I see you more positively than you are

We see those we care about the most in an overly positive light.  This kind of perception is known as “vicarious optimism”.  You can tune in to any crime show and listen to people say, “Why, Joe would never do a thing like that.  He just isn’t capable”.  Oh really?  Joe’s friends and family are prone to changing their beliefs only when it comes to good news, but they won’t budge even when they hear that he’s killed 35 people in 15 states in a murder spree.  Vicarious optimism also causes us to believe that positive events could happen more often to people we like, even when that event is unlikely to happen.  As we get to like people more, vicarious optimism deepens.  In actuality, all of this is a form of denial.  Help those you love by being aware of this bias, seeing them for who they are and helping them become the best version of themselves.

How can you tell if you’re addicted to social media?

Stop telling me that I’m addicted to social media.  I’m not, I’m not, I’m not – says every addict on the planet.  Oh, but you are.  If you’re interested in a bit of self-diagnosis, here are a few questions for you.  Have you tried to cut back and failed?  Does your social media diet cause conflicts at work or in relationships?  Do you use it when you’re bored or alone?  Do you get anxious when you’re not on it because of FOMO also known as the “fear of missing out”?  Do you think it’s woven into your life in such a way that you use it throughout the day?  Like others who are addicted to substances, do you find yourself using more and more because the thrill just isn’t there unless you stay on it longer?  If you’ve answered “yes” to three or more of the questions, you’re likely a social media addict.  Work to achieve balance by easing the grip that social media has on your life.  Make time for and value interactions with your family.

Is knowing your genetic risks healthy for you?

We spit in a tube, mail it away and a few days later, learn about all of the diseases and conditions that we may “come down with” later on in life.  Is this healthy for you?  As it turns out, not so much.  This information may cause you to believe that you’ve had symptoms in the past.  People told they’re at risk for depression recall having those symptoms previously.  And, if you learn that you’re not going to get diseases, you may get too relaxed about monitoring your health and feel genetically invincible.  It’s not a free pass to do as you please.  When people are told they’re not prone to obesity, they stop exercising and eating healthy.  Learning about potentially serious diseases may help you to get serious about taking care of yourself.  Go ahead.  Take the test, but understand that the results may change your behavior.  Be aware, be informed and continue to be mindful of your and your family’s health.

Are you having a quarter life crisis?

Mid-20’s, life “should” be good, but for this generation, it’s a time of uncertainty.  Many feel they’re doomed to permanent adolescence.  They’re single with no chance of settling down anytime soon and homeownership?  Forget about it.  They’ve got no idea where their lives are going.  They feel hopeless and helpless.  They’re primed not only for depression, but for a quarter-life crisis.  How do you know you’re having one?  You’re frustrated about not being able to figure things out.  You question your existence.  You’re terrified that you’ve already experienced the best in life and social media is making you a wreck.  You’re compelled to be in the adult world, but long to be taken care of by Mom and Dad.  You just want to escape.  Don’t listen to your elders tell you where they were at your age.  You’re not them.  You’ve got about 10 years to figure it out.  It isn’t a race.  Stop judging your life by social media.  It’s a fantasy out there!

Time crawls if you’re young

Why does time seem to go so slowly when we’re young?  Think of it in relative terms.  If you’re 5 years old, a year is one-fifth of your life.  But, there’s more to it than that.  Time quickens as we age because the highest concentration of strong memories occurs in the teens and 20s.  These memories give us the basis for judging past events.  Once you get into middle age, new experiences are less frequent and ta-da, you feel as though time has sped up.  Weeks and hours don’t whiz by when you’re older, but years and decades feel like yesterday.  If you live to the average life expectancy of 78, you’ll spend much more time sleeping than working, watching tv, commuting or even caring for your kids.  The clock is ticking.  We can’t live in such a heightened state of intensity that we cherish every moment.  We can at least be mindful in choosing how we spend some of our time.  When the end is near, you won’t regret spending time with those you love.

The average modern family spreads out over 2000 miles

Most families say they’re far more spread out today than 30 years ago.  The average modern family covers over 2000 miles.  We compensate for that distance with digital devices.  With Wi-Fi, we interact with our family members even more than if we lived close by.  The expense of travel keeps us from being with our far-flung families.  There’s not a lot of time for organizing reunions and forcing people together.  Most family members say they get enough exposure to their kin through digital connections.  Others like having family in other states and countries because it gives them an opportunity for adventure!  This is a win-win situation.  If family members really enjoy each other, they’ll make the effort to travel.  For those family members who want to stay in touch but not get up too close and personal, the digital connection is plenty.  There’s no excuse for your kids not to know their cousins.

The stigma of acne is changing

Kids and adults alike take a social beating when they have acne.  45 million Americans have acne at any one time, making it the most common skin condition.  Since there’s a 63% increase risk of depression that comes along with skin eruptions, it’s a serious condition.  Diet, stress, genetics and skin care practices contribute to outbreaks.  Acne makes us look unhealthy and different, resulting in the social isolation that’s common in acne sufferers.  Conversations about acne aren’t out in the open as they are about psoriasis and other skin conditions.  Social influencers and celebrities are now sharing their own fights with acne and hopping on the skin positivity bandwagon. Even if acne is accepted, that won’t keep your kid from getting teased.  It’s a health condition and may require medication and other interventions.  Do something now!

Are you trapped in your relationship because of money?

Many women are trapped in marriages and relationships because of money.  They feel powerless at home because they’re not the one who brings home the salary or they don’t make enough to live independently.  66% of women who answered a survey said they felt trapped with no reasonable way to make a difference in their financial situations.  Many women feel that they have no voice in money decisions because they’re not making as much as their partners.  Is this you?  Will this be you?  Consider your future and how you’ll feel about being in this position.  Get that education.  Work on your skills to get that promotion.  Save your money and stop spending it on stupid stuff online.  Amazon can live without your purchase today.  Be honest with your partner and set up your own account for a rainy day.  Add money consistently.  Learn about money and your money habits.  Money matters.  You’ll never know that more than when you don’t have enough.

Don’t swap out your medications for pot

Whoa!  Stop!  Before you swap out your doctor-prescribed medications for pot, think about what you’re doing.  There’s no denying that pot can treat some conditions and that the non-psychoactive CBD is being used by millions for a wide variety of ailments including anxiety and pain relief.  But, there’s a huge gap between what the true believers believe about the plant and the actual science of the medical findings, so far.  The bottom line is that pot as a powerful medicine is the belief of the uninformed.  Many know nothing about the risks, especially pregnant women using it for nausea and anxiety.  Pharmaceutical-grade medications are carefully formulated and prescribed.  You don’t know what’s in pot and some of those benefits just might be the placebo effect.  You’ve convinced yourself that it works.  More research is needed to help consumers use pot beneficially.

Smartphones impact your brain chemistry

The brain is like a car engine.  It has the “hardware”, all of the physical parts, and the “liquids”, the neurotransmitters that make it work.  Constant interruptions from alerts, messages and calls from smartphones, mess with the brain liquids.  That distraction is called the “switch cost” because it creates a different chemistry in our brain.  It happens like this.  We’re focusing on one thing and then, there’s that tone or ring, and we switch away from the task at hand and then, we return to the task.  The “switch cost” is big, robbing us of 40% of our efficiency.  Our brain stays on high alert, waiting for the next tone, alert or call.  When it happens, we get little surges of cortisol, the stress hormone, and the heart beats faster, and muscles tighten.  Be aware of how these forces impact your family’s health and may cause addiction to the seductive smartphone.

More Parenting Pointers at DrClaudia.net