The Divorcing Religion Podcast

Guest: LILIA TARAWA
The Politics of Purity: Sex and Power in Closed Communities

Lilia Tarawa was born and raised in the isolated Christian fundamentalist cult of Gloriavale in New Zealand, a place where every aspect of life, from clothing to relationships to sexuality, was tightly controlled.

In her powerful TEDx Talk: I grew up in a cult. It was heaven – and hell, and in her book Daughter of Gloriavale, she shares what it took to break free. Upon leaving, Lilia began the complex and painful work of untangling belief from autonomy, obedience from consent, and purity from power.

In this conversation, we’re diving into control, conditioning, sexuality, gender roles, and what it really takes to reclaim your body and your voice after growing up in a high-control religious system.

FIND LILIA TARAWA
• Book: Daughter of Gloriavale
• Socials: @liliatarawa IG, TikTok
• YouTube channel  @LiliaTarawa  
• Tedx Talk "Freedom Seeker"

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Sex & Power Podcast

Guest: Dr. Lucas Wilson

Title: Shame Sex Attraction 

My guest today is Dr. Lucas Wilson, who is a Postdoctoral Fellow at University of Toronto. His research centers on White Christian nationalism, with a focus on gender and sexuality; specifically on conservative Christian homophobia and transphobia. Dr. Wilson’s book Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors' Stories of Conversion Therapyis an eye-opening look at the disturbing and dehumanizing practices Queer people have suffered under the guise of therapy to make them conform to heterosexuality. As a former evangelical who is also a survivor of conversion therapy, Dr. Wilson has first-hand understanding of such practices.

If you were moved by the film Boy Erased, by Garrard Conley, you won’t want to miss our conversation today.

Bio 

Dr. Lucas Wilson is a SSHRC Postdoctoral Fellow at University of Toronto Mississauga and was formerly the Justice, Equity, and Transformation Postdoctoral Fellow at University of Calgary. He is the editor of Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors’ Stories of Conversion Therapy and the co-editor of Emerging Trends in Third-Generation Holocaust Literature. He is also the author of At Home with the Holocaust: Postmemory, Domestic Space, and Second-Generation Holocaust Literature, which received the Jordan Schnitzer First Book Publication Award. His public-facing writing has appeared in The Advocate, Queerty, LGBTQ Nation, and Religion Dispatches, among other venues. He is currently working on a new edited collection about queer experiences at Christian colleges, universities, and seminaries (under contract with University of Georgia Press).

 Social Media Handles for Dr. Wilson

- Instagram: @lukeslamdunkwilson

- Threads: @lukeslamdunkwilson

- TikTok: @lukeslamdunkwilson

- Bluesky: @lukeslamdunkwilson.bsky.social

- Twitter/X: @wilson_fw

- LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lucas-wilson-2a0753b1/ 

- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/luke.wilson.96 

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Sex & Power Podcast

Guest: Sammy, Haram Doodles

My guest today is ex-Muslim atheist, artist, and activist Sammy, the creator behind Haram Doodles. Raised in the U.S. as a first-generation South Asian Muslim, Sammy left Islam over a decade ago. In her words, she left “because I’m a woman.”

In this episode, Sammy shares what it was like growing up with strict religious expectations for girls, and how creating Haram Doodles became her way of exposing double standards and telling the stories many Muslim women were never allowed to voice. 

FIND SAMMY: 
www.haramdoodles.com
Instagram @haramdoodles
TikTok @HaramDoodles
X @haramdoodles
YouTube HaramDoodles
 
FIND JANICE SELBIE, MPCC
Janice Selbie is a clinical counsellor, religious recovery coach, best-selling author, speaker, and educator.
🔹 Follow Janice on social media: @DivorcingReligion   
🔹 Free Consultation: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/   
🔹 Free Religious Trauma Support Group: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/free-religious-trauma-support-group  

This podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, contact your local Emergency Services for assistance.
 
Views expressed by guests are not necessarily those of the host.

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Dr. Janja Lalich on The Sex & Power Podcast
Guest: Dr. Janja Lalich
Title: Exploitation of Women in Cults
Host: Janice Selbie, MPCC

Warning: This episode discusses SA and coercion in cults

 Dr. Janja Lalich is one of the world’s leading authorities on cults, coercive control, and authoritarian influence. A sociologist, researcher, and cult survivor herself, Dr. Lalich has spent decades exposing how high-control groups operate beneath the surface of belief, belonging, and power. She is the founder of the Lalich Center on Cults & Coercion and the author of groundbreaking works on charismatic authority and bounded choice.
  
In her powerful research on psychosexual exploitation, Dr. Lalich makes a critical point: sexual abuse in cults is not a side effect. It is a system - A mechanism of control.
 
Today, we’re pulling back the curtain on the intersection of sex, power, and control, and asking how these dynamics take hold, why they persist, and what it takes to break free.
 
Dr Lalich Links:
https://www.lalichcenter.org/
https://lalichcenterce.thinkific.com/courses/lalichcenterCE
https://www.facebook.com/JanjaLalichResources/
https://www.instagram.com/lalichcenter/

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Katherine Spearing has spent years listening to the stories most churches would rather stay silent about. As the founder of Tears of Eden, she works directly with survivors of spiritual abuse, helping people untangle trauma, reclaim autonomy, and rebuild trust in themselves after systems of faith have caused harm. Her work centers on the lived realities of abuse, power, and control inside religious spaces—and what it actually takes to heal on the other side.

A Certified Trauma Recovery Practitioner with a master’s degree in Religion and Cultures, Katherine also hosted the groundbreaking podcast Uncertain for five seasons, creating space for long-overdue conversations about abuse in churches. Her book, A Thousand Tiny Paper Cuts: The Subtle, Insidious Nature of Spiritual Abuse and Life on the Other Side, explores the subtle, insidious nature of spiritual abuse and the slow, courageous work of recovery.

FIND KATHERINE SPEARING:

Follow at www.katherinespearing.com; Instagram @katherinespearing; Facebook @spearingkatherine

ABOUT S&P HOST JANICE SELBIE, MPCC:

Janice is a clinical counsellor, religious trauma recovery coach, and the best-selling author of Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook: https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo. In addition to private practice, Janice is the founder of the Conference on Religious Trauma (CORT), and the Shameless Sexuality: Life After Purity Culture Conference. Learn about her free, online support group here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/free-religious-trauma-support-group. Her other podcast is called Divorcing Religion: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/religious-trauma-podcast. The ULTIMATE Deconstruction Guide and Workbook is available now: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/product-page/the-ultimate-deconstruction-guide-and-workbook.

FIND JANICE: DivorcingReligion.com; Instagram @divorcingreligion ; Threads @divorcingreligion 

Support the show

FIND JANICE:

Janice Selbie's best-selling book, Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook, is available here: https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo

Religious Trauma Survivor Support Groups happen online Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with others for support: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

Need help on your journey of healing from Religious Trauma? Book a free 20-minute consultation with Janice here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/

Follow Janice and Divorcing Religion on Social Media: https://linktr.ee/janiceselbie

The Divorcing Religion Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular mental health clinician. 

The views expressed by guests on the Sex & Power Podcast are not necessarily held by the host.

Support the show

Sex & Power: Chris Tompkins - The Truth About Shame: Chris Tompkins on Love, Liberation, and LGBTQ Resilience

Chris Tompkins is a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist who specializes in working with adult gay men. He is also the author of the APA award-winning book Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent’s Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground. Chris has a Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology from Antioch University, with a specialization in LGBTQ Affirmative Psychology. In addition to being a therapist, Chris is a writer and public speaker. His work has been featured on TEDx, NBC, HuffPost, Psychology Today, The Advocate, and more.

Today, Chris shares his experiences growing up with non-affirming religion and the shame that it caused him as he recognized his same-sex attraction. From first romantic experiences to coming out to family, Chris candidly discusses his journey, highlighting the normalcy of curiosity and the power of self-compassion. 

FIND CHRIS:

https://linktr.ee/aroadtriptolove?utm_source=linktree_profile_share<sid=85ae724f-a9c8-49bf-9b08-78de90aa052e

FIND JANICE:

Janice Selbie's best-selling book, Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook, is available here: https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo

Religious Trauma Survivor Support Groups happen online Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with others for support: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

Need help on your journey of healing from Religious Trauma? Book a free 20-minute consultation with Janice here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/

Follow Janice and Divorcing Religion on Social Media:

https://linktr.ee/janiceselbie

The Sex & Power Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular mental health clinician. 

The views expressed by guests on the Sex & Power Podcast are not necessarily held by the host.

Support the show

Clara Ritger spent her 20s building a successful media career — producing for U.S. national media such as NBC, WSJ, and TLC — while secretly battling chronic illness and burnout. A ruptured appendix, major abdominal surgery, and skin cancer forced her to reevaluate everything. In this episode, Clara shares how she burned it all down, why rest and healing are radical acts, and what she’s learned about choosing alignment over performance.

FIND CLARA:

Clara Ritger is a writer, trauma-informed meditation teacher, and inspirational speaker. Follow her on Threads and Instagram @clararitger. Her newsletter Adventure to Awaken adventuretoawaken.com shares insights and perspective shifts from the journey to come home to yourself. Get Clara Ritger’s free, 56-page guide to taking a solo retreat here: http://adventuretoawaken.com/solo-retreat-guide

 FIND JANICE:

Janice Selbie's best-selling book, Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook, is available here: https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo

Religious Trauma Survivor Support Groups happen online Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. Don’t miss this opportunity to connect with others for support: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

Need help on your journey of healing from Religious Trauma? Book a free 20-minute consultation with Janice here: https://www.divorcing-religion.com/

Follow Janice and Divorcing Religion on Social Media:

https://linktr.ee/janiceselbie

The Sex & Power Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular mental health clinician. 

The views expressed by guests on the Sex & Power Podcast are not necessarily held by the host.

Support the show

The Sex & Power Podcast: Truth-telling that liberates with Mike Steve Collins: The Anti-Civil Rights Movement

Mike Collins is the author of The Anti-Civil Rights Movement: Affirmative Action as Wedge and Weapon (University Press of Kansas, 2024), Understanding Etheridge Knight, updated edition (University of South Carolina Press, 2023), and The Traveling Queen (poems, Sheep Meadow Press, 2013). His essays have appeared in Harper’s Magazine, The Oxford American, The Cambridge Companion to American Prison Writing and Mass Incarceration, Fight & Fiddle, Callaloo, PMLA, and elsewhere. His poems have appeared in New Letters, About Place, 32 Poems, The Rupture, JAMA, The American Journal of Poetry, and elsewhere. He teaches at Texas A & M University.

https://kansaspress.ku.edu/9780700637140/
  
Our conversation today focuses on his recent book The Anti-Civil Rights Movement: Affirmative Action as Wedge and Weapon, where Mike examines how policies created to promote opportunity and fairness were slowly reshaped into tools that divided the very groups they were meant to empower.
FIND MIKE on TikTok @mike.steve.collins

FIND JANICE SELBIE:
Janice Selbie's best-selling book, Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook, is available here. https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo

Recordings from the Shameless Sexuality: Life After Purity Culture conference 2025 available here. https://www.shamelesssexuality.org/

Religious Trauma Survivor Support Groups happen online Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. Sign up here. https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

For help with recovery from religious trauma, book a free 20-minute consultation with Janice here. https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

Follow Janice and Divorcing Religion on Social Media:
linktr.ee/janiceselbie

The Divorcing Religion Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular, mental health clinician. The views expressed by guests are not necessarily held by the host.

Support the show

Detra Denise - Ashes and Embers: How Detra Denise Turned Pain into Power PART 2

In this episode, Detra shares what it was like to go from obscurity to fame after being featured in a 15-part series in the Humans of New York. She also opens up about being offered protection by the gents of the Harlem Cigar Room, and what kept her moving forward instead of giving up.

DETRA’S LINKS:

http://www.detrasstory.com/

https://www.instagram.com/onewomannyc1?igsh=MWl2cDB2ZWptYmRlMA%3D%3D&utm_source=qr

https://www.facebook.com/detra.denise.52

https://youtu.be/gj4alIQTka4?si=VD1hLyzE8iztnBd9

FIND JANICE SELBIE:
Janice Selbie's best-selling book, Divorcing Religion: A Memoir and Survival Handbook, is available here. https://amzn.to/4mnDxuo

Recordings from the Shameless Sexuality: Life After Purity Culture conference 2025 available here. https://www.shamelesssexuality.org/

Religious Trauma Survivor Support Groups happen online Tuesdays and Thursdays at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern. Sign up here. https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

For help with recovery from religious trauma, book a free 20-minute consultation with Janice here. https://www.divorcing-religion.com/services

Follow Janice and Divorcing Religion on Social Media:
linktr.ee/janiceselbie

The Divorcing Religion Podcast is for entertainment purposes only. If you need help with your mental health, please consult a qualified, secular, mental health clinician. The views expressed by guests are not necessarily held by the host.

Support the show