the HARDER SHAFT

On the Thirtenth  episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss CONSENT with co host Lisa Torney.

Sexual consent is when you and your sexual partner both agree to have sex. It is important to ask for consent before engaging in sexual activity.

In a healthy sexual encounter, both parties should feel comfortable communicating their needs without feeling fearful or coerced. If #MeToo has taught us anything, it is that we need to start having open and clear conversations around consent.

Giving consent is when you clearly agree to take part in any sexual activity. 

If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says ‘maybe’ this isn’t consent. Having sex without consent is wrong and illegal. 

You always have the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. And you can agree to do something then change your mind – everyone has the right to do this, even if you are in a long-term relationship or married. 

Giving and getting consent may feel awkward. But being able to share what you feel comfortable with will make the experience of sex more enjoyable. 

Many girls grow up being told that saying “no” to men is wrong. This can make it really difficult to say no to sexual activities, even if you want to.  

But remember, everyone has the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. It doesn’t matter who the other person is, whether it’s your first time with them, you’re married or in a long-term relationship, or what you’ve done with them or others before. 

Giving consent for one type of sexual activity doesn’t mean you’re giving consent to go further. Agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to them taking your clothes off, for example. 

They may say it in other ways, like “not right now”, “I’m not sure”, or they might stay silent. Their body language might also be a signal – they may turn away, curl up, or not respond. 

Sometimes our bodies will be turned on but we don’t want to be touched. But even if a penis is erect or the vagina is wet – it’s not an automatic invitation. That’s why it’s always important to check. 

They may say it in other ways, like “not right now”, “I’m not sure”, or they might stay silent. Their body language might also be a signal – they may turn away, curl up, or not respond. 

Sometimes our bodies will be turned on but we don’t want to be touched. But even if a penis is erect or the vagina is wet – it’s not an automatic invitation. That’s why it’s always important to check. 

LISA TORNEY:

https://lisatorney.com.au/

0424 264 288

Sexual or relationship concerns can be difficult to talk about and may negatively impact on our emotional well-being. Intimate problems often do not get better on their own and sex and relationship therapy can assist you to achieve the healthy, happy sex life you’re deserve.

I have a strong commitment to working with people to improve their sexual and interpersonal relationship, help people explore ways to have more pleasurable experiences and a special interest in supporting the LGBTIQA+ community.

I have over 20 years counselling experience as a social worker prior to pursuing my Master's degree in Sexual Health Counselling at Sydney University. I have counselled people over many years in a variety of settings and have extensive experience in sexual health counselling and working with individuals, couples and people in polyamorous and open relationships. I am an Accredited Mental Health Social Worker able to offer Medicare rebates, an Accredited  Clinical Psychosexual Therapist and the Immediate Past National Chairperson of the Society of Australian Sexologists Ltd . I am committed to maintaining professional ethics and standards within the field of sexology and sexual health.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JOE BUSUTTIL

MENS COACH/ COUNSELLOR

www.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

INSTAGRAM:

@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:

THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTH

www.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness01/

On the Twelfth  episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss MALE BODY IMAGE with co host Lawrence Akers.

Your body image is how you think and feel about your body. Body image involves your thoughts, perceptions, imagination and emotions. It may have little to do with your actual appearance. Although body image issues have traditionally been thought of as a women's health concern, they can affect people of all ages and genders.

Poor body image is often linked to dieting, over-exercising, or eating disorders such as anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa and binge eating disorder, and to other mental health issues such as low self-esteem, depression or anxiety. 

Poor body image or body dissatisfaction often results from comparing your body with what the media tells you is the ideal male body size and shape - namely, lean and muscular. It is not uncommon for men with body dissatisfaction to be focussed on weight loss and muscle building, which can lead to over-exercising and the use of image enhancing drugs.

Studies suggest that around 11 per cent of Australian men are on a weight loss diet at any given time, and it is thought that around one third of people with an eating disorder are male (although it is likely that this is under-reported).

It is thought that certain male groups, such as young men, gay men, athletes, body builders, models and dancers, among others, may be particularly vulnerable to poor body image or feeling insecure about their bodies. This is because they are more likely to be in situations where they may be judged (or believe they will be judged) according to their weight and appearance.

Lawrence Akers:

My goal is to help people adjust in this ever-changing world that we live in so that they can experience a rich, meaningful existence.

I’ve experienced stress and anxiety first hand and I know how it can impact our lives in so many ways.

I help people to give them strategies and tools to help them deal with the feelings, thoughts, and behaviours that hold them back.

To see people experience that shift in their thinking and to step forward into the best version of themselves that they can be is something that gives my work so much meaning.

Release Hypnosis is also one of the few clinical hypnotherapy practices specialising in the unique needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and intersex communities.

I’ve worked with the LGBTQIA+ community over many years, originally as a facilitator for the Victorian AIDS Council ‘Young & Gay’ program and their ‘Boyant’ program. My knowledge of LGBTQIA+ issues comes from years of working with the community as well as my own first hand personal experiences.

I offer one-on-one counselling and hypnotherapy solutions as well as my regular podcast OUTthink which looks at the mental health of the LGBTQIA+ community through special guests and discussion.

LAWRENCE AKERS:

RELEASE HYNOSIS

www.releasehypnosis.com.au

T: 0403 821 807

E: [email protected]

FACEBOOK-

www.facebook.com/releasehypnosis

TWITTER-

www.twitter.com/Release_hypnosis

INSTAGRAM-

www.instagram/releasehypnosismelbourne

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JOE BUSUTTIL

MENS COACH/ COUNSELLOR

www.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

INSTAGRAM:

@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:

THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTH

www.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness01/

On the ELEVENTH episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss CONFUSHION & UNCERTAINTY with co host ADAM COX.

William Blake, the English poet, painter and printmaker, is quoted as saying that “Without contraries, there is no progression.” Author David Robson of The Intelligence Trap: Why Smart People Make Dumb Mistakes tells us that, “The latest neuroscience…shows that we learn best when we are confused.” Blake is saying that we need to engage with contraries (feelings, ideas, etc.) in order to emerge from them to make progress. Robson explains how we learn best when things are a bit tough, through “desirable difficulties” 

There are times in your life when you don’t want to pressure yourself to find answers, but want to give yourself time to explore your jumble of thoughts and feelings to see what emerges: choosing a college or career, picking a life partner, finding purpose to engage you in retirement, moving to a new geographical area, deciding whether to have children, choosing to end a marriage, or figuring out a new way of living after the death of a spouse. Bulletin: You are supposed to feel uncertain during these times.

Consider how you learned to feel uncomfortable with confusion and not knowing. If your parents always needed to be right and focused on perfection, they modeled unhealthy behavior. If they insisted that you not waffle and hedge, but know your mind and proceed full steam ahead, they wrongly made it seem that mixed feelings and doubts were negative and unhelpful feelings—because they weren’t comfortable with these states and, therefore, couldn’t teach you how to be. Or if you were overwhelmed with mixed feelings for much of your childhood, far beyond what your young brain could handle, these same feelings now bring back the anxiety of your youth.

Start by valuing mixed feelings and being curious rather than judgmental about them. Be interested in them rather than in obtaining a final answer. Then see what happens.

ADAM COX:

the gay coach

Facebook-www.facebook.com/adamgcox

Instagram-www.instagram.com/thecoxcoach

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

On the TENTH episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss KNOWING YOUR BODY with co host GRANT SHEPHERD.

Male body shame isn't talked about often enough. And there's a perfectly good reason for that, which is that men don't like to talk about their emotions. Most dudes would rather be bitten by piranhas than spontaneously monologue about their tender feelings. Men are socialized not to show weakness, as we all know. This isn't entirely a bad thing — there's a lot to be said for stoicism. But being in control of your feelings doesn't mean you don't have them. And it's good to acknowledge some of the painful, weird parts of being a dude, like the fact that basically everyone feels like their body is insufficient.

Most people are familiar with the five senses (touch, sight, hearing, smell and taste), but not everyone knows that we have an additional sense called interoception. This is the sense of our body’s internal state. It helps us feel and interpret internal signals that regulate vital functions in our body, like hunger, thirst, body temperature and heart rate.

Although we don’t take much notice of it, it’s an extremely important sense as it ensures that every system in the body is working optimally. It does this by alerting us to when our body may be out of balance – such as making us reach for a drink when we feel thirsty or telling us to take our jumper off when we’re feeling too hot.

Interoception is also important for our mental health. This is because it contributes to many psychological processes - including decision making, social ability and emotional wellbeing. 

Disrupted interoception is even reported in many mental health conditions – including depression, anxiety and eating disorders. It may also explain why many mental health conditions share similar symptoms – such as disturbed sleep or fatigue.

Grant Shepherd:Meditation and Conscious Sexuality Teacherwww.consciouspathways.net

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

In the NINTH episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss KINK & FETISH with co host Dic Savvy.

There are many types of "kinks,"  When it comes to sexual activity, this is normally something that is deemed outside of mainstream. A kink usually adds extra erotic energy to a sexual interaction (think: BDSM, role play or polyamory).

However, it's important to remember that kink is a matter of taste. While your mother-in-law may find sex toys sexy, your best friend thinks they're just plain boring.

Something that must be present in order for the individual who has it to feel sexually aroused or satisfied by it is known as a "fetish." Having intercourse in public, for example, is one example of this (like feet). In this case, the key point to keep in mind is that a fetish is something that a person cannot get aroused by without. While thinking about a fetish may be sufficient for some, others may require real interaction with the object or behaviour in question.

What, exactly, is the distinction between kink and fetish?

The terms "kink" and "fetish" are often used interchangeably, which is why we can see the muddle. Doctor Torrisi describes the distinction as one between what a person enjoys doing and what a person is forced to do in order to have sexual pleasure.

Here's an example: if you hear your neighbours fighting while you're in bed and it gets you excited, that's kinky. There are certain people, though, who have a penchant for listening or watching other people engage in sex in order to become excited.

What are the safest ways to experiment with kinks and fetishes?

When it comes to quirks and fetishes, the importance of permission and safety preparedness. You'll need to acquire a trustworthy accomplice and conduct thorough study in order to succeed (like learning how to properly tie a knot, for example). Keep in mind the acronym RACK, which stands for "risk-aware consensual kink," not a fetish. In the kink world, it's a term used to ensure that all parties feel safe and comfortable.

There are many excellent materials available from those in the field of kink and fetishism. To find items, educators, research, and  joining a group to learn about safe ways to explore kink and fetishism is very crucial.

DIC SAVVY-

THE NAKED BARBER

https://thenakedbarber.com/

THE NAKED BARBER - THE FEED

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hiGkt0X-dpI

TWITTER:The Naked Barber (@TheNakedBarber) 

YOUTUBE:The Naked Barber 

INSTAGRAM:The Naked Barber (@thenakedbarber__official) 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

In the EIGHTH episode of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss MASK MEN WEAR with co host Markus Van Driel..

Masculinity refers to the social roles, behaviors, and meanings prescribed for men in any given society at any one time. As such, it emphasizes gender, not biological sex, and the diversity of identities among different groups of men.

Masculinity is a form of gender, variously defined as an identity, a social role, and a form of power and is typically, though not exclusively, associated with men.

identified four different types of masculinity: hegemonic, subordinate, complacent and marginal. In the first case, hegemonic masculinity is the form embodying male domination and exercising power and authority over women (and other men), with all the consequences of oppression, violence and privileges.

Traits like integrity, authenticity, and how he cares for himself and those around him are integral to how a man perceives his own masculinity today — versus physical strength, power, and affluence that prior generations may have prioritized.”

The crisis of masculinity relates to the shift in our societal structure that has changed what it means to be masculine. Due to a shift in gender norms and power structures, women now have more independence and professional status and no longer need to fulfill traditional roles.

Because every man must be invulnerable and tough, emotions are carefully managed and suppressed. There can be no crying, no pain, no feeling. So he puts up a wall between him and the world, to protect himself, to pretend he doesn't feel the things he does. While wearing a Stoic Mask, he views weakness is an invitation to scrutiny and judgment and rejection. 

One of the clearest ways a man can distinguish himself is on the field or on the court. He is like a modern-day gladiator whose weapon isn't death, but domination. Sports are how men prove themselves, and a good athlete is a good man—period. He spends hours in the gym to get in shape.

There is no clearer sign of a man's worth than the amount of money in his bank account. Not only do men work incredibly hard—and sometimes do questionable things—to make as much money as possible, it's all for naught if other people don't know how much money he has.

A man does not feel fear. A man takes risks. Whether that's betting his life savings on a company or cliff diving or smoking and drinking in incredible quantities, a man doesn't have time to think about consequences, he's too busy doing.

A man is not only physically dominant but intellectually dominant too. If you don't understand why that is, a man is happy to explain it to you—along with all the other subjects he's an expert in.

At the most basic level, men believe that there are only two types of men: alphas and betas, winners and losers. No man can stand to be the latter—so a man must dominate, one up, and win everything.

MARKUS VAN DRIEL:

https://www.markusvandriel.com

 Instagram  -https://www.instagram.com › markusvandriel

Markus van Driel | The Gay Coaches Alliance -

https://thegaycoaches.com › markus-van-driel

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

In the SEVENTH episoide of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss MARRIED LIFE with co host Greg Riley. .

For men, life after marriage can be rather unsettling, as they are required to change substantially in their behaviour and commitment. With marriage men begin to see themselves as fathers, providers and protectors, an absolute transition from their previous carefree portrayal of self.

Men change after marriage because of different reasons. Most of the men become less caring and less romantic after marriage. ... After marriage, a man has to concentrate on several things from getting a house to making his wife and children happy. Their sense of responsibilities increases.

One of the most important legal changes that occurs when you get married is the acquisition of “marital property”. Whether it is a house, boat, car, television, or just a coffee mug, any asset that is acquired by either spouse during the marriage may treated as a marital property in a divorce.

Married men are more likely to receive regular checkups and medical care, maintain healthy diets, exercise, and enjoy higher standards of living. In addition, married men benefit from lower levels of stress and fewer stress-related diseases. They also receive better care during times of illness.

GREG RILEY:

https://www.gregriley.com.au/

Facebook [Greg Riley

https://www.facebook.com › ... › Mental Health Service

LinkedIn

https://au.linkedin.com › greg-riley-518b2417

Greg Riley

https://www.instagram.com › gregriley5dimensions

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

In the SIXTH episoide of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we discuss MENS SEXUAL DIFFICULTIES with co host Lisa Torney.

What exactly are male sexual difficulties?

Sexual dysfunction is prevalent, affecting more than half of all couples at some point. Sexual dysfunction rarely poses a threat to physical health, but it can have a significant psychological impact, causing sadness, anxiety, and incapacitating feelings of inadequacy. Sexual issues in men, particularly erectile dysfunction, may indicate an increased risk of vascular disease; thus, discuss them with your doctor.

The most common types of male sexual dysfunction include:

Erectile dysfunction, also known as impotence, is the inability to achieve or maintain an adequate erection for sexual activity.

Premature ejaculation is the inability to delay orgasm and ejaculation to the point where they occur very early in the course of sexual interaction, leaving the other partner dissatisfied.

Male orgasmic disorder: difficulty to achieve orgasm (climax) with a partner; unable to achieve orgasm without prolonged sexual contact; failure to achieve orgasm during intercourse. In certain instances, orgasm can only be attained by masturbation or oral sex.

Inhibited or hypoactive sexual desire: a lack of interest in sexual intercourse or an absence of sexual desire altogether.

Retrograde ejaculation: instead of erupting from the end of the penis, the sperm enters the bladder backwards during orgasm. This is not hazardous. It is a common adverse effect of several drugs.

If your sexual difficulty only occurs in specific situations or with specific sexual partners, then your disease is termed "situational" as opposed to "generalised" (occurring regardless of the circumstances or partner).

Many of these sexual problems will manifest at some point in a man's lifetime. In fact, some researchers only consider a diagnosis of sexual dysfunction if the issue occurs in 25% of all sexual attempts.

LISA TORNEY:

https://lisatorney.com.au/

0424 264 288

Sexual or relationship concerns can be difficult to talk about and may negatively impact on our emotional well-being. Intimate problems often do not get better on their own and sex and relationship therapy can assist you to achieve the healthy, happy sex life you’re deserve.

FACEBOOK - Lisa Torney: Sex & Relationship Therapist 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

HARDER SHAFT  WEBSITE-https://thesecretmensbusiness.podomatic.net/podcast.html#

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness0

On Episode 5 of the HARDER SHAFT podcast we speak with JOAO FLOENCIO. We discuss THE HISTORY OF AIDS & SEX.

JOAO FLOENCIO  is a queer cultural theorist of the body rechearching visual cultures of sexuality, health and illness in relation to wider Western biopolitical, philosophical and technoscientific histories.

His monograph Bareback Porn, Porous Masculinities, Queer Futures: The Ethics of Becoming-Pig (Routledge, 2020) analyses contemporary gay "pig" masculinities, which have developed alongside antiretroviral therapies, online porn, and new sexualised patterns of recreational drug use. It examines them and their pornographic representations, speculating on their ethical and biopolitical dimensions in relation to modern European histories, ideologies and conceptualisations of the male body.

The work of João Florêncio, therefore, contributes to a widening and greater understanding of our conventions of gender and sexuality. Fleeing from simplistic answers and solutions, the author demonstrates how much the relationships between these elements are often contradictiory and with recurrent dislocations, and that the "norm" and the "transgression" can even walk together, inhabiting the same practice (or the same desire). And this is the power of the liminal and frontier space, since it is in these fissures that lines of flight are presented, alternative paths can be taken and new world(s) are possible. 

Joao is currently working on a new book project entitled Crossings: Creative Ecologies of Cruising. Co-written with artist Liz Rosenfeld, it will be part autotheoretical speculation, part critical reflection, on the ethics, politics and ecologies of the (chiefly) gay male practice of cruising for sex.

João Florêncio:

https://humanities.exeter.ac.uk/arthistory/staff/florencio/

Twitter:

https://twitter.com/NoisyBits-

João Florêncio (@NoisyBits) ·

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HOST - JOE BUSUTTILMENS COACH/ COUNSELLORthesecretmensbusiness@gmail.comwww.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

INSTAGRAM:@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTHwww.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness01/

We experience shame when we feel a painful sense of being inadequate, flawed or unworthy. Shame is the opposite of pride and it's very similar to guilt – both involve negative self-judgment. Guilt occurs when we feel badly about what we have or haven't done, whereas shame is feeling badly about ourselves as a person.

Voices often accompany the terrible feeling, often the voice of the person who forced the toxic shame into the sufferer. It creates terrible feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy. People will regularly think negative thoughts about themselves, and believe them, such as: “I'm unloveable” or “I'm never good enough”

Shame describes feelings of inadequacy created by internalized negative beliefs about oneself. Personal insecurities, secrets, mistakes, and perceived flaws can all trigger shame responses, causing people to become extremely self-conscious, self-critical, and embarrassed.

We feel shame when we violate the social norms we believe in. At such moments we feel humiliated, exposed and small and are unable to look another person straight in the eye. We want to sink into the ground and disappear. Shame makes us direct our focus inward and view our entire self in a negative light

Lawrence Akers:

My goal is to help people adjust in this ever-changing world that we live in so that they can experience a rich, meaningful existence.

I’ve experienced stress and anxiety first hand and I know how it can impact our lives in so many ways.

I help people to give them strategies and tools to help them deal with the feelings, thoughts, and behaviours that hold them back.

To see people experience that shift in their thinking and to step forward into the best version of themselves that they can be is something that gives my work so much meaning.

Release Hypnosis is also one of the few clinical hypnotherapy practices specialising in the unique needs of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered and intersex communities.

I’ve worked with the LGBTQIA+ community over many years, originally as a facilitator for the Victorian AIDS Council ‘Young & Gay’ program and their ‘Boyant’ program. My knowledge of LGBTQIA+ issues comes from years of working with the community as well as my own first hand personal experiences.

I offer one-on-one counselling and hypnotherapy solutions as well as my regular podcast OUTthink which looks at the mental health of the LGBTQIA+ community through special guests and discussion.

LAWRENCE AKERS:

RELEASE HYNOSIS

www.releasehypnosis.com.au

T: 0403 821 807

E: [email protected]

FACEBOOK-

www.facebook.com/releasehypnosis

TWITTER-

www.twitter.com/Release_hypnosis

INSTAGRAM-

www.instagram/releasehypnosismelbourne

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

JOE BUSUTTIL

MENS COACH/ COUNSELLOR

www.equator-hypnotherapymelbourne.com

INSTAGRAM:

@the_shaft_experience

FACEBOOK:

THE SHAFT EXPERIENCE-MENS SEXUAL HEALTH

www.facebook.com/groups/secretmensbusiness01/