The Everyday Human

June: On Conflict and Courage

GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund:

https://gofund.me/3682c6720

June 9

Blossoms of honesty on the branches between the leaves.

With kindness, you turn to those crawling upon the blighted sands toward your feet, you crouch low, and let them eat of the fruit of the tree of thought. 

Returning to form, they stand. 

Shrieks of pain and wrath from the castle. It is what those rulers fear most: this unflinching thought, spreading like a cure for the plague, anarchic and lawless—merciless to their privilege, indifferent to their authority. A thought that looks upon the pit of hell they have created and is not afraid.

And together with your people, you march upon this castle built on sand, your thought, swift and free like the wind, blows upon the feeble foundation, and down it falls.

It is what they fear most.

It all starts with a thought.

Your thought.

• Reflection title: Tear Those Castles Down
• Creative inspiration: Bertrand Russell, Why Men Fight
• Reflection Question: What is my thought being controlled by? Do I fear critical thought as it challenges the foundations of my beliefs and the status quo?

June: On Conflict and Courage

GoFundMe for my wife's cancer fund:

https://gofund.me/3682c6720

June 8

“Never regret your mistakes”

Not entirely true

Like life, and being human—

It’s nuanced and gray

Some mistakes? Those mistakes made

That irrevocably changed everything? For the worse?

Those from which there is no return?

Feel free to regret those

But only if you have the mind to see them as mistakes

And if you do, from that awareness

And courage to see the truth

You will grow, and shed your old skin

Irrevocably changing for the better

All because of realization 

And regret

• Reflection title: Never Say Never
• Creative inspiration: Yogi Tea
• Reflection Question: What mistakes am I clear-eyed enough to regret? How can I learn and grow from these, irrevocably changing for the better?

June: On Conflict and Courage

I mention again in this episode that wife has recently been diagnosed with cancer. We have a GoFundMe campaign live now to help ease the financial burden of medical expenses. If you are able to contribute or share, we would be eternally grateful. You can find the link here: 

https://gofund.me/3682c6720

June 7

From the top, away from the flood and the flames, that’s where you’ll find your solution and your path forward. And you might be tempted, along the way, to try and restore the balance and harmony that once was before the disaster struck, but that’s not an option. We know that by now. What’s done is done. The past cannot be changed. These events we face forever change us. So you must fight that temptation with everything you’ve got, knowing instead you’ll create something new that transcends the past.

When these monsters of life come your way (and they will), you must slow down, have faith in yourself and in others and maybe in something higher—you must choose courage and rise above.

• Reflection title: Rise Like the Wind
• Creative inspiration: Angie Branham Mullins, The Psychology of Zelda
• Reflection Question: Am I choosing the easy reactions to obstacles? Or am I rising above with courage to see a new way forward?

June: On Conflict and Courage

I announce in this episode that my wife has recently been diagnosed with cancer. We have a GoFundMe campaign live now to help ease the financial burden of medical expenses. If you are able to contribute or share, we would be eternally grateful. You can find the link here: 

https://gofund.me/3682c6720

June 6

Rather than looking at the terrible things that happen to us as enemies, instead, look at them with compassion—remember to love your fate. Listen to those internal or external conflicts plaguing you. Try to understand what created them in the first place, where they came from, and what they need. You may be surprised to learn that in some cases, it was you who gave them life in the first place.

So, to reiterate—do not flee from the discomfort in your life, the challenges, and terrible things. Stand up to them, yes—sometimes, you will need your sword and shield—no doubt. However, other times, your best path forward will be to listen to the sorrow, fear, or conflict. Hear what they have to say. If you listen to truly understand them—with honesty and patience—they or you may transform into something beautiful. Remember, you never know what these conditions are doing inside you.

• Reflection title: Hic Sunt Dracones, but They’re Not What You Think
• Creative inspiration: Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
• Reflection Question: Am I reflecting on the root causes of my pain and sorrow? Am I listening to what they need, and am I giving room for these conditions to do work inside me?

June: On Conflict and Courage

June 5

Testing our courage at its highest point, isn’t easy. Often, we fail the test. Yet, there’s no need to get down on yourself. Practicing the virtues can go against our instinct for self-preservation. It’s natural to keep your head down rather than speak up and risk becoming the next target. It’s natural to act virtuously when it’s easy and everyone else is doing it—and to falter when it becomes truly difficult or really matters.

The first step in passing such tests of courage is to be aware that you are human and that this is difficult—and to know that you will fail. But as always, you must get up, learn from the past, and move forward to do better next time. Until you show your wisdom, honesty, patience, gratitude, and mercy even when—especially when—it’s risky.

• Reflection title: Are You Passing the Test?
• Creative inspiration: C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
• Reflection Question: Am I practicing the virtues even when it’s risky? Am I passing or failing the tests life throws at me—and how can I work to do better?

June: On Conflict and Courage

June 4

Can you go back the way you came? You could . . . I guess. But you might wind up in a worse spot. And also, remember, you don’t even remember how you got here in the first place. So that probably won’t work. Oh, and look—a massive boulder broke off the wall of the cavern and blocked your path anyway. Impossible to go back to the past. 

Sorry, you’ll have to think of something else.

Look around. What about sideways? What’s off the edge of the narrow bridge you’re standing on? (Yes, now you’re on a thin and narrow bridge.) Nothing but blackness. Might be water far down below, but more than likely, it’s a pit of spikes, skeletons and skulls of past adventurers (or even past versions of you) impaled upon them. Don’t want to end up like that, do you?

Well, what does this leave you? Forward.

But forward is where the dragon is. 

Yes.

Go anyway?

You’ve no other choice!

• Reflection title: Which Way?
• Creative inspiration: J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
• Reflection Question: What dragon am I currently avoiding? Do I have the courage to go the only direction available to me—forward?

June: On Conflict and Courage

June 3

Throughout your life you’ll find yourself pushed and pulled in all kinds of directions by all kinds of people and circumstances—a lot of them will not have your best interests in mind. But you’ll go along with it because you’re afraid of hurting or inconveniencing others. Or because you trust their words and advice over your own, when in reality, what they’re asking you to do is in direct conflict with your authentic self. And listening to them pulls you from your path.

You have the ability to stand up for yourself. To help yourself, which will in turn allow you to help others. You just need to take the first step—small as it is. Little by little, you'll move on, their voices becoming echoes until they fade and you can no longer hear them, and your own voice replaces theirs. 

It’s possible. 

You just have to begin the journey.

• Reflection title: Stand Up for Others, Stand Up for Yourself
• Creative inspiration: Mary Oliver, "The Journey"
• Reflection Question: Do I have the courage to stand up for myself? To do right by me, so I can do right by others?
  
  

June: On Conflict and Courage

June 2

This idea of seeking help from none was ingrained in Victorian masculinity—and perhaps as well with a colonial mindset, but it’s a dangerous and lonely belief—one that can lead to festering mental and emotional wounds and isolation. Gordon lost his daughter at 11 months, had his head cracked against a gatepost by his horse, and was facing financial ruin. It seems a deep-running depression was almost inevitable given the circumstances.

But I have to wonder, could things have been different for him had he the courage to seek the help he so desperately needed? I suppose conjecture is the only answer we’ll get to the question. Nevertheless, Gordon’s poetry outlived his despair and has offered others strength, where perhaps they needed it desperately.

What I would like to pull from this beautiful poem and sad story about a man who died so young is that we must recognize that seeking help is not a weakness but rather it is in our nature as social creatures and it is often a wise thing to do. Sometimes this comes with age, in some sad cases it comes too late or not at all. Sometimes it’s the bravest thing a person can do. 

Seeking help is a courageous thing, indeed. 

• Reflection title: Have the Courage To Ask
• Creative inspiration: Adam Lindsay Gordon, "Ye Weary Wayfarer"
• Reflection Question: Do I have the wisdom to recognize when I need help from others? Do I have the courage to seek it?

June: On Conflict and Courage

June 1

June begins a new month and a new topic: On Conflict and Courage.

You must learn to recognize fear so you can master it—that’s where courage comes from. 

To think you’re without fear, or that it’s only something that happens to others is foolish—that is a weakness. 

So feel your fears, face them so you can resist and tame them. After all, you wouldn’t want to be a flea, would you?

• Reflection title: Are You a Human or a Flea? 
• Creative inspiration: Mark Twain, The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
• Reflection Question: Do I recognize and acknowledge my fears? Do I choose courage despite them?

May: On Love

May 31

We’ve talked about it before—the world will give you endless reasons every day to frown, snarl, and bite back at it (or at the other people inhabiting it). But where will that get you? You’ll satisfy an animalistic instinct to “fight” back for a moment, but after that? Oh, you’ll have some elevated levels of epinephrine (adrenaline), norepinephrine, and cortisol (which can be life-saving in certain circumstances!) but overall, when the moment passes and your body regulates, you’ll be left feeling exhausted, tense, or maybe even have some digestive issues. And really, reacting this way changes nothing.

The alternative? Slow down. Consider what it is you’re reacting to—and maybe more importantly, why you’re reacting to it, and why you’re reacting the way you are.

Stop. Breathe. Think.

Can you see how silly it is that a random stranger’s comment at the store or on social media might upset you? Can you laugh at the absurdity of modern life and the rat race we find ourselves in? Can you smile in the face of any disaster that might come your way—because you’re still here and you’re still breathing and you’re giving it everything you’ve got?

• Reflection title: Share Your Smile
• Creative inspiration: Mother Teresa, Nobel Lecture, 1979
• Reflection Question: Am I doing my best to meet the world and others with a smile? Am I smiling at myself?