The Empowering Working Moms Podcast-Real Talk with Dr. Prianca Naik

Episode 13: How to Feel Better: Tools for Dealing with Anger, Sadness, and Grief

If you are feeling stuck are a professional mom with the seemingly perfect life but you're silently suffering on the inside, in survival mode and you've tried self-help, self-care, therapy, spinning on your Peloton and feel like this isn't helping you getting you to where you want to be and peace, freedom, confidence seem unattainable, book a call to chat with me to realize that it's not. That thriving is possible for you even if it seems like it's not. www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Get to know Dr. Prianca Naik on:Website: https://www.stresscleansemd.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik Do you need a safe space and community for professional moms in survival mode, struggling, and feeling alone?

Join the Empowering Working Moms Facebook grouphttps://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Episode 12: Self-Love in Divorce: You're Not Alone

Dr. Prianca welcomes the podcast's first-ever guest to talk about a challenging topic to discuss—divorce. In Dr. Maneesha Ahluwalia's own divorce experience, she learned that it's normal to feel like a failure or that you failed the relationship. What happens after you entertain these thoughts is the crucial part. Dr. Maneesha explains where a divorce begins, why she's not afraid to share her 'whole' story, what she discovered possible in her post-divorce journey, and more.

What you will learn:

• Divorce is taboo in some cultures; hence some don't know how to go through it
• One South Asian doctor's divorce process
• There can be love on the other side

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Dr. Maneesha helps Indian professionals feel joy and curiosity rather than frustration and resentment with each interaction with their parents. We get to feel love for our parents and be proud of our lifestyle choices so that we can connect with our parents, while there is still time. She is a Professional Certified Life Coach, Author, Speaker, and Board Certified Infectious Disease Physician. Get in touch with Dr. Maneesha:

Schedule a complimentary discovery call here to learn more about working with me:

https://LifeCoachingwithManeeshaAhluwaliaMD.as.me/

Website: https://www.lifecoachingwithdrahluwalia.com

Instagram: @LifeCoachingForIndians (business)

@DrManeeshaA (personal)

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/drmaneeshaa

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/maneesha-ahluwalia

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyJEr36T49nNUarPXKMzX-g

Email: [email protected]

Episode 11: Practicing Self-Love for Inner Peace

In this episode you will learn:

• What self-love is
• How to practice it
• Why it is beneficial

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Do you need a safe space and community for professional moms in survival mode, struggling, and feeling alone?

Join the Empowering Working Moms Facebook grouphttps://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Today I want to talk about self-love because it is a tenet of peace, freedom, confidence and happiness. Without it you can't properly love others either or demonstrate healthy relationships to your children. Self-love. Sounds corny right? Corny or not, it's something we all need to learn. So many of us grew up watching Disney movies we were raised to find love and yet loving ourselves was never in the mix. I'm pretty sure we did love ourselves when we were born because we didn't know any better until things got in the way and destroyed that. Maybe we began to believe love from our parents was conditional or we could only be worthy of love if we were perfect or thin or achieving all of the things-a successful career etc. But I observe in my small children their love for themselves and try to take a cue! Let's try this: Being down with your weird and wonderful self We are multi-faceted, complex creatures. We have a ton of thoughts and feelings swirling around at all times. We do things we are not proud of sometimes. But we can learn, with work, determination and effort, to love ALL PARTS of ourselves. Whatttt? Yes, this is possible We don't have to hate anything about ourselves. I remember 7 years ago I told my therapist I loathed my anxiety. Loathed. That's such a strong word. I've come a long ways since then. I've developed methods to manage all emotions including anger and anxiety practicing mindfulness and no longer feel that way. Think about our attitudes toward dear friends or family members. Often we have compassion for them and their mistakes or whatever they perceive as negative. We will tell them not to be hard on themselves yet be so hard on ourselves. Learning to have compassion for ourselves is a key part of learning to love ourselves. Self-forgiveness as well. That is a practice that is a necessary in self-love.

So how can you forgive yourself? Just a quick warning: this is deep internal work. It's not easy. But if you are interested in getting out of dysfunction or even into a better, less painful place, this is what is required. Going to tough places in your brain. So grab a pen and piece of paper…pause if you're driving or come back later. And write down what you believe to be all of your past mistakes. If you don't want to write them, simply brainstorm them. It may be a short or long list.

Allow yourself to feel the negative emotions that accompany this reflection. Once you feel the negativity and sit with them, realizing it won't kill you…you also practice sitting in discomfort which is critical in leading a more peaceful, free life. And then you can move on. If you write these down on a sheet of paper you can rip the paper up and throw it after you've sat with your emotions. Now that we've addressed self-forgiveness you might be wondering how to go aobut learning to love yourself if you've listened this far: The process comes from Kamal Ravikant and his book Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends On It. In any new process we want our brain to automatically participate in, we must put in work. Self-directed neuroplasticity is when you intentionally rewire your brain to create positive habits. People do this primarily through active reflection. Yes, the term is a mouthful — but it's also a powerful, science-based method to break undesirable habits and create new, healthy ones What if you don't believe it? Doesn't matter. Your role is to lay down the pathway for doing it. Connect the neural pathways and your body and mind will respond automatically. Kamal Ravikant's process: Step 1: Mental Loop A thought loop is a pathway ebedded via use and habit. You can reverse this process. You can create your own focused mental loops. Repeat, "I love myself" again and again and again. Lay the pathway for that loop to run over and over. Eventually, it will take hold whether you believe it or not. Step 2: Meditation Each day, the author listens to a 7-minute piece of music that he likes and thinks, "I love myself." Inhale > Think "I love myself" > Exhale >Release whatever thoughts you have. I would say being present with yourself Dinner alone, try alone time and enjoy your own company Step 3: Question "If I love myself truly and deeply, would I let myself experience this?" The answer was always "no" for the author. This question gently shifts your focus from wherever you are to self-love. Make the commitment and make it on paper. Make the vow to yourself to live your truth. Write down whatever it is that speaks to you. The words don't matter. Just make sure it comes from you and it is in your own words. That's how the magic will happen. Similarly, Kamal suggests we do this to ourselves: go right up against a mirror, face to face with yourself (focus on the left eye) and keep repeating, "I love myself" gently for 5 minutes (the number of times you say it doesn't matter). What matters is you look at yourself while saying it. Love yourself truly deeply Can edit Repeat Put where can see daily Create an easy ritual of self love in case you get lazy Self love comes in handy when dealing with difficult situations. The decisions. Write a Self-love love letter Ask what your friends love about you And most importantly make a commitment to do this. Keep a reminder that this is something you will try to do everyday And with practice you can learn to love yourself.

Trust loving yourself and not abandoning yourself will help you simplify your life, make cleaner decisions (which I'll discuss in a future episode) and love your life. If you are feeling stuck are a professional mom with the seemingly perfect life but you're silently suffering on the inside, in survival mode and you've tried self-help, self-care, therapy, spinning on your Peloton and feel like this isn't helping you getting you to where you want to be and peace, freedom, confidence seem unattainable, book a call to chat with me to realize that it's not. That thriving is possible for you even if it seems like it's not. www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me

Episode 10: Peace and Freedom through Catastrophization Management

Dr. Prianca reflects back on an old journal entry from the early days of the pandemic. In this entry, we see how catastrophization can deplete and exhaust us. Despite catastrophization being a natural defense mechanism, Dr. Prianca explains why it's a total waste of brain space, the common examples of how working moms catastrophize, and mindfulness as a catastrophization tool.

What you will learn:

• What is catastrophization?
• Examples of catastrophization
• The role of mindfulness in managing catastrophizing thoughts

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Today I want to talk about catastrophization

What? What is that?

Ok, I didn't even know what this was until I started getting in to mindfulness meditation and reading Jon Kabat Zinn.

Catastrophization is assuming the worst-case scenario. This can be accompanied by obsessive worrying and spinning.

I used to do this constantly-catastrophize and it honestly made my life a living hell. I look at journal entries from a few years ago and see how much I was suffering. I didn't even realize it because I was in the thick of it.

I need to address it to increase your awareness of it so that you can join me in my journey of dealing with it.

Catastrophization is happiness thief. So let's face it and beat the shit out of it as best we can!

Before I give you tips and tricks to deal with catastrophization, I want to share a journal entry I found from the beginning of the pandemic in march of 2020.

The worst case scenario with covid is death. One of my partners is covid positive he is in his early 30s is certainly not ready to die. He has a six month Old infant at home and must be going crazy worrying about her. I think about him and how corona could get me next. It horrifies me. I just think that I have to get through my day and know that if I want to quit I forgive myself.

We are all grieving the life that we once knew wondering when we will see it again. It is a loss. Last night my husband was grieving and asked me what's going to happen to us? Unfortunately I do not have the answer to that. But I try to remain calm as I hold him and tell him we will just take it one day at a time. Physicians are dying all around us and I am a physician. I know that 80% of people who are affected do just fine but it seems like the doctors are dying so then I wonder am I going to die too.

During that time, it was important to work on not catastrophize. Every cough, sneeze, mask below the nose would make my throat have a squeezing sensation and I would notice it and pull myself out of the rabbit hole. That I wasn't going to get covid and I wasn't going to die. And here I am today proving that the optimistic stance was actually true.

I want you to know that you're not alone in catastrophizing. Many of us catastrophize. Maybe we are trained to do it at a young age or we learn it in medical training.

Doctors are taught to have catastrophic thinking. We must rule out the worst case scenario upon hearing any medical complaint. This is the best thing to do for the patient and also important medicolegally. Catastrophization is applauded-which is fine until the habit shows up outside of work.

When it bleeds into our personal lives, we start to suffer.

Before I began this powerful work, I used to catastrophize about EVERYTHING. It was exhausting. Child has a fever? Assume he's going to die. Someone at work says I need to talk to you, I assume I'm in big trouble. Get an unexpected phone call from my mom, assume shes calling me to tell me she has cancer.

What a way to live! When we constantly catastrophize, we are creating our own hell. It's a self-created hell. But the beauty of the self-created hell, is that we have to power to dismantle this hell!

I want to give you an example of catastrophization and coping strategies of

A client of mine a physician mother of two small kids.

Before coaching: As the pandemic set in, in a pre-vaccine era, every sneeze, cough, and cold set off her anxiety and panic at work as an allergist. She struggled with feeling this way all day every day. She would catastrophize re getting covid and passing it on to her young children.

After coaching: With awareness of the catastrophic thinking, she was able to sit with it and then use concrete anti anxiety coping strategies to pull herself out of the catastrophic brainado and take control of her experience.

I remember in January of 2020 my 22 month old had a temperature of 106 and I had to walk myself off the ledge of thinking he would die. I felt the anxiety in my throat and noticed it. Breathed. Took action to give him Tamiflu and Tylenol and it passed. He is fine now.

Do you catastrophize a lot?

Catastrophization is our protective mechanism to keep us safe. But more often then not we don't need it.

assuming the worst-case scenario is often accompanied by obsessive worrying and spinning.

The problem with catastrophizing is that we waste our precious time and brain space. Exhausting ourselves unnecessarily. And when we deplete ourselves of our finite energy, we have little to give to the areas in life where we want. As in energy to give to our families or relationships or careers.

Ok so how do we deal with catastrophization, how do we manage it and own it so it doesn't own us? How do we tap into our own power of owning the catastrophization?

This is what you do, grab a pen and paper and make a note of it so you can keep practicing it.

Now that you know what catastrophization is, you can be aware of it.

Notice your thought or feeling.

Where is it in your body? Is it a squeezing? Is it a pressure?

When I feel anxious or stressed, I usually feel a tightness in my throat.

The more I notice that and the more familiar I get with it, the more I realize it's not harming me. The increased familiarity with the sensation makes me more comfortable in a way. Comfortable with anxiety? WHATTT?

This is it. A major step forward in managing our minds. Empowering ourselves to optimize our life experience.

Once you're aware and acknowledging that catastrophization is happening, notice that you're doing it or about to do it.

Then, stop yourself in your tracks from going down the rabbit hole.

Practice mindfulness:

If you're having trouble pulling yourself out of the rabbit hole, try noticing your body. I say to myself there is a body and feel the weight of gravity on my body. This makes me feel grounded. You can also take a few deep breaths. If that's not working, you can also notice your surroundings. This will pull you out of your own head.

Maybe these tactics sound kooky to you, but I promise they are the key to getting control of your life and living with peace and ease.

It won't work at first. Meaning you might stop yourself after going deep into the rabbit hole. But as you continue to practice Awareness and stopping, you'll catch yourself earlier and earlier.

The next time you find yourself catastrophizing, just acknowledge your brain is doing it.

Then-make a decision. Take back your power. Decide to not give the catastrophic thought air time.

And if you're feeling especially ballsy, decide to assume the best instead of worst case scenario.

I parked in a seemingly shady parking garage recently; before I knew it, I was imagining my car getting stolen and broken into. Should I periodically check on my car? I pondered.

That's as far as I got. I stopped myself in my tracks, mid-catastrophization, and decided to not go any further. In fact, I assumed that the car would be okay. Worrying about it would make no difference in the outcome, but would take up precious brain space.

This is a small window into what helps me live a lighter life, in peace, and empowered.

And remember, after we acknowledge and pull ourselves out of the rabbit hole, we can take it one step further and assume the best case scenario.

Is your back killing you or you injured your ankle? Feeling frustrated like you'll never get better? How about assuming your body will heal. Because it probably will.

Assuming the best. It's a lot more difficult to do, but makes life a lot more fun.

It's fucking delightful. I'm not joking.

And in the backdrop, have faith in yourself that you can handle whatever comes your way. Just like you always have just like you always will.

Open yourself to all possibilities and trust that you can cope

Always remember that this too shall pass

And if you still don't believe this, think about a tough time you got through and handled. You're resilient. You're still here. That incident didn't kill you. Probably made you stronger. So remember that, keep that in the back of your head as your evidence of how you can and will navigate any difficulties that come your way. People love to say "Ohhhh are you sure you can do that, or that's hard to do. Or No one has ever done that." Shut that shit down. Don't listen to it and trust yourself.

If you feel like you've tried therapy self-help books exercise meditation and are still struggling as a working mom, in your marriage, in your career let's talk to get you unstuck and into peace and freedom.

Also if you like this podcast please share it with someone you think might benefit, To help this podcast reach more people like yourself, rate and give me a review on iTunes as well

Episode 9: Gratitude Practice For Happiness

From being a natural pessimist, Dr. Prianca learned to embrace optimism in a way that shifted her perspective. She is anti-toxic positivity. You, too, can begin your own gratitude practice and see its effect on your life over time.

What you will learn:

• How gratitude can change your life
• The benefits of gratitude practice
• How to start doing a gratitude practice

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Feeling like crap or maybe life gave you a raw deal in one way or another?

You're creating this narrative for yourself.

It's the perspective/spin you've put on the situation.

The power here is that you get to decide.

You have the freedom to choose how you think about things.

Daily gratitude practice is a very basic easy free practice that can take less than a minute a day that will help you to shift your perspective over time. You can go from a half glass empty to full if you want.

I used to be a pessimist in order to be a realist.

Today, I have metamorphosed into someone who believes the impossible and stays away from naysaywers.

Much of this shift was catalyzed by daily gratitude practice.

Now how do we practice?

I'm not a big fan of daily journaling

It seems to just add to my to do list. So I tend to just recite 5 things I'm grateful for daily. Usually when I'm in the shower.

Our brain tends to go to the negative and focus on the bad in order to troubleshoot and survive. But during a time when we are no longer cave people, this survival mechanism actually harms us. Makes us unhappy and pessimistic.

By focusing on what is going right, we can redirect the brain to the positive. We can put rose colored glasses on. No I just want to clarify that I am no proponent of toxic positivity; but I also don't support being an Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh. There is definitely a balance. In a world where there are a lot of terrible things happening right now it is helpful to focus on what is going right.

There is so much that goes right. Often we forget we have a roof over our heads or running water. Or the kids who make a big mess, there was a time we wanted them so badly. Our brain is an expert at taking things for granted. Because it's built to protect us. I challenge you to see your life with a grateful lens everyday.

It will change how you see things.

The length of time the shift will take really depends on how deeply ingrained pessimism is within us. But I promise you'll see a change.

I'll add in a tip for feeling good immediately.

Try acknowledging something you wanted for so long and didn't have.

Here's one of my examples:

I was at H and M in the kids' clothing and I was looking at the girls stuff. It was so cute! I was so happy and grateful to be in that section.

I remembered 3 year prior while being in Bloomingdales shopping in the kids section and there being very little stuff for boys

Meanwhile, there were a ton of adorable girls clothing and I had a boy. I couldn't buy girl clothes for my daughter bc I didn't have one

And for as long as I can remember I wanted a girl. Three years later, here I am with a daughter. Something I wanted and now I have.

Also, the career of medicine isn't what I thought it would be, but there was a time when I desperately wanted to get into medical school. It's a real privilege to be a physician and deal with people's health.

Can you take a second to think of something you always wanted and now have?

And how do you feel when you think about that?

Kind of warm and fuzzy inside right?

It's so easy for us to want something and then when we have it we take it for granted or forget about how badly we once wanted instead of just being grateful.

A huge happiness hack and factor lies in the feeling elicited by gratitude.

By shifting our brains into gratitude, we put on rose colored glasses for our lives and boom-we become happier.

So

When you're feeling like crap

Or

Having a bad day

Or

In a rough spot?

You can shift yourself to a place of gratitude in an instant.

You can name 5 things you're grateful for to yourself and get a quick boost.

Let me give you some information about the benefits of gratitude before we delve into how:

Gratitude

• Your hypothalamus activated
• Floods brain w dopamine
• Natural high
• More inclined to give thanks and do good
• More gratitude healthier and happier
• It is free! Free
• Physical health better
• Sleep better
• Resilience increase
• More likely to take care of health
• Mental health is better

Dr. Robert Emmons, a leading gratitude researcher, has found that gratitude increases happiness and reduces depression.

Gratitude makes us more resilient to trauma and stressful events.

Now how can we get ourselves to a more optimistic place in the long run?

Get ourselves into the habit of gratitude practice

How do we cultivate this habit?

-saying it to yourself daily, pair it with brushing teeth or showering

(I like to list 5 things every day that I'm grateful for and why)

-write it down daily put a notebook on your nightstand to do before bed or first thing in the morning

-create a gratitude jar at the end of each week you could put something that went well or what you're grateful for and read it at the end of each year (Jay Shetty mentioned that in his IG)

-practice gratitude with the family/kids at dinner table or bed time

We make it a family affair at bedtime.

Try any of these tips for a month and see how you shift.

I used to consider myself a pessimist and realist and I am far from that today.

These happiness hacks can help you. Even if you're in a dysfunctional relationship or dissatisfying career. They will get you in a better direction to a happier.

Episode 8: Fearing Forward: How to Face Your Fears

Because our brains are designed to protect us, we're often wary of change. Dr. Prianca talks about fearing forward in facing our fears to thrive.

What you will learn:

• Why fear is so deeply ingrained in us
• How to face your fears
• How there is freedom and happiness on the other side of fear

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow me on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join my FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

So many of us are paralyzed by fear. We let it rule our lives. People are often afraid of what's on the other side of a big or small change.

Our brains are wired to protect us. Of course, as we have gone from cavemen to now and flight or fight mode is often unhelpful. So often, we are afraid to take big steps. We are afraid to make a big change. We are afraid of the unknown.

I want to address being afraid of the unknown. Because honestly, so much is unknown. We don't really know what's going to happen outside of ourselves in the next minute, the next hour, or the next day. We crave routine. We assume we will be alive tomorrow, but these are assumptions and not facts. So when you put it into the context of being afraid of the unknown, do realize that we deal with the unknown all the time. Maybe that can help to make you feel less afraid.

Think of a time when you were afraid but did something anyway. What were you afraid of? Why were you afraid of it? What was the outcome after you faced your fear?

And was what you were afraid of as scary as you thought

Here are some stories of fearing forward:

I had an opportunity when we moved for my husband's job, to change careers. I love the private practice I am and was in. I didn't want to leave. I cried when I told my senior partner I was moving. I looked for medical jobs in my new city and the setup, pay, and people weren't the same as my old group. So I took a leap. I decided to launch my business. I was afraid. Afraid of what people might think, especially other doctors-that I'm a sell-out, afraid of financial instability, afraid of failure.

And you know what? I have zero regrets and am so happy I feared forward. Today I am truly living my best life. I am happy with my choices and of course, I know I have the liberty of changing my mind.

Next, I'm going to give you a client example I had a client who was a physician and mother of two young children whose husband was an emotionally and physically abusive alcoholic. Her home situation felt unlivable for her no matter how hard she tried to mitigate her own anxiety with his unpredictable behavior. She wanted safety and peace. She wasn't getting it at home. She entertained moving out but was afraid. She was afraid, she said, of being alone. She was afraid of him moving on to another woman. She was afraid of what people might think if they found out. One fine day, after he slapped her in the face, she decided he crossed her boundary. She made plans to leave. She left. She was emotional at first about it. But, pretty quickly, she adapted and had what she wanted: peace and safety.

The process she went through was not easy. But it was simple. And she told me that all that she had built up in her head, all of her fears weren't nearly as bad as she thought. She wished she had moved out sooner.

That's something I hear a lot. I wish I had done it sooner. I wish I had applied for that job sooner. I wish I'd moved sooner. I wish I'd gotten a divorce sooner.

Because we are creatures of habit. Our brains are wired to keep us safe. But that means we gravitate to what we know and are afraid of the unknown.

Remember that we deal with the unknown every day whether we realize it or not.

Here is how you can fear forward:

-Do a baby step trial:

If you have a large step fear like moving out from your partner let's say, try just going to dinner alone or on a trip by yourself, or being with your kids alone on a trip. Take baby steps of a sneak peek of what it would be like to be alone and you will see it's not that scary.

-Know you can change your mind:

If you make a decision and you're afraid of the consequence, know there is another course of action you can take. You can always change your mind and perhaps find yourself better off in fact!

-Fear forward:

Force yourself to face the fear regardless of what your brain is rationalizing.

-Remember you're resilient

Human beings are so adaptable and we get used to changing a lot faster than you might think. Women are tough and can handle so much more than they think. People tell me I'm strong. And I believe I am…but I also believe anyone can be strong. You just have to decide to be and then do it.

-Be in alignment

When you're afraid to do something, as yourself if the choice aligns with your values.

-Do what you would tell a friend to do

Would you tell a friend to take that job promotion or go ahead with fertility treatments or leave her partner in the situation you're facing? Whatever you would tell her, you should do yourself. This gives us a different perspective. It allows us to gain some distance from ourselves and do things more objectively instead of being sucked into our own drama and feed into spinning and obsessing.

-Approach the fear-inducing situation with curiosity:

Alan Wyatts says:

"By replacing fear of the unknown with curiosity ,we open ourselves up to an infinite stream of possibility. We can let fear rule our lives or we can become childlike with curiosity, pushing our boundaries, leaping out of our comfort zones, and accepting what life puts before us." — Alan Wyatts

Let's get curious about our fear and barrel forward!

We have one precious life to live, so let's tap into our power and bravery and get going.

Here is my challenge for you:

Pick a small fear you can face in the next week and then take action in fearing forward.

By taking one small step, you will eventually face a larger fear head-on.

Let's get to it! I'll talk to you next time!

Episode 7: How to Stop Feeling Like a Failure

Dr. Prianca recalls how an undergrad instructor once told her that she might not get into med school. But eventually, she proved him wrong. With focus and a change of mindset, she was able to achieve the seemingly unachievable. Dr. Prianca shares how that experience changed her perspective on failure.

What you will learn:

• There is no such thing as failure; just lessons and growth
• Dr. Prianca Naik's personal experience with failure
• How your failure can serve you

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

There's no such thing as failure. Even though we've been conditioned to pass exams or fail exams if we get less than 70%. I know this is so ingrained in physicians and professions that you have to take multiple exams to maintain certification or your degree.

But the truth is that even though society has conditioned us to believe we need a passing grade and there is such a thing as failure, there really isn't. There are lessons and growth from mistakes that you believed you made. I don't even know if there's any such thing as a mistake because whatever happens brings us to the necessary place which often leads us to the next step.

I will tell you I am not a fan of the word. Because women always often see themselves as failures as mothers failures as wives failures as people feeling other people and maybe even failing themselves.

I want to give you a story on my own personal failure when I believed that was a thing.

Going to an Ivy League school is very much an Indian thing or at least it was with all the Indian people I knew. Within my family and also bragged Indian parties. I went to a competitive high school where I lost all confidence gave up studying and of course, gave up my spot to an Ivy League school with doing. I got into Wash U a very respectable school but it was a big failure in my family. The word failure was thrown around throughout my 20s and really shot my belief in myself and my self-esteem.

Undergrad was rocky for me and my college counselor said I probably didn't have a chance at getting into med school. I was half ass in college about being premed and after I graduated I decided that I was going to make it happen. So I took a couple of years off to fix my MCAT and my grades and I ended up getting into three US MD schools against all odds.

This so-called failure and misstep were what allowed me to realize that I can do anything I put my mind to. And I'm not saying this to brag I'm saying it because I want you to know so can you?

Women can do anything. For those of us who have housed and birth babies, childbirth is insanely rough. If we can do that and nurture a few people then we can certainly do anything.

This idea that I can do anything I put my mind to, this realization I had in my 20s was before I even knew what mindset was. This event in my life paved the way for where I am today.

Whether people around me believed in me or not, whether or not it seemed strange, I had the guts to leave full-time medicine and launch my coaching business. There's no way I could've done this if I didn't believe that I can do anything I put my mind to.

This big move to make a career change was a result of my so-called failure.

I am grateful for this failure. Hence, I don't really believe in failure, just opportunities for growth, strength-building, and change.

Another benefit of this failure:

I now understand the value of believing in yourself. Especially in today's world when there are so many interesting careers people can choose from, the climate is very different from how it was when we were children. Becoming a doctor or lawyer or engineer or accountant or going into finance aren't the only career choices. But no matter what our children want to do, they need to believe in themselves. And my own lack of belief and where it led me initially gives me the perspective to make sure that my children won't have that problem.

So this failure is truly enriching my experience as a parent and I can help my kids in that way.

I will give another example of perceived failure. Sometimes when we decide to undo a commitment. Maybe as a young child, we wanted to quit a sport but our parents wouldn't let us. Then as adults perhaps we quit something that we're not supposed to quit like marriage and then we feel like failures. So the topic of divorce let's go there. People often feel like they fail in marriage when they get divorced. But what if divorce and the lessons learned from a prior relationship create resilience, strength, and knowledge that a person can carry forward with them as they proceed in life? Maybe it's the gateway to a healthier relationship and a better partner. So technically then it's not a failure. It's all about how we frame things.

Our perceived failures can be our life's teachers.

How do we change our relationship with failure?

We can shift our perspective in mindset.

We decide that we are always Learning and growing.

We are exactly where we are meant to be at any given moment even if it might feel hard.

We can decide to stop labeling our actions as failures or ourselves as failures.

This is yet another step in finding inner peace and fulfillment.

Here are some tips on making peace with the concept of failure:

We have to stop trying to be perfect-this will lower our insane standards. I practice this a lot when there's a small mess here or there. It doesn't necessarily have to be cleaned up right this moment. It's not important in the scheme of things.

Also, there is no such thing as perfection as a human being. To err is to be human.

We are imperfect by nature and need to accept that.

By understanding the inherent error in human nature, there is automatically less to fail at!

We have to let go.

Sweating the small stuff is a waste of time.

We can't control anything outside of ourselves. We must relinquish our onus of anything outside of us.

In Buddhism, suffering is due to attachment. So the more we attach ourselves or attach meaning to things the more suffering we cause ourselves but if we can let go we can most certainly decrease our suffering

Acceptance

Resistance causes so much pain

We must accept what we cannot change and only change what we can (things within ourselves).

Grace

We should give ourselves grace and take it easy as hard as that may be.

So many issues we treat as do or die. And they're often not. Aside from death and grave illness, shit's just not that serious so we must try to lighten up.

Taking ownership of our decisions, thoughts, and actions.

We can ask ourselves why something is happening. What is this obstacle creating for me what is the consequence of this? How am I benefiting from this seemingly bad or failure-ridden situation?

Gabby Bernstein has a book called The Universe Has Your Back and I never really understood what that meant but I now interpret that title as realizing that certain things in our lives, like perceived failures, occur in order to teach us something or help us grow and lead us to where we are supposed to go.

When we start shifting the way we see things we can find true inner peace and happiness.

Take it from me a recovering pessimist. I remember in the distant past I used to describe myself as a pessimist because I wanted to be a realist. I didn't want to be delusional. I didn't want to have false hope in things that might never happen. Well, today I would describe myself as the complete opposite person. So all the labels that we have for ourselves everything that we think we are, there is wiggle room to change. We can transform completely into anyone we want to be. And if you want to learn how to shift what is going on in your brain to stop beating yourself up to stop feeling like a failure then let's talk. Thanks for tuning in and I'll talk to you next week.

Episode 6: Get Happier with Mindfulness

Full time working and parenting for the first time was a huge adjustment for Dr. Prianca. Mindfulness became a key component of her wellness routine. Beyond that, it really helped her to live her happiest, best life. Dr. Prianca defines mindfulness, explains how to get started, and its power in living a fulfilled and happy life.

What you will learn:

• How to get distance from your thoughts and feelings
• How to get out of autopilot and cruise control mode
• The Basics of Meditation
• The Benefits of Living a Mindful Life

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow me on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join my FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[Show Notes]:

Mindfulness is a basic tenet of peace, fulfillment, and happiness in life. It allows us to live in this moment, the present moment. We often think about the past or worry about the future all the while missing out on what's in front of us-here and now.

Our brain's default mode network is an incessant stream of thoughts. There is an automaticity to so much of what we do. We often are living our lives on auto pilot maybe doing the dishes, showering, or driving a familiar route. Have you ever driven on a route for the 100th time and suddenly you notice a beautiful tree and ask yourself was that always there?

Noticing the beauty around us brings us to the present moment, connects us with nature, our surroundings, and increases our happiness.

The sooner we realize and acknowledge our tendency for automaticity and incessant thought streams, the more we can control ourselves and not get lost in the experience of this meaning getting sucked in.

One of the first steps to being mindful, is to increase our awareness. Of our 5 senses, of our body, our breath, and what's around us. Here and now ot tether ourselves to the present moment through our mind body connection.

Application of mindfulness:

• Savoring the good moments, hugging your child
• Being present with children
• Getting yourself out of a negative catastrophization spiral

How do we do this:

• Remind ourselves
• There is a body-feel the weight of gravity and points of contact
• Here and now.
• Then we can shift our focus to our breath for a few seconds they serve as an anbchor. Provide us with stability
• Allow us to feel stable amidst any and all chaos.

Meditation practice over time leads to mindfulness and a greater mind body connection. This process gives us distance from our thoughts and feelings. Eventually, we will get sucked into our own inner drama less and less leading to a more balanced life experience." Jackson MacKenzie

BENEFITS of mindfulness

• Less stress
• Less anxiety
• Lower blood pressure
• Lower heart rate
• Better sleep
• Improved focus and concentration
• Increased feelings of wellbeing or happiness
• Help us with our constant need to be stimulated, phone addicitons

Helpful books

Full Catastrophe Living and Whereever You Go There You Are by Jon Kabat-Zinn

The Art Of Mindfulness by Thich Naht Hahn

Mistakes in meditation:

• People think that by meditating regularly, they will find peace
• Meditating by itself isn't the answer
• People assume they cannot meditate
• People think there is a "right way" to practice mindfulness meditation
• It's not actually that simple
• You have to apply your practice to real life

Mindfulness has empowered me to savor the good and ordinary moments, contributing to my overall happiness.

I use mindfulness in stressful, anxious, and angry moments. It helps to center me and give me distance from my overpowering unpleasant feelings.

Episode 5: Clean Decisions: Say No To Mind Drama And Spinning

Most of the time, especially for professional moms, the experience of brainado comes naturally. Brainado is a word coined by combining the word brain and tornado, so it's self-explanatory. But how can you clear up your mind and make more room for clean decision-making? Dr. Prianca explains how you can make the clean decisions, see decision-making as a form of freedom, and live a life with intention.

What you will learn:

• Our brain's energy is finite
• The perfect decision does not exist!
• No decision is permanent; you can always change your mind!
• Be intentional about brain input

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Why do I feel tired all the time? Is this this is a question you ask yourself all the time? Well many of us with young children are sleep deprived or we work a lot. Others of us are in denial. Sometimes physicians will ask themselves if they have thyroid problems I find this so funny because we will try and treat ourselves like our own patients and we make the worst patients and yet you get your blood work done and thyroid is normal there are no real organic causes let's say for your feeling exhausted.

One of the major ways in which we feel drain and exhausted is using our brain in ways that are not productive. A friend of mine, when he would get into fight or flight mode, would use the term Brainaidos-brain swirling

Also, many of us type A professional mothers are perfectionists and we obsess about making the right decision so it's right or perfect

I'm going to let you in on a little secret-there's no such thing!!

A perfect decision-no one has the answers to your life bc they're not in your shoes. Only you can decide. And just a little plug on people pleasing-no one is watching you in your home, ok? The pressure is off. Do whatever you want. You're a grown up!

We have a finite amount of brain energy to devote to whatever topics we allow in a given day and yet as intelligent and successful as we maybe we find ourselves with our brain spinning back-and-forth and confusion in mind drama leaving us exhausted or depleted.

We go in circles constantly about the same problems

Indecision, brainados, obsessing-all happiness stealers. So we want to get away from them. We want to be aware and make changes.

I'm going to give a personal anecdote hear about why we do this. So I used to take a lot of pride in being deep or philosophical. I come from a family where reading Pulitzer Prize winning books is applauded and discussion about things beyond the surface level is also a sign of intelligence and dad. I used to take so much pride in thinking about things till no end until in my adult post coaching life I realized I was really wasting my energy on things and I really needed to be deliberate and intentional with how it was going to use mind.

This intentionality and clearing up of brain clutter frees up so much space that once you start implementing the solutions I talk about today you'll see how much lighter you feel.

Clean decisions are the key to getting the life we want. Decisions empower us to take control of our lives and our life experience.

Our lives consit of a series of decisions.

Life isn't happening to us. We get to decide.

You might be thinking okay okay, I get it yeah I do do. I see the problem here, but what's your solution? Well of course, I'm going to give a solution.

Awareness.

This is the first step in solving any problem. Awareness of what your brain is doing. One way of being aware is practicing mindfulness meditation. Not so much to zone out or zen out or whatever people think it will achieve. But to become an observer of our thoughts and feelings. I will dive deeper into this concept in a future episode, but for now I will say that being aware of how our mind wanders or goes back and forth acknowledges the potential problem and gives us distance from our own thoughts. We can then empower ourselves to notice and decide what we want to do about them or how we want to view them.

Once we are aware of them, we can deliberately make clean decisions. Clean decisions are a major happiness contributor. The problem with going back and forth with decision making is that we waste time an energy. We can actually simplify this process.

It's called clean decisions.

Follow a few basic tenets when decision making:

Realize no decision is permanent. When making a tough decision you can say this is for now…I can always change my mind: example-client moving out, afraid. We all have a lot of fear, it's our brains way of keeping us safe.

Nothing in life is actually permanent even if we believe it to be-that's an illusion.

We also should figure out what are values are refer to my podcast episode number X I talk about values. Does this decision align with my values system?

If I loved myself how would I make this decision?

Even if you feel pressure from outside sources, remember your tools to stop people pleasing from episode 4.

Go with your gut. That's it. Simple easy. This is really how we should do things period.

Stop back and forth stop going back and forth. Pick some on thing make a decision even if it scares you. Just decide. And rememvberyou can always change your mind.

Fear forward. Go forward with something that scares you.

Nothing gratifying comes easily

Babies require timed sex and a pregnancy which is hard. It's wonderful but scary too!

Remember that you can always change your life. Nothing life is permanent.

If you need to research things before making an informed decision, create a limit to the amount of research. I personally tend to streamline thigns. I don't want to spend a ton of time in this I find it inefficient.

Lighten up. We take things too seriously. We need to treat things like they're no big deal even if maybe they are and it takes the pressure off.

Keep things simple. What might be the easiest decision for today if you're feeling overburdened.

Trust in yourself. Believe in yourself ot look out for you. I don't care what you did in the past. It doesn't matter. You can always decide to make a change today

And remember for past regrets, you did the best you could at the time with the information you had and where you were at that time.

Stop asking a million people what they think.

It's okay to get input, but stand guard to the doorway of your mind

Have a sieve for what you allow to come into your brain

Talk to cheerleaders. Cut out naysayers.

Ask yourself if your future self will thank you for this decision? This is a great way to get out of your own head, simplify things, and love yourself.

I find this question actually helpful in eating healthfully and drinking mindfully. DO I really need another piece of cake? Will my figure self thank me for that?

Once we get out of brain drama and make clean decisions we can then get in to massive action and get the results we want.

Episode 4: Stop People-Pleasing and Get Happy!

As a recovering 'yes' person, Dr. Prianca opens up about her own story and people-pleasing and how it affected her as a child, and later on as a parent. People-pleasing forces us to focus on what others think instead of ourselves. Dr. Prianca explains how you can move away from people-pleasing and the lessons you'll learn along the way as you give heed more to yourself.

What you will learn:

• Why people-pleasing is so ingrained in us
• The power of no
• Methods to stop people-pleasing

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow me on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join my FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Hello Ladies!

I'm thrilled you're tuning in today!

I'm going to chat about a topic that negatively affects so many of us. Buuut, the good news is…there are solutions in store for you today.

People-pleasing! So many of us engage in it.

If you have a hard time with boundaries, saying no, fear being labeled as selfish, seek other people's approval, and pick other people over yourself constantly, you are probably a people pleaser so keep listening!

Why are we people-pleasers?

People-pleasing is ingrained at such a young age.

Toddlers look for their parent's approval. We learn easily at a young age that performing (often well) earns praise. Repeating words as a baby elicits applause or a smile from our parents, so we keep doing it perhaps in increasing frequency.

In school, if the teachers liked us, maybe we would get good grades. Again, more fostering of external judgment and approval.

We become conditioned to equate our self-worth with the approval of others. It's no surprise that as adults so highly value the opinions of others.

To take it a step further, we base our self-worth on this-on people-pleasing.

Self-worth, which, if you break down the word…self and worth…if we take that word literally…then it should be based on ourselves….not on others. Sense of self-worth, approval, all of those things that make us feel fulfilled and happy, we must find the answers within ourselves.

Keep this in your mind as we move through this episode.

Clients come to me concerned about what other people think of them; this is common in medicine where people want to have a good reputation as a physician or to be liked by their superiors or administration at the hospital-ultimately trying to garner external approval.

I'm going to tell you right now that engaging in this pattern actually gives away our power. Trying to gain other people's praise only hands our power to them. Basing our self-worth on others is giving our happiness away to what's outside of us.

One client was complaining about her boss who never seemed to be satisfied with this doctor's work and on top of that was inconsistent in her policies, which was unfair.

She wanted to make peace with her boss and have a symbiotic relationship. But the goal of making her boss happy with her was actually majorly out of her hands. Whatever outlook her boss was bringing to the table had everything to do with her boss's narrative, not hers, and would be a certain way regardless of what this talented young physician did.

We often people please as a way to avoid the discomfort of others' disapproval. It can't be uncomfortable when someone disagrees with us, or someone doesn't like us.

I will remind you again that People pleasing will deplete us and take our joy away. We can't control anything outside of us. Don't forget that.

We waste a lot of time worrying about something someone said about us, which was negative. Well-not everyone is going to like us. We know this logically but often get upset when not everyone likes us.

To reassure you, I am going to tell you that the majority of someone's opinion of you is dictated by his or her story, not the quality of person that YOU are.

For example, a South Asian client of mine-her mother in law told her husband she didn't love him bc she didn't cook him hot meals. This is insane, right? But.. that's the mother in laws story. Food = love. Not much to do with her DIL, who, btw with cultural norms, would never be good enough. So the sooner we accept other people's narratives for exactly what they are, the sooner we can find inner peace and move on with our lives!

I'm going to tell a personal story here of my own journey with this. For myriad reasons, I didn't get into an ivy league school, and I probably could have. (that was my pre-coaching, pre-mindset/mind management, beliefs life).

I went to Wash U in St. Louis, which is more than respectable as an undergrad institution. That being said, it went down in history as my failure. Couple that with a bit of teenage angst, getting into trouble with my born Indian parents in India, and I was the black sheep of my family for a while.

I was so insecure about this alleged failure that I wouldn't make decisions by myself… I'd always consult my mother or best friend.

I realized I was a people-pleaser in that I was constantly seeking my parents' approval for everything. Even as an adult, I would want their approval for my parenting choices. But of course, I'm doing things differently, taking the good from them and discarding the bad as I parent.

A few years ago, I found myself wasting energy arguing with my mom, trying to badger her into agreeing with me. And leaving the conversation depleted and unhappy, I realized the solution to this was to realize the answers for what I was supposed to do were in me…not outside of me. I began to adjust my approach

Now, When they don't agree with me. I acknowledge they're entitled to their opinion, and I mine. And what if I can focus on pleasing myself. Does this choice align with who I am? Does this choice empower me?

Asking myself these questions helps me get out of people-pleasing and into my own fulfilled zone.

Don't get me wrong, I still find myself slipping into my people-pleasing ways. But with awareness and practice, I can decrease it immensely

Indian culture promotes success and having a great life on paper, so one can brag at Indian parties about it. Perhaps that's an extreme view, but that was my personal experience of my childhood and accolades or lack them.

Luckily as I grew up and learned to love and trust myself in order to make decisions… (I will talk about self-love in a future episode), but notice I said learn…bc self-love and trust is often not automatic. It has to be learned and practiced.

It wasn't until my 30's that I realized my entire existence had been dedicated to proving myself (another form of people-pleasing) to the world, but also to my family. Once I got into medical school, I could prove I was smart and successful. Once I married the right person on paper, I could prove I made good decisions, and so on and so forth.

But even then, when I was an attending, I said yes to everything 100% of the time. I didn't want to seem difficult. I wanted them to like me and know I was a hard, dedicated worker. And if someone had a problem with me, I took it so personally, I would cry and cry for a whole day about somebody saying one small bad thing about me.

That's really sad. I allowed myself to lose my own happiness to the comment of another. Today-no way…I no longer do that, and I want you to be able to do the same! One of the most difficult things for women is saying NO.

Women are nurturing, accommodating, and not used to putting their own needs first. I first considered saying NO when it didn't suit me after reading a New York Times article on the power of no.

I didn't even consider this concept until I became a full-time working mother.

I found it very difficult to say no to people.

Perhaps it was part of the narrative in my head, but I figured people thought I was difficult when I said no.

When I realized that I couldn't control others' opinions of me, only my own, I felt empowered and liberated.

I am recovering 'yes' person…

I'll never forget my first time saying no…I was on my way home, looking forward to hopping on my Peloton, Really have found exercise to be an endorphin-boosting energizing activity. A senior partner asked me to see admission, and I was one exit away from my home… I decided, after reading any times articles on the power of no… to say no… I felt so guilty…but I did it anyway.

Getting comfortable with the discomfort. This is a key to our sense of peace. And you know what? I didn't regret it.

And I bet he doesn't even remember this!

Practice the power of no. Saying no to self-sacrifice and you will find that With time you start letting go

A few weeks ago, I found my people-pleasing creeping in.

I said ok to a few places at work. I had a coaching retreat that day also. I knew it would be a major cluster. The story recently about work realized I couldn't do it had to say no and get an adjustment

I would have been afraid to say something before, now no more

It's constant practice and work, but it's worth it. I'm so much happier.

I'm going to dive into how to stop people-pleasing and start getting happy!

Acknowledgment.

Acknowledge you're a people pleaser. List out all of the ways in which you find yourself people-pleasing

practice saying and Getting comfortable with saying no. If something makes you uncomfortable, realize it's ok to not participate. Stop explaining yourself because you don't owe the world explanations for your choices or your life.

Practice pleasing yourself.

When you find yourself thinking do they like what I did or do they like me for doing that? Ask yourself if you like you for doing that.

The problem with people-pleasing:

It's outside of us; we have no control.

We sacrifice ourselves, our own happiness for others and are left depleted.

Remember, people's story about you reflects mainly on them; you can't control them.

And making decisions to please them, keep in mind that no one can actually know the right decision for you because they're not in your shoes.

Self-focus and trust- key components of fulfillment, peace, and happiness as well as an antidote to people-pleasing. We look outside of ourselves for approval when we need to focus on approving ourselves.

It's hard. But we are in control.

Instead of focusing on what others think of us, let's focus on ourselves.

And you know what's funny about this? It's often harder to look within and so much easier to look outside of ourselves. So we can shift our perspective and decide to pull inward and look within.

For the answers, for what is right, for fulfilling ourselves, for loving ourselves.

Only then can we truly be at peace.

People-pleasing Lessons:

We have the answers-ALWAYS.

Self-validation is of the utmost importance in self-fulfillment.

Self-focus and love are more helpful than looking outside of ourselves.

Let's keep that on our minds as we acknowledge how people-pleasing gives our power away to other people. Basing our self-worth on others is giving our happiness away to what's outside of us.

Instead, let's turn in and consider getting our own approval.

And being aware of and getting rid of negative self-talk.

The people who know, love, and accept you will, regardless of you "pleasing" them.

Creating ease in our own lives has a ripple effect on those around us.

We must constantly practice.

My Client:

Before coaching: She wanted to move close to family, or so she thought.

After coaching: Laser focusing on what she wanted, she realized she only thought she wanted to move to make her parents happy.

The first step to remedying the practice of people-pleasing is acknowledging you're doing it. Then practice seeking your own approval. Again and again.

How so? By asking yourself:

Does this behavior or decision align with who I am/my values?

Am I in integrity loving myself when I make this choice?

Or what would I do if I cared for myself?

What would I tell a friend to do?

How to eliminate People-pleasing:

• Start small with a no.
• Standing guard to the doorway of our minds
• Mind management
• Look within
• Decide what you want and go after it regardless of what others think.
• The power of no