The Dunce Caps

Rob and Chris learn about modern America. President Reagan gets all up in those clams and spreads them around our justice department. With too much time on his hands in president heaven, George Washington becomes obsessed with the QVC channel and nutella. Russia suffers from a lack of soap and shoes, ruining the sex lives of thousands of married couples. President Clinton does a lot of good things, but lies about one blow job. George W. Bush becomes president, surrounds himself with his father's friends, and everything goes to shit.

TLDR: The End.

Rob and Chris learn about President Nixon and a bunch of other Presidents. Nixon takes a peak behind the iron curtain for the first time and is disappointed that there's no circus. The US and China play a friendly game of ping pong and realize that they're not that different after all. Nixon has a dark, secret fetish that no one knows about. The Soviet Union taste salt for the first time and it blows their minds. Watergate forces Nixon to admit his secrets and resign in shame. Gerald Ford goes from third place to first and is clearly not qualified to be President. Jimmy Carter solves a major hostage crisis in Iran and newly inaugurated President Reagan takes all the credit.

TLDR: Way too many Presidents.

Rob and Chris learn about the Vietnam War. JFK urges Americans to hit the gym so we can build up our arms. The Bay of Pigs is thwarted by several blunders. The Soviet Union builds the Berlin Wall and the Berlin Wall Ball Association (BWBA) is born. Americans get bored with the Cuban Missile Crisis and decide to go home and smoke some weed. JFK announces his plan to go to the Moon to find some cheese, or whatever. The counter culture shows it's opposition to the war by wearing yellow circle shaped glasses and eating a lot of LSD. Nixon gets America's best egghead, Henry Kissinger, to try and strengthen and rebuild our relationships with China and the Soviet Union in an attempt to end the Vietnam War.

TLDR: Welcome to Vietnam, the rubber capital of the world!

Rob and Chris learn about the Civil Rights Movement. White people drop off a bunch of soaking wet textbooks to the African American schools. Martin Luther King Jr. invents the car pool and African Americans unanimously decide he's pretty smart and should be their leader. MLK takes a page out of Gandhi's playbook and decides to kick white people's asses with peace. A young and handsome John F. Kennedy defeats an old and gross Richard Nixon in the 1960 Presidential election. Harvey Oswald just happens to be in the right place at the right time to assassinate JFK, ensuring any future presidents would never ride in a convertible again. African Americans stage sit ins and fight the temptations of the delicious aromas surrounding them. Women, Hispanics, Native Americans and the disabled all do some civil righting of their own.

TLDR: Come on and take a free ride.

Rob and Chris learn about the Cold War Era. After Roosevelt's sudden death, second string President Harry Truman has to step into the game and he is not prepared. The Soviet Union decides it's time to do a little redecorating. Americans become increasingly paranoid that communists are secretly running the country. McCarthy ruins tons of innocent American's lives and faces no consequences whatsoever. The Republicans come back into power and Rad Thad steps out of the shadows. General McArthur has a solution for the Korean War, but it's the same solution he has for everything else: the atom bomb. America and the Soviets take their dick measuring competition to space.

TLDR: Anything you can do I can do better.

Rob and Chris learn about World War II. Italy is all pissed off that the Treaty of Versailles left them with nothing but crusts. Hitler gains the trust of his people with schnitzel propaganda. France gets ready to help Poland, but Poland is defeated before the French can even get hard. FDR decides he's gonna break from tradition and serve three terms as President. The US Navy is forced to put their volley ball tournament on hold as America prepares for war. After having a long run of clubbing across Europe, Hitler sees the end is near and kills himself. FDR rounds up the country's best eggheads and creates the atom bomb.

TLDR: World War II, we win again.

Rob and Chris learn about the Great Depression and the New Deal. Pete takes America's hard earned cash and causes the stock market to soar to dizzying heights and then crash and burn on Black Thursday. President Hoover controls the country's soup supply with an iron fist. Franklin Delano Roosevelt steps in and challenges Hoover, who is still preoccupied with soup. FDR urges Americans to be more experimental both in their thoughts and in their sexuality. Strikers get sick and tired of standing and finally take a seat.

TLDR: The Great Soup Depression.

Rob and Chris learn about the Jazz Age. Once again, America is bored with war and their crappy above ground pools. Anarchists threaten the country's desire to return to normalcy with their leather jackets and spiky hair. Black gangs fight white gangs in Chicago to see who can swim in Lake Michigan. Marcus Garvey does his best to explain the growing problem of lions in Jamaica. Calvin "Silent Cal" Coolidge becomes President and is consumed by darkness. With a surge in nationalism, the Ku Klux Klan rebrands itself to include even more hatred as well as fried chicken.

TLDR: America uses it's indoor voices and turns off the lights.

Rob and Chris learn about World War I. The most powerful countries in the world are competing with one another to add the most weapons to their dicks first. The French are pretty much turned on by everything and believe the war can be won using only sex and wine. The Germans make some sneaky deals and cement their reputation as the creepy guy you can't trust. President Woodrow Wilson gets jealous of all the culinary varieties of Europe and creates the most American sandwich of all time, the Woodrow Wilson World War I or the WWWWI. After the war America goes back to being a giant sausage party.

TLDR: World War I aka The Great Sandwich War.

Rob and Chris learn about the Age of Imperialism and the Spanish American War. George Washington looks down from President heaven with disgust in how America is changing. William Seward takes a risk by purchasing Alaska and it pays off in both gold and polar bears. Sugar farmers say aloha to Hawaii and push their queen into a volcano. The US and other world powers arrive to the Samoan Islands, but are disappointed that all the huts are not Pizza Huts. Teddy Roosevelt invites the leaders of Russia and Japan to go bar hopping in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

TLDR: America, freedom bullies of the world!