The Darkest Timeline Podcast

For the twelfth episode of season 4, we watched the 2012 sequel to the 2006 movie we watched two weeks ago. That's right, we watched "Silent Hill: Revelation" starring Adelaide Clemens, Kit Harington (in his film debut), Martin Donovan, Malcolm McDowell and Carrie-Anne Moss, with Sean Bean, Deborah Kara Unger and Radha Mitchell returning from the previous film.

For the eleventh episode of season 4, we watched 2010's excessively white washed film about the royal family of the Persian Empire. That's right, we watched "Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time" starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Gemma Arterton, Ben Kingsley, and Alfre Molina. The only true star in this movie is Alfre Molina.

For the tenth episode of season 4, we watched 2006's 50/50 attempt at making a Silent Hill adaptation. That's right, we watched "Silent Hill". Way for me to bury the lead, me *self five*. Anyway, it stars Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Laurie Holden, Deborah Kara Unger, Kim Coates, Tanya Allen, Alice Krige, and Jodelle Ferland. I think I may be stretching the definition of the word "starring". Just saying.

For the ninth episode of season 4, we watched 2016's somewhat-unreliable-lore filled CGI festival. That's right, we watched “Warcraft”, starring a bunch of people in green spandex glued all over with ping-pong balls. I kid, it stars Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton, Ben Foster, Dominic Cooper, Ben Schentzer, and a bunch of people in green spandex glued all over with ping-pong balls (Toby Kebbell, Robert Kazinsky, Daniel Wu, et al).

This week on the Darkest Timeline we do not review Doom. Instead, we're giving you a sneak peak at our monthly Patreon Exclusive podcasts by putting out the first episode for free. That's right, this is Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)! So join Ian, Dylan, and Josh as they put together a review that's longer than the movie they just watched... last November.

We're really sorry about not putting out the Doom podcast, but I guess that makes it our first "lost" podcast (if you don't count that podcast we did on the first episode of "Ninja Turtles: The Next Mutation" that we never told anyone about...oops). Long story very short: Very drunk guest, unplugged mic, corrupted audio, lost podcast. Hurray for technology and people who can't hold their liquor.

See you next week.

For the seventh episode of season 4, we watched 2006's brand new and shiny attempt to bring a fighting game to the silver screen. That's right, we watched “DOA: Dead or Alive”, starring Devon Aoki, Holly Valance, and Jaime Pressly. So join David, Ian, and Dylan as they find the movie not nearly as repulsive as they thought they might. It may have helped that our combined DOA knowledge is somewhat limited.

Today we do not review a movie, for today we rest and let Brinloft compile some of our outtakes into an easily listenable format. Like a podcast, but for outtakes. An outcast if you will.

We will be putting these out on a semi-regular basis on the Patreon. Expect to never see one of these in this feed again. Great stuff, see you next week for DOA: Dead or Alive (2007).

For the sixth episode of the Fourth season, we watched 2008's pitiful attempt at an adaptation of the noir action game, Max Payne, faithfully titled "Max Payne", starring Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Ludacris, and Beau Bridges. So join Ian and Dylan as they silently wish there was someone else there that didn't have heavy emotional bonds to the source material.

For the fifth episode of the Fourth season, we watched 1993's mistake that set the lowest possible bar for video game adaptations, "Super Mario Bros." starring Bob Hoskins, John Leguizamo, Dennis Hopper, and Samantha Mathis. So join David, Ian, Dylan, and Brett as they all regret not calling in sick that day, and review the mistake to begin all mistakes.

Listen now: the Tekken (2009) episode is up! Join David, Ian, and Dylan as they review one of the few video game adaptations that at least got the costuming right, for the most part. This season has been really hit-or-miss on that front. We're only four episodes in, but I really don't think that's going to change much.