When Sisko is reassigned to a desk job at Starbase Threeblahblahblah, the Little D is going to take his soup thermos, and do missions without him. Meanwhile, on DS9, the first big action by the Resistance Club inadvertently reveals what Leeta loves about Rom. Is Changeleader going to lose respect for Odo when she sees his toy collection? Does Nog also work as a waiter in the Little D’s mess hall? How much linking do you have to do before you’re labeled a ‘problem linker?’ It’s the episode where Jake gets a new moniker.

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When Jake tries to Max Fischer his way into another extracurricular activity at the station, the other members of the Resistance Club take great umbrage. Meanwhile Worf fights a new enemy: the umbrage of his abandoned son Alexander. Is the big spoon the good spoon or the bad spoon? Yes…but is it art? How close is Shavasana to Sto’Vo’Kor? It’s the episode where we’re offered a drink and we ask why.

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When Sisko crashes his crew’s tick into the broad side of a planet, the girders go flying. But when the Vorta there starts playing both sides of the conflict, tensions become inflamed. When is a warm seat the last straw? Which episode title is off-limits? What’s the coke-iest movie? It’s the episode that that needs a carpet cleaner!

When the seventh fleet is slaughtered, the crew of the Little D are rerouted to Starbase for reassignment. But when Sisko and his people are reassigned, they’re going to take the fight directly to the white. How carefully does Damar have to watch his back? What’s a “sympathy when?” Should Sisko have been a worse father to Jake? It’s the episode where we impulse-buy the tropical fruits.

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When Captain Sisko finally reaches the limit of his tolerance for ticks in the Alpha Quadrant, he breaks out the matches. But when he decides to evacuate DS9, his scorched wormhole policy neglects to include roll call. Is there anything worse than being asked out by Odo? Who’s on Jake duty? Is that it for Keiko? It’s the episode that is either very wise or conveniently dumb!

When Jake hatches a plan to cheer his dad up, it becomes a teachable moment for Nog to explain why money is good. But when the Noh-Jay Consortium is outbid, what seemed like a simple trip to the village store becomes a nearly interminable item-collection quest. What’s the last part of the brain to die from oxygen deprivation? How does one identify Jeffrey Combs in public? How many loyalty points does Weyoun earn for his stay at DS9? It’s the episode where the A storyline really seems like it’s a B storyline. 

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When Chief O’Brien needs to go on a parts run, he takes a runabout to a pick and pull salvage station. But when it turns out the place is protected by racist Cardassians, what was once O’Brien’s simple maintenance project turns into building warriors out of engineers. How many people has Worf killed? What’s the best camera trick to make your station look bigger? Where is the Setlik 3 O’Brien action figure? It’s the episode enjoyed by the weirdo at the library!

When the Maquis throw one last Hail Mary, it might be Klingon footballs they’ve flung toward Cardassia. But when Ben Sisko gets an old enemy out of jail to stop them, it’s not Alcatraz they’ll have to break into. Did it really take this long to think of cloaked missiles? Why does Morn want to die nude? What’s Nog’s suit size? It’s the episode where we are not feeling okay.

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When Dax insists on doing one more Star Trek before going to sleep, the crew agrees to squeeze it in. But when they must decide what to do about “Planet Progeny,” it’s a decision will keep them up at night. How much does a Klingon head weigh? Where are all the Bashirs? Has anyone seen Sliding Doors? It’s the episode that that gets its car egged every once in a while.

When Martok gets commissioned to captain the worst ship in the Klingon military, Worf gets the honor of whipping the crew into shape. But when Dax starts to observe a certain lack of commitment among the crew, she’s the only one that can warn Worf of the true danger they are in. Does Worf even have a job around here? Who’s got the biggest arms in Star Trek? Is more fucking the solution to the Rotaran’s morale problem? It’s the episode where we’re 👏 back 👏 on👏 our 👏 bullshit!

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