The Great Man Within

#262

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Download Free Resources: https://DominickQ.com/resources

Inquire about the Great Man Mastermind: [email protected]

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After 250+ episodes, Bryan and I do an inventory of 10 of the biggest lessons we've learned from some of the most interesting guests – and provocative conversations – we've ever had on this show.

All episodes we've referenced on the show can be found below:

SPOTIFY PLAYLISTS FOR THE GREAT MAN WITHIN

• New Listeners "Start Here"
• Playlist (13 eps)Top 10 Most Downloaded Episodes
• Top 10 Masculinity Episodes
• Mastermind Member Interviews (11 eps)

PODCASTS REFERENCED IN THIS EPISODE

#13. 11 Ideas to Design Your Morning Routine

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#15. Daryl Davis, The Black Man Who Attends KKK Rallies

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#20. How to Keep Your Dick Healthy feat. Dr. Amy B Killen

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#30. 10 Ways Your Evening Routine is Sabotaging You

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#38. How to Keep Your Dick Healthy Part Two feat. Dr Anthony Jay

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#48. 5 Ways Men Lose Credibility with Women feat. Madelyn Moon

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

Madelyn Moon on Instagram: @MadelynMoon

#57. A Man's Guide to the Menstrual Cycle feat. The Red School

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#86. Keeping Sex and Desire Burning feat. Alexa Martinez

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#218. Real Talk About Depression and Suicide with Mental Health Comedian Frank King

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

#246. Spiritual Lessons from My Special Needs Sister

On Apple Podcasts

On Spotify

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire about the Great Man Mastermind: [email protected]

Download Resources (book lists, meditations, cheat sheets etc): http://dominickq.com/resources

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As of 8.20.21, we will be pushing pause on the Friday "DQ Solo" episodes so we can go back to the lab…

…and experiment with the next evolution of The Great Man Within podcast.

We've got some exciting new ideas and formats we're toying with…

…so get ready for a new kind of listening (and learning) experience in the near future.

Monday episodes will continue to be released as they have since our inception in January of 2019.

#260

NEW: Download Free Resources Referenced in Our Podcast Episodes: https://www.dominickq.com/resources

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire About The Great Man Mastermind: [email protected]

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If you've ever been betrayed, or been the betrayer in a romantic relationship, you know that the obstacles to restoring trust after infidelity can feel almost insurmountable.

But it can be done.

Today we have a special guest – Ryan Eller – who is one of the beloved men in The Great Man Mastermind community…

…who is here to share his story about how he built back his relationship with the love of his life after years of infidelity culminated in a very painful and public exposure.

Today, Ryan and his wife Kristin have one of the most inspiring, intentional and transparent relationships I've ever encountered.

They've gotten stronger and the roots of their relationship have grown deeper through traversing the storm together, and now they're about to share their process with others who are facing infidelity in their relationships.

Actually, this is Ryan's first time telling his story publicly, which was humbling for both Bryan and I…and hopefully you can feel how special this moment is to be a part of as well.

In This Episode:

• Why restoring trust is like filling a bathtub one teaspoon at a time
• 3 crucial early-stage steps to begin the trust-restoration process
• Why you can't lone wolf the reconciliation process
• Why you need trained professionals to help you navigate the disclosure process
• How to navigate the guilt and shame that come from taking responsibility you're your transgressions
• Why you have to first disassemble the old relationship before building back your new one

And I want to give a special shout out to Kristin Eller – Ryan's wife. Kristin, you have graciously not only okayed this conversation, but you've given your full blown support to Ryan in having this conversation with us today. The night before this interview you even helped Ryan prep for potential questions he might get asked. Kristin, you're incredible, thank you, and your support of this conversation is surely going to benefit the lives of many partners for many years to come.

Recommended Resources

Book: The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel

Sex Addicts Anonymous Meetings Directory: https://saa-recovery.org

#259

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Download our Free Resources (recommended book lists, meditations etc): https://www.dominickq.com/resources/

Inquire about the Great Man Mastermind: [email protected]

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When I ask men what their top values are, "Freedom" almost always shoots to the top.

• Freedom to live your life how you want.
• Freedom from financial constraints.
• Freedom to pursue your passion.

And yet there's a freedom that rarely, if ever, gets named:

Freedom to feel great in your inner world, regardless of the external circumstances.

This is a freedom only the enlightened few have achieved.

Some of them, like Michael Singer (of Untethered Soul fame) have shown the path to this type of inner freedom.

Some might call it the "worthiest path" to freedom.

Yet very few ever choose to walk this path.

In today's solo episode, I'll share with you why I'm choosing to walk this path…

…and invite you to come along.

Resources:

Living from a Place of Surrender by Michael Singer

#258

Inquire About the Great Man Masterminds: [email protected]

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

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Exercise #1: The Most Interesting Man in the World Exercise

Use When:

• You need a non-lame icebreaker for a new group of men
• You want a light-hearted and fun experience for an established group of men

Time Needed

• 30-60 minutes (10 mins needed for the setup and the writing)

Tools Needed:

• Pen and paper

Recommended Group Sizes:

• No group size too small or too big
• For the readouts, you can keep men in large groups or break into small groups

Structure:

• Tell the men they'll be writing 10 or more "interesting" things about themselves
• Most men will need "prompts" to get the juices flowing, so read some of the ones below before giving them time to write
• Share your own list of 10 (don't skip this step! Hearing these examples really sparks creativity)
• Give them 5 minutes to write, and slowly read the prompts again while they write
• After the time is up, have them read out their list to the group
• Any group member is allowed to stay "Stop! Tell me more!" anytime something piques their interest.

Prompts*:

*They don't need to answer every question…only the ones that spark an interesting tidbit about themselves:

• Where have you lived?
• What have you traveled?
• What was the worst travel experience you've had?
• What injuries have you sustained?
• What scars/tattoos/unique body characteristics do you have?
• When did you get in trouble?
• What nicknames have you had?
• Did you ever collect anything?
• What's your most prized possession (now, or as a kid?)
• What was the best birthday gift you ever received?
• Did you ever run away from home?
• What's an achievement you're proud of?
• What's a particularly colossal failure you've experienced?
• What's an embarrassing moment you've sustained?
• What's the worst date you've ever been on?
• What's the best/worst job you've ever had?
• What special skills/talents do you have?
• What useless skills/talents do you have?
• What's a quirk that you have that your partner makes fun of you for?

Exercise #2: Making Your Life Movie

Use When:

• You want a group of men to build deeper rapport
• You have 45 to 90 minutes of time

Time Needed:

• At least 45 minutes

Tools Needed:

• Pen and paper

Recommended Group Sizes:

• No group size too small or too big
• For the readouts, you can keep men in large groups or break into small groups

Structure:

• Have the men imagine they've just been called a movie studio who wants to buy the rights to a movie about a particular era of their life, and they need to come up with a story worthy for the big screen.
• Read each prompt below, and give men 20-30 seconds to journal on each prompt.
• Once finished, have each man read out their movie to the entire group (or in small breakouts)
• The role of the listeners = Supportive Movie Studio Agent. Their job is to ask questions and dig for the juicy details to help flesh out the story.

10 Prompts:

1. What's the most cinematic era of your life? (could be a period of years, a few days, a particular series of events over a period of time, etc)
2. What were 2-3 standout moments from that era of your life?
3. What adversity did you face?
4. Who's the villain(s) in your story?
5. Whos' the unsung hero?
6. Were there any plot twists?
7. What are the biggest insights from this era?
8. What songs/singers/bands would be on your soundtrack?
9. Who would narrate your movie?
10. What's the working title of your movie?

Exercise #3: The Defining Moment Exercise

Use When:

• Your group is ready to go deep and vulnerable
• You want to venture from the head into the heart (feelings and emotions)
• You feel confident you can safely lead a man into potentially emotionally challenging situations

Time Needed:

• At least 45 minutes per man

Tools Needed:

• None

Recommended Group Sizes:

• For new groups, 10 men or fewer
• For established groups, 20 men or fewer

Structure:

• One man (the Explorer) shares a 3-5 minute story of a defining moment in his life
• At the conclusion of those 3-5 minutes, another man (the Guide) will thank the Explorer for sharing that story with the group
• Guide will then ask the Explorer to close his eyes and connect internally with what he's feeling after having told that story
• The Guide will spend the next 10 minutes guiding the Explorer into his emotions and feelings by asking probing questions about two things:
• What he's feeling/experiencing right now
• What it felt like during the moments he described in his story
• Examples:
  • "What's coming up for you right now, emotionally?"
  • "Can you feel that emotion somewhere in your body? Where is it?"
  • "How did that feel when you shared about ______?"
  • "If I was in your body right now, what would I be feeling?"
  • "Can you sit with that feeling/emotion for a moment?"
• NO advice
• NO problem solving
• NO fixing
• STAY AWAY from "what do you think" – the word "think" puts a man in his head After the 10 minutes of the Guide leading the Explorer, the rest of the group is invited to be Guides and ask similar questions
• Near the end of the time, Guide lets the Explorer know that he is winding down
• When time is up, Guide gently invited the Explorer to bring eyes back to open
• Have the Explorer make eye contact with every man in the room
• Guide thanks Explorer for what he's shared
• Guide asks Explorer for reflections on the experience
• Guide asks the rest of the Guides to provide reflections on their experiences of listening to the
• Explorer (no advice, no problem solving)

#257

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Free Downloadable Resources: https://www.dominickq.com/resources/

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RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THE EPISODE

Download Free PDF – 5 Practices to Last Longer in Bed: https://www.dominickq.com/resources/5-practices-to-last-longer-in-bed/

How to Last Longer in Bed Part 1 (episode #43)

• On Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/episode/4SmJMJS9fdleIUvSO4pN5M?si=sjeecsqNS-2DGYPhONmxlA&dl_branch=1

• On Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-great-man-within/id1449269930?i=1000455219599

Curious with Jake Heilbrunn Podcast: Sexual Performance, Sexual Shame and Sexual Performance w/Dominick Quartuccio

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In this Episode:

• The most important mindset to adopt in order to last longer
• One tangible 4 step practice to train your nervous system to last longer
• How to handle sexual situations when you finish before you want

#256

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire about The Great Man Masterminds: [email protected]

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If you guys have been following the recent episodes, you know that I was recently in the jungles of Costa Rica with a group of special forces military vets to work with the psychedelic plant medicine Ayahuasca in an effort to confront and heal PTSD experienced in combat.

One of the men who I immediately connected with on this journey was Brandon Mills – a Marine RECON Scout Sniper turned musician who has spent a number of years on the inner work journey after coming to grips with his own PTSD that he suffered during war.

I knew I needed to bring Brandon on this podcast because his story is one of taking his greatest pain and not only turning it into one of his greatest teachers, but also a source of his greatest creation – the music that he now puts out into the world.

And to help me dig into this story, we have a special guest appearance from Keith Bracci – who was also on the Costa Rica trip – and he'll be standing in for Bryan today.

Who is Brandon Mills

• Brandon has lived his life as a warrior, a poet, a servant, and an artist.
• Brandon served in the Marine Corps as a Recon Marine (short for reconnaissance) – this is the elite group of men who do their work at night, clandestine, unseen by the enemy.
• He was a Scout Sniper with tours to Iraq and Afghanistan.
• He endured hellish training – sleep deprivation, food deprivation, inhumane living conditions – as part of his preparation for the horrors of war
• After leaving the Marines Brandon began questioning the systemic issues that control many of the world's citizens.
• He spent the next few years serving in orphanages and refugee camps around the globe, with the desire to give and learn the deep issues of humanity's broken heart.
• He spent years in 20s walking around with PTSD without knowing it, living in his own personal hell
• It was only when he turned to inner work was he able to begin his healing journey…and start the next chapter of his life as a musician

In This Episode:

• What it's like to live with PTSD for years without knowing it (and how to identify the symptoms)
• How being tough and vulnerable are not mutually exclusive
• The conditions required to train and create an elite fighter
• Why you need to pursue what's uncomfortable to build courage and strength
• Why pain and love can be your two greatest teachers
• Why being an artist is more challenging than being a Marine Recon
• When your suffering has meaning, it can be one of the greatest growth catalysts of your life

We also have a first on this show:

Stick around to the very end of this episode, and we'll roll into the full-length version of Brandon's most popular song on Spotify – Don't Mistake – which is a song he wrote in the aftermath of transitioning from combat veteran to active civilian. He wanted to remind himself and others that perfect love casts out fear.

Books referenced in this episode

The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron Warrior's Creed by Roger Sparks

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Brandon Mills' Resources

Brandon Mills Station on Spotify Don't Mistake on Spotify Glistening on Spotify

Don't Mistake on YouTube

Brandon's Website: https://www.brandonmillsmusic.com

Brandon on IG: @BrandonMillsMusic

Inquire about hiring Brandon for a music house tour in your city: DM on IG - https://www.instagram.com/brandonmillsmusic

#255

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire about The Great Man Mastermind: [email protected]

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If you're going to spend 20-50 hours per week consuming content (which is a significant percentage of your waking hours)…

…then you better not be drifting with why, how and what content you're consuming.

But chances are…

• You're consuming too much content
• You're not retaining enough of what you're consuming
• You're not seeking diverse enough sources of content
• You're not creating enough with what you're learning

Today we dive into 5 questions you should regularly be asking yourself about the content you're consuming.

The 5 Questions:

1. How much time do I spend per week consuming content?
2. Am I procrastinating?
3. What's my retention strategy for all this content I'm creating?
4. Do all the authors/creators of the content I'm consuming look like me?
5. Are my social media feeds consciously curated?

Bonus Question: If I were to repurpose just 1 hour of consumption per week, and turned it into 1 hour of creation, what would I create…and what impact might that have on my life?

Leave us a Rating on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-great-man-within/id1449269930

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire about the Great Man Masterminds: [email protected]

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Inner work…what does it mean?

That's a question I get asked all the time, and it's really quite simple.

Inner work has two components*:

1. How do you want to FEEL in your inner world?
2. What VALUES guide your life?

When I ask men that first question – how do you want to FEEL in your inner world, many of the responses I get are:

• Powerful
• Purpose Driven
• Confident
• Feel My Fire Burning

To access those feelings, you often call upon your inner warrior – that part of you who moves through life with a purpose and a plan…and won't be stopped by anyone.

And yet, you probably know what it's like when you live too much of your life from your warrior: it's exhausting.

It feels like you're constantly fighting, grinding, striving, anxiety ridden with no end in sight. So what happens?

You let the pendulum swing to the other extreme. You tell yourself to stop giving a fuck. You let dreams fade. Commitments drop. And you pull back from your own life.

Slowly and surely, you let opportunities slip through your fingers, you start to feel soft, you question your drive, all while the fire slowly burns down…

…and that's when the self loathing begins and the inner critic puts you on blast.

Soon enough, the guilt kicks you right back to the other end of the spectrum in full warrior mode where you begin the boom bust cycle all over again.

I've been there many times, and it's an exhausting way of living life.

What if there was a less extreme, more efficient way of accessing your Warrior energy on your terms, under your command? How could your life feel without the boom bust cycle, and instead walk a steadier, more intentional middle path where you call the shots on when you dial up and down the Warrior energy in your life?

That requires a new level of awareness, emotional maturity and self command that must be practiced.

In today's episode, Bryan and I talk about our experiences with that boom bust cycle, and how we're cultivating that intentional command of where and when we summon the warrior energy in our lives.

Resources:

Warrior's Creed by Roger Sparks

Stop Trying So Hard. Achieve More by Doing Less TEDx Talk by Bethany Butzer

*Shout out to Bethany Butzer for this definition of inner work. She's a University of New York at Prague Professor and speaker of the Stop Trying So Hard. Achieve More by Doing Less TEDx Talk which has nearly 2 million views.

#253

Join the Facebook Group for Men: https://www.facebook.com/groups/TheGreatManWithin

Inquire about the Great Man Masterminds: [email protected]

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This episode is about how to create intentional flow states.

"Flow" is the state where:

• You are performing optimally
• You are fully engaged in that activity
• You experience an acceleration of learning and development
• You experience a sense of selflessness (absence of self-consciousness)

The 3 conditions for creating flow:

• Clear goals
• Access to immediate feedback as to how you're performing
• Balance between your ability and the challenge at hand

3 Books on Accessing Flow

Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi

Stealing Fire by Steven Kotler and Jamie Wheel

The Rise of Superman by Steven Kotler