let them just experience what I'll call natural consequences to different situations, good and bad, not to shield them or protect them from reality. And I think, honestly, my girls have learned to handle themselves and handle situations. They've got tremendous confidence and. And they are interesting. You know, they know who they are and what they want, and they're not afraid. And I think a lot of that confidence came from letting them just be who they are and solve their, whatever problems in life.

John Francis [00:07:26]: I mean, not that I wasn't. I was there, but it was more or less an approach of just letting them experience life on their own terms. And they're very different. Of course. Every child is different. Even though they're siblings and they grew up in the same era, in the same house and, you know, at the same time, but they're both very different and different situations with each daughter. I can think of a few moments where it's like they get it, you know, you can see kind of the connection made or the light bulb goes off. And then I might talk about it the next day or a couple days later and say, you know, what happened there? Here's what I saw.

John Francis [00:07:57]: And then let them recognize there was a lesson and they pick that up. One more opportunity to learn. We're all learning, and I'm still learning, that's for sure. But I think it was having the ability to just stay calm. That's something I learned too. For me as a dad, early on, patience was not a strength, it was a weakness. And someone pointed it out, a friend of mine and my wife, frankly. And I'm like, oh, man, you're right.

John Francis [00:08:20]: I didn't see it. But once I had the feedback, I recognized, wow, I need to develop more patience. This is nuts. Why would I react the way I, you know, and so that became a practice and I got much better at it. And. And I think that made a huge impact in the environment and just the stress level, because I didn't want to be that. That angry or overreactive or snap temper kind of thing. That's not who I am.

John Francis [00:08:42]: It's not who I want to be. And that's not the dad I want. Because I believe daughters, they grow up, and if you're dad, I mean, you become the example that they look for in their lives. And so I wanted to be the best version of myself to whatever degree I'm capable of.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:58]: I think that what you're saying is we have to be intentional about the things that we do, and we need to be able to Think about that as we're working with our daughters and, and some of it is intentional and it's conscious and some of it's intentional but unconscious as well. And I guess as you think about intentional things that you've done, what are some intentional ways you've worked? Strengthen your bond with your daughters, especially during those challenging times as they were growing up. And you know, because it's not always easy.

John Francis [00:09:26]: No, nothing's easy, man. I know that something someone suggested to me two things that come to my mind. One is create some one on one time with each child separately. And so I would take them maybe on an overnight, on a short trip somewhere, or even to our family shares a lake home, which is fabulous. We go and do things just together, just the two of us, either one or the other, but not all of us at the same time. And that one on one time was very valuable. And getting them away from home, away from the family, away from their friends and just where they kind of have to have a conversation because you're together in the car. We didn't go anywhere.

John Francis [00:10:03]: I mean it wasn't like a real big deal. But creating those one on one opportunities at different moments. And I've seen guys that do like an annual father daughter trip, which I think could be a really cool idea. I never got that far, but I think that's kind of a neat routine to build if you can. But for me it was having those one on one intentional, short, I would say departure from home. We weren't like an ordinary environment where you have all the usual distractions and I work from home. So that was primarily for me because if I'm home, that's where I'm going to be. That's one thing.

John Francis [00:10:35]: The other thing someone recommended or I read somewhere, you know, I try to read and learn everywhere I go. And one of the other recommendations was write your daughter a letter at certain milestones in life and handwrite it, you know, not typed, but you might organize your thoughts and talk about what do you feel, how do you see them, what are you proud of, what do you hope for them, what are your dreams or whatever. I know it's not a novel, it's a few pages, but I've written them. My girls are older now, so the first milestone I figured that out was when they graduated high school because that's clearly a big milestone. So I wrote each daughter a letter just from me to them saying, you know, as you're graduating high school, I want to just share with you my thoughts about you and all the things you want to share. And so I put some thought into what to say and all the way back from the moment you were born, and some of the highlights or low lights or some of the lessons learned, and it's not a recap of their whole life or anything, but it's more about how I feel about them. And the idea is that there's something you can give to them that they can hold on to. And everybody knows in the, you know, years from now, when you're long gone, they might have that letter to go back and reflect and say, well, you know, I remember my dad this way because he was able to share with me these thoughts or these perspectives.

John Francis [00:11:46]: So I've done that, and I intend to keep doing that at those milestone moments. And I just think I wish my dad wrote letters to all of us. I'm one of five kids, so he wrote letters to us before he died, but sadly, he knew he was dying. I mean, he had cancer for a long time. It was slow. So as he was fighting and fighting and fighting. And then finally, at the end, about the last three or four months, he started writing. And my mom, they were together, and she's like, what are you writing? And he says, I'm writing letters.

John Francis [00:12:14]: You'll read them later. So he wrote a letter to the whole family, and then he wrote a letter to each of us. And that's quite a gift, so I'm grateful for that. And then, like I said, reading, the suggestion was, hey, hey, dad. You know, your daughter, she's only this age for a little while, and in the long life that she's got, how do you want her to remember you? You can create some of these milestones that could be real meaningful. So, anyway, that's something I've learned and I've tried to do, and it's certainly simple and costs almost nothing, but it takes some time and effort, and that's probably the hardest part, but it's so worth it. And then they read it, and then we talk about it if they want, but they've got it. And so I feel like that's.

John Francis [00:12:53]: I can't give them everything, but I can give them that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:56]: Now, none of us as dads are perfect. We're fallible. You know, we are humans, and we do make mistakes. And for you, as you're thinking about your daughters and helping to raise your daughters, what's a mistake that you made as a father and what did you learn from it? About fostering a positive connection with your daughters?

John Francis [00:13:16]: Which one? Yes. I gotta Think of one that's maybe relevant. I'm thinking about each girl. They're so different. So with my older daughter, probably a mistake that I made early on when she was probably early teens, preteen maybe, and things were going crazy. Her relationship with her mother, my lovely wife, they had some challenges, and they didn't see things the same way in a lot of ways. And my attitude was, I'm going to defend my wife first. So that's what I thought was the right thing to do.

John Francis [00:13:47]: And so that's what I did. And it created a bit of a gap, I would say, with my daughter, because she recognized that, oh, okay, you're siding with mom every time. And so she responded her own way. And that, you know, I mean, that's the dynamic. Later, years later, our family. I insisted that we go together as a family to family counseling, family therapist. I said, we're happy, we're not miserable, but I know we can be more happy. And when I was a kid, my family went through some family therapy.

John Francis [00:14:15]: One of my sisters, I have three sisters. One of my sisters went through chemical dependency, rehab treatment and pushed. Our whole family went through therapy because of that, and which was fantastic. It was sad for a lot of reasons, but it was really helpful for a lot of reasons because that therapy cleared up a lot of things that we were all unconscious to. So I had an appreciation for a good therapist. Years later, we went through some family therapy. Again, nothing really dramatic, but useful stuff. And some of this came out, and I started seeing how that really wasn't maybe the best option all the time.

John Francis [00:14:46]: And so I learned a lesson from that. And we talked about it, and we talked through it and. And kind of resolved it. And it's like, well, okay, I can see why you did what you did, and I can see what you've learned. And it was me, her learning as much as I was learning, and same as my wife was learning. We're all in this room together, and so it's fascinating, I think, to just experience that. And we never had a bad relationship, but the relationship became much more clear and better after that because we all understood things just more clearly. And I think that's where a good therapist is really valuable.

John Francis [00:15:21]: And I'm glad we did that. And I expect we'll do it again if we feel the need. Right? Because why wouldn't you, if you can live a happier, better, calm, more healthy environment and relationships that we all want that. So that's one thing I learned. I'm thinking about my other daughter with her, there are several. I can think of plenty of times where she was really mad at me, things I said or did that were not helpful. I think probably there I learned patience and understanding where her behavior was frustrating to me, and I might say something that was trying to provoke a response that really wasn't useful, wasn't healthy, and really just made her more mad. And then probably in that same therapy, kind of talk about those things and realize that, okay, that's not smart.

John Francis [00:16:03]: That's not what I was trying to do, and that's not what I want to do going forward. So learning more patience and then being a little more tolerant, I guess, of letting her do what she needs to do, even if it's not what I think she should do or what I want her to do. But it's not risky or dangerous. So just support her and let her do her thing. So I think I've learned that. Again, my girls, they're not. Well, they're both adults, so they're not young ladies, but they got plenty of life ahead of them. And God willing, so do I.

John Francis [00:16:31]: I'm sure we'll have more lessons along the way is what I'm trying to say.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:34]: It definitely happens throughout I their life and our life. We're going to have to kind of ebb and flow in that regard. Now, I mentioned that you are the founder of Father's Eve, and Father's Eve is coming up. And I guess, first and foremost, why don't you tell me a little bit about Father's Eve and why you chose to start this event for dads in conjunction with Father's Day.

John Francis [00:16:57]: Well, thank you. Father's Eve, of course, is the day really, the night before Father's Day, we've got Christmas Eve and New Year's Eve. And so I invented Father's Eve Eve because I love Father's Day. I love being a dad. It's the most important thing I'll ever do is raise some children. And so Father's Day is for the dads and families to celebrate, but Father's Eve is just for the dads. So we call it like a national Dad's Night Out. And this year it'll be June 20, 2026.

John Francis [00:17:25]: Of course, it's Saturday because Father's Day Sunday. And honestly, it started as an accident of the calendar. When the Great Recession came through in 2009 and 10, we had an opportunity to move to a different house. So we did. And the house was nice, but the garage was terrible. So I had a new garage built at that House. And I wanted to show off my garage, basically to invite my buddies over and say, check out this garage, because it was pretty nice. And it turned out the only night available was that Saturday.

John Francis [00:17:56]: And I didn't have really a lot of free time. It must have been a busy summer. And so I said, well, we'll just have a little get together in the garage and I'm going to call it Father's Eve. Because that's just kind of funny, right? It was sort of a joke. Well, a bunch of guys showed up and it turned out we had a great time, right? No children, no women, really nothing to it. Music was just a little too loud. It was perfect. I mean, it was just guys hanging out in a garage, kind of an inauguration or a christening of a new garage.

John Francis [00:18:24]: And we had so much fun. We said, well, we got to do this again. And so we did it again and it had to be Father's Eve now. We said, well, that's. This worked out great, so let's do it again. So we did it the second year, but doubled, right? More guys showed up and more friends of mine. And just different people were coming together back in the same garage. And this time we added food and some games and we were a little more prepared and organized.

John Francis [00:18:46]: Well, the third year we did Father's Eve, there were guys coming that I didn't know, which I thought was great. This means my buddies are bringing their buddies, more friends are bringing more friends because they're having so much fun. And it was still just all guys, very low key, no program, no speech, no nothing. Just show up and hang out and let's get together. And celebrating fatherhood is kind of the tagline. So someone challenged me to say, what are you going to do with this Father's Eve? Why don't you do some good? So the third year, I guess the fourth year, we outgrew the garage. We moved it to a bar and we made it a fundraiser for two charities. We split the money as a fundraiser and we raised $10,000 and got some publicity, got some media, had some friends, some.

John Francis [00:19:26]: Some of my good, smart friends who were able to help me with the food and events. And we ran an auction. We got some media attention. We put in a cornhole tournament to have some fun with it. And it turned into something a little more I ever expected. And so the next year, that was 2015, was sort of the first official organized. We had a logo, we sold T shirts. We were having some fun with it.

John Francis [00:19:49]: The next year, I went to the DAD 2.0 conference, which was sort of a media influencer thing, which I had no clue what I was doing, but I thought, well, see what we can do. And I met the guys from City Dad's group and I met the guys from the national At Home Dad Network network. And I'm like, where have you guys been my whole life I've been out here doing my thing all alone, on my own, figuring it out. And now I realize there's groups all around the country. Well, I had no idea. So started the City Dads chapter here in Minnesota, the Twin Cities Dads group, as an affiliate or whatever their thing was. And great guys, great, lot of fun. And so it kind of took off from there.

John Francis [00:20:26]: We license it, I trademarked it and we license it for free. So Father's Eve is fun, it's free and it's, we say it's everywhere. So we kept doing it. Cities and volunteers pop up all over the country and host Father's Eve events at their, in their backyard and their, their local bar or restaurant or a church or school or a club or. We've done it all over the place and had quite a bit of fun with it. Some guys do fundraisers, guys have done golf tournaments. One guy did a poker tournament that seemed like a lot of fun. Some do fundraisers for local charities.

John Francis [00:20:57]: We're not a charity, so we don't want the money. We want. If you're going to do it, raise the money and give it to someone else, someone who can do some good. Local nonprofit profit is usually what we recommend. Or for the At Home Dad Network is a good group. We collaborated with, really anybody, anyone who we thought was in alignment of let's help dads be better dads. I mean that's really the common denominator. Trying to help each other figure this out.

John Francis [00:21:20]: So Father's Eve now, this year we'll probably have it in 30 or 40 cities around the country. We do a virtual toast. We learned something from COVID when, when that came around and, and it pushed us online. So we do an online zoom. And the fun part, Chris, you know this Father's Eve, we do a countdown toast at 8 o' clock. So people know on New Year's Eve you gotta wait till midnight to do the countdown. 10, 9, 8. The whole thing at midnight on Father's Eve, we back that up to 8 o'.

John Francis [00:21:49]: Clock. Because I want to go home by 9:30. Man, I don't want to see midnight. It's Father's Day the next day. I want to be well rested. So we do a 8 o' clock countdown toast in East Coast, Central time, Mountain time and Pacific time, the four continental US Time zones. We go online and we get guys zooming in from all over the country, up and down the different time zones. It's really kind of fun.

John Francis [00:22:12]: And they, they click, they connect. So it's like, you might be like, where I am in Minnesota, we're Central time. So we'll see guys from Minnesota, Chicago, Dallas, Kansas City, you know, up and down our time zone. But we of course start early for the east coast guys. We want to see them and all way from New York to Carolinas and Florida and whatever. Anyway, we do it four times online, so guys can join us anywhere and zoom in. And there's no fee, there's no credit card number, there's nothing. You just show up and if you want to say something, say something.

John Francis [00:22:42]: If you don't, you don't. Nobody really minds it. The expectations are pretty low. It's. It's just show up and maybe you'll learn something, maybe you share something. You have some games and activities and anyway, it's loosely organized. I'll say a bunch of volunteers having a good time. My strategy, there's not a lot to it, but the goal is to have dads connect.

John Francis [00:23:01]: And we say we connect, share and celebrate fatherhood. And I tell you what I've learned over the years is if I can help somebody, just be a little more intentional or a little more conscious of how important fatherhood is and being that dad, you know, being the father is biological. Being the dad is much more. So we focus on trying to do whatever we can to help each other be a better husband, be a better father, be a better partner. And we welcome every dad, all the dads, really anyone. We're very inclusive and there's really no agenda. We're not selling anything, we're not promoting anything. We're not saving anyone.

John Francis [00:23:36]: We're not solving any problems. We're just there to get together and try to help each other and support each other. And what I'm learning now is really what I would say, alleviating isolation. I think a lot of guys, especially older guys, forget how to make friends and they don't get out in circulation. I'm a lucky guy. I've got friends. We go snowmobiling and fishing and work. And I get around the country and do my thing, but a lot of guys don't.

John Francis [00:24:01]: And so this is a real easy open door. Come on out and celebrate Father's Eve. Whether it's in real life at a local event nearby, or whether you join us online and maybe you make connections somewhere or learn something about one of these groups or organizations that I didn't know about, but I sure wish I did when my kids were little. And there's always something new and interesting. And so it's just kind of that sort of a connection point, I guess, is really the goal. I'm trying to be that the, the common denominator for all the dads. You know, we can all celebrate Father's Eve and really have no agenda. But anyway, thanks for letting me bring it up.

John Francis [00:24:36]: Obviously I can talk about this for hours, but we're glad to do it and it's been a lot of fun and we're still learning, we're still growing, but it is, it's been meaningful and I think it's a lot more room to improve always.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:47]: Now, if people are interested, they're hearing this, they're saying to themselves, hey, I'd like to have a get together in my area for, for dads like this.

John Francis [00:24:56]: This.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:56]: Talk to me about what they would need to do to be able to do that, to get signed up and to be able to be a part of the fun.

John Francis [00:25:02]: Well, Father's Eve is the website. There's no apostrophe, right? Because it's not possessive, it's. It's plural, right? It's for everybody. So some grammar teacher told me that. Where's the apostrophe? I'm like, well, I didn't trademark it with an apostrophe. So it's Father's Eve.com and we're on all the whatever socials. I don't know how to do tick tock, so I don't think we're there. But anyway, not hard to find.

John Francis [00:25:24]: And there's five rules for Father's Eve. This is super easy. Number one, keep it clean. This is not a bachelor party. This is not a frat party. This is not let's go crazy, right? It's have a good time. I would say it's PG13, whatever, but keep it clean. That's rule number one.

John Francis [00:25:39]: Number two, it's for the dads, and that means all the dad. It's not really a family event, although you can do it that way if you want. We're not rigid, really, but it's inclusive. So dads, divorced dads, single dads, granddads, gay dads, kids, trans dads. We'll welcome anybody, whoever. If you want to celebrate fathers, we want you to be with us. So number two is all the dads. Number three is you got to have something to do, some kind of an activity or engagement.

John Francis [00:26:06]: A lot of guys just have a barbecue and sit around a table and just talk. That's fine. We do a bags tournament with the cornhole because I can hold a beer in one hand and throw the bags with the other hand. So that's pretty fun. Something to do. And so you gotta Anything, anything, Something interesting to do. That's number three. Number four is work together.

John Francis [00:26:25]: We do a Facebook page for the hosts. We call them event hosts. There is a private page. I want to talk to you and share with you what I've learned and what. We have some tools and some simple stuff for guys who want to organize a little more and promote themselves a little bit, but work together. We want to know what you're doing, and we want to help you do it better and have better results. And then rule number five is don't screw it up. Don't be that guy that does something stupid and wrecks it for all of us.

John Francis [00:26:50]: So none of this involves any. Any fee. It's really all just common sense. And we're trying to build a movement, we're trying to build a group. We've got social media, we've got an email, we send a newsletter. It's not complicated. The goal is to get this thing big enough that maybe someday we'll get a sponsor. Someone wants to be the official fill in the blank of Father's Eve.

John Francis [00:27:11]: I could think of a lot of things. I'd like to be affiliated with a lot of organizations. And if we get big enough where it's attractive and we have enough. Enough activity or engagement, then there's some economic value that I think if we made any real money, we. All we would do is promote ourselves even more and have bigger events and even more fun and try to reach more people, which is really the goal. If we can reach more of the dads out there, and there's new dads, there's old dads, there's about to be dads, There's. We can learn from each other and share ideas. And that's really the goal.

John Francis [00:27:43]: So Father's Eve is fun. It's free. It's everywhere. There. Hit the website, click the link. There's an agreement there. There's a trademark, a license agreement, but it's free. There's no fees, no nothing there.

John Francis [00:27:54]: We. I guess we do sell a T shirt. If you want a T shirt or coffee mug, you can buy that. But we're not big on the merch, but someone said, why wouldn't you sell a coffee cup or whatever? So. But it's pretty simple, Chris. Part of the fun is I get to talk to these guys. I want to know who you are and what you're up to and what your plans are, and then I want to help you and see if I can make your event even more fun and more successful so I get to know these people. And over the years, I've made some great guys that are doing Father's Eve, and some guys have been doing it year after year after year.

John Francis [00:28:22]: I think Chicago, I think they're on, like, I want to say, 10 plus years. I think they've been doing it. Some of the other cities around the country, it's same guys, same groups, and they have quite large events. It's fascinating to see what they're doing. And that's really what it's all about, is just keep it simple and have some fun.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:38]: Well, we always finish our interviews what I like to call our dad connections. Six. Six more questions. The devil. A little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

John Francis [00:28:47]: I'll try. I'll do my best.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:48]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughters?

John Francis [00:28:53]: Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:53]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received?

John Francis [00:28:57]: Parent the child you have, not the child you wish you had.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:02]: What's one activity that you and each of your daughters love doing together?

John Francis [00:29:06]: We love being on the water, on the lake, at the cabin.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:09]: If you could give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

John Francis [00:29:15]: Be very careful of who you choose as a life partner because it's 80% of your happiness or misery in life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:24]: What's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

John Francis [00:29:28]: Life is so much more interesting as a parent. It's a whole new dimension of possibilities and growth and meaningful life. I love it. I can't imagine not being a dad. Dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:40]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

John Francis [00:29:48]: Learn how to be patient and really learn how to listen. Those things are easy to say, but they're really hard to do consistently. But I've tried and I've gotten better, and there's always room for more. But patience and what do they say? Active listening, really being present. There's no other way. I think that's the starter for any kind of meaningful relationship.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:09]: Well, John, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being on the show today. Thank you for sharing about your own journey with your daughters as well as all the amazing things that you're doing with Father's Eve. I wish you all the best as you get ready for the next Father's Eve. And as always, I really appreciate your time and everything that you've shared today. I wish you the best.

John Francis [00:30:30]: Thank you, Chris. I appreciate it very much. Thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:33]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to be build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our [email protected] until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:31:04]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can be Be the best dad you can be.

If you're a dad seeking to build a deeper relationship with your daughter and empower her to grow into a confident, independent woman, the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast is the resource you've been looking for. In the latest episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Rob Donovan, a devoted father of two, to explore the ups and downs of modern fatherhood, sharing both practical tips and heartfelt stories that will resonate with any parent.

From the start, Dr. Christopher Lewis sets the tone: fatherhood isn't about perfection—it's about presence. This central message weaves through the episode as Rob Donovan recounts his own parenting journey, including the surprises he encountered as his daughters' personalities took shape. He shares how one daughter, contrary to his expectations, turned out to be more artistically inclined, while the other took after him in her love of sports. Rob Donovan emphasizes the significance of meeting each child where they are—celebrating their uniqueness and supporting their preferred interests, whether that means roller hockey in the driveway or karaoke in the living room.

A recurring theme in the conversation is the importance of letting children develop their independence, even as we instinctively want to protect them. Rob Donovan candidly discusses the balancing act of giving his daughters space to solve their own problems—from playground squabbles to learning how to handle disappointment and frustration—while always remaining a supportive presence in their lives.

The episode also dives into how dads can intentionally foster strong bonds during challenging moments. Rob Donovan opens up about overcoming his own discomfort around childhood injuries, a legacy of his military experiences, and learning to comfort his daughters with patience and understanding. He shares the family routines that keep them connected, like special breakfast traditions and shared musical moments, underscoring that it's often the simplest rituals that leave the deepest impact.

One of the most inspiring messages from the episode comes when Rob Donovan advises fellow dads to "just go for it" and always get involved—no matter how different your children's passions may be from your own. As he says, "Dive right in… you never know, you might enjoy it with them."

The "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast reminds us that fatherhood is a journey of growth—for both father and child. Each episode offers encouragement, wisdom, and a sense of camaraderie for dads everywhere. Listen in, get inspired, and start building the lasting connections that shape your daughter's future—and your own.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

TRANSCRIPT

Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that want to have with our daughters one day at a time. And it is a journey that you're on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:05]: Every one of us is on a different journey as we are working to be able to be the fathers that we want to be, but also to make those meaningful connections with our daughters as they are getting older. And that's why this podcast exists every week. I love being able to have the opportunity to introduce you to new dads that you might. That you've never met before, that. That are going through this process themselves. Maybe they're succeeding, maybe they're failing. Maybe they're somewhere in between. No matter where they are and where you are, you showing up gives you the opportunity to learn, to grow, and to be able to continue to build those tools for your own toolbox that'll help you to be the best dad that you want to be.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]: So today, I am really excited we have another great guest on the show. Rob Donovan is with us. And Rob's a father of two daughters, and they are age 5 and 4. I remember those days. It was a while back, but I do remember those days, and it was a fun time. And I am really excited to have him here today and for him to tell some of his story with you. Rob, thanks so much for joining us today.

Rob Donovan [00:02:17]: Great to be here, Dr. Lewis.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:18]: Well, it's my pleasure having you here today. And I guess, first and foremost, one of the things that I love being able to start with and talk about is each one of us are going through this journey as we're working to be that dad that we want to be. And part of that is to create those meaningful moments, moments that each of us wants to have with our daughters. What's one of the most meaningful moments that you've been able to share with each of your daughters and what made each of them so special.

Rob Donovan [00:02:44]: I'm gonna have to say since they're 5 and 4, their identities now are starting to come to fruition. I thought at first my firstborn daughter was gonna be all sports. She's more arts, she's more music and film. My second born is all sports. So it kind of flip flopped on that end. But what I love is that I can connect with them on two different levels. So obviously for my second born daughter, she loves to go outside. Roller hockey, soccer, anything outside, biking.

Rob Donovan [00:03:07]: And then my firstborn, you know, we love to listen to music. Obviously the kids show hunt tricks is a big one for her. And then going to movies, she loves movies. So I believe we just saw the new Mario movie and we're gonna go back again probably next week. So she just love recreate movie scenes and sometimes I'm the bad guy, sometimes I'm the animal. I don't know. But it's fun to create those moments with my daughters on a separate level. Sometimes they play with each other, but I can obviously tell now that they're kind of going off in their own separate ways a little bit here.

Rob Donovan [00:03:34]: And it's fun to connect on each level of them on those.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:36]: Now what the things I didn't mention was that you also work with the hockey team at the University of Michigan Flint. And so sports is really important to you. So with your youngest having that connection and having that interest in sports, I'm sure that there's sometimes an ability to be able to make that connection and be able to understand her a little bit more because of that. So talk to me about that connection to sports with your youngest daughter. What have you done to hone that and what have you done to work to hone your other abilities with your oldest daughter who has other interests than your own?

Rob Donovan [00:04:15]: So I think for my youngest daughter starting out is that she became a lot like me. More than I could have ever imagined. It's kind of like staring in the mirror. And now I know what my parents kind of saw when I was a kid. She's very competitive. We bond over the fact that I obviously love Michigan, I love hockey, I love all sports. But I think whenever she sees the, the block em or anything, she yells go blue. She loves watching hockey, especially Michigan hockey.

Rob Donovan [00:04:34]: And I think this year the football will be fun for her because I think she's gonna understand that a little bit more. But she kind of laug on anything. I kind of do So I mean, if I'm out playing hockey by myself rollerblading, she wants to do that. I think at this point right now we're just kind of working on it's okay to have fun, it's okay just to shoot. And if you miss the net or if you do something, it's not the end of the world. She's very competitive, so if she doesn't hit the net on a soccer goal or hockey goal, she gets a little upset. So we're kind of going through the motions of it's okay just to play and have fun. For my firstborn daughter, she does like to jump in a few times with the athletics, but she goes off on her own quests after a while and that's totally fine.

Rob Donovan [00:05:09]: I kind of noticed that. And I'll give Tilly. Tilly's my second born and Tegan is my firstborn. And I will give Tegan, you know, the same amount of just kind of play time. So after I'm done playing hockey and kind of getting Tilly on a roll, I'll go over to Teegan and we'll kind of have our little side quests. Whether we're playing Mario or some other make believe movie with sticks or going on an adventure with her outside is pretty much what she likes to do. So I just kind of got to switch switches there and kind of go from a coach to almost like a drama teacher in a way. So it's kind of fun.

Rob Donovan [00:05:38]: I never had that as a kid as being so playful. Like my firstborn, my parents were very athletic mindset and so it's kind of fun going back and having that experience with my firstborn.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:50]: Now. Earlier you talked about the fact that your daughters are starting to show some of that independence and wanting that independence for themselves. And part of the role of a father is to find that balance. Some of that balance comes down to how we guide our daughters while still giving them the independence that they need to grow into their own person. Talk to me about, how are you doing that?

Rob Donovan [00:06:11]: For me, it's just going to be kind of just releasing the grip a bit, lessening, lessening the rope on them. I'm very protective as a father, so if we're biking, I like to keep them close even though our neighborhood's really safe. So I kind of now I'm kind of, you know, watching them from a distance and they know better with cars and such like that. Kind of letting them figure out when they have arguments instead of stepping in right away and like putting the kibosh on it. As soon as they start arguing now, I kind of let them try to figure it out a bit. Normally they do, but sometimes, you know, I still got to step in and referee a bit. But yeah, it's just kind of stepping back a bit and kind of letting them learn how to live a bit. And it's.

Rob Donovan [00:06:43]: It's definitely a little bit difficult for me just because I'm so protective of them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:46]: And, you know, it's not always easy to be able to find ways to be able to work on those bonds, especially when times are challenging, because being a father is not always roses. There's going to be challenging times, and you have to figure out where you stand as a parent, as a father in those times. What would you say are some intentional ways that you've worked to strengthen your bonds with your daughters, especially during those challenging times?

Rob Donovan [00:07:12]: For me, one of my biggest difficulties as a dad is going to have to be maybe injuries. And that just goes back to. For me, my, my girls, they play extremely hard, and so there's going to be injuries. I mean, they're filled with bruises and cuts and stuff like that. But, you know, big injuries. Such as, like, I know one time one of them went over the handlebars. Handlebars once scraped up her face, things like that. And kind of takes me back is I was in the military about eight years ago.

Rob Donovan [00:07:35]: I came across during my time of service, some things with kids that made difficult. I always thought when having children, when they get to that age, around five to eight, I was going to have a little difficulties because I had past experiences with kids that are being injured. So for me, I know as they were growing up, whenever they got hurt or fell or anything like that, or started crying really hard, for me it was very difficult. It was very, I'd say in the new words, triggering, I guess, where I'd kind of a normal dad kneel down, you know, kiss the boo boo, and you know, stuff like that. For me, it was very difficult. It was almost like I had to step away. But now I've learned in the past few years, I've learned to slow things down and explain to them, okay, it's just a little cut or just a little bruise. We can get up things like that.

Rob Donovan [00:08:10]: And I think if I would have said that three years ago, for me, that would have been very difficult. So we're both growing together, my daughters and I, so I know there's more bumps and bruises to go on as they grow up, especially in sports. So I think for me, it's just going to be something I'm going to continue to grow and continue to get better at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:25]: And as you said, we're not perfect individuals. There are mistakes that we make, flaws that we have. What would you say is a mistake that you've made as a father and what did you learn from it about fostering more positive communications with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:08:40]: I think my biggest mistake is going to have to be I'm just a very competitive, aggressive kind of person. Just comes with. I played hockey my whole life. I did the military. I'm. I'm a deputy now, sheriff deputy. And so I kind of live a life where I'm very go getter is I'm very aggressive in life. And so when the girls play and stuff, I.

Rob Donovan [00:08:57]: I kind of let it go like I said. But then on the flip side, I got to teach them, you know, to be kind, courteous, nice with strangers and other kids when they play. They can't be as rough as they are with their sisters. So I think that's just one thing I kind of needed to tone down start, which I didn't do. And now I'm kind of backtracking a bit, trying to teach them, you know, how to play a little nicer and how to include everybody and not immediately when you get mad at someone, you're not gonna, you know, just throw them down on the ground, something like that. So something I'm backtracking now on being a little nicer. I just being an older person, an adult, you've kind of already grown up not knowing that's, you know, not, not the right thing to do. But when you're a child, you can need your parents to kind of help you along those ropes.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:33]: And I can tell that you are in there, you're engaged. And for all of us that are engaged dads, there are things that we have to do to be validate our kids. So I guess what do you do to intentionally allow for your daughters to feel both valued and heard?

Rob Donovan [00:09:51]: For me, I just give them the time. I know I work overnight, so I work from 7pm to 7am so I could easily go to bed and wake up at 4 and go right to work, pretty much get have a meal and go to work. But I come home every day and I feed my dogs first of all because they're the first ones up and whining. I have two little mini dachshunds, so little wiener dogs so they need to go out and get fed. But as soon as I do that, the girls come running downstairs because they Know that as soon as I get home, I make a gourmet kind of, you know, breakfast for them. They have eggs, Belgian waffles, sausage, orange juice right before school. So it's kind of like a little system we have where almost now, if I don't come home, if I get delayed by something that morning, I feel bad because I know that that's something they look forward to, is me coming home and making them nice meals. And then on the flip side, I try to go to bed as soon as they go to school, I go to bed right away.

Rob Donovan [00:10:37]: And then I get up around, you know, 1:32. So now I have the whole back end of the afternoon when they get back from school and they have lunch, Dad's waking up and now they know dad's going to come out and play with, be involved. And so I may be tired, I may be 3 day work week of 12 hour shifts or something like that. But I always try to make time for them and try to, you know, play with them and give them a good meal. And I think they really appreciate that. It's kind of something they look forward to every week now.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:00]: And you talked about some of the interests that your daughters have, and I don't know if you, if you have an answer for this or not, but as your daughters have been getting older and starting to show you more of their, their passions, their dreams, their things, the things that they are most interested in and most wanting to do. How do you support your daughters in pursuing those passions and dreams?

Rob Donovan [00:11:23]: I believe that when you're young, you're figuring out what you like. A lot of times that's like, if you talk to people, you know, in their older years, they grow up, be like, oh, I used to love playing saxophone as a kid, or I used to, you know, I love singing as a child, but I kind of lost doing that because I had other things or other things are more important or, you know, I got older and I realized it was never going to happen, things like that. But like I said, my first daughter loves music. She loves singing, she loves anything to do with music, film, things like that. And so I encourage you. I got her a little, little microphone to sing into and a little karaoke set on. Play her favorite songs and just kind of encourage her. No matter, you know, no matter what she likes, sports, music, dance, anything.

Rob Donovan [00:12:00]: I'm going to be there supporting her all the way because I know that's going to be a passion of hers. I can just tell in their eyes that she loves it on the Flip side of my youngest daughter, I mean, she's just like me and she looks just like me. So sports, she gravitated right towards sports. I mean, I have a little knee hockey set I've had since sixth grade or so like for 30 years. And I brought it out and she, she loved it immediately. She loves kicking the soccer ball. Any do with movement. And for her, I always told my wife I had a son it'd be a little more difficult because like I said before, I, I push really hard.

Rob Donovan [00:12:27]: So having a daughter was kind of a godsend for me because it allows me to step back and kind of be a little softer as a parent, I believe. So with her being sports wise, I can work on, you know, being more passionate instead of, you know, let's get out there and run drills. When they get it like 6 or when I get 8 years old to like 15, I'm gonna say, hey, let's go play out in the field together. Instead of, let's hit the, let's hit the sprints and stuff like that. If I had a boy. So I think just being with both of them and being, and what they like to do and having as their dad and a friend enjoying what they do, instead of just saying, hey, go out and do this and I'm going to sit back and watch or I'm going to go inside and do my own thing. I'm going to actively, as I get older, I'm going to still be along as long as they let me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:06]: And what's one way that you show your daughter that she can always count on you?

Rob Donovan [00:13:10]: That's going to be through honestly just being active in what they're doing. So I said the music wise, you just got to be there for them. You got to be right next to them, you got to be engaged with them. And so if they have any questions or they want you to be along, sing along with them or show them the ropes. They're not gonna be afraid to ask you because you're always there helping out for their age. If they get frustrated, I know about a year ago, if I said this a year ago, they'd sit there and cry, maybe they'd get frustrated, they throw down their toy, they throw down whatever they're doing and kind of run into the house. But now there's like, dad, can you help me? Dad, can you come play with me? Dad this and dad that. And I love that.

Rob Donovan [00:13:43]: I love being included with it. And now I feel like they trust me enough to, if they need help, they can just Ask instead of just running away.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:49]: It's so important to be able to stay open, allowing for our daughters to really dictate where the conversation's going. And that's not always something that is at the forefront of our brain in the sense of what we would do right away. So I appreciate that you shared that. Now all of us have those routines, and you talked about the breakfast routine and traditions that are meaningful to our families. You mentioned the breakfast one, but I'm going to ask and see if there's any other ones. What's another tradition or routine that you've created together with your daughters that really strengthens your bonds?

Rob Donovan [00:14:24]: I think one of them would be obviously the breakfast one. But for me, I love. For my second daughter and sometimes my first, I love watching anything Michigan so that they. Hockey, football, anything like that. As soon as I turn it on the past two years, they know. So they. They hear the fight song, Hail to the Victors and stuff, and they go. They come in, they yell, go blue.

Rob Donovan [00:14:41]: And they sit down for a bit. At least my second daughter still sit for almost the whole game and watch and they cheer whenever anyone scores a touchdown. For my firstborn daughter, I used to play guitar. So when she gets feels a little artsy or she wants her favorite song, she'll come up to me and she'll ask me, can you play this or can you? I've done it a couple times with Moana and stuff like that, where I found out the chords and I'd play. But now it's like whenever she finds a new song, she's like, dad, can you play this? Can you figure out how to play this? So it's kind of a tradition with her now is now that whenever she finds a new song or something, we go try to play it. And we have a drum set too, so she loves playing that. It's like one of those electric ones. So we'll put a return on her favorite song and she'll so drum to it, in a way.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:15]: Is your backup singer. She can become your backup singer and backup drummer.

Rob Donovan [00:15:19]: Exactly. Like I said, I go from coach to music teacher each day. Flip flop.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:23]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection 6, which asks you six more questions to delve deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Rob Donovan [00:15:30]: Sure.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:30]: Go for it. What's one word that describes the relationship that you have with your daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:15:37]: I'd say devoted.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received?

Rob Donovan [00:15:43]: Be goofy. As much for my dad, always make your kids laugh. You have to be tough with them. But at the same time, you know, they're. They're looking for. They're looking for a laugh, they're looking for a good time. They're. Kids can't always just be so strict.

Rob Donovan [00:15:52]: Even though you want them to listen to you got to spend the time to make them laugh. So got to be goofy. But you gotta teach them to laugh at yourself.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:59]: Now, you've already answered this question in a few different ways, but if there's a different one, you can, you can answer this. What's one activity that you and. And each of your daughters love doing together?

Rob Donovan [00:16:10]: My second daughter loves to eat. So I cook a ton of things. I like to cook and she eats anything. And it's amazing. Like, I would never have eaten that as a kid. And she just, she just pounds it down like it just extravagant food. So she has, she's not picky. And so whenever I'm cooking food or whatever, she always wants to try a bite.

Rob Donovan [00:16:27]: So that's awesome. With her firstborn daughter, yes, I've already tapped on the artsy part and stuff like that, but trying to think of one other thing that she. The music, art, stuff like that. Drawing. I'd say she loves to draw, so I'll join her in drawing. And I'm not the greatest artist, so she laughs at if I draw. Tell them to draw the dogs or something. She wants me to draw the dog as well.

Rob Donovan [00:16:47]: Or chalk outside and I'll make a picture and she'll be laughing. That's not a dog or something like that. So I think that's two things that we'd like to do together.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:54]: If you can give your daughters one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Rob Donovan [00:16:59]: For me, I would say just go for it. Honestly, just that. Just go for it. Just because you never know. You never know what's going to happen. If you have a passion and you truly believe it, just go for it. For me, I've done a lot in my life, a million different careers, and so I think I set a good example for my daughters, especially when they get older and they ask, well, what have you done in your life? I can say, you know, I just went for it. And I hope you do too, because there's so many experiences you can go on with your life.

Rob Donovan [00:17:23]: After high school, I played junior hockey, pro hockey in Canada for a while. I played college hockey and then took a break from hockey. Actually, where I got music from is my wife now was my girlfriend in College, and we went to Nashville and we did music for two years out there. And once I was done with that, and I was good with that, I went to the military. Once I was on the military, I did police work. And now I'm on to hockey again. I'm onto my passion again. So just a million different avenues.

Rob Donovan [00:17:46]: And I hope they find excitement in life like I did and they don't get stuck on one thing and have to feel like they only have one thing in life that they could do.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:17:54]: And what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Rob Donovan [00:17:59]: For me, especially with two girls, I've learned a lot. Like I said before, I was really nervous being a dad just because I felt like. Like if I had boys or I didn't even know if I had girls, if I had girls, I'd be expecting too much. You always come into being a dad, think, or at least for me, I can't wait to see what they're gonna do. I can't wait to see what their passions are. And, you know, I'm gonna push them to be good at something. You kind of want to, like, not live your life through them, but at least try to give them as much passion, as much as much direction as you possibly can. But I've learned now that you just kind of gotta let them go and have fun for right now, and all the chips will fall where they may.

Rob Donovan [00:18:33]: This is time where you just enjoy your life, enjoy the times that you have with your daughters and your. And things will fall where they are. They always do. Just be there to support them and be a good, devoted father.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:43]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Rob Donovan [00:18:50]: I would say no matter what their passion is to try to get involved, you don't have to extremely love what they're doing. Just get involved. And you never know, you might enjoy it as well. They're looking for someone to enjoy their passion with. And being a dad and being there with them, being supportive. That's all my girls ever ask for, is just me being around and being present. So I think just dive right in. No matter what it is, you never know, you might enjoy it with them.

Rob Donovan [00:19:14]: Might be a lasting hobby for you guys. So to try it out.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:19:17]: Great advice, and I really appreciate you sharing that and sharing the journey that you've been on with your own daughters. And it's still a journey. You're going to continue to go through many of the different phases of life. As they continue to get older. But I want to say thank you. Thank you for your time, and I truly wish you all the best.

Rob Donovan [00:19:34]: Thank you so much. Appreciate it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:35]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our [email protected] until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Performer [00:20:06]: We're all in the same boat

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:12]: and

Musical Performer [00:20:13]: it's full of tiny screaming passengers? We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game? Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast? Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenters and muscle men? Get out and be the world to them? Be the best dad you can be? Be the best dad you can be.

What does it really mean to be a great dad to a daughter? The latest episode of The Dad and Daughter Connection digs deep into this all-important question. Host Dr. Christopher Lewis, joined by guest Mitesh Khatri—Melbourne father, writer, and corporate strategist—explores the daily challenges, triumphs, and small yet powerful moments that shape our relationships with our daughters.

A central theme of the conversation is the importance of being truly present. As Mitesh Khatri candidly shares, simply being in the room is not enough; it's about showing up emotionally and giving your attention, especially during routines like bedtime or unstructured play. One meaningful moment he describes is when his young daughter told him to "stop rushing me." This wake-up call led him to rethink how often stress and distraction rob us of precious connection—and how even "routine" moments can become the foundation of trust and closeness.

The episode also explores the challenge of balancing professional ambitions with family life. Mitesh Khatri discusses how corporate careers often offer clear metrics of success—promotions, projects, and accolades—whereas fatherhood can feel less measurable. The takeaway? We must create our own scorecards within our families: counting moments of connection, presence, and patience as real victories.

Perhaps most powerfully, the episode underscores the need for vulnerability. Mitesh Khatri opens up about his struggles with stress, his journey to calm his nervous system, and his realization that anger often masks deeper feelings like disappointment or sadness. He introduces practical strategies—like pausing before reacting and honest journaling—to help break generational cycles and model healthier emotional regulation for our daughters.

For dads who worry about not getting it right, Mitesh Khatri says it's not about perfection, but about trying. He advocates for intentionality, ongoing learning, and talking openly with other dads. As host Dr. Christopher Lewis reminds listeners, "being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present."

If you're searching for practical insight and heartfelt stories on building meaningful father-daughter relationships, this is one episode you shouldn't miss. Tune in to The Dad and Daughter Connection for real conversations that will leave you inspired to show up, connect, and be the dad she needs.

Listen now and start building your own toolkit for intentional, loving fatherhood.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to delve a little bit deeper and into the relationships that you want to build with your kids. And I love that you're here. Every week you're here, you've rolled up your sleeves.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:08]: You are doing what you can to be able to show up for your daughters in so many different ways. And that's why this show exists. This show exists to help you to be that dad that you want to be. And I try to bring you different people, different people with different experiences every week to allow for you to be able to learn something new, to gain some tools for your toolbox that can help you to be able to be that dad. Today we've got another great guest. Mitesh Khatri is with us today. And Mitesh is a father from Melbourne, Australia. He's got two kids himself and we're going to focus on his daughter, but he also has a son and we're going to learn a little bit more about him and I'm really excited to have him here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:51]: Mitesh, thanks so much for being here today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:01:53]: Thank you so much, Christopher. And really appreciate all the work you do for fatherhood and dads and daughter in this connection. This podcast is fantastic.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:01]: Well, I really appreciate that you're here today and we're going to talk about a new book that you have out to help fathers in many different ways as well. But. But we always start our interviews talking a little bit about you as a dad and especially as a dad to a daughter. And I know you've got a six year old daughter and I am really excited to be able to delve a little bit deeper. And I guess as you're thinking about your relationship with your daughter, what's one of the most meaningful mom that you've been able to share with your daughter, what made it so special?

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:28]: Yeah, I think one of my most meaningful moments has definitely been the bedtime routine. I think it's been really. Because it's come from a moment where it wasn't the best moment for me. So, you know, there was a time when I was completely stressed out. Two young kids, and my daughter was four. My son was five and a half. And I remember my son is quite direct. But my daughter, she is more subtle in her ways of expressing her emotions.

Mitesh Khatri [00:02:54]: And she said to me one night, and as I was putting her to bed, four years old, looked up to me and said, you know, stop rushing me. Those three words, I just froze. And she wasn't being difficult. I was trying to get through the routine. Please put on your pajamas, brush your teeth, go to the bathroom, read a book or two, or cut it short. I was stressed, I was depleted, and I didn't want to be there in the room mentally, even though, you know, my beautiful daughter was just asking me to be there and to actually be present with her. And we talk about present all the time. I hear it on your podcast.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:23]: It's all be present. It's so difficult to do. You can't think yourself to be present in the moment. You physically can sometimes not be able to be present, and your mind is rushing and your body is not allowing you to do that. So it was quite a low moment. But today, when I look at it, it's one of the most beautiful times I have, is to put her to sleep every day, read her books, that routine, the cuddle she gives. And I look at her now, she's six years old, just turned in April. We take time with that routine, and I really cherish that time.

Mitesh Khatri [00:03:51]: Is she's so sweet and she has the cutest smile and the cuddles and kisses you get at that time, you think, well, you know, I'm never going to get this back. And she's only going to be this age, like this, this moment. So we have to make the most of it, because they do fade. I hear it from people with older children. You have clearly girls that have grown up. You have to appreciate that. And so I think my best moments, they're around the bedtime routine because you get to talk about the day. You get to talk about what they really enjoyed, what they liked in the day, what they didn't and might do differently.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:21]: And it's really sort of deep, meaningful connections which you might not get it. Sort of school pickup. How was your day?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:26]: So talk to me a little bit about that transition that you had to go through because just hearing those three words, you can't switch on a dime. You definitely have to go through a process for yourself to, I'm going to say, reinvent yourself in many different ways to be able to change that paradigm for yourself. So talk to me a little bit about that and what you had to do to be able to make that shift. I'm guessing failing a few times along the way and then getting to the point where you are now.

Mitesh Khatri [00:04:55]: Yeah, absolutely. I think, you know, what I found was I thought I could think myself to be present and calm. And actually I found at that point my, my body was tense. It was stressed out from work, stressed out from home work, life management, all things that new dads or sort of dads at least, I mean all dads, but especially with the young children, you have a lot of competing priorities. And I didn't think to look there, but actually looked to my body and I was tense in the shoulders, my back was hurting, I felt I was short of breath. Deadlines and emails and what's next for the kids in terms of what we need to take care of. And I had to go through a bit of journey to really understand how to relax my nervous system. Right.

Mitesh Khatri [00:05:38]: Ultimately our. If we think back to sort of hunter gatherer times and we think about the threats we had, right? We always talk about the lion and we sort of have to run away from the lion, the threat, and then our sort of nervous system can calm down. In today's day and age, we all know with technology and the pace of life, there's almost this ambient stress and therefore our automatic nervous system actually never sort of calms down. So we need to be sort of this safe and secure place. Polyvagal theory sort of talks about this where you need to be safe and secure. The next stage is survival mode and then complete shutdown. And I think many of us, at least me at the time, I was at least in survival mode every day, if not shut down on every other day. And I had to get my body back and I had to sort of calm my body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:06:25]: And I have a sort of framework in the book around how we can discharge that stress. And there's techniques and things you can learn to do. And I sort of had to learn how to do that and how to bring my body back to its irregular state.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:38]: And that's never easy. And I guess one thing that comes to mind is you and I talked at the very beginning that you're a busy guy, you have Your professional work, you're balancing that. You're balancing being a dad, you're balancing other things in your life. So talk to me about balance and how you've been able to find that optimal balance for yourself to be able to be the professional you want to be, the person you want to be, the father you want to be as you are today.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:04]: Yeah, I think balance is a very interesting word. Right. I think you have to really dig deep. If I sort of bring a parallel to corporate life, and I've been in corporate Life for like 20 years, helping organizations with complex jobs, blue chip organizations. I'm a sort of marketing corporate strategist, working in research and consulting. And, you know, we're helping brands launch new products and services and ensure they meet consumer needs and doing some complex work around that. And I was sort of succeeding in that sort of arena because I had the metrics to sort of measure and perhaps in the most important area of my life, my family and my children, I didn't have the metrics, I didn't have the measure, and I felt like I was failing. It always came sort of second.

Mitesh Khatri [00:07:44]: And I think myself, and when I talk to other dads in the community and friends and colleagues, I find it's an easier thing to measure. So men sort of go towards things we can measure and we get that affirmation we're seeking from work. We get praised with it. And it's this scoreboard, I think, that we can easily track and see. When I think fatherhood's not so easy, it's in feelings, it's in moments, it's in those relationships where you can feel them. But you sort of. No one sort of celebrates the dad that comes home at 5pm on time to put his kids to sleep. But you do get the accolades and success at work when you succeed in your career.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:19]: And I'm not saying that we should sort of give up and forego our careers. I think it's. It's finding ways to measure things that matter. Those moments at home. So it might be the time that you don't actually have your phone on you and just. Just have unstructured play with your children. You're just getting on the floor. You're not in any structured piece of work or structured time is taking them to dance, taking to music, taking him to soccer practice.

Mitesh Khatri [00:08:42]: You know, that's very structured. And kids need. Kids need that structure. But I think almost equally important or more important, they need that unstructured time. So I think when you can have those moments, you can say I've had 1, 2, 3, 4 moments this week where I've had really had unstructured time and play with my daughter. Whether we're doing teacups or playing with Barbie dolls or kicking the ball outside. Those are the measures of success that I just didn't have. I had all the traditional stuff, the KPIs that you get in your corporate life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:10]: And there's always this push and pull when it comes to raising daughters. And as you are trying to raise your daughters, you're balancing, trying to guide your daughter while also giving her the independence to become the person that she's becoming. And I know she's still young, but I guess as she has been growing up. How do you balance that? How do you balance guiding your daughter while still giving her that independence?

Mitesh Khatri [00:09:32]: Yeah, I think it's a really interesting one. I think kids in general, but daughters especially you are the model they're looking to when it comes to men right from a very young age age. So there's, there's that scanning they do of the environment to see how do you react to situations, how do you carry yourself when things get tough, how do you treat your partner, her mum, you know, how are you treating different women, how do you sort of interact, how do you talk to friends that are female, how do you just treat people in general? So I think they're modeling and learning of what a man should be. So I think you want to sort of help them with that. And in terms of independence, I think it really comes down to having honest, open conversations as much as you can for that age where you can really help them distinguish between right and wrong. What is the right kind thing to do and what is not so kind, what are the sort of right behaviors to be following? I guess. And one of the things I'm always mindful of is no one's a perfect father, but not moving straight from a stimulus like some sort of stressor, straight to anger. And I think we as men tend to do that, perhaps more when especially I was doing that quite a bit where I'd find myself, kids are running late to school, we need to go.

Mitesh Khatri [00:10:41]: And I actually get really angry. It'd come out in the force in my voice. And then you sort of how it is, you tell your kids not to shout at the other one and that's what you're doing and that's the behavior and modeling. So I think modeling the right behavior is pretty critical. And that sort of journey of really understanding myself, modeling the right behaviors was pretty critical for Me for the last sort of two years. And, you know, recognizing that actually underneath that anger, it's actually not anger that we're feeling often. Maybe we're hurt because actually we really wanted to spend that hour playing with our daughters before they go to school. Maybe we're sad because.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:14]: Or disappointed because we wanted the morning to go a particular way and on time and not be late for something else. And we sort of go straight. We almost skip that emotion in between. Sadness, disappointment, hurt. Because I think we just weren't taught that. And therefore our daughters are learning that. They're modeling that as well. You know, when I get angry, I'll just.

Mitesh Khatri [00:11:33]: I'll just go straight to voice, you know, raise my voice and actually not express my emotions. So I'm trying to say I'm hurt. I'm sorry I didn't do the right thing there. And I apologize. I felt really sad that we couldn't be on time because of these reasons. So it's trying to label the emotion and model that. But I think the independence thing is hard. I think you're always scanning the environment to go, how much do I let her go? How much do I pull her back in? Whether it's at parties, whether it's devices, whether it's certain foods she might be eating or whatever it is.

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:02]: That's a tricky one.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:03]: Completely understand. And we never have all the right answers. I mean, we definitely do our best and we try our best to be the best people we can be, but we're flawed. Everybody is flawed in talking about that, I guess. What's the mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn about it, about fostering a positive connection with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:12:22]: I think I've made lots of mistakes. Probably like many dads, we all make lots of mistakes. I think one potential mistake I've made my daughter, and it probably comes from being that almost pushy parent when it comes to activities in sports. So sports or music or whatever it is really pushing them, maybe pushing them too much as well. We're often projecting our own childhoods onto our kids. And they can lose the fun, you know, in what they're doing, whether it's dance or they're playing some sport or whatever it is, and I think you want them to do well. But I think it's also recognizing that they're just kids, you know, we're not sort of in the professional leagues. So I think I've really learned from that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:02]: To not be the parent on the sideline shouting. I think it's encouraging your kids, but not in a way that's perhaps disrupting their sort of natural way to enjoy what they're doing, whether it's. Yeah. Dance or sport or whatever it is.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:13:16]: Now, as I mentioned, you've got a new book that's out there called the Fight or Father Using Calm to Stop Reacting and Start Connecting. As a author myself, I know that many times when you've got this idea in your head and you got this passion to be able to get these words out and trying to connect with your people that, that you go all in. But you definitely have to have a passion for it to get to that finish line. So give me the story of the book and tell. Talk to me about why. Why you decided to write it, why you decided to put the time, the effort and the passion into it to get it out into the world.

Mitesh Khatri [00:13:52]: I never thought I'd be a writer myself, but I've always sort of been research and really, as I was saying to you earlier before we started, always very interested in why people do what they do and what drives our behavior, what motivates us. Right. So I mean, I'm the sort of tragic in the self help section looking at the next book and going, how can I learn from this? I wrote this book because I think modern fatherhood is really breaking men and the expectations have changed and you're supposed to be a provider and present with your kids. You're meant to be the breadwinner and also emotionally available. And no one really taught us. If we think about our father's generation, they didn't really teach us how to do that. Our fathers really had a role which was sacrifice, commit yourself and be the breadwinner and be respected at home and very traditional household. I guess I'm talking to.

Mitesh Khatri [00:14:40]: And I think I see a lot of modern parents for really my sort of discoveries on this journey started about five years ago. Kids very young. I see a lot of dads just grinding through it, myself included, exhausted, distracted. We're snapping at our kids. We sort of promise ourselves we're going to do better tomorrow and. But deep down we know something's wrong, something's not working. We need better tools, we need better ways to parent and we know that it's a learning process at all. So I wrote this in almost a way to sort of say we can choose to fight and react and be in that sort of survival mode or shutdown mode when stresses hit with our kids, or we can choose a almost new way to father modern fatherhood.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:19]: I think it takes the best of what our fathers taught us. And it builds on that. And I think it builds on, you know, a lot of what you talk about, Christopher, is, is showing vulnerability. We need to show vulnerability to our children. We need to show not just the masculine side, but actually it's okay to get things wrong. And this is what you do to repair that. And I think, I'm sure there's lots of books that sort of talk to various things around that out there. I didn't see something targeted specifically at that aspect.

Mitesh Khatri [00:15:45]: And therefore, yeah, really focused in my own journey of switching from a dad that was reacting all the time at his kids, didn't have the patience. As I said, my body was chronically stressed at the time. I put on weight and wasn't eating well. I was numbing pain through alcohol, etc. And it's not enough to just think yourself to a better version of yourself. You need tools, you need techniques. So I wrote the book and have got some practical techniques on what dads can do. You know, simple things like just having clear boundaries between work and home.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:18]: It's so difficult, particularly post Covid. Many of us are working home in hybrid sort of environments and it blurs. You have your kids next to you in the school holidays. We've got school holidays going on now. My son or daughter will work almost in the same room in a work mode. I might close the laptop, but still mentally be processing the emails that I haven't sent, the tasks I haven't done. So I think it's having those practices to say, you know, simple things, five seconds, where you might go, I'm home now, I've closed the laptop, let me show up. Or you might go wash your face or you might go change your clothes.

Mitesh Khatri [00:16:48]: It's just physically doing something. You might do 20 star jumps. But you need that transition process and just one example from work to home. So that calm framework is really around that. So you clear your body of the stress. Firstly, you anchor yourself between work and home. So have a ritual around that. You lead with calm because kids follow your regulations.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:09]: You need to be calm and have techniques for that and model and repair is probably the most important part where when you get it wrong and you will like myself every day, there'll be something I do wrong, I need to admit to it and I need to label what that emotion is, which is then going into my vulnerable side, you know, it's going into really understanding what that emotion is, not just anger and then coming up with a repair, you know. So yeah, I just remember I Actually had an argument with my daughter. I was stressed this A couple of days ago. She wanted to play. She can we play. She likes doing tea parties and cafes in her room. And I didn't have the patient. And I just said to her, I'm really tired.

Mitesh Khatri [00:17:47]: I'm stressed. I've had a long day and a hard day. And I shouted at you, is it okay if we start again? And she just looked at me and she said, okay, dad. And I think previously I would have just shouted and said, I'm not doing this, and it's time for bed. So I think. I think it's having those skills. It's. Firstly, I've been quite vulnerable in the book myself.

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:04]: So, you know, I've had sort of beta readers say it's been quite difficult to read at times because they've seen themselves in it as well. So I think it'll. It'll definitely make you turn the mirror on yourself and analyze your own life, your own behaviors, and perhaps you'll pick a couple of techniques and tools that you can use to just be that modern father and not fight all the time.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]: And one of the things you write about in the book is being there, but not there. And many dads believe simply being physically present is enough. What helped you recognize the difference between proximity and true presence? And how can dads begin to see that difference in their own lives?

Mitesh Khatri [00:18:42]: I like the bedtime routine with my daughter. It was actually that really broke me when she said, stop rushing me. And you really, you know, reflect on those things and try to make a change. And you don't always get it right. But my son said to me one day, he was on the, I think, kitchen table, dining table. I was scrolling on Instagram, you know, usual blur posts that we would normally go, just mindless, scrolling, doom scrolling. And Taj was nearby and he. I don't know what he was doing exactly.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:08]: And that was part of the problem. And without looking up, he said, you're always on your phone, dad. Not angry. He wasn't whining, just like matter of the fact. Like, he was describing the weather. And I looked at him and, you know, his face was soft. He was disappointed. He wasn't trying to start a fight with me about it, that he was just telling me the facts for what he saw.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:26]: And I said automatically, almost automatically, I'm not quite defensive. I just need to do this one thing. And clearly I was lying to him, right? I wasn't being honest. I was lying to him. I wasn't being honest to myself. I put the phone down in that moment and I felt my chest get tight and I had a little shake in my hands and I felt enormous guilt that he had just seen me more clearly than I had seen myself. And I think we've all been there and I think researchers, you know, we've heard this all the time, we hear about phones all the time. But technically interference.

Mitesh Khatri [00:19:57]: Dr. Brandon Michael actually coined the term where seemingly sort of normal amounts of phone use during parent child time. It's actually linked to increased behavioral problems in children. So the screen time, not because of the screen time itself, but what it communicates like. You're not important to me. Right. Right now, in this moment, this is most important to me. We've all heard that before.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:18]: So that's what I mean by you're there, but you're not really there. You're in the room physically, but in your mind you're somewhere else. You're in another place, you're thinking about something else. You're not actually aware of your surroundings. You're not actually picking up the cues or the people in the room. So I think that in itself because it increases the behavioral problems and we see how much time we spend on our phones and screens. It's something which I've been much more conscious with. Now the phone goes on the charger.

Mitesh Khatri [00:20:44]: Leave it there at 6pm in the evening. Sometimes I'll throw it upstairs in the bedroom in a drawer. Because when it's there we're just so automatic. We're so addicted to these devices that are in our pockets that are so powerful. So I think that's really what I mean. We're not there. And that can be a physical device, but it can also be actually we haven't decompressed from the day and we've got all the stress from work or so we're thinking about something else. We're actually not there with our family.

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:08]: We're just unavailable and we're not in tuned with not engaging with them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:12]: Now one of the other things that I read in the book was you talk about how many fathers suddenly hear their own dad's voice coming out of their mouths during those stressful moments that you kind of talked about. When that realization happens, what practical steps help a father pause long enough to break that generational pat?

Mitesh Khatri [00:21:32]: Yeah, that is a real difficult one. I think. I think what I've done is pause for five seconds. So when you see your voice coming, and you might even hear, you might even see in your children yourself, then your father talking to you In a particular way, that is really difficult. And I think we have to appreciate everything they did for us in terms of sacrificing, building a life and opportunities for us, and appreciate all those things. But at the same time, they maybe didn't know how to deal with that stress or anxiety, anger. And when I say anger, it could be hurt, it could be disappointment, it could be sadness around something. So I think, you know, pausing, reflecting.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:10]: It's a lot of journaling. So the last five years, on and off, journaling, I haven't been as regular. But journaling on those moments where you know that you've almost automatically reacted in a way, and you can hear your father's voice, whether it's the harshness, whether it's the criticism, whether it was the absence of. Of a father. I think we tend to overcompensate from what we had or didn't have. And I think it's a lot of deep reflection that needs to be done. But I just encourage everyone to just pause, pause. You don't have to respond straight away to your kids.

Mitesh Khatri [00:22:41]: You can pause for a couple of seconds, reflect, and actually sit with those thoughts. I think you got to do quite a bit of deep work and journal and plenty of services out there where you can talk to psychiatrists and psychologists and so forth to really understand the relationships with our parents. I think I'd also encourage if. If you can and your father's around, have a conversation with him, Talk to him about things that you really have a lot of gratitude for and the things you wish that he could have done better. I think those things, and it's not sort of pointing the finger or blaming anyone, it's just having those honest conversations. And I think you'd be surprised where that might take you as well.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:23:17]: It definitely is a journey. And a lot of times we're constantly trying to find new ways to be able to measure up as a dad. And we look around us and we think, oh, all these dads are doing better than we are. And there's almost that. As you talk in the book about that scorecard that we have in our book, about how we are grading ourself, how we're scoring ourselves, and you talk about rethinking that internal scorecard that we use to measure success. What are the most common invisible scorecards that you're seeing that fathers are running, and how do they quietly pull dads away from connection with their kids? But also, how can we change the script on those scorecards and allow for us to be able to look at that in a different way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:03]: Yeah, I think that there's a powerful primary story here. We almost have this deep obligation we have to build, we have to secure, we have to work long hours. We have to sacrifice. Sacrifice is love. And love looks like a mortgage paid off, a fridge that's full, a future that's funded for the kids. And that is important, you know, and elements of that are really important. And it's a powerful story, and it has deep roots in human history, and male identity has been shaped by that. And I sort of talked about this a little bit earlier, earlier in the sense that fathers of men that do that, you know, they keep reinforcing that scorecard that exists.

Mitesh Khatri [00:24:37]: So, you know, status follows the achievement. Respect comes with that success. The man is getting the promotion or close the deal or starting a new business and is an entrepreneur. They get admired. But we're not throwing the awards and accolades for the dad who's performing really well at home with his kids and actually teaching them about vulnerability, teaching them about how to regulate themselves, teaching them about how to show kindness and how to introduce themselves and respect others and be part of the community and. And, you know, have strong values and those sort of things. So I think men chase the thing that's being rewarded, and we pour ourselves into that, you know, into our careers and into our work, and then we don't have much left for the family. So.

Mitesh Khatri [00:25:16]: And I think what fathers can do is have that sort of scorecard for themselves. So I have read sort of James Clear Atomic Habits, and, you know, we're all sort of creatures of habits. So in my diary that I physically write, I write time with my wife, specific things I want to do, time with my kids, specific activities, time for my exercise. And I tick those things off, right? So I'm not just my career ticks and successes, but actually, what are my goals for my relationship with my son, my relationship with my daughter, my wife? What are my goals? How am I working towards that and am I sharing those goals, what I'm trying to do? So I think almost like we have KPIs for work, if you have a team and you have some employees and you sort of evaluate them, you can't evaluate them on something you haven't actually given clear KPIs on. And I think it's hard to evaluate yourself on your family life if you're not clear on those KPIs as well, and your children as well. If you want them to respect other people and talk with kindness, then you need to Teach them that. So you need to sit down, maybe it's 10 minutes, maybe it's a couple of hours where you need to show them what kindness looks like. How do you actually talk to someone? How do you greet someone? You know, how do you leave a social situation in a respectful way? I think those things we don't measure and therefore we just think they just happen and get done.

Mitesh Khatri [00:26:34]: I think, you know, the adult, the age old sort of saying what gets measured gets done in corporate life also matters in our personal life. And so we need to create those measures at home. And I don't really know what the perfect measures are. It might just be that I had a beautiful moment with my kid today, you know, have a box for that and it's a tick. So there were three nice things that my child said to somebody else as a measure around that. I think we need to create our own measures of success and have some KPI guys similar to what we would do in our career, because that's how you get to the next level. You sort of can't do that in your relationships if you don't know what those measures of success are. So I think we all need to sort of create those.

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:12]: And they're going to be different for different, you know, whether it's a girl or a boy or different ages, you sort of need to come up with those and your kids can be part of it, your wife can be part of it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:20]: The one thing I really liked about your book, and I think we could spend the next few hours talking about different aspects of your book, but one of the things that I really liked was the fact that your book, as you said, wasn't written from the perspective of someone that's figured everything out. You talk about where you are now, what you've learned along the way, but at the same time that you're still failing, that you're still flawed, and that there's still things to learn. So as you are continuing your journey, what are you still learning about fatherhood that is surprising you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:27:52]: So there's just everyday surprises, I guess, with kids. You know, they sort of surprise you in different ways. But I'm just trying to think of more sort of themes that surprise you. Me, I think their maturity surprises me. You sort of sometimes underestimate how much your kids are learning as they grow up and where they're at. They're 7 and 6 and my daughter's 6 years old, but you know, she knows a lot about the world and she is very mature when she needs to be And I sort of sometimes don't want that to go away. Like her being very young, that small little girl, that beautiful girl that I put to bed at bedtime, I don't want her to grow up to too quick. So, I mean, coming back to your question, what, what am I still learning is I think our kids are becoming independent and learning more than sometimes we appreciate or sort of take notice of.

Mitesh Khatri [00:28:38]: And I mean, that's come back, comes back to your independence. You know how, you know, you want them to have that independence and learn and grow and not slow them down in those settings. But I think my natural instincts is maybe to slow them down at the age they're at and make sure they don't grow up too quickly. So I think that's a tough sort of battle I'm sort of facing. That's what sort of comes to mind.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:58]: And I guess finally, as I think about your book and for you, as you think about the legacy that you're leaving behind in the book, you ask fathers to consider what their children are going to remember about them. If your kids were adults today, in reflecting on your parenting journey, what do you hope that they would say, say most about you?

Mitesh Khatri [00:29:21]: I hope my children at the start of my book, this book is for every that that's trying and I hope they see that I really tried. I, I got it right a lot of the time and probably got it wrong a lot of the time as well. So I think if I can have them growing up seeing a man that really tried to improve themselves, really tried to improve himself around his relationship with them and worked hard at the that and didn't take my situation and where I was, as you know, that's how it is. And I improved on who I was and knowing that those I was never going to be perfect and that I tried, that I love them, that I wanted the best for them and wanted to support them in everything that they did. So particularly with Alia, if I think about her, she has a lot of strength and it's through sensitivity. She feels our feelings much more than my son will. She'll notice things in others. She'll carry emotions that's probably bigger than a small little body.

Mitesh Khatri [00:30:18]: I want her to know that she really has a superpower there in terms of that emotional intelligence and she can sort of really sense the situation. I hope that I give them the foundations of what being a good person is, what a kind person is, that vulnerability is strength. Whether you're, whether it's my daughter or my son being vulnerable, being Self aware, being calm when things get tough, showing emotional strength. They're going to be the backbone of everything that sort of helps you in your life, whether it's career or family or social. I want them to get rid of emotional sort of just thinking about it, but I just want them to remember myself and my wife really loved and cared and, and did everything for them to ensure that they got the right values in life, that they got all the opportunities they wanted to have, and that we really tried, that we always loved them.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:06]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad Connection six, where I ask you six more questions to delve a little bit deeper into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:16]: All right, let's try it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:17]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:20]: Beautiful.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:21]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:26]: Work on you first. Start with yourself. Then you can serve the people you love.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:31]: What's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together?

Mitesh Khatri [00:31:35]: There's many, but. Bedtimes, tea parties, playing with her dolls. I'm definitely a dad that has not done that until my daughter came along. So really getting down on the floor and playing those games. Games. Originally I felt quite ridiculous doing it, but then I thought I found joy in it because I've just never done it before. Just freeing into my sports and, you know, all the manly activities.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:31:55]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:00]: You know, always, always speak your mind and stand up for yourself. You have a lot of potential.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:06]: Now, you've mentioned a number of these, but what's one thing you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:12]: So much. Yeah. Um, that you really need a lot of patience. We hear it all the time. But I think more importantly, everything you do has to be quite intentional and intentional. And I've heard you talk about it. Chris. Christopher as well.

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:23]: Intentionality is probably one of those cornerstones of everything you're doing in fatherhood, especially with your daughters. You've got to be quite intentional, but not, obviously, taking away from unstructured play time. But by being intentional, you can be present, you can be there, not outside the room.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:32:39]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful, meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Mitesh Khatri [00:32:46]: Treat vulnerability as strength. And I think if you were to journal or you talk to some close mates and dads and actually really get into the deep and meaningful and get vulnerable. And in my book, I have A lot of stories from other dads I run with and friends and we start to realize that we're living parallel lives and when we get vulnerable, something unlocks, we learn something. And I think men don't talk enough. So I'm a big advocate of dads talking about talking. And podcasts like this bring different topics and things dads are going through to, to life because we tend to bottle everything up right. We're not very good at that. So I just encourage everyone to talk to someone and around things you're going through and it might surprise you that actually somebody else might be going through very something very similar and can you can relate and you can bond over that.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:35]: So make sure you join these sort of podcasts or some sort of dad group or have a set of friends you can can have those conversations with.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:33:45]: Well, Mitesh, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here, for putting this book out into the world, for sharing your journey with us today. And it's not over, but I know that it'll keep continuing and you'll keep learning. But I truly want to say thank you and I wish you all the best.

Mitesh Khatri [00:33:59]: Thank you so much, Christopher. Really appreciate it. And yeah, the book comes out on 28th of July, so it'll be available Amazon, all sort of good book stores.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:07]: We'll definitely put a link in the notes today and I congratulate you on getting this out into the world and look forward to others reading it and learning from what you've learned along the way.

Mitesh Khatri [00:34:17]: Thank you so much, Christopho.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:34:18]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at the end dad and daughterconnection.com until next time. Keep showing up, keep connecting and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:34:49]: We're all in the same boat and it's full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the miracle we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen carpenters and muscle men get out and be the world to now Be the best dad you can be the best that you can be.

In a world where the father-daughter relationship is often celebrated but not always explored in depth, "The Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast stands out as a guiding light for dads eager to nurture lifelong bonds with their daughters. In the latest heartwarming episode, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with Bernard Drew, a proud father, to discuss the unique joys and evolving challenges of raising independent, confident young women.

Celebrating Small Moments That Matter

One of the central themes of this episode is the importance of everyday intentionality. Bernard Drew recalls a cherished memory—taking his young daughter to a midnight premiere of her favorite movie, Hannah Montana. It wasn't a grand gesture but a simple act of presence and togetherness that, years later, still stands out for both father and daughter. Through stories like this, Bernard Drew emphasizes how small, thoughtful rituals, like watching movies or sharing inside jokes, lay the foundation for meaningful connections.

Balancing Guidance with Independence

A challenge many fathers face is balancing the instinct to protect with the need to allow daughters the freedom to grow. Bernard Drew shares openly about this ongoing journey. From having those tough conversations ("the sex talks, the hard things with society") to trusting the "seeds previously planted," he reflects on moments when he had to learn to step back and let his daughter own her choices. This powerful message reminds dads everywhere that guidance is important, but space and trust are essential for daughters to flourish as independent thinkers.

The Value of Authenticity and Listening

Another profound takeaway is the transformation that comes when fathers truly listen. Bernard Drew candidly admits that, growing up, he'd been raised in a "kids are seen and not heard" environment, but realized the importance of letting his daughter have a voice—especially through teenage transitions and life changes. Authentic, open dialogue not only makes daughters feel valued but also strengthens their self-worth.

Encouragement for Dads Everywhere

Throughout their conversation, both Dr. Christopher Lewis and Bernard Drew stress that being present, engaged, and authentic is more valuable than striving for perfection as a parent. The episode encourages listeners to invest in quality time, foster open communication, and continually learn—not just about their daughters, but about themselves as fathers.

Whether you're seeking practical advice or inspiration, this episode offers a candid, uplifting look at what it means to be "the dad she needs." Tune in to strengthen your own connection and join a community devoted to raising confident, empowered daughters.

Ready to dive in? Listen to the full conversation and start making your moments count!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there. It's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the dad and Daughter Connection, where every week, you. You and I have an opportunity, an opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our daughters.

Christopher Lewis [00:01:02]: You know, I've got two daughters, and every week, I love being able to have you here with me as we're talking about these relationships and we're talking about what we can do to be able to build those stronger relationships, because each of us have a responsibility to be able to be there for our kids, not just our daughters, but our kids. But the relationship that you have with your daughter is a truly unique one and a very special one, and one that you do have to invest in and you have to work on. And that's why this podcast exists. It exists so that every week you have an opportunity to be able to learn, to grow, and to try to work on something. Might be small, it might be large that you can do to be able to either work on, repair, or continue to build that relationship with your daughter. That's why every week, I love bringing you different guests with different experiences that can help you do just that. And today, we've got another great guest, Bernard Drew is with us, and Bernard is a father of two, but today we're going to be talking about his relationship and his experiences with his own daughter. So I'm really excited to have him here.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:07]: Bernard, thanks so much for being here today.

Bernard Drew [00:02:08]: Dr. Chris, it's a pleasure to be here, and as you know, I've been so enamored. You do so many things from an extraordinary perspective academically, but I am most intrigued that you have this great passion, this relentless desire to support dads and their journeys with daughters. So it's actually an honor to be here and part of this community that you've been able to nurture.

Christopher Lewis [00:02:29]: I appreciate you saying that, because it is a passion. It's been something that I've been working on for many, many years. And I love being able to talk to dads like you that have been right in it. And even today, I know today is your daughter's birthday, so happy birthday to your daughter. And while this will come out after your daughter's birthday, you we were just talking about the fact that before you came to be on the show today that you were over giving her a birthday present and dropping that off before we were talking. And it's those special moments, those little moments that so much. And I know your daughter is an adult now, and I. And I guess first and foremost, as we talk about that relationship with your daughter, talk to me about for you what is one of the most meaningful moments that you've shared with your daughter and what made it so special as

Bernard Drew [00:03:16]: it's her birthday today. And I'll be grateful. We have a lot of great memories, one that always stands out. I think she had to been maybe 6 years old. And we're going back. She turned 24 today. So we're talking about, wow, that's crazy. Almost 18 years ago, maybe she was 6 or 7.

Bernard Drew [00:03:32]: She had maybe about 7. And she was just absolutely enamored with Hannah Montana on the television on Disney Channel. And man, that was her show. And I would sit and spend time and just watch it with her and just hanging out. And long story short, they ended up having a movie came out and I ended up buying tickets so that she could go at midnight when it first opened that night to go see it. And we have a picture. And to this day, that is one of the most precious memories for her. Like my dad took me to see Hannah Montana at midnight.

Bernard Drew [00:04:04]: To her, the thought of going to a movie at midnight was absur. Who does that? But then to be able to take her little Hannah Montana guitar and sit in the show and it's just a lot of those little moments compound them over time. And I'm so grateful. Almost regardless of any other accomplishments or accolades in life, man, I have enjoyed my journey with my daughter.

Christopher Lewis [00:04:23]: All of us, as we go through this journey with our daughters and with our kids, we have to balance the expectations that we have. We have to balance the drive that we have to be able to guide them, to help them. Men in general, 10 to be helpers. They tend to be solvers. And sometimes that can be to the detriment of being a father to a daughter. So I guess the question that I have is either now that your daughter is an adult, or as she's grown up into the adult that she is today. How did you balance or how do you balance guiding your daughter while also giving her the independence to be the person that she was becoming as she was getting older or that she continues to become as she gets older?

Bernard Drew [00:05:08]: Well, you went straight to one of the most profound, reflective questions we could go into here. And I'll say it's definitely an evolving spectrum, even today, and how to be the dad that she needs for this stage and season in life, and even how my role has evolved in years past. And sometimes I got it great. Sometimes it was like, oh, I missed the exit ramp when I was supposed to be a little less overbearing and give her a little more room to explore and discover. But I think it's somewhere in between that line of being a dad who wants to protect and prevent harm as well as the dad who wants to, hey, I need you to be prepared for this. So in our household, I was the one to have the hard conversations. I had the sex talks. I had the conversations about hard things with society and everything else.

Bernard Drew [00:05:53]: That was a dad daughter thing. My wife was like, I'm so glad you're handling that. And I was glad to. I want my daughter to be prepared. But I think it was her sophomore year in high school, and she was volunteering, I do believe, to support the National Honor Society induction. And it dawned on me that she's going to be participating in this next year, two years from now. It finally hit me in the late spring of her sophomore year. I've got two more years with her, and she could be gone forever when she graduates high school.

Bernard Drew [00:06:19]: I have no more, for lack of better words, control where she goes to college. I want her to have a confident choice where she goes. She could go to the other side of the country, and she could then plant roots somewhere else, and this might be it. And I started being almost, not quite overwhelmed, but my mind being inundated with, oh, my God, I got two years to prepare her for what life has in store. Store. And I started to come up with this master list of things that I'm like, oh, she's got to know this and do that, do this and do that, and I got to prepare for this. And I'll just say, I think I was being prayerful and just in conversation with God. The Holy Spirit was like, whoa, son, slow down.

Bernard Drew [00:06:53]: You're doing too much. Do you trust the seeds that have already been planted? Do you trust the demonstrated leadership, love, kindness, and principles you've already expressed to her? If you trust that the seeds that were planted were helpful, they were healthy, they were appropriate, they were going in the right direction, then now is not the time to get hasty and start stirring, covering things up unjustly. Trust the seeds that have been planted. And at this stage, you have to make sure you're trusting me to be inside of her, to give her the guidance, the insight, the resilience she's going to need. And if nothing else, who is the village that's around her that you can be intentional to cultivate and nurture that at a stage where it's probably easy for her to be like, oh, there's my dad talking again. There's my dad with another lecture. Who are the other people that are in our social circles that she can be entrusted to spend time with? And they may also sprinkle some principles in her life to water the seeds that have already been planted. And I'll say that was one of the single greatest pivots and perspectives that ever happened, because then she was able to begin discovering the principles that were inside of her, that she owned and she believed for herself, because she chose to.

Bernard Drew [00:08:00]: As opposed to feeling like, oh, there's my dad telling me what to do again, she was able list a little bit more, able to determine like, no, this is who I am, because I chose to decide that this is who I am. And I would say that's a perpetual journey I'm still on of keeping an eye on where that balance is.

Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]: It's never easy, and it's definitely something you have to work on because inevitably we step over the line and then they smack us and they say, you've stepped over the line. And they tell us that especially as they get older. And they will definitely do that. I've had that happen to me numerous times now. It sounds from everything that you're saying that you have done some very intentional things to be able to build the relationship that you have with your daughter. Talk to me about what some of those intentional ways were that you did to work to strengthen that bond with your daughter, especially, let's say, during challenging times.

Bernard Drew [00:08:55]: I would like to think that I have a ironclad answer, but I just have to speak towards. It's a journey. We're all always evolving and all always learning. I do believe early on, and I'll just be candid, I think one of the strongest things that she saw was that her dad loved her and loves her mom, and that regardless of what, there's no other priority that goes above them next to God. And so I think for her to see that and know that over the years. And does that mean perfection? No. But I think there's an unequivocal understanding that dad prioritizes you. You matter.

Bernard Drew [00:09:28]: You are important. It is a joy to spend time with you, and time with you is valuable to me. And I think that that has paid major, major dividends because it's not a foreign thought. So whether things are going exceptionally well in her life and dad is hanging out with her, that's a normal thing. Or if things are really tough and unclear and some strain, she knows dad is there. And so I think a lot of that stemmed from just the early years of her knowing, hey, my dad loves spending time with me, and this is important to him. And I think that has paid incredible dividends over the years.

Christopher Lewis [00:10:03]: So none of us are infallible. None of us. All of us as fathers, have made mistakes along the way. What's a mistake that you've made as a father, and what did you learn from it about fostering positive communication or other things in relation to yourself as a father?

Bernard Drew [00:10:22]: Great question. I can think of a number of areas, if it comes down to it. Whereup, Mr. Mark there. Mr. Mark there. I think one that stands out the most to me, kind of that same vein of that earlier revelation about, hey, stop doing too much, give her space to flourish with what's already been planted. I would say in a similar capacity, I had the hard conversations with her all the time, and included in that with boys.

Bernard Drew [00:10:44]: And so I don't have excessive regret here, but enough to be like, oh, yeah, I was probably over the top. I kind of had a zero tolerance policy. I don't want to hear a boy calling you. I don't want to have any boys showing up at the house. I just, whatever, just stay focused on your studies, and I don't want to hear anything about it. And as much as that was well intended and I think it's done as well and she's still doing well today, in hindsight, I'm like, you know what, Bernard? Your parents were fairly rigid, but they weren't that rigid. And there's some virtue to allowing kids while they're under my roof. If I'd have done it all over again, I probably would have created a safer space for her to explore and navigate relationships while under our roof.

Bernard Drew [00:11:27]: In a space where if and when, because we all make goofy decisions as we're navigating relationships, I probably would have been in a better position to kind of observe from a closer distance. And coach and help course correct and then give insight because we're sitting here, right here, observing it. And I'm grateful that she didn't go off the deep end or anything too extreme, at least that I know of. But it's something that I wish I could have coached her on that a little bit more while she was close to home. I think our. I don't know if I'll call it Saving grace was in her case. She left for school, had one year of undergrad, and then Covid hit and she came back home again for a year and a half. And so I kind of got a second chance in that space.

Bernard Drew [00:12:07]: But if I were to have given myself some different advice, it would have been to give her more opportunity to make a few mistakes and learn from them while she was in the house and nurtured more of that coaching dad dynamic with her earlier versus later. Yet I'm grateful that it has worked out well.

Christopher Lewis [00:12:25]: So today, or as she was growing up, what did or do you do intentionally to make your daughter feel valued and heard?

Bernard Drew [00:12:34]: It's a journey and a spectrum. I think the valued piece I enjoy spending time with her. The things that she enjoyed, I learned to enjoy. Some of her favorite shows became some of my favorite shows. The volume of inside jokes she and I have today as a result of all of those shared experiences between you and I. And I guess whoever sees this, my wife, I think, is almost jealous sometimes because we have just a volume of things that we delved into that she knows she was valued. And I spent that time with her in terms of her voice. You know, it's interesting.

Bernard Drew [00:13:02]: I think I kind of grew up in an era that it was like, hey, I hate to say it, kids are seen and not heard. I think I had a certain dynamic of that through much of her elementary years, middle school years, like, hey, just do what we told you to do, and that's it. And I think as high school evolved, she had a tough pivot transitioning into her high school. And I think that was the time frame where she and I began discovering that I needed to leave more room for her voice because this is her school experience. And though we kind of made the decision where she would go, she needed to take ownership and find joy in it. And so I think that was the season where we sit at the kitchen table and we'd have long conversations and I would listen to her talk to me about the challenges she was having at the school and how she was navigating certain challenges and allowing her voice to actually be heard and not just quiet it, because I'm dad and your daughter. And I think that was a turning point for us that allowed her voice to be valued as much as I thought that I valued her.

Christopher Lewis [00:14:02]: And how do you support your daughter now, or as she was growing up, getting into college, et cetera, in pursuing the dreams and the passions that she has?

Bernard Drew [00:14:13]: Man, I'll definitely say this. I think that is one of the greatest roles as a father, is affirming for her that she has value. I mean, candidly, the card I gave her today, it had two words in there, power and purpose. She knows I'm the corny dad. And yep, I will have a lecture ready any given minute and it's going to be corny and it's that and the other. But it is what it is. And so even today, the card I gave her for her birthday talked about purpose and power and affirming for her that inside of her you have power. There is a limitless power inside of you to be able to curate the life that you desire.

Bernard Drew [00:14:44]: And while doing that, to make the impact that you've been called to do, you have purpose. And so that has been a heavy dynamic. When she was approaching her 13 birthday, I was kind of inspired. I grew up in a community that had a strong Jewish population. And so I had a lot of friends that were in Hebrew school. And by the time they got to 13, having their bar mitzvahs and bat mitzvahs and being able to demonstrate a level of maturity and adulthood and command of their faith. Her 13th birthday, we kept it fun and light. That's the joy my wife brings to the table.

Bernard Drew [00:15:14]: She keeps things real light and fun most of the time. But I did have my daughter actually read several books, books and write me reports on purpose leading up to her 13th birthday. And I had her assemble those thoughts in her own phrasing, her own lens of life at 12 going on 13 on what purpose means and how important is purpose in your life and how do you express purpose and why is purpose important to other people around you? And so she put together a, I don't know how long it was, maybe a five to seven minute talk presentation at her 13th birthday party with family, friends and folks assembled. And as much as he have fun cake and did all kind of fun stuff and games with her friends, there was a segment where she got to express this understanding of purpose and what it means to her. And I think those are the kind of things that in their totality, that is one of the Things I think helped continue to affirm for her. I see purpose inside of you and you as you discover for yourself, a confidence in who you are. There's no limit to what you can do in your life. And so if I fast forward, I'm inspired that she harnessed that and I think, think that type of journey she's had is what fuels her.

Bernard Drew [00:16:23]: Having pursued an undergraduate degree in elementary education, she wants to impact the lives of kids and she's doing that even now.

Christopher Lewis [00:16:31]: What's a tradition or a routine that you and your daughter have created together that strengthen your bond?

Bernard Drew [00:16:36]: Again, it evolves over time, but most of it, can I tell you, it involves quality time. And I don't know if I've done a deep analysis of the five love languages in her life. Maybe I should. But I'll say this, this, that quality time with her, whether it was the watching the Disney shows with her when she was at her youngest, I will say I think she had been in the first grade and we had a routine every morning and we did this for several years that before going to school she would come into my office and we would read together. I was introducing her to the Bible and so she was spending some time just getting familiar and telling me her thoughts about what she had read. And it gave us opportunity just to connect. And we did that for several years. That was first thing in the morning before going to school.

Bernard Drew [00:17:17]: And so I think those kind of moments, moments definitely over time set the tone that hey, dad wants to spend time with me. And so in terms of routine, those were routine at that time. But as she's grown older, I'll just say the engagement isn't nearly as routine. But I think the routine early on set the tone that man, I value that quality time with you and you can communicate your genuine authentic thoughts. And it's evolved into the kind of relationship where my wife is definitely one who goes to bed early because she wakes up extra early. My daughter and I tend to be more night owl and it's not uncommon whether it was in high school while she was navigating undergrad and was living with us. It's not uncommon for us to cross paths in the kitchen at 8:30 at night and just sit at the kitchen table and talk for two, three, four hours and just talk. And that I believe is one of the greatest gifts in life, that she enjoys hanging out with her dad.

Bernard Drew [00:18:11]: So I'm thankful. Quality time.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:12]: Now we always finish our interviews with what I like to call our dad connection six, which are six questions that are gonna delve a little bit more into you as a dad. Are you ready?

Bernard Drew [00:18:21]: I don't think I have another choice. Go for.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:23]: What's one word that describes your relationship with your daughter?

Bernard Drew [00:18:26]: I would say fun.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:27]: What's the best piece of dad advice that you've ever received?

Bernard Drew [00:18:32]: Again, I have to go with just train them up in the direction they're supposed to go in. Just train them early. They have their own path to take. Train them early, and then you have confidence that they'll flourish in the assignment and into the character that they're supposed to walk in.

Christopher Lewis [00:18:45]: You already talked about this a little bit, but what's one activity that you and your daughter love doing together today?

Bernard Drew [00:18:51]: Watching movies. So now that she's got her own home, it's kind of fun that it's not uncommon. I'll go over to her house, and we'll sit up and watch a movie or two and just hang out and talk and so movies. I think we've done three Broadway shows together now. Also, my wife's not the greatest fan of theater, but my daughter and I will go, and those are some of the greatest things that we enjoy doing.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:11]: If you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Bernard Drew [00:19:16]: Your life is always resilient. With the love of God. You can always bounce back from anything. Just keep your trust in him.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:22]: And what's one one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a dad?

Bernard Drew [00:19:27]: I would say there's probably been no sacrifice that's been made for the wellness of my kids. It wasn't worth it.

Christopher Lewis [00:19:32]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Bernard Drew [00:19:40]: I think authenticity, the level of authenticity that loves and meets them where they are and loves them, nurtures and encourages them from where they are. The other side of that coin is the level of authenticity to learn to love and forgive yourself. I think sometimes as men and as dads, I'm not gonna overgeneralize here, but sometimes we can be bound to the ignorance we may have had in the past and think that that has to dictate whatever pathways to the future. And the reality is, just like, there's an endless opportunity for our kids to evolve. There's an endless opportunity for us to evolve. And so I would extend to dads, you're worth the time to reinvest in you. If it's reading certain books, if it is is therapy, if it's counseling, if it is just finding a safe space and environment where you can talk freely and get certain things off your chest. And maybe here's some other perspectives.

Bernard Drew [00:20:30]: You're worth that opportunity, too. And as much as you may fight so hard to to create safe spaces for other people, give yourself the same grace to find some space for you to evolve into the best version of yourself, too.

Christopher Lewis [00:20:43]: Well, Bernard, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here today, for sharing the unique journey of you and your daughter. As you said, it's always evolving. It's changing, but it is so exciting to hear about the strong bond that you and your daughter have. And I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here and I wish you the best.

Bernard Drew [00:21:01]: Thank you very much. And again, I just appreciate you doing this. I think one of the greatest relationships on the planet is the relationship with a dad and his daughter. And for dads to be encouraged and coached and inspired. Probably one of the single greatest investments that can be made in anybody's lifetime. So thank you for making this commitment. Greatly appreciate it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:18]: That's a wrap for this episode of the dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build strong, stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our [email protected] until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Speaker D [00:21:49]: We're all in the same boat

Christopher Lewis [00:21:56]: is

Speaker D [00:21:56]: full of tiny screaming passengers we spend the time, we give the lessons we make the meals we buy them presents and bring your A game Cause those kids are growing fast the time goes by just like a dynamite blast Calling astronauts and firemen Carpenter and muscle men get out and be the world to them Be the best dad you can

Bernard Drew [00:22:39]: be

Speaker D [00:22:42]: Be the best dad you can be.

Hey dads—welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, where we talk practical, real-world ways to strengthen the relationship you have with your daughter in just five minutes. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're diving into a season that's both exciting and emotional for many dads:

Helping your daughter transition to adulthood with confidence.

Whether she's graduating high school, heading to college, starting a job, or moving out on her own, this is a major milestone—for her and for you. And as much as you may want to hold on, your role is shifting from protector to guide.

So how do you support her independence while still staying close? Let's talk about how to do that with presence, patience, and purpose.

Becoming an adult doesn't happen overnight. It's a slow, sometimes messy process. Your daughter may bounce between independence and insecurity. One moment she wants advice, the next she's sure she knows everything.

And that's normal. What she really needs during this season is:

• Your trust in her ability to grow
• Your availability when she needs guidance
• And your reminders that she's not doing this alone

When you show up in these ways, you're not just parenting—you're empowering.

Your daughter is going to face adult-level problems—budgeting, job interviews, tough decisions. It's tempting to swoop in and solve them for her. But the real gift is helping her think through them herself.

Try asking:

• "What options are you considering?"
• "What do you think your next step should be?
• "Want to talk it through together?"

This teaches her that she has the tools—and that you trust her to use them. You're still there, but you're no longer holding the steering wheel.

Transitioning into adulthood comes with failure, doubt, and second-guessing. One of the most powerful things you can do? Let her know that's okay.

Say things like:

• "Adulting is hard sometimes, and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed."
• "You don't have to have it all figured out—none of us do."
• "Trying and failing doesn't make you weak. It makes you brave."

When she feels safe to stumble, she'll be more willing to try. That's confidence rooted in reality—not perfection.

Your daughter still needs you, just in a different way. A simple check-in text, a shared lunch, or a weekend visit means more than you might think.

• Send a "thinking of you" message
• Ask, "What's something new you've learned this week?"
• Offer help without insisting on it

This shows her: "I'm still here. Just differently now."

Here's your challenge: Reach out to your daughter in a way that supports her independence and reminds her of your presence.

It could be:

• A note that says, "I'm proud of the woman you're becoming."
• A text that says, "I'm here if you ever want to talk through life stuff."
• An invitation to grab coffee and celebrate how far she's come

Let her know: 💬 "I trust you to take on the world—and I'll be cheering you on every step of the way."

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. The road from girlhood to womanhood isn't always smooth—but when your daughter knows her dad believes in her, it makes the bumps feel a little smaller.

Until next time—keep guiding, keep encouraging, and keep reminding her that growing up doesn't mean growing apart.

Hey dads! Welcome back to Dad Connections in 5, where five intentional minutes spark deeper bonds with your daughter. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're tackling a modern challenge:

How to stay connected with your daughter even when travel or work takes you away.

Whether you're on a business trip, a deployment, or just headed out of town, being apart can be tough on both of you. But distance doesn't have to mean disconnection. Let's turn travel into an opportunity to build trust, anticipation, and closeness—no matter how many miles lie between you.

Absence can create worries: "Is Dad thinking of me?" "Does he miss me?" When you're intentional, you answer those questions before they're asked. You show her that wherever you are, she's always in your heart—and on your mind.

Pick a small, repeatable habit that you do together—no matter where you are.

· Morning Text Check-In: Send a photo of your coffee or sunrise and ask her how she slept.

· Evening Voice Note: Record a 30-second "goodnight" message sharing one thing you're proud of her for.

· Daily Question Exchange: Each day, ask the same two questions—"What made you smile today?" and "What's one thing you're curious about?"

These micro-moments turn ordinary routines into emotional lifelines.

Use a shared photo album, note app, or group chat to create a joint travel journal.

· Upload photos of local sights—ice cream stands, cool street art, your hotel view.

· Jot down quick voice memos describing a funny language mix-up or a delicious snack you tried.

· Encourage her to reply with her own mini journal entries—school highlights, a new friend, or a homework win.

This isn't just you reporting in—it's a two-way story you write together, weaving your worlds even when you're apart.

Turn your return into a celebration she can help stage in advance.

· Countdown Calendar: Share a digital calendar marking off days until you get back.

· Surprise Reveal: Have her choose or create something you'll do together—bake cookies, hike, or movie night.

· Welcome-Home Note: Ask her to leave sticky notes around the house—"Can't wait to hug you!"—and send her a similar message to find when she wakes up.

Anticipation is a powerful connector—both for her and for you.

Here's your challenge: Pick one of these ideas and launch it before your next trip—even if it's just across town.

• Set up a virtual ritual (morning text or nightly voice note).
• Create your shared digital journal right now—take one photo or voice note today.
• Sketch a simple countdown calendar and share it with her.

These small, consistent actions tell your daughter: 💬 "I'm here for you—no matter where I am."

And that message? It crosses every time zone.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. If you found this helpful, share it with another dad who's often on the move. Until next time—keep showing up, even when you're away, and keep growing that unbreakable connection.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—your five-minute guide to building lasting relationships with your daughter, one intentional moment at a time. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today we're tackling a question that hits many dads right in the heart:

How do you stay close to your daughter as she grows more independent?

It's a bittersweet transition. The little girl who once ran into your arms now closes her bedroom door. She's making her own choices, forming opinions, building a life that isn't centered on you—and that's a good thing. That means you've done your job well. But it doesn't mean your relationship has to fade.

Let's talk about how to keep that bond strong, even as she steps confidently into her own independence.

As your daughter becomes more independent—whether she's 12, 18, or 25—what she really needs is to know that:

• You still see her
• You still support her
• And your love is unconditional, even if she needs you in different ways now

She might not ask for your help like she used to, but she still values your presence, your approval, and your interest in who she's becoming.

Instead of trying to stay close by holding on tight, stay close by letting go with intention.

Ask her questions that invite conversation without judgment:

• "What's something you've been thinking about a lot lately?"
• "What's something new you're proud of?"
• "Want to bounce any ideas off me?"

Let her know you're interested in her as a person, not just as your daughter. Curiosity says, "I care about who you are today."

Your daughter may not need you to solve problems anymore—but she still needs to know you're there.

• Send a short text that says, "Thinking of you. Hope today's going well."
• Leave a sticky note or send a meme that'll make her smile.
• Invite her for lunch, a coffee, or a walk—but don't push if she says no.

You're showing her that connection is always available, without pressure. That presence builds safety—and trust.

As she becomes more independent, she needs to hear that you're proud of who she's becoming—not just what she's doing.

Say things like:

• "I love seeing how confident you've become."
• "You're handling that like a total adult—I'm seriously impressed."
• "Even though we don't talk as often, I think about you every day."

These words are powerful. They reinforce your bond and remind her: "Dad still sees me, believes in me, and supports me—just in a new way."

Here's your challenge: Send your daughter a short message today that recognizes her independence and reminds her of your love.

Try:

• "I see how much you've grown lately—and I'm proud of who you're becoming."

Or:

• "You may be more independent now, but I'll always be here if you need me."

She may not say it out loud, but that message might be exactly what she needs to hear today.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember—staying close isn't about holding on tight. It's about showing up with respect, love, and quiet consistency. Your daughter's growing independence isn't the end of your bond—it's just a new chapter.

Until next time—keep cheering her on, keep being steady, and keep reminding her that no matter how far she goes, she'll always have a place in your heart.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

If you're a dad looking for meaningful ways to connect with your daughter and navigate the often tricky terrain of emotions, the latest episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection podcast is essential listening. Hosted by Dr. Christopher Lewis, this episode features Cheryl Rosenberg—a coach and creator of the Healing Artfully program. Together, they unpack the challenges and rewards of building lasting father-daughter relationships.

Understanding Through Story and Experience

Cheryl Rosenberg opens the conversation by reflecting on her own close relationship with her father, emphasizing how his steady love, honesty, and encouragement shaped her life. She shares that the simple act of her father being present—whether teaching her to paint or expressing pride in her achievements—made an enduring difference in her confidence and sense of being valued. Her story is a reminder that it's the consistent, every-day practices—not grand gestures—that lay a foundation for trust and communication.

Reconnecting When Emotions Run High

One of the central themes of the episode is how fathers can best respond during the turbulent teenage years, when daughters might seem withdrawn or overwhelmed by big emotions. Cheryl Rosenberg notes that, for many dads, the instinct is to "fix" things or resort to logic and discipline. But often, what daughters need most is simply their dad's calm presence and willingness to listen. As Dr. Christopher Lewis puts it, "connection doesn't come from fixing, it comes from presence."

Tools for Emotional Connection

The episode delves into creative solutions for building rapport, especially when words fall short. Cheryl Rosenberg's Healing Artfully program encourages both daughters and parents to use artistic expression and journaling to process feelings and spark honest discussions. These activities don't require artistic talent—just the willingness to explore and share emotions together. Dads are encouraged to participate, using art and even weekly "check-ins" to open new avenues of dialogue and trust.

Practical Takeaways for Every Dad

Listeners will come away with actionable advice: set aside regular time to check in, engage in shared activities (even a simple card game), and respond with compassion rather than quick solutions. And most of all, dads are reminded that their steady presence and acceptance are the anchors their daughters need to thrive.

Ready to build a closer relationship with your daughter? Tune in to this episode and start the conversation today.

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity to be able to work on those relationships that we want to have with our own daughters to make them be as strong as they can be and to help us build those strong lasting relationships that'll help us to be amazing dads, but also having amazing relationships with our kids. And every week I love being able to have you here to be able to work on this together. And I love being able to introduce you to people that have resources that can help you to be able to do just that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:25]: And today's guest is someone that I know you're going to appreciate. Cheryl Rosenberg is a coach, and she's the creator of the Healing Artfully program, where she helps students ages 12 to 20 who are struggling with big emotions, disruptive behaviors, or stress at home or school. But you know what I love about Cheryl's work is that she doesn't just focus on the child. She works closely with All of Us as Overwhelmed Parents: Helping Families Rebuild Connections, Emotional Regulation, and Peaceful Communication. If you're a dad who's ever felt unsure how to respond to your daughter's big feelings or wondered how to reconnect when things may feel tense, this conversation is definitely going to be for you. Cheryl, thanks so much for being here today.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:14]: Thank you for having me, Chris.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:16]: Well, I'm really excited to have you here today, and As always, I love being able to start the conversation reflecting back on your own relationship with your father. I guess first and foremost, before we even get into the relationship, tell me a little bit about your dad.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:02:31]: I would love to. My father, he was raised in a very poor environment. Grandfather was out of work, and they had very little food, which made my father very self-sufficient and very driven to be crosshu— provide for his family. And he was a wonderful man. He was honest and sincere and very loving. And he had a brother who was not quite as capable as he, and he would take him to different job sites and get him work that he could do, stuff that he was able to complete and, um, contribute. He had wonderful hand skills. He could make anything.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:03:17]: But my father was 17 when he went into the Army in— during World War II. He was all over the European theater, and he would tell me stories about being there and what they would do, and about going into farmhouses that had been vacated, and they'd find potatoes and cook those. That's the only thing they had to eat. And about different battles and, and how they survived and the different things that they did. He was very fair. He was hands-on, and he was just so loving. And I used to love to sit next to him on the couch on a Sunday afternoon and watch a movie with him. And if he had seen the movie, he would tell me a little bit about it.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:04]: And I, I just loved to listen to him, listen to him talk. And he had his old ways and his old patterns of speech, but he was a self-made man and he did very well for himself. He was a telegrapher on the railroad, which means that he would take the messages that were sent and he could more or less tap Morse code and, and then get down to the tracks and change the— change the direction of the tracks. And that was up in the tower, his tower too, where he worked. But Couldn't have asked for a better father. He was there for me all the time. And I didn't have a great mother, but I did have a great father and he made up for it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:04:51]: So tell me one thing that your dad did that made you truly feel seen, heard, or valued as a daughter.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:04:59]: Well, he always taught me— I always felt like he wanted me to be my best, do my best, and he would speak to me in those terms and tell me how I could do that and what I needed to do. And then he'd say, "Try it. Just be— just be diligent in your efforts." And he would tell me about working in school and how he was so proud of that, of me and my schoolwork. And he would say, you know, "You, you've done a marvelous job with—" I always— cleaning the house or doing the laundry or, like I said, schoolwork or being a good sister to my sister, helping my mother and helping him. I used to love to help him paint. I took on his ability to paint and I used to hand paint furniture artistically. So he taught me that and that was ingrained in me and he just always made me feel loved and cared for. And I would go to him with anything because he was so understanding.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:05]: Now, looking back, was there a moment where your dad's support or guidance had a significant impact on your growth? Or confidence?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:14]: I don't remember any one specific time. I just— it was constant. There was a constant feeling of support and love, and I can't think of a one particular incident at this moment, but he was always there.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:06:30]: Now, no father is perfect. We all have our flaws. What are some things you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:06:39]: Well, this may surprise you, but my sister and I have talked about this at length. And my sister and I both wish that our father had left our mother. But he wouldn't do that. He was from that era where you didn't divorce. When he was home, he would take care of a situation that she had created. But when he wasn't, we were at her mercy. And, uh, so that was the one thing we wish that he would have left and taken us. With him because it could be bad when he wasn't there.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:13]: So we felt like it would have been better to— for him to step in and, and help us all the time, when some of the time he would just let her take charge and we would be— we never knew what was coming.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:27]: What do you feel is one thing that your dad taught you that has made a huge impact on your life?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:34]: To be and do my best at everything that I tried.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:07:38]: And if you had the opportunity to spend a day with your dad now doing anything, what would it look like?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:07:45]: It would look like going to an, an old park where he would take my sister and I when we were children, going there and sitting on a blanket because we did that, uh, we did that often with him and sitting around and talking and, or possibly a movie. He was a big movie buff and knew all the actors and would tell us everything that he knew about them. It was a lot of fun to be with him, and he would play games with us. And today I would so love to be able to chase around with him and just enjoy his company.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:08:16]: Now, I mentioned at the beginning that you have a program called Healing Artfully, and for dads who may not be familiar with your work, tell me more about Healing Artfully and what kind of challenges are families usually facing when they come to you.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:31]: Healing Artfully is designed for children and teens who cannot express themselves in words. They, they don't know where to begin. They really don't know about their feelings. They're kind of lost. And part of healing artfully is also journaling. And I teach them to spend, even if it's 5 minutes, journal. Journal what happened that day. Journal how you feel.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:08:59]: Their feelings are so important, and that's the biggest part of the program. And I don't just do— we don't just do the mind, we do whole body. So you can't just work on one part, you need to do the entire sweep of the body, okay, and the mind. So I teach them good habits, and if you establish good morning routines, that'll keep you alive longer. It's been proven. So I teach them to have good hygiene, to have a good exercise habit, whether it's in the morning— even if it's just waking up in the morning and getting out of the bed and marching for 4 minutes just to get your body started. And then later on in the day, do some exercises. We do the health, we do the, the food.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:09:55]: We talk about a healthy diet. A healthy diet supports a healthy mind. And it just teaches them a good way to live their life. And then we work on solving the emotional part through the artwork. And there is no talent involved. It is strictly what you see in your mind, what you're feeling. And we talk a bit about color and strokes and how those things can be— translated into your emotions. What this— what you've done and what you see on the paper talks about your feelings.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:10:35]: And so we, we sit and discuss that, and that gives them an outlet to start talking. And eventually they open up and they start talking about their emotions. And that is not the only program. I have 4 other programs that we do, and it— I have a toolkit for parents where I give them dialogue and I give them worksheets and It's bringing the parent and the team together. It's family-oriented. You can't have one person in the family working on their issues and no one else understands what's going on. So we work as a unit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:11:14]: I know that in a number of your programs you talk about expression and being able to use some creativity. And I guess, how can creative expression help daughters relate regulate emotions and how can dads participate in that process even if they don't consider themselves— I'm gonna say artistic per se?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:11:36]: Uh, well, the good thing about it is it doesn't require any artistic skills at all as far as the healing artfully goes. They are, uh, the parents come in after sessions and we discuss the work together and a father and a daughter can really open up because I think fathers sometimes are they just feel awkward and really don't know how to get their daughters to open up or to comfort them or— so if they're brought in and we explain and talk about the work that their child has done, then it starts creating a little path for them to walk down to get to where they're more comfortable approaching their daughters they're more open and they're ready to listen and it brings the families into— sometimes into a great discussion and they will talk about incidents that had happened throughout the week, how it was handled, what could we do now to handle that in a better way. I have had some great success with just using the art and giving the parents the know-how to handle many different situations with that child.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:55]: A lot of dads tell me that as they have gone through those teenage years, they sometimes feel shut out, especially when emotions run high. I guess from your experience, what's really happening underneath those big emotions or disruptive behaviors, and how can dads be able to be helpful in those periods? But also, how can they come back in per se and not be as shut out in that whole process?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:13:22]: Well, you're right. Chris, that is definitely a time when fathers just kind of throw their hands in the air, and they do feel left out because a lot of times girls and their mothers don't think that dad is really all that interested in this girly stuff. But in reality, they are, and it doesn't have to be every little detail. But say if your daughter is preparing to go to a dance, then she can, uh, involve dad by putting on her dress and saying, "Dance with me! Let's have a dance together before I—" have to dance at the prom, putting the dress on and asking dad what he thinks. Does he like it? Does he like the color? Just bringing him into what's going on with his daughter. And moms can be a great service in that area too, to get dad going, get him interested, and get him to feeling comfortable about relating to his daughter in the feminine areas. I think men Um, and boys are— feel very awkward, and so they just kind of don't respond at all when their response is so important. So it's just an easy— it doesn't have to be a big deal.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:14:36]: Things are much easier than people imagine. Just doing us that simple thing like, hey Dad, I'm gonna go try on my dress, I want you to tell me what you think. Hey, let's take a few dance steps together. Just something that gets him smiling and comfortable and they're engaging with one another.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:14:55]: So what I'm hearing you say is the reaction of a father is definitely very important. And I guess when I think about that, I know that when a dad reacts to his daughter's stress with logic, fixing, or discipline, that can have kind of the negative impact. And I guess as you have seen that and worked with families, what impact does that make when a dad does come to that situation and try to provide logic, fixing, or discipline, which is kind of an MO for a lot of men or a lot of fathers. And I guess, what is a more emotionally attuned response that a dad can do?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:15:31]: I would suggest that the father and the daughter set aside some time each week for a short talk. Doesn't have to be a long drawn-out affair. Just, hey, let's check in. Let's put this on the calendar. Let's check in on this day, and I want to hear what you've done this week, and I might have some suggestions for you, and then make suggestions for the next week and what you can do. I would like to see you accomplish this. How do you feel about that? Do you feel comfortable? Do you think you can get moving on that? Do you need some suggestions? Do you need some help? It's so important that, that they are connecting and that there's compassion and there's thought and compassion and that everybody feels that. Everybody can sense that we're working on a problem, but we're having a good time doing it.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:16:23]: So it sounds like a lot of daily work. And I guess, are there specific small daily practices that dads can do to either work on the relationship, rebuild trust, and provide that emotional safety to a daughter, especially if their daughter is pulling back or maybe they seem withdrawn or reactive or overwhelmed?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:16:44]: Well, the best thing that they can do is to not react themselves, to, to calm the situation down. To have the teen or the child— sit them down and have a conversation on— or you can definitely sit at a table and drag out a game that you play all the time, a deck of cards or something, and sit down and talk while you're doing something that you both enjoy, um, and getting— sometimes that brings out the emotion and the problem, and then the father can deal with it in a more relaxed atmosphere. And they don't have to get so down to the nitty-gritty. Just gradually work on completing the answer to the problems, the, the solution, and scheduling— like I said, scheduling a once-a-week check-in is a great way to do it. And if they're, if they're having— they're highly emotional, calming them down with just something that they enjoy and something that you enjoy, then you can get them off of the intense emotion and sit down and start doing something that you both enjoy, and you're just Talk about it and discuss it. And you might not get anything right away, but you just keep trying and you let them tell you when they are ready. They're not going to sit down and be able to open up right away with every emotion and every problem, but after a while you'll see them opening up and you'll see that the parent, the father, is much more comfortable being in the situation that is so highly emotional. And it's a daily or a weekly practice.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:24]: I mean, Daily is the things that they're supposed to be doing, and the parent can always be checking in. In the morning when you see each other for the first time, hey, how, how was yesterday? What are you going to do today? And that shows love and respect and concern, and, and the kids feel it. They know it. So it is a very hands-on, a very eye-opening and rewarding experience.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:49]: Well, Cheryl, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for sharing everything you've shared today. If people want to find out more about your programs, where should They should

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:18:58]: go to Cheryl, Cheryl, at D-R-O-S-E-N-B-E-R-G-I-O.com. And I have a website there and they can ask for consultation. It's a free consultation. And so I do that in order to start talking to them about where they need to start and what we need to start working with their child. And then I give them the supplies, the toolkit. Kit, and then I check in with them and we talk about that. I give them worksheets that they can use with their, their team. Um, it's really a nurturing experience to go through this and have everyone be able to feel comfortable and feel cared for, and it does everybody a lot of good.

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:19:49]: And they'd be surprised, they'll be very surprised at the results that they get. And it usually— if it's not a, a real deep problem, then they'll see a turnaround in as little as 2 weeks. So it's a great way to try to get the family back together, talking, communication, hands-on. It brings everybody to that point and we're all working to get the resolution. And so no one feels left out and everyone will benefit.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:21]: Now, I always finish my interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection 6, and usually I ask dads these questions, but when I have daughters on, I ask them some similar questions. So, quick questions for you. What's one word that describes your relationship with your own father?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:37]: Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:38]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:42]: Um, before my father passed away, he said to me, "What did I teach you?" And I said, "You taught me to do the best at anything that I tried." And that's my best from my dad.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:20:53]: Now, you mentioned what your day would look like before, but what's one activity you and your dad loved doing together?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:20:59]: Painting. I mean, he was painting walls. That's entirely different. From what I did, but he taught me techniques and just care of the equipment. I was so much further ahead than a lot of other people because I spent those hours with him just painting walls and cleaning brushes and preventing any paint splashes or paint on the floor, paint on the woodwork, just everything, because he was so meticulous. And I learned that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:26]: And as we finish up today, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters?

Cheryl Rosenberg [00:21:34]: I would say that being there, loving them, guiding them with your knowledge, giving them their space and allowing them to speak to the work that you're all accomplishing, trying to accomplish, working on, and just be open and be honest. And the two of you will always be in sync if you start when they're an early age.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:00]: Cheryl, thank you so much for being here and for the incredible work that you're doing with families. And dads, if there's one thing I hope that you take away from this conversation, it's this: it's that your daughter's big emotions aren't a rejection of you. They're often an invitation, an invitation to slow down, to listen, to regulate yourself first, to create safety. Connection doesn't come from fixing, it comes from presence. And sometimes the strongest thing that you can do as a father is simply stay steady when— stay steady when the waves get big. If today's conversation resonated with you, I encourage you to learn more about Cheryl's Healing Artfully program and the tools that she shares with families. And I'll make sure that there's links in the notes today. Until next time, keep showing up, keep listening, and keep building that intentional connection with your daughter.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:51]: It matters more than you know.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:22:53]: That's a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, Being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect. It's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Musical Outro Performer [00:23:23]: We're all in the same boat. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, 'cause those kids are growing fast. The time goes by just like a dynamite blast, calling astronauts and firemen. Carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.

Hey dads, welcome back to Dad Connections in 5—where we equip you with short, powerful tools to build deeper, lasting connections with your daughter. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and today's topic might just be one of the most important in your parenting journey:

Teaching your daughter that vulnerability is strength.

In a world that often tells our girls to "be tough," "don't cry," or "keep it together," it's crucial that she hears a different message from you—the man she looks to for emotional guidance. She needs to know that it's okay to feel, to struggle, to ask for help. And that doing so isn't weakness—it's courage.

Let's explore how to model that kind of emotional strength in everyday life.

Vulnerability is the foundation of emotional intelligence, resilience, and healthy relationships. When your daughter understands that expressing her emotions is safe and strong, she learns:

• That she doesn't have to hide who she is
• That connection is built through honesty, not perfection
• That her emotions are valid—not something to be ashamed of

And here's the key: she'll believe it when she sees it in you.

One of the most powerful lessons you can give your daughter is letting her see that you have emotions too.

That doesn't mean breaking down in every moment—but it does mean saying:

• "I've had a really hard day, and I'm feeling overwhelmed."
• "I messed up earlier, and I feel disappointed in myself."
• "I don't have all the answers, but I'm here and willing to listen."

This shows her that strength isn't about having it all together. It's about being real—and still showing up.

If your daughter opens up to you—whether it's about a rough day, anxiety, heartbreak, or self-doubt—resist the urge to fix it right away. First, validate her.

Try this:

• "That sounds really hard. I'm glad you told me."
• "It's okay to feel that way. I've felt that too."
• "You don't have to go through this alone."

She'll remember not just what you said, but how you made her feel—safe, seen, and loved.

If your daughter opens up about something vulnerable—affirm that bravery.

• "I know that wasn't easy to talk about, but it means a lot that you did."
• "You were really strong for speaking up."
• "Being honest about how you feel takes guts—and I'm proud of you."

This rewires her thinking: Vulnerability isn't weakness—it's powerful. And it reinforces that being emotionally open is something to be proud of, not something to hide.

Here's your challenge: Open up about something small but real today—something that lets your daughter see your heart.

It could be:

• "I'm nervous about this big meeting at work tomorrow."
• "I've been feeling a little off today, and I'm not sure why."
• "I'm really proud of how you handled that earlier. It reminded me how I wish I'd done the same at your age."

Even one vulnerable moment builds trust. And it opens the door for her to be vulnerable too.

That's it for today's Dad Connections in 5. Remember—when you show your daughter that vulnerability is strength, you're giving her permission to live honestly, love fully, and connect deeply. And that's one of the greatest gifts a father can give.

Until next time—keep showing up, keep opening up, and keep building that foundation of trust that lasts a lifetime.

If you enjoyed this episode we ask you to take a moment to take our Dad and Daughter Connection Survey to let us know more about you as a dad. You can also sign up to get our newsletter to stay connected to our community and we will send items of interest to you to help you to be the dad that you want to be. Feel free to follow me on the following social media platforms: Facebook, Facebook Group, Instagram, LinkedIn, X.

Building a strong, meaningful relationship with your daughter is a journey—one filled with ups and downs, learning curves, and rewarding moments. On a recent episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" podcast, host Dr. Christopher Lewis sits down with teen mental health specialist and author Sophia Vale Galano to explore this crucial bond, especially during the challenging teenage years.

The episode kicks off with Dr. Christopher Lewis and Sophia Vale Galano reflecting on their own relationships with their fathers. Sophia shares how her dad's ability to truly listen and validate her feelings stood out as a pivotal part of her upbringing. As she recalls, even during rough patches or adolescent turmoil, her dad's nurturing, present, and non-judgmental approach cultivated a sense of safety and trust—a lesson that still shapes her adult life and the way she parents her own child.

A major theme explored is the importance of active listening over "fixing" when it comes to supporting anxious teens. Sophia pulls from her book Calming Teenage Anxiety and explains that while it's natural for dads (and all parents) to want to solve problems, the real magic happens when parents simply listen. Reflecting on both her personal experience and her professional expertise, she emphasizes that daughters don't always want solutions—they want support, validation, and someone in their corner.

Another core topic in the conversation is the challenge posed by today's comparison culture and social media. Rather than restricting or policing teens, Sophia urges dads to engage in open conversations, seek to understand their daughter's experience with digital platforms, and help them build healthy self-worth amidst outside influences.

The podcast also addresses the pressure teens feel to "succeed," encouraging dads to balance ambition with empathy. It's all about collaborating with teens, understanding their interests, and making sure encouragement doesn't accidentally become overwhelming pressure.

The episode closes with practical advice: It's never too late to repair and grow your relationship with your daughter. Vulnerability, communication, and a willingness to meet your teen where they are can make all the difference.

Whether you're a seasoned dad or just starting the journey, this episode is filled with wisdom, warmth, and actionable strategies. Tune in for real stories and expert insights that will leave you feeling inspired and better equipped to connect with your daughter.

Listen now to the full episode of the "Dad and Daughter Connection" and start building the relationship your daughter needs today!

TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:02]: Welcome to the Dad and Daughter Connection, the podcast for dads who want to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:00:12]: If you're looking to build a stronger bond with your daughter and help her grow into a confident, independent woman, you're in the right place. I'm Dr. Christopher Lewis, and the Dad and Daughter Connection is the podcast where we dive into real stories, expert advice, and practical tips to help you navigate the incredible journey of fatherhood. In every episode, we'll bring you conversations that inspire, challenge, and equip you to show up as the dad your daughter needs. So let's get started, because being a great dad isn't just about being there, it's about truly connecting. Welcome back to the Dad and Daughter Connection, where every week we have a great opportunity, a great opportunity to be able to work on building those strong relationships with our own daughters. And I love that because every week I love being able to walk with you on this journey. I can't say I am an expert.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:01:07]: I try my best. I have two daughters myself, as you know, but all of us can learn and all of us can be better fathers in the end. And that's why every week I love coming back to be able to, to walk on this journey with you and to be able to have these conversations that we have every week. And that's why I bring you different people with different experiences that can share those experiences with you to help you to to prepare you and to provide you with some tools for your own toolbox to help you be the dad that you want to be. This week, I am really excited to be able to have Sophia Vale Galano with us. And Sophia is a licensed clinical social worker and teen mental health specialist and the author of a book called Calming Teenage Anxiety. And for any of you that have teens, you know that anxiety comes with it. So it is important to know how to manage that, but also to kind of ride the wave as you're going through those teenage years and to be able to support your daughters in many different ways, because Sophia's work focuses on helping parents like you and I better understand what anxiety really looks like in today's teenagers, and more importantly, how to show up in ways that truly help.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:02:15]: One of the things I really liked in reading through the book myself, I loved the fact that I saw a lot of real-life stories, practical tools, and powerful reflection exercises that you can go through to help you to be more attuned to what your kids are going through. Because Sophia is, is guiding you as the reader to build a calmer, more connected relationship with your teen, not by fixing them, but by walking alongside them with empathy, awareness, and confidence. Her message is one that for me, and I think from you too, you're gonna find that it's a message you need to hear. And it's that your presence, your listening, and your emotional modeling matter more than you think. So I'm really excited to have Sophia here today to be able to talk to her and to have her as a guest on the show. Sophia, thanks so much for being here.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:03:07]: Thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here and I appreciate the lovely introduction.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:03:12]: I really appreciate you being here. And I always start these interviews with an opportunity to delve a little bit deeper into your own relationship with your dad. So I guess to start off, tell me a little bit about your dad. And what's one thing that your dad did that made you feel truly seen, heard, and valued as a daughter?

Endia Crabtree [00:03:30]: I so appreciate that question. I'm really excited to chat about this because full transparency, I really do feel very fortunate because I've had a really positive relationship with my dad. Of course, there have been bumps. Nothing's perfect, but overall my dad and I have always been very close. I grew up in a bit of an unconventional family structure where my mom went and worked in an office. She ran a major film company. She traveled a lot, and my dad was at home with me from ages 5 and up. So really, I feel fortunate in the sense that, you know, A, I got to spend a lot of time with my dad, which I feel that a lot of people don't have.

Endia Crabtree [00:04:08]: And also, I felt very heard and seen by my dad. I feel that my dad did an amazing job at really listening to me and validating me throughout the years. I have such distinct memories of being a teenager and coming back from high school, grabbing a snack, and, you know, going into the room and chatting with him about my day, talking to him about what happened with friend drama, boy drama, things that most people don't speak with their dad about when they're age 16, you know, particularly a, you know, 15, 16-year-old girl. And I feel my dad, I remember kind of around age 12 or so when I was in 7th grade. And, you know, my dad talks to me about this now, you know, since, you know, I'm an adult now, my dad's an adult. And he always jokes that he had this kind of, you know, revelation when I was age 12 that, oh, my daughter, even though she's 12, is starting to have more needs as an adult, as a, a woman versus a girl. She doesn't want to be fixed. She doesn't want to be told what to do.

Endia Crabtree [00:05:08]: She wants to be listened to. She wants to be validated. And I think it's really eye-opening for him because I was so young, but it really— he noticed a shift, and honestly, I noticed a shift. And that's something that honestly still, still happens. I still call my dad when I've had a rough day, and I'm just like, ugh, I just need to vent, or I just, I just need to talk this out. And he'll hear me out, you know, and he'll listen to me, and then he will say, what can I do to support, or what can I do to help? He'll ask me those questions. But my dad, again, I'm so fortunate because my dad really, really does a fantastic job of listening to me.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:05:43]: So let's delve a little bit into that because what do you think it was? And maybe you've had these conversations with your dad about this, but what allowed for your father to be able to— I'm going to say flip the script because a lot of times a lot of dads don't have that innate ability to as you said, listen, to connect, and to be able to build those strong relationships. And it seems like your dad was able to do that from an— from early on. So what was it about your dad or what allowed for him to bring that to the relationship from early on?

Endia Crabtree [00:06:14]: Yes. Well, I do think that my dad was very present with me. I mean, obviously, you know, when he was there with me, we were talking, of course, he's present, engaged in the conversation. But, you know, I had so much interaction with my dad on the day-to-day. So I think that really helped because he really got a sense of, you know, how I operate. And he knew me really, really well. Um, but it really— we talk about this, my dad and I kind of laugh about it now— that when I was 12, I moved to America from England. I know it's hard to believe with my accent, but I had a really tough time as a 12-year-old adjusting to, you know, life in Los Angeles in 7th grade.

Endia Crabtree [00:06:48]: You know, it was really, really tough. And I remember being really unhappy, and I remember being kind of the first time where, when we first moved back, my dad and I were kind of butting heads a little bit. Nothing over the top, but I remember us just not seeing eye to eye. And I'm not sure, you know, kind of what led him to this realization, if there was some sort of moment where he did kind of meet me where I was at in terms of listening and validating me and hearing me, and then it was kind of a wake-up call for him to say, wait, this actually works more than kind of telling her what to do. But something clicked, and that's what he always kind of jokes about, that he was like, I had this realization at 12 years old that I have to start treating you like a young woman. And not to stereotype, but most women like feeling validated and they like feeling heard and they like feeling listened to versus given these kind of solutions or kind of minimizing what they're going through. Again, not to stereotype, this is a, a very broad overview, but I think it was a bit of a shift for him. And I work with parents all the time about learning to treat their teenagers a little bit more like a young adult versus a kid, you know, and it's tough, that transition, I think, for my dad because I wasn't even a teenager.

Endia Crabtree [00:07:58]: Yeah, I was 12. But the thing that's really cool about my dad, and I really appreciate this, is my dad, I know, always wants to improve, and he wants to grow, and he wants to evolve, you know, as a person and also with his parenting. And that's why I'm so grateful for your show and for your listeners. I appreciate the dads out there that are really trying to improve the relationship with their children, particularly their daughters, and I see that too now as an adult, how much my dad was really trying to do that. And it doesn't go unrecognized, you know, maybe as a 12-year-old, I wasn't sitting down and saying, "Dad, I'm so appreciative of your emotional development and willingness to meet me where I'm at." I see it now as a 36-year-old, but I have a lot of credit for my dad. And I really do think that helped me see him as a very safe person that I could go to in high school. And my dad also wasn't judgy as well. I think a lot of dads, a lot of parents are very protective over their children.

Endia Crabtree [00:08:56]: And that can come across as sometimes too teenager, a bit of judgment, or, you know, they're trying to control me. Whereas my dad was very much, you know, inquisitive and curious of— I want to hear more, tell me about that, you know, let's talk about it— versus, well, just don't hang out with that person, or that person's bad news, forget it. It was more, tell me about it, what did that feel like?

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:09:18]: How would you say that your relationship with your your dad influences the way in which you navigate life, relationships, or challenges today?

Endia Crabtree [00:09:28]: So much, and in a positive sense. I mean, I think there's a variety of different factors here. I mean, first of all, seeing that my dad isn't perfect, neither am I, and that we still love and care about each other and we can navigate that when there is turmoil or conflict, which is destined to happen with anyone, you know. And also again, just seeing that, eh, as a daughter that I can have really positive relationships with men, you know, I, I think that's something that I have felt for most of my life, which I think also is quite unique as a female, is feeling very comfortable with men. Even when I was younger, you know, when I was doing therapy, I didn't have an issue seeing male therapists. So I feel— I have a lot of male friends, I have a really great relationship with my husband. I feel that there's safety and comfort with men, and I do think that my dad laid the foundation for that. And my dad has a very nurturing energy to him.

Endia Crabtree [00:10:21]: My dad is a strong man. He's strong, but he's nurturing too. And I can feel that as well. I have a daughter and my hope is that my daughter will have a similar relationship with her dad too. I feel again, very fortunate with that.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:10:37]: Now, I guess one thing that I think about— you, you've mentioned a lot of really positive things that have happened throughout your life that your dad has really helped you to maneuver through and to be able to become who you are today. And you said, Nobody's perfect. Your dad's not perfect. You're not perfect. None of us are. What are— what are some things that you wish your dad had done differently when it came to building your relationship?

Endia Crabtree [00:10:58]: I feel— and this is where it's tricky, you know, and I talk a lot about this in my book, which is kind of finding this balance of relating while still adhering to boundaries— is, I guess, understanding that my dad is still a human being. When I think when I was younger too, my parents got divorced when I was, um, 19. So, you know, I still kind of the later later end of being a teenager. And that was quite a challenging time for my relationship with my dad because there was this major shift in our family structure. And I think at that time, what I feel would have been helpful for me, you know, and I've shared this with my dad, but, you know, is really understanding. And maybe it would help to have him have verbalized this. We've talked about it, of, you know, seeing him as a human being who's still working on himself and maybe being more vulnerable with me. Maybe that's what it is, is allowing himself to be vulnerable.

Endia Crabtree [00:11:53]: While still, again, of course, having boundaries. And again, I think it's tricky here because we want to be mindful of, you know, parental roles. We don't want it to shift that, you know, the teenager, you know, even an older teenager, the 19-year-old who's technically an adult but still a teenager, becomes the parent, but starting to see the parent as a human being who's still going through their own journey and their own process. And I think that was very jarring for me as a 19-year-old, a bit of a wake-up call for me to see, oh wait, my parents are not not slap this label, you know, it's an extreme label, but like still quote unquote flawed in many ways, aren't we all? And I think, you know, having conversations with my dad about his challenges and having more vulnerability there, I think would have been helpful in a nurturing and compassionate manner. But again, it's, it's not, you know, easy. And I credit so many parents for tackling these issues because it's not black and white. It's tricky. And I think just, again, I give everyone so much, so much credit for wanting to try.

Endia Crabtree [00:12:55]: And I think that's all that Matters.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:12:57]: Now, I— you mentioned your book and you are the author of Calming Teenage Anxiety. And as an author myself, I know that there's a lot of time, passion, blood, sweat, and tears that go into being able to put something out into the world. So tell me that origin story of the book and what made you decide that you wanted to put all of that time, blood, sweat, and tears into putting this out into the world?

Endia Crabtree [00:13:19]: Yes. Well, first of all, well said, that is incredibly accurate. The blood, sweat, and tears, you know, blessing the curse in many ways. But there were a variety of different factors, you know, that kind of went behind the motivation of writing this book. So the first was, A, feeling very inspired. There was such a need for guidance in this area. So, you know, I talk about this in the introduction of my book is, you know, when I was kind of early on in my career, what I would do is I would go and provide educational talks at different schools or lectures, and I would pick a different topic kind of depending on the needs of the school and the students. So I remember doing one on teen substance use, on vaping, on depression, you know, a variety of different topics, but I really remember giving a talk on teen anxiety and just being so blown away by the amount of guidance that was wanted.

Endia Crabtree [00:14:07]: And this— I remember the room just being completely packed. I remember parents standing alongside the walls because all the chairs were filled and really wanting very concrete tools. So I think there's a lot of conversations out there right now of, okay, teen anxiety is on the rise. It's a problem, but what do we do with that? So really, I left that talk and I said, okay, what if there was a book that doesn't just talk about the problem, but actually talks about what to say and what not to say and what questions to ask and what questions not to ask and how to prevent restriction while still adhering to boundaries or what communication tools are success or what are some kind of typical scenarios. You might see, how do you differentiate between what's normal versus concerning? So kind of should provide a general sort of overview or blueprint here, which kind of leads to the next factor that kind of led me to writing the book is I said to myself, let's see what comes out. Let's like give it a go, let's start writing. And I know it might sound a bit cheesy, but it kind of just poured out very naturally. And I really felt like there was such a need.

Endia Crabtree [00:15:11]: And my hope was that even if this helps one person, it's successful. When not everyone has the resources the time to go to therapy or study this for years and years, or, you know, become a psychologist themselves. My hope was for any adult to pick this up, whether they dropped out of high school, whether they have a PhD, and they can start using it immediately. So to be very accessible and very approachable.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:15:38]: You know, a lot of dads see anxiety in their daughters but aren't sure what they're looking at. From your experience, how does teen anxiety often show up differently than parents expect?

Endia Crabtree [00:15:49]: So first of all, I always like to remind adults, and it might sound like a bit of a no-brainer but important to remember, that teenagers are not expert communicators, first of all. So they're going to communicate in a way that's very, very different than adults might communicate. So, you know, we kind of joke about this, and I was kind of joking before, that a teen is not going to sit down with their parent and say, Mom, Dad, I'm really struggling emotionally. I'd benefit from some coping skills and emotional regulation technique. Let's come up with some solutions together to support my mental health. Probably not. I haven't met a teen that does that. Maybe they're out there.

Endia Crabtree [00:16:20]: What it's gonna look like instead is, say, a teen isolating, a teen being avoidant, a teen maybe even seeming irritable, hostile, even at times combative. It might not seem how anxiety would look for an adult. So it's important to remember that. And I remind parents too that it's important to assess how often a teen is struggling, and to what extent. So I give this example where let's say a teenager is nervous before a math test. So let's say they're kind of spiraling, they're feeling really panicky about the test, they don't want to go to school, they're feeling really kind of moody about it, but they manage to go to school, they take the test, they go on with their day, they attend their extracurriculars, they complete their assignments. Okay, we're not gonna overlook that, but we're gonna take a different approach than the teenager that refuses to go to school. The teenager that is so preoccupied with the anxiety for this test that they can't complete their other assignments, that they need to drop out of their extracurricular activities, that they're becoming avoidant socially.

Endia Crabtree [00:17:26]: We're going to take a very different approach, you know. Or what if the teenager has a panic attack before the exam or throws up before the exam? That's an indicator that this is more severe than sort of your standard teenage behavior. And with this said, we want to assess how often this is happening. So let's say that a teenager has that kind of quote-unquote extreme response and it happens once a year, are we gonna overlook it? Absolutely not. But again, we're gonna take a different approach if this happens once a week, multiple times a month, multiple times a week. Very, very different stance here, but it does require very mindful observation of the teen.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:18:02]: You know, one of the things that you talked about earlier about your own father was he was a good active listener, and in your book you talk about the importance of active listening as well. The challenge, of course, is that a lot of Dads feel like they are natural fixers. So for dads who are those natural fixers, what does listening to an anxious daughter look like in real life and what should they avoid doing?

Endia Crabtree [00:18:27]: So I also want to preface that it so goes against our instincts as parents to not fix. You know, we see our child suffering and we want to alleviate the problem. We don't want to just sit there and wait for the slow, gradual change. So that is really understandable for the parents listening. If they're thinking to themselves, shoot, I do that all the time. If I completely messed up, No, you know, and a lot of my work with the teens is also helping the teen understand that the parent is coming from a good place and to have some empathy for the parent as well. What I will encourage the dads listening who are, are very prone to fixing is to actually remind themselves that active listening, validating, seeking to learn, understand, employ this kind of curious mindset is actually fixing in the long run. It's just a more subtle way of doing it.

Endia Crabtree [00:19:17]: It. So what I would recommend avoiding— and I will say there are of course going to be emergency exceptions to this, this is a general overview— if a teen is suicidal, there's severe self-harm, substance use, we're going to take a different approach. We're going to intervene, we're going to fix. If a teen expresses that they're feeling anxious or overwhelmed, or the dad is noticing this behavior, instead of saying, well, why don't you go meditate, or have you gone take— go, go for a walk outside, While those are great solutions that do work, the teen feels not heard. And often what happens is the teen says, "Oh, you don't understand me, you don't get it." And the dad or even the mom too, you know, it's like, well, what just happened? Now my teen's even, you know, kind of farther away and I actually was coming from a really positive place. Instead, what the parent can say is, "I would love to hear a little bit more about that. What is that like for you? How do you feel about sharing about this?" So really leaning on these open-ended questions, avoiding, first of all, closed kind of yes or no question, of course, unless an emergency, and really seeking to learn more, speaking with the teen versus just providing some type of solution for the teen. And, and with that being said, you know, and obviously this is quite complex, I go into significant detail about this in the book, but it can be helpful to, to have these conversations in a setting that might feel different for an adult.

Endia Crabtree [00:20:40]: It might feel maybe a little informal, a little too casual, but it's really important for the teen to feel that this is coming up organically. So when you're driving, in the car, walking the dog together— oftentimes the teen is very closed off when the parent is sitting across from the table at the dining room table saying, okay, let's talk about your anxiety. They're going to feel very put on the spot and very caught off guard. So it's about kind of modifying how we have the conversations, where we have the conversation, and remembering that actually active listening validating, learning more is ultimately fixing and helping.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:21:16]: You know, one of the other things that you talk about in the book is you describe how today's teens are growing up in a comparison culture shaped by social media. Any of us that have kids that are above the age of 10 know the power of social media and know how much it can impact our kids as well. How can dads help their daughters build self-worth when the world keeps telling them

Endia Crabtree [00:21:39]: that they're not These are such amazing questions, and I'm so grateful that you're asking me this, because oftentimes what happens is people instead take kind of a more restrictive approach of like, okay, you know, I'm protective over my child, I'm not going to let them use social media, and it kind of backfires again, unless an emergency. So instead, it's actually about having these conversations with the teen of seeking to understand what they feel like when they use social media, what comes up for them when they look at certain pages, you know, have they noticed any kind of parallels emotionally, do they feel more anxious when they're on social media, A lot of teens, you know, and, and it's a bit of a controversial take, you know, and I'm not advocating for social media, but some teens will say, you know, actually it's really helpful for me to follow these certain pages that actually support mental health or support my hobbies, or it's helpful for me to go on here. I'm not saying that's the solution, but it's important to talk with the teen about their feelings with social media. And of course, you know, we wanna set boundaries with social media. You know, again, go into detail about what that can look like, whether it's, you know, unfollowing certain pages, muting certain people, integrating more positive pages into a teen's social media presence. But it's really about talking with the teen here, seeking to learn. And oftentimes parents even coming from this stance of, I didn't grow up in this world. What is it like for you? You know, I'd love to learn more.

Endia Crabtree [00:23:04]: I'd love to hear your thoughts about it. And this goes back to the, again, unless an emergency, as challenging it is not to to restrict or prohibit a teen's access to social media because that really does not help build self-esteem. If anything, that's teaching the teen that you don't trust them to use social media in a good way or that you can trust your teen to kind of learn from their mistakes, uh, foster resilience. Instead, it's actually teaching the teen that they're still like a kid and, you know, they need kind of policing or monitoring here. So it's a bit of, again, relearning in terms of parenting a teenager, you know, that, okay, I wanna give them the skills so that they feel comfortable using this as they emerge into adulthood, that when they turn 18, they're out of the house, they're in the workforce, they're at school, at college, that they are equipped to deal with the pressures of social media and they're not completely caught off guard.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:24:00]: Many fathers push their daughters to succeed because they want opportunities for them, but you warn in your book that that can overload and increase anxiety. So how can dads How do you help dads tell the difference between healthy encouragement and harmful pressure?

Endia Crabtree [00:24:17]: And again, it's not black and white. So it's also okay if, you know, let's say parents listening again are saying to themselves, oh no, maybe I pushed too hard. Is that a lost cause? No, not at all. This is where it goes back to that collaborating and communicating with the team and finding that balance. You know, I think you hit the nail on the head too, is oftentimes, you know, parents really believe that they're equipping their teen for success. And also, you know, a lot of times parents will— and again, it comes from a really good place— is they say, let me get my teen involved in X, Y, and Z because that's going to help them, you know, not be stuck on their phone and isolate in their room, and that's kind of the key to help them not be anxious when in reality it overwhelms them or overloads them. So we want to find the balance. We want to make sure they have their leisure time, their time to relax, their time to unwind, while also doing things that, you know, they enjoy as well.

Endia Crabtree [00:25:09]: And talk with your teen A, how they feel about these activities, and also if it's something that they want to do. Are they interested? Are they passionate about it? I mean, most teens are going to feel more excited about hanging out with their friends, you know, versus, you know, getting an internship somewhere. But it's still important to make sure it's something that they want to do. It's not something that they feel completely forced into or that they're going to be— I don't even wanna say punished, but more— but judged or disappoint their parents if they don't do it. Again, it's collaborating with the teen, it's communicating communicating with the teen. Those, those words are going to come up again and again because they could be applied to all areas here.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:25:48]: One final thing that I want to ask you about the book is if a dad is listening today and he feels like he's already missed signs of anxiety, what would you want him to know about repairing connection and becoming a safe person now?

Endia Crabtree [00:26:03]: First of all, it's not too late. I do want to say that, that it's never ever a lost cause and it's never too late. So even if dad, let's say, says, I have done absolutely everything wrong. I haven't listened. I haven't asked the open-ended questions. I fix it all. It's okay. And this actually kind of circles back to your earlier question about my dad, which is, A, it's okay to share with your teen that you're a human being and you're still learning, that, hey, I recognize maybe some of my own limitations here and I want to better help you.

Endia Crabtree [00:26:34]: How can I be there for you? How can I support you? Again, we want to adhere to appropriate boundaries. You know, I wouldn't suggest going to the teenager and sobbing and screaming that you've done anything wrong and have the team parent or comfort you, but more being vulnerable that I have— I acknowledge that maybe I haven't got this the most effective way, and I want to make a change here. And what would feel best for you? How can we work together? I want you to know that I'm here for you. I love you. I support you. And if you feel that you want me to listen more, if you want me to support you in that way, I'm here for you. If you want me to provide solutions, I've got you. It's really meeting the team where they're at.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:16]: So we always finish our interviews with what I like to call the Dad Connection Six. And these are six more questions that I usually ask dads, but I've got you here. So I'm gonna ask you a little bit of a tweak.

Endia Crabtree [00:27:26]: That's cool. Mix it up.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:28]: So what's one word that describes your relationship with your dad?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:33]: Loving.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:33]: What's the best piece of dad advice you've ever received?

Endia Crabtree [00:27:37]: I guess I would say— and I'm not quoting this directly, but my dad has always encouraged me to try new things. And know that it's okay if it doesn't work out. That my dad is very much, "Go for it. Try it out. Like, why not?" So I think that has been really helpful in terms of kind of fostering my independence.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:27:58]: What's one activity you and your dad love doing together?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:01]: Well, so that's changed over the years for sure. I mean, now we love gardening together. It's funny, I feel when I was younger as a teenager, we would talk a lot about music and bands together, so we would do that. I mean, I'm giving a lot of different activities. Let's say stick to adulthood. We like to garden and we like to hike. So spend time in nature and talk about art and music.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:23]: Now, you— as a mother yourself and as a mother to a daughter, if you could give your daughter one life lesson in a single sentence, what would it be?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:29]: I would say that it's okay to make mistake.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:32]: And what's one thing that you've learned about yourself since becoming a mother?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:37]: You cannot control what goes on.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:39]: And finally, what advice would you give to other dads who want to build a lasting and meaningful relationship with their daughters.

Endia Crabtree [00:28:47]: Even if your daughter doesn't express it, your daughter is going to appreciate the role that you play in their life.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:28:52]: Well, Sophia, I just want to say thank you. Thank you for being here. If people want to find out more about you and the book, where should they go?

Endia Crabtree [00:28:58]: Yes, thank you so much for having me. So you can visit my website, www.sophiagallano.com. Um, you can follow me on Instagram, Sophia Vale underscore Gallano. My book is available Penguin Random House, Barnes and Noble, Amazon, independent bookstores. You can also reach out to me directly if, you know, you're having a hard time finding it or you want a signed copy. I can do that too.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:29:20]: Well, again, Sophia, thank you so much, not only for being here today, for sharing your own story with your own father, but also for putting this book out into the world. It is a challenging time at this point for our kids as they maneuver through those teenage years. And for all of us as parents, we always are going to have that anxiety that'll rear its head within our kids, and we have to know ways to be able to do that, and this book does just that. So I truly appreciate you sharing not only thoughts for us to consider today, but also for putting this book out into the world as a tool, as a resource for us to be able to be those parents that we want to become.

Endia Crabtree [00:29:55]: Thank you so much for having me, and thank you for everyone listening. I appreciate the dads out there that are seeking to become even better parents and support their teens. So thank you.

Dr. Christopher Lewis [00:30:05]: That's a wrap for this episode of the Dad and Daughter Connection. Thanks for joining us on this journey to build stronger bonds and raise confident, independent daughters. Remember, being an engaged dad isn't about being perfect, it's about being present. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe and share it with a fellow dad. And don't forget, you can find all our episodes at dadanddaughterconnection.com. Until next time, keep showing up, keep connecting, and keep being the dad she needs.

Sophia Vale Galano [00:30:36]: We're all in the same boat. And it's full of tiny screaming passengers. We spend the time, we give the lessons, we make the meals, we buy them presents. Bring your A-game, 'cause those kids are growing fast. The time Time goes by just like a dynamite blast. Calling astronauts and firemen, carpenters and muscle men, get out and be the world to them. Be the best dad you can be. Be the best dad you can be.