The Dunce Caps

Rob and Chris learn about the countless reforms put in place in America in the early 20th century. Boss Tweed forms a tweed circle where powerful men get together to discuss and trade tweed. Political cartoonists lead the way in taking down the biggest criminals by drawing pictures of them with giant heads and tiny bodies. Undercover reporters due their share of exposing corruption, but by using deception and elaborate disguises. Hot dog steaks and meat trains portray our bleak future. The "hippie cowboy," Theodore Roosevelt becomes President and does a little bird watching.

TLDR: No justice, no meat.

Rob and Chris learn about the new wave of immigrants entering America during the late 19th century and the struggles that they faced. America asks for the worst of the worst from the rest of the world without thinking it through. Jobs were both very difficult and long, but the pie was pretty good. Being an Asian dad in the rural South isn't as bad as you'd think it'd be. Major cities have to deal with an over abundance of disgusting children and orphan gangs.

TLDR: There goes the neighborhood.

Rob and Chris learn about the Industrial Age. Trains are still a thing and they're still being talked about. Alexander Graham Bell invents the telephone and immediately turns into a pompous prick. Although he was described as "a dull boy," Thomas Edison goes on to light a whopping 40 light bulbs at once! Crude oil was first used as medicine until people realized it was disgusting and made them feel worse. Before the telephone people were into telegraph sex, though it was a bit awkward.

TLDR: Inventions that no longer seem that great!

Rob and Chris watch the 1999 film "Wild Wild West," starring Will Smith and Kevin Kline. Jim West is a guns-a-blazing former Civil War hero. Artemus Gordon is an inventive U.S. Marshal who excels in disguise. When the United States is threatened by psychotic Confederate Arliss Loveless, President Ulysses Grant teams the duo up to bring him to justice. On a hazard-packed train journey from Washington D.C. to Utah, West and Gordon must combine their skills to best Loveless and his diabolical machines.

TLDR: Spiders are so goth.

Rob and Chris learn about the development of the West. The gold rush out in California has run dry so everyone scatters throughout the Midwest in search of the next best thing. The new immigrants that most Americans despised so much build the first transcontinental railroad, connecting the East and the West. Despite theirs tears, we once again force the Native Americans to move and eat our rancid meat products. The Plains survive a grasshopper plague only to be hit by severe droughts and then getting snowed in for most of the winter. Farmers are sick and tired of being poor, but sadly they have no other skills.

TLDR: The Midwest becomes America's best/worst place to live.

Rob and Chris learn about the reconstruction of the South following the Civil War. President Lincoln gets assassinated and shuts down for the last time. Rad Thad and sound engineer Mike take a more radical approach to reconstruction. Andrew Johnson has his own plan for the South, humiliation. Congress forces the South to play a grueling round of musical chairs before ultimately not letting them sit down at all at the House of Representatives. KKK AM radio is chock full of useful information on how to use ropes and knots. Rutherford B. Hayes steps into office and everyone gets sweaters!

TLDR: We win, you cry. Forever.

Rob and Chris learn about the Civil War. The South sits back and plays defense while the the North tries their best to bring this family back together. Soldiers on both sides write home expressing their disappointment in how boring the war is. The 1st battle between two iron clad ships takes place and it was pretty sick. Edward Everett gives a boring 2 hour speech before being completely outdone by President Lincoln's now infamous Gettysburg Address. The Union declares total war on the Confederacy to wrap things up and ensure the South never forgets how much they suck.

TLDR: Civil War ain't no carnival ride.

Rob and Chris learn about the events that led up to the Civil War. Henry Clay takes the temperature of the slavery debate and keeps it at a nice simmer. The South demands all fugitive slaves be returned to them by the end of week, or else! The border ruffians mount up and head to Kansas to vote with their pistols. Dred Scott waits several years before receiving confirmation that he is indeed a slave. Steven Douglas, the "little giant," goes up against the "real giant" Abraham Lincoln for Senator.

TLDR: America is coming to a boil!

Rob and Chris learn about the abolitionists and the all of the various reforms in the US during the mid-1800s. The temperance movement guarantees "ruff scruff" if people don't stop imbibing alcohol. Our schools and prisons suck, but maybe we'll try to fix them. The Quakers are still a thing and just want to be everyone's friend. A bunch of women get together, but not for a bake sale.

TLDR: Meaningless reform!

Rob and Chris learn about the differences between the North and the South during the Industrial Revolution. Peter Cooper gets embarrassed by a horse. A bunch of American innovators change a couple of things in the smallest of ways and become rich. The Irish and German show up and quickly realize no one wants them here.

TLDR: Everything is better now!