The Divorce Decision Podcast

You used to give your spouse the benefit of the doubt. Now you don't.

Somewhere along the way, the small stuff stopped feeling small. The forgotten text, the late pickup, the dishes left again — they don't just annoy you anymore. They feel like proof of something. And when your spouse apologizes now, some part of you doesn't quite believe it.

If you're guarded instead of tender. If you're keeping score without meaning to. If effort from your spouse gets met with suspicion instead of relief — you're not broken, and you're not imagining it. You're in one of the most consequential stages of the divorce decision process, the one where resentment quietly hardens into self-protection.

In this episode, we break down why this kind of resentment is fundamentally different from the friction every long-term couple feels — using an analogy that makes the shift impossible to unsee. We'll cover the signs you're in this stage, what's actually driving it beneath the surface, and the real risk of staying here too long: a heart that closes faster than it can be reopened.

Plus, reflection questions to help you find out what's really underneath the anger.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

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Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

You told your spouse something has to change.

And now you’re watching.

Are they following through? Is the effort real? Will it last—or are things eventually going to slide right back to the way they were before?

Welcome to Stage 3: Testing.

In this episode, I’m talking about four of the most common mistakes I see people make during this stage of the divorce decision process—and how those mistakes can make it much harder to figure out whether your marriage is actually changing.

I’ll talk about what happens when you expect your spouse to meet a standard you never clearly communicated, why one bad night doesn’t necessarily erase months of progress, and how unrealistic expectations can make genuine change almost impossible to recognize.

We’ll also get into one of the hardest parts of Testing: figuring out whether you’re evaluating the person standing in front of you today—or still judging them entirely by who they’ve been in the past.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• How to tell whether you’re actually in the Testing stage
• Why you need to clearly define what you’re asking your spouse to change
• How to distinguish a normal setback from a return to an old pattern
• Why sustainable change should be evaluated over time rather than moment by moment
• How past hurt can make it difficult to recognize progress happening in the present
• Why Testing can’t be entirely about what your spouse needs to change—you have a role in the relationship dynamic, too
• How to recognize when “too little, too late” may mean you’ve already moved beyond Testing and into a later stage of the divorce decision

Testing isn’t about waiting for your spouse to become a completely different person.

It’s about getting enough clear, honest information to answer a much bigger question:

Is meaningful, lasting change actually possible here?

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

If you've been hinting at how unhappy you are and hoping your spouse will finally connect the dots — this episode is for you.

In Stage One, you privately recognized something wasn't right. Stage Two is where that private knowing becomes a conversation. Not another argument about the dishes or the phone or who forgot what — but the real, direct conversation about what this has started to mean for you and for your marriage.

I'm walking you through what Truth Telling actually sounds like, why waiting to have this conversation changes it (and not for the better), and why "we've talked about this a hundred times" often means you've argued about the symptoms without ever naming what's underneath them. I'll also give you a simple framework for starting the conversation, what to watch for if you're the one hearing it from your spouse, and why the biggest risk here usually isn't the conversation itself — it's having it and feeling like it didn't matter.

If you don't know what stage you're in, take my quiz, Should We Get a Divorce? at kahoskins.com — link in the show notes.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Before anyone starts thinking about divorce, there's a quieter moment most people never talk about — the moment the unhappiness stops feeling temporary. 

Maybe it's a hum of loneliness that won't go away, even when your spouse is sitting right next to you. 

Maybe it's a string of small moments that were never really resolved, just carried. 

In this episode, we break down Stage One of the divorce decision process — what I call A Knowing — including what open loops are, why silence is the biggest risk of this stage, and the questions worth sitting with before you say anything out loud. If something in your marriage has been quietly not okay for a while, this episode will help you name it.

I encourage you to take the Quiz, as it will help you as we walk through the Six Stages of the Divorce Decision Series.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

If you've been asking yourself, "Should I stay or should I leave?" over and over again, this episode is for you.

Many people spend four to five years contemplating divorce before making a decision. The problem isn't that you can't make up your mind—it's that you're trying to answer one question without realizing you're actually moving through a process.

In this kickoff episode of my six-part series, I introduce The Six Stages of the Divorce Decision—the framework I use to help people understand where they are, why generic marriage advice often misses the mark, and what to focus on based on the stage they're in.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why feeling torn doesn't necessarily mean you're confused—it may mean you're in transition.
• How understanding your stage can bring clarity and direction.
• Why the advice that's helpful in one stage can be completely wrong in another.
• A brief overview of all six stages, from A Knowing to Decision Point.

This series isn't about convincing you to stay in your marriage or leave it. My goal is to help you understand what's happening beneath the surface so you can make the decision you'll regret the least—and move forward with greater confidence, clarity, and peace.

If you haven't already, take the Should We Get a Divorce? quiz at kahoskins.com to discover which stage you're in. Then join me next week as we take a deeper dive into Stage One: A Knowing.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

If you're unhappy in your marriage, it's easy to get stuck pointing at the obvious stuff — the dishes he won't do, the phone she won't put down, the sex you're not having, the way he shuts down every time you bring something up. 

But what if the behavior isn't actually the problem?

In today's episode, I break down three things your unhappiness is trying to teach you — if you can stop focusing on the unhappiness itself long enough to hear it.

First, I talk about how almost every complaint is hiding an unmet need. "I need you to get a job" is rarely about the job — it's about not wanting to carry the family alone. "Can you put your phone down" is rarely about the phone — it's about wanting to feel like you're still chosen. I'll walk you through how to ask yourself the follow-up question that gets you to what you're actually missing: connection, partnership, to feel desired, to not feel alone.

Second, I talk about the pattern running underneath your issues — the one where you bring something up and he gets defensive, so you get louder, so he shuts down further. Or where you avoid saying the thing to keep the peace, until it comes out sideways over coffee on a random Sunday morning. I'll ask you to shift from "what is my spouse doing wrong" to "how do I show up when I'm hurt" — because that's where the real clarity lives.

Third, I talk about agency — and how many of us have quietly handed ours over while we wait. Waiting for him to initiate. Waiting for her to soften. Waiting for the apology that never really lands. I'll ask you what you're choosing every time you stay silent, avoid the hard conversation, or accept the same non-apology on repeat.

My hope is that by the end of this episode, you're not asking "should I leave," but something more useful: what do I actually need, what have I already tried, and what am I no longer willing to keep repeating? Because the goal isn't to make a fast decision about your marriage — it's to make a clear one.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Is the fighting in your marriage normal — or is it a sign of something deeper? 

Today, I'm answering one of the questions I get asked most by walking you through three simple signs to check in your own relationship.

You'll learn:

·       Why the topic of a fight matters less than whether it stays on topic — and what it means when small arguments turn into old, unrelated hurts

·       The real difference between couples who repair after conflict and couples who just go quiet and move on without ever really moving on

·       Why silence, not yelling, is often the bigger warning sign in a struggling marriage

·       Three honest questions to ask yourself this week to get a clearer, more accurate read on where your marriage really stands

This episode isn't about deciding if your marriage is doomed. It's about helping you see the pattern clearly, so you can stop guessing and start telling yourself the truth about what's actually happening.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

What if the biggest problem in your marriage isn’t the topic you keep fighting about… but the pattern you fall into every time you try to talk about it?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, I’m breaking down the pursuit-withdrawal cycle — also called the demand-withdraw cycle — and why it can quietly create resentment, loneliness, panic, shutdown, and emotional distance in a marriage.

This is the pattern where one spouse pushes for answers, connection, reassurance, repair, or change… and the other spouse pulls away, shuts down, gets defensive, goes silent, or leaves the conversation altogether.

And here’s the hard part: both people usually feel completely justified.

The pursuer feels abandoned, dismissed, and like they’re the only one who cares.

The withdrawer feels pressured, criticized, overwhelmed, and like there is no right answer.

Over time, this cycle can make both spouses feel like victims — and both become more convinced the other person is the problem.

In this episode, I’ll help you recognize which side of the cycle you may be on, why this pattern escalates so quickly, why silence can feel like peace when it’s actually disengagement, and what it takes to begin interrupting the cycle before it causes deeper damage.

And if you’re in the complicated middle — wondering if your marriage can be repaired or if you’re moving toward divorce — this episode will help you see the pattern more clearly so you can decide what needs to happen next.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Is your marriage going through a hard season, or are you standing at a real crossroads?

In this episode of The Divorce Decision Podcast, Kari Hoskins helps you tell the difference between a temporary rough patch and a deeper marriage crisis. When you’re unhappy, disconnected, resentful, or emotionally exhausted, it can be hard to know what is actually happening. Is this stress? Is it burnout? Is it parenting, money, grief, or a difficult year? Or has something more serious shifted in the relationship?

Kari explains why this distinction matters so much. If you treat a hard season like a marriage-ending crisis, you may make decisions from fear or exhaustion. But if you treat a true crossroads like “just a rough patch,” you may stay stuck for years, waiting for things to magically get better while resentment continues to grow.

In this episode, you’ll learn the signs of a hard season, the signs of a marriage crossroads, and the difference between a passing divorce fantasy and the deeper shift that happens when divorce becomes something you are seriously considering.

This conversation is for anyone who has been asking, “Should I stay? Should I go? Is this fixable? Or am I avoiding the truth?”

You do not need to have the answer today. But you do need a clearer way to understand the question.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Unhappy marriages don’t usually fall apart overnight. They often deteriorate through small, repeated patterns that become part of everyday life.

In this episode, Kari shares three things to stop doing if you’re unhappy in your marriage: belittling or demeaning your partner, keeping score, and avoiding conversations when issues are still small.

These habits may feel understandable when you’re hurt or resentful, but they quietly add fuel to the fire. They create more disconnection, more resentment, and make it harder to know whether your marriage can actually be repaired.

Kari explains why stopping these patterns doesn’t magically fix everything, but it does help “stop the bleed.” Your daily life can feel calmer. Your conversations can become more productive. And whether you choose to rebuild or separate, you’ll be making decisions from a clearer place.

Take the free “Should We Get a Divorce?” quiz at kahoskins.com to find out where you are in the divorce decision process.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com