The Human Centipod

This episode goes BEHIND the scenes of Carmen and John's family stories in a disturbing tribute to their butts (or a disturbing triBUTT???? No.). Also, they spend a total of three minutes explaining the truth of what happened during the siege on our great U.S. Capitol. Then it's back to butts, baby!

Carmen and John have never seen the movie that inspired the name of their podcast...until now. Sort of. Carmen recently watched it, but not with John. Just like with most of John's jobs, he was replaced by a better, more qualified woman. In this case, Carmen's friend Irene. Anyway, now you get to listen to those two sirens give their two cents while John gives his about them. Confused? Well then listen and you won't be. PLUS: Carmen and John reveal the genius behind the celebrity impersonations that pop up on their show. And he performs a new one! What an episode! Try to keep your pants on!!!

Carmen and John open the show with a cameo from one of the biggest stand up comics working today. Then they get all vulnerable talking about how they've been violated in the past. After that, they discuss the Covid problem with the problem itself...you'll have to listen to find out who that is!

Carmen bares it all with some college memories involving her habit of “sleep-undressing.” Then John tries to one-up her with a tale from his college days where he acted the hero while intoxicated. Speaking of heroes, Carmen and John binge-watched the “Die Hard” franchise this week and can’t shut up about it. Then they end with a “Sexy Voice-Off.” But also “Curb Your Enthusiasm”’s Susie Essman has a thing or two to add and it's not just the F-word.

It’s holiday time so Carmen details her childhood Spanish Christmas tradition involving wood and fecal matter. Plus John and Carmen get some interesting (read: “wackjob”) advice on how to keep their tree alive as John finally ties a cheery bow on this gift of an episode by telling Carmen the heartwarming story of Jaycee Dugard’s abduction and how she was held against her will for 18 years. Merry Christmas!

Carmen and John describe some past medical events which leads to the story of John's unforgettable...golden shower. Is it covered by his health insurance? Who cares because you get to hear about it for free. Also, Carmen talks about her first job making house calls for some quick cash. But it's not what you think.

Carmen and John are inspired by yet another popular show on HBO and end up discussing psychos and sociopaths they have known. They also learn through meditation that their subconscious minds might just be racist. PLUS: they remember a terrible murder that was in the news a few years back, but still manage to giggle like idiots about it.

We know...two animal episodes back to back but last week Carmen and John didn't get to discuss their odd hangouts (and near-death experiences) with camels and dolphins. Also, their school mascots were such pussy animals no wonder their sports teams sucked. And...have you seen Netflix's new hit, The Queen's Gambit? We discuss (and if you don't have time to watch it, check out Carmen's 30 second version on her youtube page.) And hang out 'til the very end for Carmen's Spanish brother-in-law's big farewell!

John and Carmen breakdown beastiality and what animal John would spend an evening with. Carmen talks about her Spanish podcast and a long mysterious hair she found in an unexpected part of her body. Note: f*cking an animal is not the grossest thing John will talk about.

Inspired by a new show on HBO Max, Carmen and John discuss the nitty gritty of how they were raised. They detail everything from the origins of Carmen’s sexy, bitchy Catholic Confirmation name to John’s Dad wishing his family had all been born Jews. They also talk about how Jesus is more "creepy ghost" than "holy savior." Featuring another new song written expressly for the podcast by the amazingly talented Dave Smith, co-director of the uber-successful Dreamworks’ “Trolls World Tour!” (Name drop, bitches!)