The Empowering Working Moms Podcast-Real Talk with Dr. Prianca Naik

Episode 23: How to manage sadness to move past exhaustion and find peace and happiness

In this episode of Empowering Working Moms Podcast – Real Talk with Dr. Prianca Naik, she invites everyone to see sadness in a different way. She believes that changing our attitude and mindset towards pain can decrease the amount of suffering we endure in the long run. She also shares tips on managing sadness to move past exhaustion to find peace and happiness.

In this episode you will learn:

• The contrast between joy and pain
• Crying and its usual effect on people
• Our Brain –resistant to change
• What to do when life gets hard and overwhelming

About Dr. Prianca Naik:

Prianca is a working mom physician who has always learned and practiced science. It is this principle, putting science to life, which helps make everything more manageable.

After years in clinical practice, Prianca found her favorite part of work was troubleshooting everyday problems with patients, but more so with colleagues, nurses, social workers, and other female physicians. In helping other professionals improve their well-being, she realized that she wanted to start transforming her contribution to the world. Motherhood was the compelling catalyst that propelled her to finally take a leap and pursue that change.

Through desperate Google searches, work on herself, podcasts, reading, and lifestyle changes, she began to emerge. Throughout life's challenges and adversity, Prianca learned to find happiness within herself regardless of her circumstances. She began working with a coach, which was more powerful than any therapy work she had ever done. This experience motivated her to earn her coaching certification at the International Coach Academy.

Prianca works with professional mothers to reduce their stress and anxiety levels by 50% in 12 weeks. Her clients make small incremental changes to obtain larger long-term results. After working with her, they surface from the heavy cloud of day-to-day pressure and thrive.

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Get to know Dr. Prianca Naik on:Website: https://www.stresscleansemd.com/ LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik Do you need a safe space and community for professional moms in survival mode, struggling, and feeling alone?

Join the Empowering Working Moms Facebook grouphttps://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Episode 22: Boundaries for Healthy Relationships and Dealing with an Alcoholic Spouse

In the final episode of the three-part alcohol-related series of Empowering Working Moms Podcast – Real Talk with Dr. Prianca Naik, Dr. Prianca talks about setting up healthy boundaries to help deal with and live with an alcoholic spouse. Boundaries are anchored in the concept of self-love – drawing lines to love, honor, and protect ourselves. As someone who grew up in a culture where boundary lines are blurry, she knows how confusing and hard it can be to start standing up for yourself. But when you are ready to reform the culture you have inherited, it will be empowering and satisfying.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is boundary
• Self-love
• How to start setting up boundaries
• The culture that affects our ability to set up boundaries
• The crucial thing when employing boundaries

About Dr. Prianca Naik:

Prianca is a working mom physician who has always learned and practiced science. It is this principle, putting science to life, that helps make everything more manageable.

After years in clinical practice, Prianca found her favorite part of work was troubleshooting everyday problems with patients, but more so with colleagues, nurses, social workers, and other female physicians. In helping other professionals to improve their well-being, she realized that she wanted to start transforming her contribution to the world. Motherhood was the compelling catalyst that propelled her to finally take a leap and pursue that change. 

Through desperate google searches, work on herself, podcasts, reading, and lifestyle changes, she began to emerge. Throughout life's challenges and adversity, Prianca learned to find happiness within herself regardless of her circumstances. She began working with a coach, which was more powerful than any therapy work she had ever done. This experience motivated her to earn her coaching certification at the International Coach Academy.

Prianca works with professional mothers to reduce their stress and anxiety levels by 50% in 12 weeks. Her clients make small incremental changes to obtain larger long-term results. After working with her, they surface from the heavy cloud of day-to-day pressure and thrive.

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Get to know Dr. Prianca Naik on:

Website:              https://www.stresscleansemd.com/

LinkedIn:             https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Instagram:         https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

Facebook:           https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

Do you need a safe space and community for professional moms in survival mode, struggling, and feeling alone? Join Healing For Professional Moms-From Surviving To Thriving on Facebook Now:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Episode 21: How To Deal with An Alcoholic Spouse By Ditching Codependence

For the second episode of this three-part alcohol-related series of Empowering Working Moms Podcast – Real Talk with Dr. Pianca Naik, Dr. Prianca dive into codependence. She believes that codependence is a major characteristic of those who live with an alcoholic. In reference to the concepts in Melody Beattie’s book Codependent No More, she shares that codependence means more than just being needy and incapable of doing things without the other person. To deal with an alcoholic spouse, ditching codependence is the first big step to take.

In this episode you will learn:

• What is codependence
• Tendencies of codependence
• Breaking the cycle of codependence
• Detachment

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Get to know Dr. Prianca Naik on:

Website:              https://www.stresscleansemd.com/

LinkedIn:             https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Instagram:          https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

Facebook:           https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

Do you need a safe space and community for professional moms in survival mode, struggling, and feeling alone? Join Healing For Professional Moms-From Surviving To Thriving on Facebook Now:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

Episode 20: Living With an Alcoholic Spouse

In this episode Dr. Prianca discusses how to find peace while living with an alcoholic spouse

What you will learn:

• Understanding your not alone
• How to cope
• How lies and addiction go hand in hand

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

My process helps professional moms with the seemingly perfect life who are silently suffering on the inside to know that they're not alone,  and that they reclaim their confidence and power to have the life they want even if that feels impossible right now.

I’m really excited to bring to you this series on alcoholism.  The real talk part of the title of this podcast is that way because I really want to dive in to the deep dark issues no one is talking about.  many of my clients are dealing with alcoholic spouses and they feel incredibly ashamed, so I wanted to talk about some of the nuances of living with addiction.

If you’ve never had alcoholism in your family and you find out that your spouse has been hiding drinking from you it may be difficult to discern.

Alcoholism, now known as alcohol use disorder, is a condition in which a person has a desire or physical need to consume alcohol, even though it has a negative impact on their life.

But more than what alcoholism is I really want to describe what it is like to live with an alcoholic because it’s something only people who have alcoholic family members understand.

People feel a lot of shame they feel alone because they isolate themselves and they don’t wanna talk about an alcoholic family member or spouse. Even though we know that there are x number of alcoholics on this earth/in this country.

And yet alcoholism in the family can still be a shameful secret.

I know the way I was raised was that these things (meaning suicide, eating disorders, addiction/anything mental health) didn’t happen to Indian people

Luckily, our generation has a chance to do better.

I want to dive in what it looks like to live with an alcoholic.

An alcoholic’s wife will feel like she’s a single parent.  Somehow he can manage work and htat’s about it.  If he’s a less functioning alcoholic maybe he can’t even manage that.  She will find alcohol in a place it shouldn’t be and here a quick excuse about it.

Her life seems harder than other people’s and yet she doesn’t know why.

He might get unhinged or angry for no good reason or he may pass out early in the evening.  He doesn’t contribte much to the household or p[articipate in chores.

He lies about drinking and makes excuses to leave the house to do so.

The alcoholic may come into the house slurring his words stumbling and if you ask him if he’s been drinking, he will flat out say no.  (Playing Sherlock Holmes in his drinking will never serve you…but I will discuss that on next week’s episode on codependence).

An alcoholic may act strangely early in the morning due to drinking.  They often drink in the middle of the night to quell withdrawal symptoms so if they seem drunk or you know they have a drinking problem, don’t let them drive with your children or be alone with your children.

They will swear they’re sober and show signs of drunkenness.  If you suspect he’s been drinking he probably has.  Follow your gut.  Don’t engage in an argument with them and don’t accus ethem of drinking.  You will never win.  They will double down on their lies.

Lies and addiction:

Addiction and lying go hand in hand.  It’s pretty hard to have one without the other.  A particularly intelligent addict with be delusional about his drinking problem and often believe his own lies.  That may help soften the blow when you feel betrayed.  A client of mine her husband had been drinking and offered to drive her and her son while she was pregnant and she couldn’t believe he would do that.  However, he probably believed he was ok to drive.

You can't trust a thing they say when they are not sober and trust is the anchor of love.  And not drinking is not the same as sober.  And it isnt your secret to keep.

Another strange thing that happens can be rough play.  Another client of mine whose husband was an alcoholic before she even knew that.  He used to be rough with her at night.  She would also notice his decompensating as the evening wore on.  When she brought this up to their couples therapist the couples therapist who clearly knew very little about alcoholism suggested that because he was a physician buttoned up performing all day at work, he would unbutton and let loose like a kindergartener.  Make no mistake though that this is a sign something is wrong.

When things don’t add up and seem strange…that’s because they are.  Often when we are in the thick of a situation we may not want the truth even if we sort of do.  Does that resonate?

If your partner’s behavior is unpredictable, he or she may have a mental illness, axis I or axis 2 diagnosis or he or she may have an addiction.  Surreptitiously drinking or using drugs.

Maybe you’re at a point where you know what is going on…reflect on how you’ve enabled if at all.  Are you constantly rescuing your spouse?  Following him or her around to make sure he or she doesn’t drink?

Are you afraid to ask about his drinking because it is triggering for him? Or maybe you feel like you have to walk on eggshells and that’ sno fun.

A lot of times you might feel you’re on a rollercoaster ride that wonn’t stop.  Only you can decide if you want to keep on riding or get off.  It’s your choice.

I hope I clarified some of the chaos that goes along with living with addiction because it can be so isolating.  If any of this is sounding familiar I want you to know you are not alone.

Know there are a lot of professional moms out there dealing with the exact same thing.  It’s more common than you think, just secretive.

In the next two episodes I will dive in on how you can create a better life experience for yourself in spite of living with active addiction.

If you want to dive deeper into this work, I have 4 spots opening up for private clients. 

My process helps professional moms with the seemingly perfect life who are silently suffering on the inside to know that they're not alone,  and that they reclaim their confidence and power to have the life they want even if that feels impossible right now.

Schedule a call today priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me

Episode 19: Tips to be More Patient

Despite being raised as results-oriented, Dr. Prianca learned how to cultivate patience. Dr. Prianca explains that not being patient doesn't define who you are and is certainly something you can practice and work on. So, enjoy the process, believe in ourselves, and learn to build patience.

What you will learn:

• How to be patient with yourself
• Zoom out and gain perspective.
• Stop feeding into certain narratives
• Get to your long-term goals
• Cultivating patience moment by moment via mind-body awareness

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media:

https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik

https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca

https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Cultivating patience is a key part of inner peace and a better life regardless of your circumstances.

Patience is "The ability to wait, or to continue doing something despite difficulties, or to suffer without complaining or becoming annoyed.

I was raised to produce results. I'm a results-oriented person, and efficiency and not wasting time are huge for me—so this means I've never been patient.

Waiting is not fun

We are all used to immediate satisfaction and results.

This isn't serving us. Creating more frustration when things aren't happening on our brain's timeline. The antidote and solution to this is patience.

Let's first address patience with ourselves. This means giving ourselves grace. Are you going through a hard time or having a tough day? Can you be patient with yourself? So many clients come to me saying they want to be more patient with their kids. But patience starts with us, and it takes practice.

I challenge you to practice patience then next time you feel yourself demanding more from yourself or trying to give yourself tough love. What about meeting yourself exactly where you are, knowing you're doing your best and this too shall pass?

Patience with where we are in life or goals. Good things take time. Some people get lucky and get quick results, but often time and effort are combined to create our desired results. So…when we are taking the right steps to get to where we want to go, let's embrace the process. Embrace the work instead of the end result. This helps us to have patience. Mel Robbins' manifestation technique emphasizes visualizing the work to get where you want to go and taking pride in the work or action. Try this on for size. Lean into the work. Know what result you want, but try to detach from it and know that it will come in time.

Try to zoom out and gain perspective. This is another key to patience cultivation. For example, when your kids are making a mess, and it is driving you nuts-we've all been there-take a step back before indulging in the frustration. There's a simple solution to clean the mess. If you're tired, you can do it later. If they're old enough, ask for their help. Also, what helps me tremendously is to be grateful my kids are in my home, knowing that when they're grown and move out, I'll probably miss the mess. And, of course, this is a small blip on the radar and shall pass.

When you find yourself being impatient, try to remember or think that nothing has gone wrong. All is as it should be. Often things unfold exactly as they should, but we may not realize that until later. Reflect on some adversities in your life…how did they serve you? It took me three years to apply to medical school. I was impatient the entire time in my 20s…but this did serve me. I am aware of the marathon that is life. I was able to get into a few US MD schools in spite of being told that was unlikely. I know that I can do hard things…so can you! Hence, let's work on enjoying the process, believing in ourselves, and learning to build patience.

Another tip for building patience is to stop feeding into certain narratives. Because of the previous story, three years I took off before medical school, I had a mantra-"things take me longer than others" and it wasn't in a positive light. I realized I needed to ditch this story. So when I feel it coming up, I notice it, acknowledge it as an old frenemy story that doesn't serve me, and then I move on instead of indulging. Notice what stories you have surrounding patience and get rid of the ones that aren't helping.

Focus on shorter-term goals which will help you get to longer-term goals. If you want to lose 20 lbs, it's not going to happen healthily in one month. But you can increase working out and decrease carbs or more mindfully eat on a day-to-day basis, and you'll see the effects.

Doctors, we've all had a long road of education and delayed gratification…remember this. Use this to your advantage in cultivating patience.

Finally, my last, tip-which I return to often and throughout my day, is

Cultivating patience moment to moment via mind-body awareness.

Remember, there is a body. Feel your feet on the floor. Your contact with the chair if you're sitting. The weight of gravity. Feel the stability of the earth beneath you. Breathe. Focus on your breath and the rhythm. This has helped me to be mindful and patient in the line at the grocery store.

If that doesn't work for you, another mindful activity is just noticing whatever you're doing. One task at a time. Notice the water falling on you when you're showering. Or notice your hands on the wheel while driving or the surroundings. Focusing, creating peace, and being present creates more space and patience instead of constantly needing to be filled with stimuli, which is the antithesis of patience.

Pick a few instances that elicit impatience typically for you-traffic, waiting in the grocery line, or anything else. Practice a couple of the discussed methods today and see how it goes.

If you want to dive deeper into this work, I have four spots opening up for private clients.

My process helps professional moms with the seemingly perfect life who are silently suffering on the inside to know that they're not alone and that they reclaim their confidence and power to have the life they want, even if that feels impossible right now.

Schedule a call today priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me

Episode 18: Extinguish Emotional Exhaustion Through Not Worrying About What Other People Think

Even in her 30s, Dr. Prianca admits to still seeking her parents' approval. As she reflects on her own experience, Dr. Prianca explains how growing up as a people pleaser will leave you emotionally exhausted. She explains why social media is fake, why looking inward is essential, and how to sit well with other people's disapproval.

What you will learn:

• Other peoples' opinions can drain you
• Social media is fake
• It takes discipline to live life intentionally
• Why the book Untamed is so popular
• Instead of worrying about what others think, ask yourself this instead…

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

I want to talk about this today because many of my clients feel paralyzed in several areas because they are worried about what others would think.

Areas of paralysis include: making a change like leaving an abusive spouse, letting people know what is really going on inside their houses because they're embarrassed. They're afraid of the external façade being extinguished

They're afraid that if their friends knew what was happening…addicted spouse, abusive relationship, toxic work environment that they would judge them for staying or tell them to leave when they're not ready. So they isolate themselves

They think they're the only ones in this boat. They think they have an abnormal situation and no one could relate.

SO then they're even more isolated an lonely sometimes in addition to having a spouse who tries to isolate them further.

Worrying about what people think causes the following problems:

Wastes time and precious brain energy

It isolates us

It makes us feel bad

It can keep us stuck

Why do we worry about what people think?

We want to belong

We want a sense of tribe

We want external approval

We are people-pleasers…please refer to episode #4 on combatting people pleasing.

Many of us worried about what our parents would think of our life from a young age into adulthood as well.

Our parents train us to not air our dirty laundry and brag a lot (this is pervasive in South Asian culture)

When people judge what we are doing or don't like it, it's uncomfortable because we all just want to belong and be liked. Once we can actually sit with this discomfort and notice it-it's often a vibration in the body-keep noticing and by noticing we can neutralize it. Once it's a vibration we can identify it for what it is and soften its power over us. Actually, we empower ourselves and begin to take hold of our own experience.

I encourage you to practice sitting with discomfort or tell your parents something of which they wouldn't approve. Tune in to your reaction, the discomfort in your body. Stick to your guns. See how it goes.

The concepts in life coaching are very simple, but they must constantly be practiced in order to actually implement. Our patterns the unhelpful and unhealthy ones that we've engaged and have been occurring for so long but of course it takes discipline an offer to transformer selves. But we can most certainly fake it 'til we make it and embody a different method.

I want to discuss how to stop worrying about what other people think because this will remove one major contributor to emotional exhaustion and stuckness.

Here's what to do:

Look inward

It's simple but not easy.

It's so much easier to project our own judgments and fears on to other people. Often we do something that we know is the right thing to do, but might be against the grain of how we were raised. Which I do talk about in the previous episode-episode number 17 "How to Move Forward When How You Were Raised Conflicts with Your Current Values." And when we have this dissonance within us, it's much easier to fixate and perseverate on what this person's reaction would be because then we are off the hook. We don't have to look inward and take a good hard look at ourselves because that's much more difficult and painful. That is a part of the deep internal work we must do to get to a better place.

And to judge ourselves is one of the hardest things to do. It's easy to gossip and judge other people's actions when we don't want to examine ourselves. So the second step in not worrying about what people think includes asking yourself why you care what that person thinks and I turned inward and ask yourself what is my opinion about this? How do I judge myself? How do I reflect poorly in front of myself?

Take some time to write this down-maybe in the notes app of your phone and run through this exercise when your brain starts going down the road of what will he think or she think. It sucks but it is SO helpful in the long-run to build a sense of self, self-confidence, self-love, and focus. This practice helps to keep your brain out of spinning and confusion and not deplete energy which none of us has any spare to waste!

Episode 17: How to Move Forward When How You Were Raised Conflicts with Your Current Values

Dr. Prianca shares how she once worked with a client suffering from an abusive marriage, only to slowly work their way into realizing that the real issue is with the client's dysfunctional upbringing. Ultimately, she explains how one can normalize going against taboos, beliefs, and programming that make life miserable.

What you will learn:

• How you were raised can impact you more than youthink
• Awareness is the first step to breaking negative cycles
• How to forge your own way

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Indian people never get divorced. That felt like a fact I grew up knowing. What I also grew up knowing was that a lot of my aunties and uncles were trapped in unhappy marriages. Openly miserable. Unhappy and constantly gossiping about other people's lives. Being competitive, trying to one up each other with a better house or fancier car. Or whose kid could get into the best college.

Personal growth and development. Mental health. Questioning how they were raised. This wasn't in the mix at all.

Mental health as I knew it was my father saying "you must PRODUCE" regardless of my effort.

What I knew as normal: most people had arranged marriages. They were unhappy and made it work. Made it work. That's funny right. What works for each person is different for him or her. But a lot of what worked for them doesn't work for us. Because we aren't in india.

Many of us are born and raised here. The internet exists. Lots of free-flowing information. Striving to do better than our parents as they did too.

Mental health is more acceptable to discuss as physician suicide is on the rise. Maybe something needs to change.

Today I want to talk about how you might be raised. And how that may impact you a lot more deeply than you think.

I am going to give an example of a southasian client of mine. An attorney.

She was never good enough always messing up in her parents' eyes. Nothing she did was good enough. When she got into a top 14 law school that was finally good. She "made it". When it came time to get married they wanted her to marry someone from a good family and good on paper.

She meet a handsome, charming, Indian doctor. Her parents were thrilled. She was finally doing the "right thing"

Once she married him, things got ugly on the inside. He would have fits and abuse her about the dishes not being done correctly. He was unpredictable. He would punch holes in walls. One time he hit her. She would gtell her mother about these issues because she was too ashamed to discuss them with her friends. She was afraid her friends would tell her to divorce him. Her mother would reply that "everyone has problems in their marriages." Because divorce wasn't an option.

It wasn't until coaching with me, getting clear on her vision, understanding that she had been programmed a certain way that she realized how dysfunctional her home was. Her mom often abused her father so this behavior was normalized for her. What she realized with coaching though was that she didn't want to model this for her children.

She would often beat herself up about being "stupid" enough to marry such a person when there were early red flags. After she started working with me, she learned her to be gentle with herself and to give herself compassion. To acknowledge that she was programmed from a young age to 1) think abuse and dysfunction normal and 2) to marry an Indian doctor/someone good on paper 3)to make marriage work no matter what because that's all she ever observed.

As I often talk about…awareness… that's the key. The first step in changing, breaking free from the cycles and negative patterns to which you are accustomed.

She was able to heal herself, forgive her past self, like we talked about on last week's episode, for overlooking red flags to do what she thought was the right thing. To make her parents proud.

In south Asian families, gaining our parents' approval is huge. From going to a good college, getting a higher degree, being successful, and marrying "the right" and I say that with air quotes person.

This programming is deep. It can cloud us from what we actually want. Because living for other people, including our own parents, will never make us happy. What will make us happy is living a life that aligns with our own values.

Our values can be partially ours and the good ones we want to carry on from our parents.

There are also things we don't want to carry forward.

Back to my client: once she realized how dysfunctional her house was with abuse. She got clarity on whether this was acceptable to her regardless of what other people or her parents thought. Life eventually became unlivable for her. (probably because abuse tends to escalate over time).

She created boundaries and decided abuse wasn't acceptable to her. When her perfect on paper husband continued to abuse her, she realized nothing was going to change. She had changed. What was acceptable to her at the start of their marriage no longer was. She came to a decision. It was time for the marriage to end. Even though she had been taught that you don't get a divorce EVER. Even when her father told her she was setting a bad example for her children. Even though she was ashamed for her family to think she had failed or that her seemingly perfect life was so imperfect. The jig was up. And she was okay with that. She learned to do what was right for her. Separate from her southasian upbringing. She was paving her own way. Coaching helped her to gain the clarity she needed, to live a life aligning with HER values, to make clean decisions without spinning in confusion about what others do and think. She found herself confident, free, and at peace.

She also learned that no one else really cared as much about her own life as she did. No one understood her day to day issues.

She had to decide what worked for her and ultimately she realized divorce would never be okay by her. Because she was brought up to never get one. When she filed, she told me, she was so unhappy. She struggled with how doing the right thing hurting so much was counterintuitive.

Sometimes our programming from a young age dictates our decisions as adults. Of course, we allow this. If we are able to acknowledge how we were programmed and make an active decision as to whether or not we want to subscribe to that particular programming, we can empower ourselves and take hold of our lives.

If you, like my client, know in your gut your marriage for example is dysfunctional, that things aren't going to change and the right thing is to leave but you can't bring yourself to make a move. You feel stuck and paralyzed. Remember to give yourself grace, remove your self-judgment, follow your instinct, know you may not enjoy every right decision, know you can always change your mind, and do the hard things with self-love.

Please be patient with yourself when making big scary daunting decisions. Trust yourself that you will find your way. We have a chance to do things better than the previous generations, break cycles of trauma.

Episode 16: How to Deal With a Narcissist: Understanding and Tips

Sometimes, we encounter individuals in our lives that make us doubt ourselves, do things we don't want, and make us take on the blame for something we don't have control over. In the presence of such, Dr. Prianca reminds the importance of staying aware because you may be in the company of a narcissist. Dr. Prianca goes over the tips that help one identify and counter the influences of a narcissistic person.

What you will learn:

• Most Axis II mental disorders cant be medicated
• What are manipulation, gaslighting, and blame shifting?
• Awareness gives you a view of what needs to be changed
• Having boundaries, too, is self-love
• Why you should revisit episode 11

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Chaos at home? How to deal with a narcissist.

Narcissists

Signs of:

Life/the world revolves around them-their perspective their feelings

Sense of entitlement

Need excessive admiration

Arrogant

Lack empathy for others

In your parents—often you are an extension of them…this is not a fact. We are separate people from our parents and children

A childhood focus on competition and success often breed narcissism

Genetic

lack of psychological and emotional attachment to a parental figure can result in the child's perception of themselves as unimportant and unconnected to other people,

trauma, unpredictable or unreliable parental caregiving

excessive praise criticism

The purpose of this episode is to help give you distance form anyone narcissistic or who is a narcissist in your life.

Narcissists often manipulate, gaslight, and blame-shift.

When you're deep in the web of this, it is hard to see clearly.

By learning about narcissism, their tactics, you can start to gain distance and not get sucked into the toxicity. Narcissists will often make you feel like YOU are crazy…when they often have a skewed sense of reality-one they have created and believe.

Let's go over the terms next now that we've discussed narcissistic characteristics.

Manipulation. I think we are all familiar with this term. : to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage

So a narcissist may drop certain statements to elicit a response from you. The more aware you are, the more you can combat this. Awareness is key in the process of creating peace in your life.

Once you are aware, you won't get sucked in. Keep practicing. It takes time. There is a pull sometimes, to participate in dysfunction, but we must acknowledge that pull and keep ourselves standing straight and high.

Gaslighting. Narcissists are really good at this. As are addicts.

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which the abuser attempts to sow self-doubt and confusion in their victim's mind. Typically, gaslighters are seeking to gain power and control over the other person, by distorting reality and forcing them to question their own judgment and intuition.

For example, in an argument, you may have told the person who is gaslighting you something the other day. They will flat out tell you you never told them that to maintain their power in the argument. Knowing this, you can decide not to fight back and waste energy on proving your point. Most narcissists aren't interested in getting help and aren't going ot change. Realizing this is empowering because you can then decide how you are going to handle him or her. Not engage in fights, not try to prove a point. Realize you're getting gaslit, that you're not crazy.

Once you have your awareness heightened, you can decide and not participate as much. Now remember, this will probably drive the narcissist crazy and he or she will try to perturb you, get a rise on you even more. He probably knows how to push your buttons and will do it.

It's up to you to decide how you want to handle it. To not get involved, to walk away, to participate which is not a good idea, or to perhaps cut this person out of your life if possible.

Similarly, addicts gaslight about using. Alcoholics will hide alcohol or be visibly drunk and deny drinking to the point where you may question your own instincts. Remember to trust your gut and not to let him shake you. And dissociate, create space between you and them and their disease.

Now to address the topic blame-shifting. Narcissists tend to be blameless. Nothing is ever their fault, but instead it's the people and circumstances around them that are at fault. This happens in addiction as well. For example, alcoholics will blame their drinking on a trigger. Ie. Flying on airplanes is anxiety-inducing for me and that's why I drank. Well you drank because you chose to drink. The flying is an excuse.

A narcissist will have a responsibility of some sort. They don't follow through and will blame you htat you didn't explain properly or some other reason. You're ot blame in the end. They may say this outright or in a more circuitous way. So instead of taking the blame on and feeling bad about yourself, you can see it for what it is. When we see clearly and are aware, we can be present with that, notice it, neutralize it, and then decide what we are goigin to do, then take action. This is my model of dealing with any and all tense situations.

Write this down and try it.

Once we are aware of blame-shifting, we can neutralize it and take its power over us away. Then we are empowered. See how this works?

This way of life allows us to break the cycle maybe unhealthy cycles we have engaged in and pave a new path. Distance ourselves from getting sucked into old unhealthy patterns. This is how we create peace and freedom, build confidence.

Sometimes we end up in a place in life where we think to ourselves…how did I get here? You did have something to do with it. But I don't want you to take on a blaming attitude towards yourself. It's an awareness of owning how we got hwere we are today. Think about your childhood, were your core needs met? Did you feel loved unconditionally? A client of mine realized that her mother was a narcissist. Growing up in that atmosphere is very unhealthy. She never felt good enough. Everything was always her fault. Her mother would stop talking to her for months at a time in her 20's for silly reasons like "being disrespectful" all power plays she now realizes. She also realizes hwo unhealthy that was. She went on to marry a narcissist. He was great on paper, super charming, made her feel loved. He sucked her in and then begain abusing her mentally and physically. She realized several years into her relationship with him that he had been hiding his alcoholism from her. Everything clicked. She then learned about her own codependent tendencies as taught to her by her narcissistic mother. My client was always responsible for her mother's happiness and feelings. Her mother would often say "your problems are my problems or why are you doing this to me?" or when she would complain about her husband to her mother, her mother would talk about how much struggle her mother was having because her daughter was getting abused.

My client would feel guilty for everything and often try to control her spouse by walking on eggshells in hopes she wouldn't get abused. She would give ultimatums about his drinking in hopes that he would stop. None of this worked.

She would feel frustrated and miserable.

Once we started working together, she learned what codependence was and decided she no longer wanted to function that way with her mother or spouse. She then began to create boundaries. Meaning if x then y. She would tell her spouse, if you abuse me, I will leave the house. She felt empowered. She had a plan. She relinquished any and all responsibility over his drinking. He would abuse her in spurts. Leaving felt overwhelming. But…as she learned ot love herself through coaching with me and making clean decisions, things became clearer and clearer when they had once been so confusing.

She began to truly love herself. Something she had never done before. She asked herself, if I loved myself, would I keep putting myself in harm's way. The answer was no. she created a boundary for herself. NOT HIM. She did let him in on it though. She told him if you abuse me one more time, I am pretty sure I'm going to get off this endless rollercoaster ride. He physically abused her and she left. She filed for divorce about a year later.

She later told me that without coaching it would have taken her years to get clarity and finally leave. Once she moved out she felt that the air was lighter and she could get the clarity on the relationship that she needed. She was too in it when she lived with him. She's never been happier.

Have a narcissist in your life? Here's how to cope

Learning about narcissism

Having labels for what they do

When you feel you're being lied to to the point where you are questioning your own reality, ask yourself if you're being gaslit

It's empowering

I hear you

We can agree to disagree

I'm not going to engage in this argument

Have a plan: if a narcissist starts raging at you, decide you'll walk out of the room. (create your own boundary; you don't have to keep them in the loop about it. It's just for you).

Give yourself compassion; the narcissist may try to blame you for everything and you may find yourself wanting to fix him or her. But it's not your fault.

Focus on maintaining your peace and taking care of yourself.

Let go of your need for them to see things your way

Decide not to take what they say seriously or personally

Take time to yourself and get space when you need it

Love and accept yourself as you are

Remove yourself from tantrums

Know you can't change anyone except yourself, including the narcissist in your life.

Connect with yourself. Learn to love yourself and keep yourself safe above all else; this will naturally help guide you with the narcissist.

These tools I've discussed today will help unconfuse you, keep you from going back and forth and spinning and get you into clarity and eventually peace.

If you have problems similar to the client's problems I just mentioned, get in touch with me to talk and come up with a plan to move through this mental exhaustion and get to a lighter, free, more confident place.

Episode 15: Healing Mental Exhaustion Through Self-Forgiveness

Is self-care the antidote to generally every difficulty, stress, and struggle? For Dr. Prianca—it's not. To be at peace with our efforts and to cultivate a healthy approach to anything we do in life, Dr. Prianca explains why self-forgiveness must be learned. She explains why self-forgiveness is a practice and how you can do it in practical applications.

What you will learn:

• Why Dr. Prianca is annoyed by the term self-care
• You need to stop name-calling yourself
• Prianca Naik on the importance of self-forgiveness
• Self-compassion is a practice
• Why self-approval must always come first

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860

[FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW:]

Self-care is a major term thrown around as the antidote for so many difficulties. Al anon talks about self-care as a way to nourish one's self when near an addict recovered or active.

What I want to talk about is the self: self focus is a part of my program

Now I know what you're thinking self focus?! That's selfish!!

But truly to be at peace and happy, cultivating a relationship with ourselves is critical. A part of this process is self-forgiveness.

Mnay of us grow up in homes where an A- wasn't good enough. Whatever mistakes I made were drilled into me, discussed for years after. One of my family members still brings up something I did 22 years ago! With that kind of a childhood, and maybe you can take a minute to reflect upon yours…of course I am hard on myself. So self-forgiveness is a critical part of our healing process.

Were you told what you did was good enough growing up? Or was nothing ever good enough? Did your parents forgive you for your mistakes or did they hammer you with criticism? How about you? Are you hard on yourself? Do you expect a lot from yourself and maybe even others? Are you beating yourself up? Take some time to reflect on these questions…because once we figure out where we came from, how we grew up, we can give our current selves compassion…even our past selves. Why we did what we did…even if our current self doesn't agree with past decisions.

We do things we have regrets of course…we are human. Especially our perfectionist tendencies make us even more hard on ourselves. Beating ourselves up by self-scolding and negative self-talk. One thing I will say which I practice and say to my clients as well…is to eliminate any name calling of yourself in your head. When you drop something for example don't automatically call yourself stupid…if you do, stop yourself in your tracks and practice this.

Day to day errors we must accept as a part of the human experience. As I;ve said before, remember that resistance is the cause of so much human suffering. So resisting a mistake or going over and over again in your head what went wrong only adds an extra layer of suffering. You can actually decide to accept a mistake, notice what you're feeling the vibration in your body. And take action in deciding how to move forward.

The past is useful for learning, but not dwelling. The past is useful for learning, not dwelling. We can decide to learn from the past but not ruminate.

When we make intentional decisions, we take back our power and live our lives as opposed to feeling like life is living us. This is how we empower ourselves.

In worrying about what other people would think about certain aspects of our lives, we shift our focus away from ourselves and onto others. This is the easier thing to do…the easy way out. Because what we are really afraid of is our own judgement of ourselves. So can we show ourselves compassion and forgive ourselves for what we think may not have been the best behavior or decisions? We can create more inner ease and peace. We can carry on a bit lighter. We can probably sleep better.

If we wrong someone, we can ask for their forgiveness and forgive ourselves at the same time to truly create closure.

Also understanding why you are the way you are. What was your childhood like? Did your parents meet your core needs? Unconditional love, safety, etc….any traumas you may have experienced. This is something that is more in the realm of therapy but worth exploring in therapy in order to move forward with having more self-compassion and forgiveness.

I highly recommend the mindful self compassion workbook by Kristin Neff. Init she talks about

embracing our imperfections in order to build the necessary resilience to thrive.

Being able to be present for others means showing self-love, compassion and forgiveness for ourselves.

We all have made mistakes. So working through the process of forgiving ourselves and past behaviors, seeing if we can meet ourselves part way. Understanding that person from 20 years ago or even 2 years ago. Where was she? What was she thinking? Why did she do what she did?

Odds are, you did the best you could given whatever you knew at the time and whomever you were.

I want you to think of one major thing that haunts you from your past. Some "failure" or shame you have. Who and go through who you were back then. Who influenced you. Why did you behave in a certain way.

For me, this is not going to an ivy league school. I was shamed and berated and called a failure throughout my 20's until I got into medical school.

This haunted me more than I realized because the teacher in a writing course I took, Molly, form the Brooklyn writers collective pointed out the recurring theme of discussing getting into wash u in st louis which isn't an ivy league school. And how I should write about it to make my peace with it.

Anything that comes up for you regularly please consider doing the aforementioned exercise

Now think of a shameful behavior or decision that you wouldn't want people to know. Something you never talk about but is in the shadows…what comes up for you when you think about this instance? what would you say to a friend who had this identical situation? Would you find a way to have compassion for them? I will guess the answer is yes. So can you allocate some of that forgiveness and compassion for yourself?

Life coaching and finding your way out of exhaustion doesn't mean saying bye to all of your imperfections. It means constantly working on yourself, being aware, and doing the hard work. The other evening I was working on a very important document and I read it 4 times. I stayed up late, messing with my sleep…the first story I told myself was: I'm being a perfectionist I'm obsessing. I then acknowledged this…I was beating myself up…and changed my narrative to this is very important for x reason and that is why I am working so hard.

When it comes to mistakes, errors, missteps, remember to go easy on yourself. Practice self- compassion and forgiveness. And after we forgive ourselves, we can also reflect on lessons learned so we don't repeat the regrettable behavior.

We are always learning and growing right? We have nothing to prove…We have to love ourselves and approve of ourselves first.

Remembering that life is a process, we aren't perfect inherently. We do our best. We manage a lot. We are always learning and growing. There are often new opportunities presenting themselves, we just need our eyes wide open for them. This can shift our perspective to a more open, happy peaceful one.

In her book, Self-Compassion, Kristen Neff says that "self-compassion honors the fact that all human beings are fallible, that wrong choices and feelings of regret are inevitable."

The more we can accept this, the better off we will be.

We won't go through life w out making mistakes or even hurting people inadvertently. We will always make mistakes…we can learn to accept and make peace with this.

Episode 14: Moving through Divorce and Beyond with Dr. Sari Green

Dr. Sari Green shares with Dr. Prianca what it felt like to suddenly be left alone in a journey that you started with someone. After discovering her husband's double life and divorce, Dr. Sari didn't have much choice to choose but to continue with her life as a single mother and physician. She shares her two cents on post-divorce identity shifts, the pressure of perfection on career women, and the beautiful side of the dismantling effects of divorce on a person's life.

What you will learn:

• Sari Green on how divorce can dismantle everything in your life
• Identity shifts after divorce are sometimes forced
• Type-A women are allowed to have imperfect track records in career and life
• Why you should sit with your feelings
• How to reclaim your agency in the midst of not feeling in control

About Dr. Sari Green:

Dr. Sari Green is a physician with a background in both Traditional Chinese Medicine and western medicine. She is a single mom, certified life coach, and general surgeon, now working non-clinically as a subject matter expert in CDI. She created Lotus Coaching to help women shift from surviving to thriving through big, disorienting life transitions.

With extensive experience with addiction, infidelity, and high-conflict divorce, Dr. Green works with women who want to uncover the infinite possibility buried under the ruins of their dismantled reality. She provides 1:1 coaching helping clients release the past, reclaim the present, and create a bright and beautiful future.

Dr. Sari Green can be reached at:

https://www.sarigreenmd.com/

[email protected]

To end burnout and exhaustion and get your peace of mind back, check out her free masterclass on 4 steps to overcome burnout, get rid of overwhelm, and get your peace of mind back.

https://program.stresscleansemd.com/4-secrets-to-living-a-life-you-ll-love-podcast

If you want to work with Coach Prianca Naik, MD, go to

www.priancanaikmdcoaching.as.me to book a 30-minute consultation call

Follow Dr. Prianca on social media: https://www.facebook.com/prianca.naik https://www.instagram.com/doctorprianca https://www.linkedin.com/in/prianca-naik-md-0524a196/

Join her FREE Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/646992382603860