The Darkest Timeline Podcast

Welcome the third episode of the Video Game Adaptation Season! This week we review that 1999 classic of filmmaking that had less production quality than the live action cut-scenes in the game it was based on; Wing Commander! Join Ian, Dylan, Brett, regular guest Josh, and special guest Aaron as they try and work out what exactly went wrong. This is probably the only movie we'll watch this season where the game it was based on was a better film. Miracles were done here, people. Miracles.

For the second film in our video game adaptation season, we went ahead and watched the second ever video game adaptation. So join David, Ian, Dylan, Brett, and John as they suffer through the standard video game adaptation fare; keeping the names, but changing literally everything else. Well, at least Hollywood is consistent in their shit treatment of video game story. Could they have made a gritty action movie about two brothers fighting through an entire gang to get the girl? Yes. It wouldn't have been terribly original, but at least it wouldn't have sucked as much. Enjoy.

Welcome to the 4th Season of the Darkest Timeline! We've finally made it to video game movies, and man are they all bad. This week, join David, Ian, Dylan, and John as they suffer through the second best Street Fighter film (I'm sure there are arguments to the contrary, but I don't care). It doesn't help that, apparently, none of us know a damned thing about overall Street Fighter lore, which Brinloft points out on numerous occasions.

It's that time again, friends, for David, Ian, and Dylan to go over all the films they watched this season (not including "Special" episodes like Christmas or our Anniversary). Yes, we take our dear sweet time and really think through which movies were really bad and which ones deserve another shot. It really only takes like 35 minutes though... Anyhow, we really thank you all for putting up with us for another season, and we hope to see you again next season. Which starts next week, so you really don't have to wait long.

For the second part of our first Anniversary, we decided to have the best luck ever and watch a sudo/spiritual sequel to Deadfall where Nick Cage reprises the iconic role of Eddie, even though he died in Deadfall 24 years ago. To say we were excited would be to undercut the very meaning of the word. Was it worth the excitement? Only time will tell, and only if you click that little play button. You know the one. Like the last one, though, Cage is definitely one of the only reasons to ever bother seeing this film.

For our very first Anniversary podcast, we decided to go back to the very beginning and watch the movie that kicked off this whole thing, 1993's "Deadfall". I'm not going to lie, we were extremely excited going into this, we knew it was bad, but damn if there aren't some scenes practically made of pure gold. It is not a good movie, and we really can't recommend you go see it, but I think this podcast would make a lot more sense if you do. It's worth it for Nick Cage and Charlie Sheen alone. Pure magic, the both of them.

For the fourteenth, and final, episode of Season 3, we follow Olivia Williams to 2006's Ratner-fueled mess that is X-Men: The Last Stand. Bryan Singer made a beautiful set with X2, but Brett Ratner didn't even know how to play volleyball. I hope you do, though, or that reference will make no sense. In any case, Ratner had the writers pull random things from the X-Men comics to make sure the fans would be happy. It didn't really work that way. I'm glad it was retconned by Days of Future Past.

Remember, next week is our First Anniversary Podcast, the redux podcast of "Deadfall" (1993), our first podcast.

We're back from our two-week vacation for the thirteenth episode of Season 3, we follow Kevin Costner to 1997's 3-hour post-apocalyptic epic that is "The Postman"! Two years after Waterworld and Costner's back in a post-apocalyptic world, but at least there's not nearly so much water this time around. In another change, we also know when it takes place; 2013 as luck would have it. Turns out the apocalypse was in 1998 and none of us noticed. Fancy that. Well, if you really like Kevin Costner, especially in his post-apocalyptic films, then you should really give this a watch.

For the First Annual Christmas episode of The Darkest Timeline, we chose to go with a real Christmas Miracle! Ian, Dylan, and John watched that '96 Schwarzenegger classic, Jingle All The Way! I can't say we were overly excited to see this for the first time in maybe 15 years (averaged over the three of us), but lets just say it turned out to be an experience  that none of us expected. That's a long time to forget the finer points of a film. A long time.

For the twelfth episode of Season 3, we finally make our way to that 1995 splash-hit Waterworld! You see what I did there? "Splash-hit"? Yeah, okay, I'll let it go. Anyway, this was like one of those classic "season 1-esque" movies to go with, so we had a lot more fun watching it than, say, that trash we watched last week. Don't get me wrong, though, we're still fully aware that this movie is bad, we wouldn't have picked it otherwise. In any case, if you really like Costner films (not just the baseball ones) then give this a watch.