The Darkest Timeline Podcast

For the tenth episode this season, we bring the pain with our second Ryan Reynolds film. Get ready for the ghosties, it's time to watch R.I.P.D. and I've already run out of material for this description. Oh right, Jeff Bridges was in it too, basically playing the same character he played in True Grit, only not as good. Whatever. It tanked and will never have a sequel. Too bad about that, cause this really could have been a much better movie, which I'm sure we'll get into.

For the ninth episode this season, we tackle Tobey Maguire's final foray as the wall-crawling web-slinger Spider-Man in Spider-Man 3. Are you ready for emo-Parker and way too much focus on MJ's jazz singing career? We're not. The funny part is, it's not that the movie was bad that it didn't get a sequel, it made a lot of money. It's because Sam Raimi couldn't nail down what he wanted the sequel to be that Sony pulled the plug and rebooted that whole thing, which was clearly a good choice on their part.

So, for the eighth film in the Comic Book Season, chance lead us to watch the 1993 confusion-fest that is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III. According to the poster, it's "The Most Exciting Adventure in 400 Years", assuming that, between 1603 (the film's time period) and 1993, there has been no adventure either real or imagined that was more exciting than this. They might be wrong. To be fair, one of the movie posters says the movie takes place in 1593, so they're not the most trustworthy bunch.

Once upon a time... ...in 1982, Wes Craven decided to do an okay horror movie based on the Vertigo Comic "Swamp Thing."  Seven years later a soft-core porn director who occasionally does B-Movies decides to direct the sequel. This was clearly a good decision. Oh wait, I had that wrong: This was clearly a bad decision. There we go. To make matters stranger, where the first movie was classified as a horror, this one is mostly a sci-fi comedy.

Our sixth movie this season is the highest rated film we've ever done, strangely enough. Its Metascore is GREEN for the love of Brinloft! How did this happen? Anywho, we're watching the 1999 superhero comedy Mystery Men. So here's the thing about this movie: we picked it from memory, and it really turned out to be a pretty good movie and our memories are crap. Damn. Buy it somewhere if you want to watch a movie that parody's a genre that means a lot more now than when it actually came out.

The fifth movie this season is the infamous Superman killer, Superman IV: The Quest for Peace. It should go without saying that Christopher Reeve stars as Superman in this movie. Unlike the last movie we saw, at least this one doesn't lie about itself on the movie poster. That is just about all it does right, though. If you're in the mood for that kind of thing, you can go ahead and buy the movie. Not sure why you would, though, especially with that Blu-Ray set for Superman, Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut, and Superman Returns out there...

Our fourth comic movie ventures to the realm of Japanese manga, with the American adaptation of Bio-Boosted Armor: Guyver. Looking at the poster might misrepresent what we're watching since Mark Hamill is neither "The Guyver" nor in anything more than an "also starring" role. You might call that poster deceptive. That would be because it is deceptive. I think it's worth noting that the star of the film is neither named nor pictured on that poster. The movie is also not that great. Buy the sequel, it's much better.

Man did Ryan Reynolds have a lot of rolls in a lot of comic book movies before he was able to give us Deadpool. I would say it was worth it, but have you seen Blade Trinity or X-Men Origins: Wolverine or R.I.P.D. or this movie? Seriously, that's a rough road. I'm gonna go watch Deadpool now. Anyway, I don't think you should buy this movie, or watch this movie. Those are my two cents.

The second episode of our Comic Book Season is one of the worst sudo-spin-off's I've ever seen. Definitely the worst version of Catwoman ever seen on screen. Honestly, as of writing this, it's been years since I've seen this movie, and I'm not really happy that streak is now broken. Thanks, Halle, you've been great. Buy the uncontrollably terrible film if you're a masochist.

Our first episode of the Comic Book Season of The Darkest Timeline is unquestionably one of the worst comic book films to ever be conceived, if you're confused, I'm saying that Batman & Robin is our inaugural film. I don't really feel the need to tell you about the film, because I don't really like talking about it in general, except now we have to for an hour.