The Everyday Human

May: On Love

May 30

It’s a risky thing—loving someone or something. Because if you love—if you truly love someone—you’ve given them everything you’ve got. And should they go? Should they be taken from you? Well . . . what have you got left?

It happens all the time. You hear romantic stories of elderly partners passing away within days of each other . . . death by a broken heart. This is something called the widowhood effect. And while there doesn’t seem to be a clear medical reason as to why it might happen, it goes to highlight, at the least, just how important love is in our lives. So important that sometimes we can’t live without it.

• Reflection title: Warning: Deep Well Ahead
• Creative inspiration: Eastin DeVerna, Life Is But a Dream
• Reflection Question: Am I prepared to lose the one I love most? Are they prepared to lose me? What promise can I make to myself and to them about carrying on? 

May: On Love

May 29

What have we done to ourselves—in a world where we have forgotten (or ignore) the answer to the fundamental question of our existence? What false gods have replaced the very essence of what makes us human? 

Work, entertainment, money. And, you know as well as I, that that is just the tip of the iceberg of things we place over love. 

If we continue on this path—this path of neglecting the answer of love—as a group, as a society, as a species, we run the risk of dividing ourselves further. Deeper racial, class, political, and religious divides await us before we ultimately will perish.

Love and its siblings, compassion and connection, are essential in all human systems and please understand they are not optional and decorative nice-to-haves. They must be front and foremost in all we take part in—and this, of course, starts with yourself and extends to families all the way to how we work and how we govern ourselves. We either suppress or nurture love, and I for one have seen enough of the suppression of it.

• Reflection title: This Is Your Number-One Priority
• Creative inspiration: Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
• Reflection Question: Where does love fall in my list of priorities? Have I forgotten it? And what will I do to remember it?

May: On Love

May 28

Today, May 28th, marks your death. 

According to your calendar, you have until eight PM. And then it's all over. 

So the question is how will you spend the time you have left? What will you do? Who do you want to spend this time with? Is it possible to tie up any loose ends on any projects or tasks? Do these even matter anymore? 

And perhaps most importantly , what do you want to say and to whom? What are you feeling inside that you need to bring to light? 

Don't wait to reach out to that estranged relative or that friend you fell out with or just kind of stopped talking to. Let them know you’re thinking of them. Tell your partner you love them. Hold your child and let them hear your words as often as time allows. If you love them, say it now. Waiting is a mistake.

• Reflection title: What Are You Waiting For?
• Creative inspiration: Haruki Murakami
• Reflection Question: Who have I been thinking about that I need to reach out to? Who do I love that needs to hear the words today before it's too late?

May: On Love

May 27

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from “The Giaour” By Lord Byron.

There are places where the wolves dare not go. Even when pressed with hunger, they know to avoid barren landscapes, those slippery and icy slopes, or forests that have been burned and scarred by fire. These are places where nature is harsh and unforgiving, where life struggles to gain a foothold.

And there are places where even we dare not go willingly. Those emotional or moral wastelands where even the cruelest and hardest among us cannot survive long. The valleys of death and loss, where memories of joy and life are stripped of their flesh and their bones lie bleached beneath a merciless sun. Or those oceans of despair and grief and obsession so deep we sink without a trace.

But even in the most dire, hopeless, haunted, and morally extinct places, you will find a lone traveler—braving the cutting winds and poisoned air, trekking over the bones of the dead and through fields of knives—all to reach the one they love. And even if they falter or fail, they will not sigh, because nothing could ever make the pursuit of love worthless.

• Reflection title: Where Wolves Won’t Go
• Creative inspiration: Lord Byron, “The Giaour”
• Reflection Question: Where and how far would I go for those I love? Will I find courage to enter those harsh and unforgiving realms?
  
  

May: On Love

May 26

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from Aberjhani's poem “Star People” from Elemental: The Power of Illuminated Love.

There are extreme distances we might go for love. But if you’ve ever felt a strong love for someone—a partner, child, parent, friend, whoever—you would understand that nothing, neither man nor nature, could stand between you and them. 

To anyone looking in from the outside with a rational mind, such extreme behavior would appear foolish and self-destructive. And maybe it is.* But don’t try and tell that to the person who has the white-hot fire of love in their soul. It’d be a waste of breath. Because for them, it’s just right.

*Humans have been known to be quite destructive over love, haven’t we? We’ve also done great and wondrous deeds for it, so take that how you will.

• Reflection title: To the Ends of the Earth, Would You Follow Me?
• Creative inspiration: Aberjhani, “Star People,” Elemental: The Power of Illuminated Love
• Reflection Question: To what ends would I go for those I love? What might I do, even if it scares me to think of it?

May: On Love

May 25

Today's reflection was inspired by another quote from Marcus Aurelius' Meditations.

We’ve lost a sense of harmony with nature and the rhythm of the stars.

Instead of fighting tooth and nail, try to accept, surrender, and love your reality—the “good” and the “bad.” And not in a passive, morose way, rather in a way that empowers you, like paddling down a whitewater river. You don’t try to turn around and force your way upstream against the rocks and churning water to get to where you came from, you work with it, ready for whatever comes your way next, knowing this is the path you’re on—hard and dangerous as it is, it can be beautiful and invigorating all the same. 

Loving your fate is a difficult concept to wrap your head around, no doubt about it. It’s even harder to put into practice, and this is important: it’s not “loving” something as in, “I’m so happy this happened!” because, of course, horrible things are nothing to be happy about, rather this love is a type of acceptance of the things out of your control and the things written for the story of your life—the only one you’ve got.

• Reflection title: Can You Love Your Fate?
• Creative inspiration: Marcus Aurelius, Meditations
• Reflection Question: Am I loving my fate, or fighting it every step of the way? Is this something I can do, or even agree with?
  
  

May: On Love

May 24

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from Henri Nouwen and his book Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life.

I’ll never have all the answers as to why my father was the way he was, or why my wife and I had to suffer those miscarriages—but it doesn’t matter, because those chapters of my life happened how they happened and I learned from them. What I carry with me now, years after those events hurt me and brought me to tears and dropped me to my knees, isn’t the suffering they caused, rather the silent love and presence my wife, family, and friends showed me.

Some folks, of course, would share the classics: Everything’s going to be okay, It all happens for a reason, This is God’s will, and all the rest. Or they’d spew out a variety of excuses—well-meaning, perhaps, but lacking any factual basis and barely grounded in the reality of the situation. Sometimes, it seemed they did this just to fill the silence with something, or to make themselves feel better—maybe because they couldn’t stand the sight of someone else’s suffering, or because it reminded them of their own.

To speak truth, I don’t remember any of what those people said at the wake or in restaurants or bars or over the phone in their attempts to explain the pain away. I remember the quiet moments: holding my wife’s hand in our bedroom, or sitting beside my best friend on a bench and just letting the tears come with no need to fill the silence.

• Reflection title: Not Everything Can Be Solved, Nor Does It Need To Be
• Creative inspiration: Henri Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life
• Reflection Question: Do I have an unbalanced desire for solutions? Or do I try too hard to offer solutions to others when my presence would better serve them and the situation?

May: On Love

May 23

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson's Idylls of the King—Book 6: Merlin and Vivien.

You’ve heard it a thousand times before—actions speak louder than words. And so too is it true with love. 

You can tell someone you love them until the end of time, but if your actions are not those of love, then what good are your words? 

• Reflection title: Action & Action
• Creative inspiration: Alfred Lord Tennyson, Idylls of the King—Book 6: Merlin and Vivien
• Reflection Question: How do I show my love? What do my actions show about me?

May: On Love

May 22

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from Ursula K. Le Guin's book The Lathe of Heaven.

Is love some carved, painted statue meant to sit dusty in a museum of your life? Of course not. Just as it is not something you purchase, or something that just appears one day. 

It has an origin . . . like a seed. It is a complex, living, breathing, and fragile thing that needs constant nurturing and attention, like a garden that sprouts from that seed—or making bread from scratch. It requires time and sacrifice and care and patience and understanding. It demands from you the capacity to nurture, to give, and to receive. 

Provide this attention and care and others will look at you and think, Damn, they make it look easy. But you’ll know the truth.

• Reflection title: Water It and Watch It Grow
• Creative inspiration: Ursula K. Le Guin, The Lathe of Heaven
• Reflection Question: What are my assumptions of love? How am I nurturing the love in my life?

May: On Love

May 21

Today's reflection was inspired by a quote from Baba Dioum, from the 1968, Triennial Meeting of the General Assembly of the International Union for the Conservation of Nature and Natural Resources (IUCN), New Delhi.

And so we have it: Love is key to not only survival, but to coexisting and preserving the beauty of our world and of each other. We are one species of humanity, but we can be infinitely different in infinite ways. We can all be the other or view other humans as the other. How do we stop that from happening? By learning from each other. By seeing from another’s perspective. By practicing patience and acquiring tolerance through education. From that fertile ground grows love. 

We’re still working on it. But it’s possible. And like so many things worthwhile, it starts with you.

• Reflection title: Love for the Other
• Creative inspiration: Baba Dioum, 1968, Triennial Meeting of the General Assembly of the International Union for the Conservation of Nature and Natural Resources (IUCN), New Delhi
• Reflection Question: Have I viewed that which I do not understand with fear or disdain? How can I educate myself to better understand and replace my negative feelings with love?