The Divorce Decision Podcast

In this episode, I'm breaking down a deceptively simple tool that can change the emotional temperature of your marriage fast: the 3% Rule. 

If your partner is “97% responsible” for what’s wrong, where is your 3%—the part you can own, influence, and change? This isn’t about taking the blame or excusing bad behavior. It’s about taking responsibility in a relationship in a way that reduces resentment, lowers defensiveness, and gives you real agency instead of staying stuck in the blame game.

I share how I learned this concept (inspired by Katherine Woodward Thomas and the work of Unconscious Uncoupling) after my first marriage ended—and how it helped me let go of lingering anger, regret, and bitterness so she could show up better as a co-parent and in other relationships.

What you’ll learn:

• What the 3% Rule is (and why it’s not self-blame—it’s leverage)
• How the 3% Rule creates emotional peace by reducing resentment, blame, defensiveness, and regret
• The biggest clue you’re stuck in the blame game (“they, they, they…” thinking) and what to do instead
• How to identify your recurring negative thoughts, triggers, and patterns to find your 3%
• What your 3% can look like in common dynamics:
  • Feeling controlled → speaking up, setting and holding boundaries
  • Dealing with lies/omissions → creating emotional safety so honesty is possible
  • Feeling consistently let down → turning unspoken expectations into clear agreements
• Why vague requests (“I need more help”) don’t work—and how to make specific, actionable asks
• How to stop ignoring the data when your partner has a track record (late, avoidant, forgetful) and respond with boundaries and/or support
• The “missing step” that keeps couples stuck: not closing the loop with a clear “next time” plan
• A real-life example of how the 3% Rule can shift intimacy issues, desire, and disconnection in a marriage

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

In this episode, Lucky in Love, I’m breaking down how sex quietly turns into a chore in long-term relationships—and how to start fixing it fast. 

If you’re in a dead bedroom, a sexless marriage (or nearly sexless relationship), or struggling with mismatched sex drives (a desire discrepancy), this episode will help you understand why your sexual desire may be fading—and what to do to fix a dead bedroom by changing a few everyday habits that kill desire.

When sex turns into a checkbox, your brain starts treating it like work—something you power through, avoid, or resent—making it harder to want sex and harder to get turned on.

I help you understand why these everyday habits: Sex only at bedtime, initiating sex out of nowhere, quickies only are quietly killing your desire and I offer practical fixes that will help you rekindle desire. 

If you want to rebuild intimacy, rekindle attraction, and make sex feel connected again, these small habit shifts can restart the desire loop.

Kari Hoskins is a Communication & Conflict Specialist who helps couples stuck in the pain of uncertainty over the future of their relationship. She holds a Master’s degree in Communication & Interpersonal Relationships, spent 20+ years as a college professor, and is a certified relationship coach with specialized training in emotional intimacy, trauma, infidelity, and addiction.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

In this episode of Lucky in Love, we’re talking about the sneaky relationship habit that quietly pulls couples apart: passive-aggressive behavior. 

Not the “big blow-up” fights—more like the slow drip of little moments that leave your partner feeling tense, guarded, and emotionally unsafe over time. And the worst part? A lot of us don’t even realize we’re doing it… or how much it changes the way our partner feels about us.

I break down why passive aggression is so damaging: it keeps you from dealing with the real issue directly, and it creates a constant low-grade “hum” of stress in the relationship. Every sarcastic jab, cold shoulder, or “fine, I’ll do it” moment might seem small—but those little pull-backs add up. Eventually, your partner starts bracing for you instead of relaxing with you. That shift is subtle, but it’s a big deal.

Then I walk you through three common passive-aggressive behaviors that show up in long-term relationships—especially for couples who are “functioning” on the outside but feel disconnected behind the scenes. We’ll talk about what these behaviors look like in real life, why people use them (hint: it’s often self-protection or punishment), and how to interrupt the pattern before it becomes your relationship’s default setting.

Most importantly, you’ll learn what to do instead— how to handle everyday annoyances in a way that builds trust instead of slowly burning it down.

If you’ve ever thought, “We’re not terrible… but we’re not close,” this episode will hit home. Listen in, and then pick one small change you can practice this week—because the little things don’t just add up in the negative direction. They can add up toward reconnection, too.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

In this episode of Lucky in Love, I’m talking about the one thing almost every divorce has in common—and it’s not what most people assume.

Most marriages don’t end because of one dramatic moment. They end because of tiny turning points—small decisions that quietly change the direction of the relationship… and then get repeated until distance feels normal.

I share a personal story from my first marriage—the day things shifted (years before divorce was even on the radar). And then I’ll walk you through the questions I use to help people get real clarity about what’s happening in their relationship right now.

If any of this feels familiar, this episode will land:

• You’re not in constant conflict… but you don’t feel close.
• You feel that quiet loneliness even though you’re “together.”
• The little connection habits faded, and nobody really named it.
• You can’t point to one big event—just a drift you can’t un-feel anymore.

This isn’t about blame. It’s about direction—and catching the turning point sooner.

Free download mentioned in the outro (VFO):
 “Stop the Spiral: 3 Mistakes Couples Make When They’re Mad (and what to do instead)” — a practical guide to help you stop the downward spiral and have a better conversation even when you’re angry.

Website / freebie link:
kahoskins.com

Subscribe for new episodes and practical relationship tools.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Is your partner a chronic worrier or do they struggle with anxiety? 

In this episode of 'Lucky in Love', we discusses the often overlooked impact of anxiety on relationships. I emphasize that anxiety affects not only the individual but also their partner, leading to exhaustion and frustration. Through real-life examples, I explains the withdrawal-pursuit cycle that can develop in anxious relationships and offers practical strategies such as implementing a 'worry window' to manage anxiety. 

I also highlight the importance of effective communication and setting boundaries to maintain a healthy relationship dynamic.

Takeaways

Anxiety affects both partners in a relationship.

Chronic worrying can lead to exhaustion for both individuals.

The withdrawal-pursuit cycle creates disconnection in relationships.

Implementing a worry window can help manage anxiety.

Effective communication is key to resolving anxiety-related issues.

Setting boundaries is essential to prevent burnout.

Reassurance is crucial for the anxious partner.

Partners should not be each other's therapists.

Naming the worry helps in addressing it effectively.

Seeking external support can strengthen the relationship.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Have you ever led with sarcasm instead of just saying what you wanted or needed? 

Started a fight you didn’t really want by asking a question you already knew the answer to— just to prove a point?

Or began the conversation with a “joke” that wasn’t really a joke - or if your significant other does— this episode of Lucky In Love is for you. 

I’m breaking down why we pick fights we don’t actually want—and what those “random” arguments are really doing for us. 

And, I’m teaching you how to stop. 

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Do you have a mind-blowing sex life? Do you want one?

In this episode, we are talking about common problems couples struggle with when it comes to sex. 

We’ll talk about pressure, resentment, desire gaps, and the quiet patterns that shut sex down… and then we’ll get into some practical, real-life suggestions that help sex and intimacy feel connected, playful, and yes—spicier.

This episode starts mild and heats up as we go, so consider this your friendly warning.

If you want better sex that feels natural instead of forced—and you’re open to a few spicy ideas along the way—press play!

 Free PDF Download Stop The Spiral: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/stopthespiral

The Art of Dirty Talk: https://www.elevatedintimacy.com/store

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

In this episode of Lucky in Love, I'm breaking down the sneaky, often-missed signs your partner is unhappy in your relationship—even if you feel fine. 

I  explain how mismatched expectations, unresolved resentment, and outside stress can quietly widen the gap between you, showing up as pulling away from rituals, more solo time, short answers, less affection, and a fading sex life. 

You’ll learn what to watch for and how to start a calm, honest conversation before you end up blindsided by a breakup or divorce.

Want some info on working with me? Visit my website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

When your significant other says, “I’m unhappy,” it can feel like a gut punch. In this episode, I break down exactly how to respond—without panicking, dismissing, or scrambling. Learn the three-step framework: take it seriously, get curious and listen, then create a real plan of action together.

What You’ll Learn

• Why “panic or brush-off” responses make things worse
• The mindset shift: unhappy ≠ out; unhappy = asking for change
• How to listen without defending, explaining, or justifying
• Three curiosity questions that open the conversation
• How to move from promises to a concrete, shared plan
• Why “if nothing changes, nothing changes” is the real bottom line
  
  
  

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com

I’m sure you’ve heard it: “You two just need more date nights.” It’s well-intentioned advice, but when a marriage or relationship is struggling, it can actually make things worse.

In this episode of Lucky in Love, I’m breaking down why more dinners out and weekend getaways won’t fix what’s really going on underneath—and what to do instead. Because the truth is, the problem usually isn’t how much time you spend together; it’s how you’re showing up when you’re together.

I explain three ways date nights can backfire when a relationship is on shaky ground and walk you through what can actually help you start turning things around.  

Whether you’re in a rough season yourself or want to support a friend who is, this episode offers a compassionate reminder: you can’t pour romance over unresolved conflict and expect it to stick. But with small, intentional changes, you can start rebuilding the connection that makes those date nights meaningful again.

Should We Get A Divorce Quiz: https://kari-hoskins-coaching-llc.kit.com/9e533cdd68

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karihoskinscoaching/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/kari.lifecoaching/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4A7XJcQEYfTh3E43IIw7Bg/about
Website: https://www.karihoskinscoaching.com