The Darkest Timeline Podcast

For our twelfth episode we watch the film that probably should have been a spin-off of the Conan series, and we thought it was a spin-off of the Conan series, but wasn't a spin-off of the Conan series. Schwarzenegger was even in it as a Conan-like character. The f**k? It also wasn't good. It was Red Sonja starring Brigitte Nielsen. Buy it here, I guess.

Reached by virtue of Arnold Schwarzenegger

For our eleventh episode we watch the film that tried and failed to resurrect the Terminator franchise. No, not Terminator Salvation, although that was bad too. We're talkyng about Termynator Genysys. Replacing letters for no reason ys cool now, guys. Trust us. If you actually want to watch the lowest rated of all the Terminator films, you can buy it on Amazon or wherever.

Reached by virtue of Jai Courtney. Thanks Jai.

We watch the 2013 shot at a fifth Die Hard movie, which is fine, cause every long-running movie franchise needs a definitive "worst" entry. Great job guys, you did it! Congratulations. I saw this movie in theaters and didn't think I would ever have to see it again. You too can see it again if you buy it from Amazon or wherever.

For our first Happy Accident, we failed to watch "A Good Day to Die Hard" and had to watch "The Last Witch Hunter" instead. So Vin Diesel got a movie made that stars one of his longest running D&D characters. The movie turns out exactly how you think it would. If you would like to see for yourself if it's as bad as we make it sound, you can buy it Amazon, or somewhere else, we don't have a preference.

We watch the 2010 buddy-cop film directed by Kevin Smith. Well, it had action. But, at the heart, it's a movie about a cop trying to pay for his daughters wedding to prove that he is better than her step-father. Buy it on Amazon if you've ever wanted to so what would logically happen in a Bruce Willis/Tracy Morgan team-up.

For our eighth episode we watch the extremely bland "comedy" film Mr. Woodcock. We really had a hard time caring about anything in this film. I can't even remember what it was about. I think it was about a successful writer who decides to not go on Oprah, but ruins his life instead. It sucks.

For the third/final episode of the Daredevil S2 Specials, we will watch the 2004 revenge-trip "The Punisher," starring Thomas Jane. Honestly I find this movie better Daredevil, but it came out between the other two, and the Punisher is in Daredevil S2, so it's happening. I'm not saying it's perfect, far from it, but Elektra is really really bad. Make your own decisions by buying it on Amazon.

In the second Daredevil S2 Special, we watched the 2005 train-wreck of a sequel "Electra," starring Jennifer Garner. I'm not even sure we can really call this a "superhero" film. The theatrical cut of Daredevil is still miles better than this flop, which is saying something. If that didn't turn you away, you can buy it on Amazon.

For our first Daredevil Season 2 Special, we watched the 2003 reason to distrust Studio Executives "Daredevil" starring Ben Affleck. Seriously, half an hour of cuts that would have just greatly improved the film? What kind of madness is this? If you too want to see the movie, you can buy it on Amazon. We recommend getting the Director's Cut, since it's much harder to find the version that sucks anyway. Good thing Marvel got the rights back.

For our seventh episode we can't decide how we feel about Sorority Boys (without Brett, cause his car broke down). It's really weird and we have a lot of opinions about it. We really flip on this movie during the podcast. If you too want to be confused about how you view a work of cinema, you can buy the movie on Amazon for a completely reasonable amount of money. Seriously.

Reached by Virtue of Harland Williams