The Dad I Want To Be with Mike Forrester

Burnout can build for years behind a career that checks every box, especially for a man who thinks his way around hard feelings. My guest Zach White grew up hearing that school was his job. He was valedictorian and won so many class awards that classmates nicknamed the event the Zach-ademic awards night. In seventh grade his parents divorced, and his father disappeared from his life. His baseball coach became the closest thing he had to a dad. Whenever Zach didn't know how to handle something, like dating, he retreated to what he was good at and studied harder. He built an identity around always having the answers, and his biggest fear was being found out. He graduated from Purdue, married his college sweetheart, and joined Whirlpool's engineering leadership program. Then the recession brought deep layoffs. Zach kept his job and took on more work with fewer people, afraid to say no. About five or six years in, he crashed into burnout and depression.

Zach traces much of it to one habit. When he and his wife argued, he'd leave the room and turn the pain into a project. He'd buy Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, make an action plan, and tell himself the marriage was handled. The feeling faded, and nothing got fixed. Now he leans on three things when pressure stacks up. First are courageous conversations, the 10-minute uncomfortable talks his coach says stand between him and his next level. Second are his commandments, a few non-negotiables in each area of life. One of his is at least 15 minutes of exercise every day, no matter the deadline. He keeps them small enough to fit into any week. Third, he draws smaller circles and works only on what's right in front of him. He believes how you do anything is how you do everything.

The turning point came when Zach hired a coach. He realized most of his mind was working to keep him safe and comfortable. Everything he wanted sat outside that comfort zone. He decided to give up the straight-A image and accept failure, because failure teaches more than success. He also names the lone wolf ego many engineers carry, waiting until rock bottom to ask for help. Mike shares that he never set out to have his marriage on the rocks or to be distant from his kids either. Mike Forrester lives and teaches that a man should quit trying to fix himself by himself. Zach's change started the day he stopped going it alone. Today he coaches engineering leaders to build the careers they want inside the lives they want. If you're a husband and father carrying work stress home and calling it handled, Zach's story is worth your hour.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize when you're turning marriage problems into a project so you can avoid facing them.
• Use 10-minute courageous conversations with your boss, your wife, and your kids to move through stress faster.
• Set a few small non-negotiables, like 15 minutes of daily exercise, that hold even in your busiest weeks.
• Draw smaller circles so overwhelm at work doesn't spill into everything at home.
• Spot how surviving a layoff can burn you out when you're afraid to say no.
• See why failure teaches more than success and how stepping out of your comfort zone changes every area of life.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:20 - helping engineers build careers without sacrificing family and health

00:05:46 - growing up after your father disappears from your life

00:09:24 - how a missing father shows up when you leave home

00:11:18 - avoiding what scares you by burying yourself in work

00:13:56 - how a fixed mindset and the need to look smart hold you back

00:16:50 - when checking every box leads to burnout and depression

00:20:39 - why intellectualizing marriage problems doesn't fix them

00:24:53 - the hidden burnout of surviving a layoff

00:30:17 - how work stress spills into your home life

00:32:19 - three tools for handling pressure at work and home

00:39:52 - why getting out of your comfort zone changes everything

00:42:20 - why waiting until rock bottom to ask for help costs you

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Connect with Zack White

Website:

https://www.thehappyengineerpodcast.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/thehappyengineerpodcast/

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Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/thehappyengineerpodcast/

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LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/thezachwhite/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Breaking a generational cycle starts when a man asks why the switch flips in him, then traces it back to his father. My guest Clint Hatton was 11 when his dad took him on a car ride and told him about an affair. His dad moved out, and his mom spiraled into heavy drinking and crisis. Clint carried all of it at home alone. By 12 and 13, he was using drugs and alcohol to drown out the pain. Football held him together until a second knee injury ended it at 19. He went into the car business, made a good living, and spent years using meth on weekends. At 30, he woke up disgusted with himself and quit cold turkey. The harder work came after that. In relationships, any talk of cheating turned him angry and abusive. It took him until his thirties to see where that came from.

The way out came through the people he chose to stand next to. Clint grew up in a house where the answer to pain was to rub dirt on it. Two mentors in a health and wellness business started telling him he could be more than he’d shown so far. Nobody had spoken those things into him before. In this conversation with Mike Forrester, Clint lays out three things he believes about every man: courage, creative genius, and compassion. He describes a NASA study where creative genius dropped from 98 percent of young kids to about 2 percent of adults. He gives two simple ways to wake it back up, mind mapping and journaling. Then he hands over the exercises he uses in coaching. Write out the man you want to be. Write your own eulogy. Ask three to five people you trust what gifts they see in you. The thing you think is ordinary may look extraordinary to them, and that can change how you see your work.

Then Clint walks through the hardest day a father can face. In 2019, his son Gabriel, a licensed pilot at 17, died in a small plane crash in bad weather. The next morning, Clint sat his two younger boys on the couch and gave them a choice. They could live with a life mentality or a death mentality. The family chose to honor how Gabriel lived. Big, bold, and brave became their mantra. Clint also refused to grieve behind closed doors to look strong for his sons. He cried in front of them and told them every feeling was okay to process and move through. He shares the day he drifted away from a family party to feel his grief, then chose joy and rejoined everyone. This one is for the dad with kids still at home who was taught to stuff it down. He wants his kids to see a man who can feel deeply and still lead them through anything.

What You’ll Learn In This Episode:

• Recognize how anger that flips on one specific topic can trace straight back to what your father did.
• Understand why quitting hard drugs was only the first step, and why the patterns underneath still needed work.
• Learn how the right mentors at work can change how you see your gifts, your career, and your future.
• Use three coaching exercises: write who you want to be, write your own eulogy, and ask trusted people what gifts they see in you.
• Try mind mapping and journaling to wake up the creative thinking that hard years and your upbringing buried.
• Walk through how to grieve openly in front of your kids, then help them move into the next emotion with you.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:05:28 - How a father’s affair changes the way a young boy copes

00:12:36 - The morning he decided to quit meth cold turkey at 30

00:14:28 - Carrying resentment toward a dad who cheated

00:18:24 - Why anger flips on when one topic comes up

00:21:27 - Growing up with “rub dirt on it” and finding mentors who believed in him

00:26:49 - What to tell a 30 year old man who thinks he can’t change

00:31:44 - What buries creativity and how mind mapping and journaling bring it back

00:37:20 - How to write out the man you want to be and your own eulogy

00:41:48 - Losing a son and choosing a life mentality as a family

00:54:37 - How a dad leads his family through grief without hiding his emotions

01:00:47 - How to feel your grief and then choose joy

01:05:41 - Overcoming fear and living big, bold, and brave

Connect with Clint Hatton

Website:

https://www.bigboldbrave.us/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/clint.hatton.5/

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Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/clint.hatton/

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LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/clinthatton

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Connect with Mike Forrester

Podcast Website

https://LivingFearlessTodayPodcast.com

Coaching Website

https://www.hicoachmike.com/

LinkedIn

https://www.linkedin.com/in/hicoachmike/

Youtube

https://www.youtube.com/@hicoachmike

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/hicoachmike

Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/hicoachmike

In this second of two episodes with Dr. Craig Farney, we dive deeper into communication in our relationships. We explore how to ensure that what we say is what our spouse, family, co-workers or friends hear. We discuss managing expectations, ways to avoid taking things personally, as well as the complexities of mindset and the concept of awareness. Dr. Farney shares his insights on self-discovery and meditation. Join us to learn how to bridge the gap between what we say and what is heard, improve understanding and ultimately foster healthier relationships.

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Chapters:

(0:00:00) - Navigating Expectations and Communication

(0:07:09) - Avoid Taking Things Personally

(0:20:21) - Navigating Change in Relationships

(0:26:57) - Parent, Child, and Mediator in Our Mindset

(0:36:49) - Exploring the Concept of Awareness

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Connect with Dr. Craig Farney

Website:

http://www.docerelifecenter.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/DrCraigFarney

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Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/drcraigfarney/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Saying "I feel poor" in place of "I am poor" can be a first step out of money shame and financial stress. My guest Dr. Craig Farney grew up one of six kids born in seven years, in a household a little below the middle financially. On a group trip as a boy, he ran out of money before a final dinner out. He felt embarrassed, ashamed, and poor, and that moment shaped how he saw himself. Even after he took over a practice and had more than enough, he never felt secure. He held money tightly to brace for what he feared most. Craig is honest that the pattern still shows up. Going into this conversation, new challenges had him feeling anxious, frustrated, and overwhelmed. He has also lived with depression and with anxiety so severe it once left him bedridden with vertigo for a week. Mike shares that money struggles early in his own marriage shaped how he saw his worth too.

When a hard feeling hits, Craig asks himself three questions. What do I feel? He narrows it to fear, sadness, or anger. Where do I feel it, in my head, my chest, or my gut? Then comes the most important one. Why do I feel it? Most of the time, he says, the feeling traces back to an old belief that he isn't good enough. He also watches his words closely. "I am" statements become identity, so he says he feels tired rather than saying he is tired. He swaps should, need to, and have to for could and working on. When he catches himself rehearsing an imaginary argument, he stops it. After a blowup, he replays the moment and pulls it apart. Paying a bill late, he says, just means you paid a bill late.

Craig's biggest shift was learning to let a feeling move all the way through him. He says men live in their heads to avoid what they feel. The buried emotion builds until something small sets off a big explosion. Now he sits with what he feels and then chooses his response. That pause helps him be the husband and father he wants to be. He believes many of our deepest beliefs were imprinted early, some passed down through families, and they surface only under pressure. That's why he's learning to be grateful for hard seasons. Mike Forrester teaches that an inherited belief isn't a man's fault, and transforming it is his responsibility. Married more than 30 years with four grown kids, Craig is still doing that work. Dads who blow up over small things at home, or lie awake worried about money, will find practical tools here.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Use three questions, what do I feel, where do I feel it, and why, to get to the root of a hard emotion.
• Swap "I am" for "I feel" so a bad day or a money crunch stops becoming your identity.
• Replace should, need to, and have to with could and working on to drop guilt-based pressure.
• Learn how to build a pause between a trigger and your response with your wife, your kids, or a coworker.
• Recognize how stuffing emotions down leads to blowing up over small things.
• See why money stress often comes from an old belief about your worth more than from your bank account.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:02:27 - living in fight or flight mode without realizing it

00:05:49 - why buried emotions keep driving how you feel and act

00:08:12 - how a childhood moment of feeling poor shaped his money mindset

00:13:05 - three questions to understand any hard emotion

00:15:30 - why so many hard feelings trace back to "I'm not good enough"

00:18:02 - why "I feel poor" and "I am poor" are very different statements

00:21:32 - how to stop living by should, need to, and have to

00:23:08 - how to build a pause between a trigger and your reaction

00:29:00 - why men avoid their feelings and live in their heads

00:30:27 - how to sit with a feeling and choose your response

00:33:13 - why your deepest beliefs only surface under pressure

00:40:33 - staying honest about hard times without fake positivity

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Connect with Dr. Craig Farney

Website:

http://www.docerelifecenter.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/DrCraigFarney

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Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/drcraigfarney/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

I had the pleasure of speaking with John Henry Parker, a former Marine who is also an author and a behavioral assessment analyst, on this episode. We talked about the value of self-awareness, controlling one's own triggers, and the impact of the hero's journey on personal development. John shared his knowledge on the critical mind, self-control strategies, and the importance of identity and purpose in overcoming adversity. Everyone on the path to self-discovery and personal growth will find this dialogue to be a tremendous resource. Join us as we explore the transforming potential of therapeutic writing, relational conflict management, and self-development through trauma. Don't pass up this chance to benefit from John Henry Parker's knowledge and expertise!

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Chapters:

(0:00:03) - Self-Discovery and Transformational Development

(0:04:23) - Self Development Through Trauma

(0:19:13) - Being, Not Doing

(0:23:35) - Navigating Conflict in Relationships

(0:28:41) - Therapeutic Writing

(0:37:48) - Discovering Your Purpose and Identity

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Connect with John Henry Parker

Website:

http://www.harvestingwisdom.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/harvestingwisdom

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Instagram

https://www.instagram.com/harvestingwisdompress/

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LinkedIn:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/j-h-parker-97549/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Like many men, Eric Rogell was raised to deny his inner strength and power. His mother told him that everything was dangerous and not to stand out. Yet something within Eric yearned to be set free and to set a path toward an adventurous life. Eric shares about his journey to tap into that inner strength, what he calls the lion inside of him. We talk about despite being raised in a culture of fear, we as men can break free and find a brotherhood of good men to help guide us on our path to living from inner power. Eric is encouraging each of us that it is never too late to break free from the veal side of life and that there is a way to find the inner lion within us.

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Timestamps

0:04:25

Exploring the Transformation from Fear to Courage

0:10:24

Conversation on Resilience and Transformation

0:14:55

Taking Ownership of Your Journey

0:18:12

Living as Kings: The Benefits of Stepping into Your Masculine Role

0:38:28

Unleashing Your Greatness

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Connect with Eric Rogell

Websites:

https://boldmenadventures.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/ericrogell

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Instagram

https://instagram.com/ericrogell

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LinkedIn:

https://linkedin.com/in/ericrogell

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Jem Fuller's life today reads like a highlight reel: a conscious, seven-year relationship with his partner, a blended family of four kids, a home down the coast with plenty of surfing and camping, and work he loves as a leadership coach who runs retreats from the Himalaya to the jungles of Bali. But he's the first to tell you it wasn't always like this. Before his forties, Jem lost everything - his career, his marriage, and his home. He traces it all back to one belief he'd carried since childhood: that he wasn't enough. In this conversation with host Mike Forrester, Jem is strikingly open about how that belief quietly ran his life, sabotaging his work and steering him into a marriage where he felt reminded of it every day.

The turnaround started when a hard truth landed on him: if the relationship at home isn't right, you can't step fully into who you're meant to be anywhere else. It stung, because it named exactly where he was. Rather than stay defensive, Jem eventually sat with it, and after an awakening at a sweat lodge he went to work on the wiring underneath. He talks candidly about the daily reps it took, the affirmations he repeated for the better part of a year before he believed a word of them, and the neuroplasticity that slowly rebuilt what he thought about himself. Learning to love himself first is what let his anxiety dissipate, his relationships flourish, and the version of life he now has become possible. He's clear there's no finish line: the self-care and the practices are simply how he lives now.

What makes Jem such a valuable guest is how practical he gets about designing a life around your most important relationships instead of hoping they survive on leftovers. He shares the "quadrant two" habit of literally scheduling time each week for the things that are important but not urgent, starting with his partner, so the relationship never drifts to a crisis point. He and Mike get into surrendering the need to control everything, the "it takes a village" way of raising kids, and what it actually means to be a thoughtful man in a culture that tells men to harden up and cut themselves off from their emotions. If you've been pouring your best energy into work while things quietly slide at home, Jem's story is proof it can go the other way.

Len May joins me this week to talk about his journey of learning to trust others and himself. Various childhood experiences left him believing he couldn't trust those around him. He went from being homeless to now being the CEO of EndoCanna Health. Len shares about the amazing reconciliation with his dad. Listen to hear Len's story and see how you too can begin to trust again.

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Connect with Len May

Website:

www.EndoDNA.com

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/len.may

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

Parents of teenagers can cut most of the conflict at home by trading control for empowerment. My guest Jim White learned that over 40 years of marriage, six kids, and a growing crew of grandkids. Their family life held plenty of obstacles. One child struggled with a learning disability, and another wrestled with drugs and alcohol in the high school and college years. Jim describes three hurricanes in his marriage, seasons when he and his wife talked about divorce. One hit about eight to 10 years in, when the family business his father started went through bankruptcy. Jim felt responsible and wondered whether he had failed. The business was sold, and he had to regroup his whole career. His self-worth as a provider took a hit, and he became less giving and less connected to his wife.

Jim's way through came down to one choice he now teaches every parent. He says every moment comes from either a love-based or a fear-based mindset. Fear tends to damage relationships, while love tends to heal them and open up hope. To make that shift during the bankruptcy, he forgave himself, focused on gratitude, and asked how he could serve. With teens, fear shows up as control, and Jim says that's where nearly all parent-teen conflict starts. Love shows up as empowerment. When a fourth grader wants to do homework after dinner, Jim lets him try it. If the math grade drops, they talk about what to change next week. When a teen complains about a bad teacher, Jim coaches compassion and asks how the teen might help that teacher.

Jim and his wife put their marriage first on purpose. Once the kids started coming, they went out every Saturday night, sometimes deciding where once they were in the car. They also took regular trips with just the two of them. Jim says most couples start out seeing what they love in each other and drift toward seeing only flaws. Those flaws were always there, and he says a husband can choose to look again at what he fell in love with. He also believes kids learn about 80% of what they carry into life by watching their parents. Today Jim says his marriage is stronger than ever because of what they came through. Mike Forrester teaches that a hard circumstance may not be a man's fault, but it is his responsibility. Jim set down the victim role and owned what came next. Fathers of teens who feel like they're losing the fight for control at home will find a better way forward here.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

• Learn how to spot when you're parenting your teen from fear and shift toward love and empowerment.
• Use small choices, like when to do homework, to build your kid's responsibility and problem solving.
• Coach your teen to meet a difficult teacher or boss with compassion and a willingness to help.
• Protect your marriage with a weekly date night and regular time away as a couple.
• Refocus on what you first loved about your wife when all you can see are her flaws.
• Recover your self-worth after a business failure or job loss by forgiving yourself, practicing gratitude, and looking for ways to serve.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:01:02 - the hero's two journeys of being a husband and father

00:08:39 - what a hurricane in a marriage looks like

00:10:50 - how weekly date nights keep a marriage strong while raising kids

00:14:47 - simple date night ideas that leave room for real conversation

00:16:38 - how spontaneity keeps date night fun

00:17:13 - recovering from bankruptcy and choosing love over fear

00:22:52 - why fear damages relationships and love heals them

00:25:42 - how to rebuild your identity after a layoff or job loss

00:29:01 - how hard seasons make your marriage stronger and teach your kids responsibility

00:32:46 - coaching your teen through a bad teacher

00:36:55 - books, writing, and other tools for personal growth

00:40:19 - better questions to get your teenager talking

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Connect with Jim White

Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/The-Family-Enrichment-Academy-136180778594580

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Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/familyenrichmentacademy/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike

When a miscarriage happens, does it impact men as well? Of course, men have emotions about the loss, but when the expectation is that men don’t share their feelings, what do you do? Tsombawi Knibye, Jr. shared how the loss affected him and how he discovered that other men had similar experiences. His conversation with other men prompted him to finish writing the companion book to his wife’s book, telling his personal journey, thoughts and struggles.

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In this episode, Tsombawi shares about experiencing and overcoming his fear of failure. Then, we dive into how we can become stifled by our thoughts and beliefs and how talking about our successes, but not mistakes, can harm our marriage.

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Connect with Tsombawi Knibye, Jr.

Website:

http://tsombawi.com/

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Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/tkbillionaire

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Instagram:

https://www.instagram.com/tk.billionaire/

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Connect with Mike Forrester

https://linktr.ee/hicoachmike