John and Carmen make the grave mistake of recording this episode super late at night (for them) and it's the listener who pays the price. Extra credit goes to anyone who can follow what the hell they're talking about. At one point, John tries to mansplain what goes on in Carmen's brain. He also shares why he cries watching TV and not in real life. A fun game to play at home: Guess which one of these podcasters is more dead inside. Also...they have a VERY SPECIAL GUEST! Someone way more intelligent - and awake - than either one of them.

This is kind of like a sequel to "John and Women's History Month," but like most sequels, you don't have to listen to the first one to get it. BUT THIS ONE HAS A REALLY SCARY INTERRUPTION! And we kept it all in there, just for you. DEAR GOD WE ARE STILL THINKING ABOUT IT. But we are okay. That's all we can say. Oh and also Happy Women's History Month!

Carmen updates John on the royal family saga but first she must get John to care (he never will). Also, if you like drinking alcohol you may want a glass of it nearby while you listen to this ep. Finally, Carmen's in the NY Times yet again and John has had enough. As far as he's concerned, the paper of record is becoming all the news that's shit to print.

Happy Women's History Month!! It's time to TEST JOHN...to see how much he knows about FEMALE COMICS....FEMALE AUTHORS....FEMALE ANATOMY....CARMEN....and even HIS OWN MOM!! Also, if you never wanted to know about John as a horny young dude, today is not your lucky day. Plus Carmen teaches John about the MONS PUBIS. DON'T CHEAT AND LOOK IT UP - JUST TAKE THE QUIZ WITH JOHN!!! 

Carmen and John discuss night terrors, a common phenomenon where you are terrified for short periods of time. Like when you listen to this podcast. Carmen also tells a real life ghost story from her messed up childhood while John poops himself. They also discuss Vince Vaughn's best movie ever and Carmen's Tik Tok fame that she had nothing to do with.

Carmen and John talk about their love of “The Mandalorian” (mostly just so John can remind everyone that he once worked with Mark Hamill). Then the duo do their best to shit on Texas without shitting on the beautiful people who live there. Finally, there’s a dueling battle between John’s Irish relatives and Carmen’s random thoughts. It needs to be heard to be believed.

Carmen and John spend most of this episode doing movie reviews of popular television shows. Also, John tells the humiliating story of when he was forced to undress for an audition while Carmen ruminates on all the rapes she’s protected herself from thanks to a self-defense class she took in college. And also thanks to something called dog spray. Not gonna lie, this one’s fucking weird.

Valentine's Day is just around the corner so Carmen and John try to ruin it with real stories about bad Vday dates from their past. Also, did you know Carmen is a multi-millionaire? It's only true if you believe everything you read on the internet like a child does or a Trump supporter. Then the duo talk about something else on the internet featuring Carmen! Throughout, John mostly yells a lot.

Well, Carmen and John did it and by association, you the listener did, too! It's the end of the first season of The Human Centipod and to celebrate, this episode is a compilation of the hosts' favorite moments from the first 30 episodes. There's John's Mom's bell addiction, dolphin sex, and who could forget Carmen's memories of modeling school? And if you did forget, just listen to this because you get to hear it all over again. And so much more! CONGRATS TO EVERYONE!

It's a very special episode where one of us cries, but we don't tell you who. You gotta listen to find out, that's what a Capitalist society is all about, you bitches. Oh but don't worry, it's not all blubbering so you won't get triggered. Also, Carmen discusses a novel she finally finished (her first one since the start of Covid.) And there's a very special, special guest (who doesn't cry): Tarzan-Jesus.